Mrs Foggs, Broadgate Circle, London

Tolerable cheese burger & fries

Burger source 

It was a convenient place for an industry friend and I to meet, and burgers were not top of mind. But they had them, and whilst I’m not sure of the connection between the bar’s Victorian-era explorer theme and cheeseburgers (maybe they explored NEW YORK CITY), I wasn’t complaining. Now, for no reason, this clip from WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS.

The order 

Basics – cheeseburger and skin on fries. The burger was billed as follows: a beef patty, American cheese slice, pickles, lettuce, tomato, mustard, ketchup, pretzel bun. The skin on fries – do what they say on the tin. Paired with a nice merlot.

Now, apropos of not very much, this clip from SIDEWAYS.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

That’s not a bad stack. Decent shine on a soft bun, bright salad supporting the lower bun from the patty, amazing melt on the (distinctly unamerican looking cheese – that’s not nearly Donald-Trump-tan orange enough for pureblood American cheese singles). But – nothing to complain about yet.

Cross section…

Right, the lighting is bad so it may be hard to tell but there’s good and bad here. Good – stack, bun sturdiness/pliability balance, the layering in the stack is good and evenly distributed, the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed – so far, so good really…

First bite…. soft bread, crisp salad, sweet pickle, decent bite to a – slightly overcooked – patty, the cheese added salt and the ketchup/mayo adds moisture. It’s not bad. But as you chew – you realise the meat is more than a little bland, and overcooked, which diminishes from the mouthfeel and flavour of what is otherwise a pretty well constructed burger.

The skin on fries… were fine. Decent seasoning, not uniformly hot or crisp, but decent at their best and still OK at their worst. Dunked in the provided mayo and ketchup (nice touch), these were a good accompaniment to the main meal, and came in a decent sized portion.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – really very good 
Build – 5/5 – well constructed, there was balance in the force
Burger – 3/5 – lack of seasoning and overdone-ness are significant faults
Taste –  3.5/5 – just not enough flavour or moisture to the burger. Slightly dry and underwhelming.  
Sides – 3.5/5 – solid but ultimately forgettable   

Value – 3/5 – £12.5 for the burger, another £4.50 for the fries, plus drinks plus side. Disproportionate to the quality.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – it was fine but the price, bland, overcookedness of it all knocked it down a few pegs from what could have been quite a good burger.. 

The deets 

These things are all over the place – who knew? The cocktails and drinks did – to be fair – look amazing and seemed like the main event. Go, experience the quirky Americana – find your nearest here.

Fat Hippo, Wardour Street, Soho

Greasy, unctuous (mostly) flavourbomb

Burger source 

Hailing from Newcastle, Fat Hippo’s 13 year odyssey Southwards has seen it expand all over the North, the midlands, Scotland… and it finally arrived in London last year. The founders seem to suffer from a surfeit of descriptors, wanting to be known for their “great ingredients”, “good value”, “quirky flavour[ed]”, “indulgent” burgers and their “welcoming atmosphere.” True on all counts? Let’s see.

The order 

Whilst I tend to stick to the closest thing to a cheese and bacon burger, I’m also a big fan of ordering the eponymous burger, so I went that way – with a double (smash) patty, American cheese, smoked bacon, chorizo, onion rings + their Fat Hippo burger sauce. I chose skinny fries on the recommendation of the (entertaining, friendly, and yes, damnit, welcoming) waiter (hand cut wasn’t as crispy, apparently). We shared some buffalo wings (“Hot honey Buffalo + blue cheese crumb”) and after initially having a glass of blackcurrant squash and soda to keep the hydration up (love they have squash!), I had a Fat Hippo hillbilly lager – their ‘in house’ beer from Allendale brewery. How was it all? Let’s get into it.

The meat of it 

Presentation wise you can see this absolutely hits the ‘indulgent’ tick. The burger is about 9 inches tall, with the onion rings, which is obscene. But it looks good – beautiful melt on the cheese, crisp and fresh onion rings, lovely shine on the bun, smoked bacon peeking out the edges, and well seasoned fries on the side. But obviously it’s impractical to eat in this form so some surgery required before we can get to a cross section.

So I went down to a single onion ring in the burger but took a moment to look at the exposed stack. Amazing melt, crispy bacon, slightly disappointing to see the flaccid, super-market style chorizo in there (thicker and or crisp-fried would definitely have been better… but a much more manageable stack resulted from my fiddling and that led to this cross section…

This is pretty impressive – the meat is coarse ground, it’s a very even and smart looking patty stack, there’s a good ratio of sauce in there, the bun is robust and holding up well to the stack – although a little on the bready side, it is built to handle the aforementioned indulgence so, perhaps it’s all well thought through.

First bite… texture is perfect. The crisp onion ring gives way to sweet onion, there’s a bright umami flavour coming through from the bacon, the meat is soft and fatty and and perfectly bound by the melted cheese, and there’s some sweetness from the sauce. The burger is slightly underseasoned for my liking and the chorizo adds as little as you’d expect – a little paprika-ness, a little chew, but it’s a bit of a non-entity. The bread doesn’t feel as bready as you’d hope. Overall, though – really solid, and had it traded chorizo for more bacon and tapped a tiny bit more salt onto the meat when on the griddle, this would have been close to a perfect burger for my liking.

To the sides – the wings were really something – crisp, super juicy – but I found the blue cheese crumb overwhelming. I don’t mind a dip into blue cheese sauce with a buffalo wing but bits of it crumbled all over overwhelmed the buffalo sauce, which was probably a little on the light side for my spice preferences. The fries were just fine – decently crisp, decently seasoned, but unexciting (perhaps I should have experimented with the hand cut). The onion ring – pictured higher up – the one I extracted from the burger and had on its own – was stupidly sized – an onion half the size of my face was involved. It was ludicrously greasy and also slightly underseasoned but good and pretty much as advertised for a place that prides itself on feeding you messy food. And the lager… was not to my taste. Bitter and the exact opposite of moreish.

A good experience on the whole, though, lovely atmosphere, brilliant service (entertaining waited kept trolling Damian with his order, which is always a bonus).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 – a bit bready but not bad
Build – 4/5 – clearly impractical with the rings but generally solid
Burger – 4/5 – tiny bit more seasoning for a perfect burger 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – can’t score the wings or the fries too highly   
Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and side and two drinks, plus shared wings.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really pretty good 

The deets 

Wardour street for Soho, there’s one in Shoreditch, and they’re up and down the country now. Find out more here.

Beer + Burger, Kings Cross, London

Great burger, meh packaging

Burger source 

So both the beer and the burgers take equal billing, but honestly? The beer wins. 20 different draft beers on tap, a fridge full of weird and wonderful cans – there’s a lot of choice. Shame I’m not a huge beer fan, but that’s what it is.

The order 

I had a bacon cheeseburger – two smashed patties, American cheese, pickles, diced red onions, their signature ‘goop’ sauce and maple candied bacon. We shared their Seoul Wings – crispy fried chicken wings in a sweet and spicy Korean sauce – as well as regular fries, sweet potato fries, and the filthy, filthy dirty fries – fries, cheese, buffalo sauce, gravy, jalapenos and ranch. Yes, it was a lot, but there were three of us so… we shared.

For the beer – I asked for the beer that tasted least like beer and drank a strawberry beer that almost didn’t taste like beer. Perfect.

The meat of it 

Fast food style wrapping gives way to a tidily presented and well crafted burger. Strong char on the meat, layered pickles, goop, patties, melty cheese and the crisp, candied maple bacon on top. The goop sauce oozes but doesn’t drip – a good balance.

First bite – UMAMI CITY, baby. This thing is all about the salt – there’s no evident sweetness from the bacon, just crisp, chewy, salty bite. The burger patties are well-seasoned, well-cooked and delicious – the cheese is fully melted and binds the whole lot together. The goop is hard to distinguish but seems to add even more savoury-ness. The pickles are slightly drowned out by the mass of salt, but the red onion does cut through with some fresh brightness. The bun – is soft, but cold and untoasted – it doesn’t hold up brilliantly and starts to crumble as we go.

It’s good, on the whole – tasty and moreish – but it’s just off balance. Too much salt, not enough sweet. Too much goop, not enough crunch.

On the sides… brace yourself.

The Seoul wings were good – meaty, hot, crisp, juicy, and leaving a faint hint of heat and sweet tanginess behind. Can’t comment to their authenticity – probably a tad on the mild side, I’m no expert – really tasty though.

The regular fries were, well, unexceptional. Crisp and well seasoned, but there was nothing stand-out in the flavour. The sweet potato fries were crisp and soft centred, and whilst I’m not generally a fan, these were well done. The dirty fries – were absolutely filthy. I’m never sure quite what this kind of dish is meant to be – the fries are soggy with gravy, the cheese is melty but the flavour is all over the place with ranch cool, gravy saltiness, light heat from the buffalo – all coming through at the same time. The fries are the same unexceptional ones but now – poutine like – this Frankenstein’s monster of a dish comes to life. It was moreish as hell despite the utter chaos of flavours involved.

To drink? My strawberry beer. Strawberrylicious.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5 – soft, crumbling, cold, and not sweet enough to make up for the rest
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – bump for the wings and the dirty, dirty fries   
Value – 3/5 – £27+ for burger and sides + beer felt punchy for the quality  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – good, not great

The deets 

There’s a few branches across North & Northeast London – well worth a visit, and ask them to toast or steam your bun… and maybe add ketchup and you’ll be grand. If you love beer, I think you’re going to have a great time. Find it here.

Burgerism @ NQ64, Old Street, London

Capable halal double smash burger, enormous fries, with added gaming nostalgia

Burger source 

Clearly there’s a growing movement to serve the halal market and these guys are doing a classy job. A business focussed on high quality (and certified) ingredients, there’s clearly a great deal of pride going into the sourcing and production of the food here. More on their approach, food sources, etc. here – James arranged for us to sample their wares at their residency at NQ 64, an arcade gaming bar near Old Street. 

Truly, the geeks have inherited the earth. VIBES!

The order 

I had the “baconed” (their cheesed with added turkey bacon) with skin on fries, for £14.40. Drinks at the bar were from NQ64, not Burgerism, but were not unreasonable by London prices – £6 pints, £10+ cocktails. The burger’s full description:

2 smashed patties, cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion and Burgerism sauce in a seeded brioche bun + added turkey bacon.

The fries – self identify as “double fried skin-on chips tossed in our almost spicy seasoning.”

Decent online ordering experience. Let’s get into it.

The meat of it 

Presentation is quite fast foodie, though that’s no criticism. An absolute heft of fries (left unfinished), a pot of tasty ranch (£1) and the burger, in their respective pots, well packaged, eventually announced themselves to us via text after we used their online ordering system. Bonus sweetie provided a free pudding (the desserts on their menu weigh in at a chunky £7 or so, so you’d have to be VERY hungry to need them).

A closer look…

It’s not a tidy stack. Massive salad overspill, escaping pickles, but… a nice looking bun, good looking patties/bacon, a good melt on the cheese… Colour me intrigued.

Looks improve with cross section, but it’s a messy stack to handle due to the absolute explosion of salad. Look at the detritus on the wrapper, it’s mad.

First bite… the bun’s untoasted, but that’s not a crime; it’s soft and pliant and holds up to the heft of the double stack. The cheese – American – is melty and unctuous. The turkey bacon adds bite and salt and isn’t noticeably different in flavour contribution to regular bacon. The salad is fresh if present in needlessly voluminous quantities. The burger sauce is reminiscent of big mac sauce – sweet and savoury and adding a helpful moisture. The beef – is decent, well cooked – decent crust but not overcooked to a hockey puck, a light shade of pink in the middle, good bite and well seasoned. The pickles add occasional shards of sweet and sour, the salad is fresh, crisp and sweet. And there’s a light spice to it. It’s very good – improved maybe with some dry-aging on the meat, a toasted bun, and better stacking, but these are points to finesse – on the whole, this is solid.

The fries, and the ranch? In a word?

Lush. Lovely spice profile – ‘almost spicy’ I think translates to salt, pepper, paprika and garlic powder, but I could be wrong. Consistently crispy without being crisps, soft and fluffy in the middle. Amazing dipped in the ranch, which smoothed off the slightly overgenerous salt profile. One portion between two is plenty, though, unless you’re very hungry…

And the drinks – I had a ‘Mega Daisy’ – all the drinks are named for geek pop culture and video games, and this is NQ 64 now, not Burgerism – was a brilliant twist on an Aperol Spritz, with both prosecco and Aperol, but also lychee liqueur and some other bits. Not as sweet as it sounds and very refreshing.

We had a go on some classic games around the edges – Dance Dance Revolution, Streets of Rage, Street Fighter, Out Run 2, Ghost Squad – it’s amazing. And the crowd – such as it was of a Wednesday evening – was relaxed and diverse. A good all round cobination.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 – better if toasted
Build – 3/5 – messy
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 – really good fries, slightly oversalted
Value – 4/5 – £14.40 for burger and fries (enough for two!) and a pot of sauce.     Take-out style so tip not required. Decent value if a little basic in aspect.

Burger rating – 4/5 – A good option. Would go again.   

The deets 

Branches in Salford, Liverpool and beyond, as well as in Shoreditch. Available by Ubereats if you live in the right places. If you’re in London and are a child of the 70s/80s, check them at at NQ 64, just a fab fibe with paid for arcade games (buy tokens at the bar) and free console games on offer, alongside a brilliant selection of drinks for those inclined – non alcoholic versions available too. More info here.

The Anthologist, Bank, London

A paragon of mediocrity

Burger source 

It seems that I have something of a reputation for my burger fandom. So, when meeting an industry friend for lunch, I was asked ‘are you going to have the burger…’

Honestly, I was considering the salad. But I didn’t want to disappoint.

The order 

OK, there’s nothing fancy about it, but it sounded fine (though I have now had to Google ‘Applewood cheese’ – save yourself the trouble, it’s just a smoked cheddar) – the simply billed ‘cheeseburger’ came complete with: 7oz British beef, Applewood cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise & chips.

Unpretentious. Fine. Could be good – a good burger doesn’t need to be complicated.

The meat of it 

But it does need to be some other things.

Presentation’s OK (to a point). But some worrying tells. First – that pickle. Unnecessarily gargantuan proportions, slightly worrying shade of green.

Second: large lettuce pieces atop burger. Wrong place. Schoolboy. It’s meant to be protecting the underbun from the juiciness of the burger. And it should be chopped.

Third : where’s the aforementioned juiciness? Nowhere to be seen. That plate is too clean, that bun is too intact.

Time for the cross section.

Structural integrity of the stack was next to zero. Top bun slid off salad, which – unchopped – slid off in turn (dice your lettuce, people, it’s not hard. A rough chop is fine). The mayo is meagrely applied, the bun is even more suspiciously dry, and now – whilst the romaine is bright green – you can see a peek of an extremely underwhelming tomato slice beneath the burger, too. Now, I’ve always had my reservations about tomatoes on a burger, but a pale, flaccid looking specimen like this? No. Just no. It’s wrong. That said – the cheese melt is top notch, the burger looks to be made with coarse ground meat that isn’t overpacked… but it’s so dry. I’m worried.

First bite.

Bread’s dry. Burger’s dry; overcooked but tolerably pliant. There’s no sauce. There’s no salt. The cheese adds texture but next to no flavour – no smoke evident, applewood or otherwise. In aggregate, the burger adds texture but almost no flavour. It’s like chewing on burger textured cardboard; the mouthfeel isn’t bad, but the lack of taste makes the whole experience surreal. In fact, they could have marketed this burger as the ‘Covid simulator’ because it’s like they took your dang sense of taste away. If Uncle Roger did burger reviews, he’d be taking away the Anthologist Chef’s Uncle title in this very moment.

The chips – however – were fine. Well seasoned, crisp, made of decent quality potato, and only marginally too chunky for my liking.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  1.5/5
Build – 1.5/5
Burger – 1.5/5 
Taste –  1/5  
Sides – 4/5 – the chips were good, lose a point for being a tad on the chunky side
Value – 1/5 – £16 for burger and side, ish. But tbh at £12 it’d have still only been a 3/5.   

Burger rating – 1.5/5 – I ate it. Had it been much worse, I wouldn’t have. 

The deets 

I’m only telling you so if you find yourself there you remember NOT to order the burger; it’s a Drake & Morgan pub round the corner from Bank station. Avoid it here.

Fountain & Ink, Stamford Street, London SE1

Near perfect patty smash double cheese burger, magic fries

Burger source 

I was searching for a convenient place to meet a friend near Blackfriars that we hadn’t tried before, and this bar showed up with positive reviews. It had a smash burger on the menu, and I thought little else of it till we got there.

The order 

The Smash burger describes itself thus:

Smash Burger, double patty, double cheese, onion, pickles, skin on fries

I think it’s fair to say that’s understated. Let’s see how it panned out.

The meat of it 

The understatement carries on through the plating. This is… well, a little basic. But practical – space on the plate, everything doing exactly what it needs to do. Looks nice, though – strong melt on the cheese, lovely crust on the patty, good gloss on the bun, tidy presentation. Can’t complain.

And the cross section…

It’s brilliant. Soft bun, good density, perfectly balanced with a burger that may seem a little dry but isn’t. The stack is literally perfect – nothing to fault here – very well assembled.

First bite…. Soft bun, well seasoned crust, juicy burgers bound in melty cheese. Brilliant texture. Second bite got me in range of the sharp, smooth, mustardy burger sauce, which adds depth and heat. The meat is coarse ground but vigorously smashed, and well seasoned. There’s a light hint of meaty funk that makes me think of dry-aged steak.

The pickle added an absolutely delightful crunch, though could have added even more sweetness and acidity to balance out the savoury smorgasbord of the rest of the burger. Utterly delightful – I have to really search for challenge, and if the worst thing you can say about a burger is that you’d have liked the pickle to be a bit more pickley, and for there to be a bit more of the delightful burger sauce… well, it’s top drawer.

The fries… were unexpected. They looked like completely standard skin on fries. They probably were fairly standard skin on fries. But something in either the potato of the preparation gave pretty well the perfect contrast of crisp, savoury, well seasoned outer shell with a good level of crunch… and an unbelievably smooth, pillowy interior. Like someone had fried mashed potato but magically added the structural integrity of a potato chip. Delicious, moreso dunked in the mayo and ketchup we asked for.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – those fries are crack, man
Value – 4.5/5 – £17 for burger, fries and service feels right for this type of bar in this part of town.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – wanted to order another one immediately

The deets 

On the walk down from Waterloo to Blackfriars, Fountain and Ink is marginally closer to the Waterloo end. A really cool venue, good lighting, music, beer selection, seating and the rest; definitely somewhere I’d be happy to go back to.

Flat Iron, 77 Curtain Road, Shoreditch

Sumptuous, near-perfect chilli cheeseburger 

Burger source 

Flat Iron has been on my list for some time; a well established and popular mid-high end steak chain, I’d heard good things about the burger too and thought it was worth a shot. An opportunity came – I caught up with an industry colleague and we both took the opportunity to go for it.

The order 

It was a lunch so no extravagance – the smoked chilli cheeseburger, made with Flat Iron herd beef, which was a special – and a portion of fries (sorry, ‘home-made beef dripping chips’) between us.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

Nice presentation – simple, wrapped to help with the cheese melt, and lovely when unwrapped – the look and the smell was incredible.

In cross section… wow. It’s a double patty smash, with the smoked chillis in between, a mayo/aioli and salad protecting the lower bun (correct), and the most incredible cheese melt. The bun is soft and incredibly well balanced with the meat – providing structural integrity but not endless starchiness.

First bite… OMG. The chillis are really gentle, providing virtually no heat but a wonderful, light… I want to say sourness? And the patties – seasoned perfectly, cooked perfectly with a coarse grind to the tender, juicy meat – incredible. Full of umami, the cheese pull added a lovely bit of drama. The fresh salad and mayo/aioli provided a little sweetness to contrast the otherwise perfect umami bomb of a burger. Just an absolute delight.

As to the fries…

There was nothing special about these fries, and I do not mean that as a criticism. Perfectly cut, perfectly fried, perfectly seasoned – they are very good chips. No crazy seasoning, no unnecessary toppings, just – wonderful, on their own or dipped in the provided ketchup and mayo.

This place is *great*. We were also served inside of 10 minutes, which was pretty incredible.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 5/5 – I have no notes. This was perfect. Don’t change a thing. 
Taste –  5/5
Sides – 5/5    

Value – 5/5 – £13 for the burger £4 for the fries feels reasonable for this quality.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – easily one of the best burgers in London. 

The deets 

Just off the Shoreditech strip, there are a few of these around. Check the website to find your nearest and make it a priority. I want to go back and have the steak, now…

Foxden, Jerdan Place, Fulham SW6

High performing, meaty burgers with excellent sides 

Burger source 

A friend said that someone had told him that Foxden was the second best burger in London, after Bleecker. Given that I really rate Bleecker, this was high praise and reason enough to trek out to West London to meet him there.

A “British burger restaraunt… [that] specialises in showcasing the best of British produce… with a field to fork ethos…” may sound worthy, but it’s a pretty no-nonsense diner that had more Deliveroo drivers waiting to be served than diners on the Tuesday night we sallied forth.

And a chef with an injured arm meant someone else (possibly the owner?) was behind the grill…

The order 

We went a bit bananas. Buffalo wings to start (6 for £8), and Jimbo and I shared the bacon cheeseburger (£12 – treacle bacon, cheese, lettuce, gherkin and house sauce), and the eponymous Foxden burger (£14.50 – Beef Patty, Slow Braised Pulled Beef, Truffle Cheese Sauce, Rocket & Red Onion Jam). We split three different catgories of fried root vegetable – sweet potato fries, regular fries, and ‘rosti-fries’ – all between £4 and £5 each. It’s heartwarming to be asked, straight out, when ordering – if we wanted the burgers medium or well done.

Medium, obviously, we’re not philistines.

The meat of it 

The Foxden – on the left – is a good looking burger. Toasted, glossy bun, a hint of the fresh stuff, good proportions of beef, pulled beef, cheese sauce and onion jam. The bacon cheese burger is a little more modest – well formed, but slightly less elegant on the plate, and with a visibly smaller patty.

Let’s take a cross section (or two).

There is little to complain about in cross section. The burgers are beautifully cooked, and you can see the brilliant, coarse ground meat. The buns are sturdy but not heavy, glossy but not – I think – sweetened. The balance of toppings (and bottomings) in the stack is perfect.

To the taste: both burgers are made with high quality, possibly dry-aged meat. There’s the light funk of ageing to them, and a rich, strong, beefy flavour. Now, let’s split the review.

The bacon cheeseburger first. FIrst bite – soft, melty meat. Light freshness from the salad, faint sweetness and chew from the treacle bacon, and a light, unctuous hint of salt from the cheese. It’s good, but not perfect – a harder sear would have given more textural contrast, ditto a crisper bacon choice. The cheese is too subtle, something stronger would have compensated for the slightly underseasoned patty. But it’s marginal – this is a good burger.

The eponymous Foxden – is a really odd experience. I’m not really one for pulled meat on a burger – it adds softness to softness and the texture balance often feels off, to my palate, and that was true here. But it was a strange sensation – the dry-aged-style funk of the meat was compounded by the truffle cheese sauce (or maybe it was all the cheese sauce and the meat wasn’t aged at all, I don’t know) – making for a strong, rich, deep flavour that will not be to everyone’s taste. The pulled beef added more savoury bite than the burger patty, which was unexpected – I’m more accustomed to BBQ pulled pork and was expecting it to be sweet. I think, if you like this sort of thing, it was a very fine specimen. If – like me – you like texture, crunch, and slightly less richness in your burger – you may find this a bit overpowering.

Sides and sauce-wise…

  • The regular fries were great. Crisp, well-seasoned, fluffy, brilliant on their owned or dipped. A decent portion too.
  • The rosti-fries were over-sold. They are tater tots and/or tiny hash browns. There’s little rosti to them. But they are extremely crisp on the outside, extremely fluffy on the inside, and very heavily seasoned – garlic, onion salt, possibly, but definitely paprika – rich, crispy, fluffy, delicious. Bit maybe a bit heavy on the salt.
  • The buffalo wings were strong – crispy, rich, juicy, and slickly coated in that perfect Uncle Frank’s hot sauce/butter combo (pretty sure it was Frank’s).
  • The sweet potato fries – are about as good as sweet potato fries get, and not photographed.

With a beer each, it came to about £28 a head including a 10% tip – pricey, but not bad value for the spread.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5
Build – 4/5 (docked for the slightly inspid build on the bacon cheeseburger 
Burger – 4/5 (I’d probably rate the Foxden a 3.5, the bacon cheeseburger a 4, but I’m feeling generous) 
Taste –  4/5 – an aggregate 4
Sides – 4.5/5 – really very good   
Value – 3.5/5 – a little steep.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really a very solid choice, though not, as our tipster observed, as good as Bleecker. 

The deets 

Turn right out of Fulham Broadway shopping centre, and it’s about 4 minutes up the road. And/or a Deliveroo near you.

By crazy random happenstance, on my way home, I walked past what used to be the dilapidated street where my previous company’s office used to be, many years ago… to find it completely gentrified. Still, The Atlas lives. Huzzah!

Stax Diner, Kingly Court, Soho

Uninspired diner-style burger with few redeeming features

Burger source 

We’ve exhausted many of the mainstays of the London burger scene, but this place made it onto a few top ten lists and had phenomenal photography, so we decided to stop by.

The website sells it like so:

An infusion of soul and a nod to the past, Stax Diner brings you an authentic, all American dining experience in London.

Which should perhaps have been a good warning.

The order 

We were a group of five, and shared buffalo wings (between four) and popcorn shrimp (between 5). The former was servered with a blue cheese sauce and coleslaw, the latter with chipotle mayonnaise.

Most of us had the Stax cheeseburger with bacon, as the main – here’s how its billed: two flat griddled beef patties, melted American cheese, crispy onions, gherkins, French’s mustard & Heinz Tomato Ketchup, shredded iceburg and toasted brioche bun. It came with standard fries.

I had a lychee martini to drink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s not unattractive – decent stack, looks to have a decent char, generous portion of bacon… but slightly anemic fries. Let’s check the cross section.

Concerns starting to emerge now. The meat is completely cooked through (to a fault), but the meat doesn’t have a crisp sear, so none of the upside of a smash burger. The bacon is soft and chewy – I realise belatedly it’s beef bacon so is bland, and not at all crisp, and totally unnecessary. Crispy onions – a lovely touch – fall out everywhere, bringing a delightful crunch when you catch them in the right place.

First bite – cheese is brilliantly melted, but the bread, meat, bacon – all has a uniformly… soft… texture. Not terrible, but the lack of contrast is a downside. The slightly acrid spice of the French’s mustard comes through, overpowering the meat but without adding a great deal. There’s seasoning on the patty but its just a bit dry, even with the cheese and a bit of ketchup trying to help it hold up. It’s not unpleasant but… not remotely special. Which would have been fine, had I been eating it at a diner by the roadside by a highway in the US, for $10. But for £15+ – daylight robbery. Plus the fries – you can probably see – are woefully underdone, and mostly underseasoned.

To the sides…

So, the popcorn shrimp – lovely seasoning, definitely has hints of the south, good heat. But the batter slides off the prawn a little too easily and the chipotle mayo lacks heat and depth. More chipotle, bit more salt I think. And better prawns.

The buffalo wings completely lack crispness, but the meat is tender and juicy, the buffalo sauce is perfectly spiced, the slaw is creamy, crunchy and delicious, especially with the buffalo spillover. Damo polished off the blue cheese sauce with his vegan burger, non-vegan bun and real cheese. We had a pot of BBQ sauce as well which was a waste of a pound – sickeningly saccharine, not to my tastes at all, and no-one else enjoyed it either.

The lychee martini was lush – sweet and floral. Friends had an Old Fashioned (inexplicably including soda water) and a Mojito (the ‘worst mojito I’ve ever had’) says Damo. But Pob’s Margarita was apparently nice.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – unexceptional  
Build – 4/5 – well constructed
Burger – 2.5/5 – underseasoned, overcooked, dry, and poorly contrasted by texture and flavour in the stack 
Taste –  3/5  – tolerable but unexceptional
Sides – 3.5/5 – wings and popcorn shrimp were ok. 1.5/5 for the fries.   

Value – 2/5 – £33 a head with two drinks for all but me.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – if you need a burger and no other ones are available, you won’t hate yourself. Not exactly high praise but… it’s the best I can muster. 

The deets 

First floor of Kingly Court, just off Carnaby Street. You can’t miss it. And if you like monstrous novelty burgers, go and have the insanity, which James had, becuase what double cheeseburger isn’t improved by a fried chicken patty? Well done Jimjamjebobo; keep the change, you filthy animal.

Double Standard, Kings Cross, London

Brilliant burger, capital chicken bites, fantastic fries, cool cocktails

Burger source 

The Double Standard, in the Standard hotel, has achieved a number of plaudits and made a few ‘best burgers in London’ lists, and as a supremely convenient central location for all my friends, it was a sensible place to go.

The order 

The burger itself is described with little ceremony – it is simply ‘the burger’, served with bacon and blue cheese, and fries. We shared a side of chicken bites, and mac and cheese, and tried a brace of cocktails.

The meat of it 

There’s nothing overly exciting about the plating, but its competent:

(Apologies for the lighting, it’s a stylish, dimly lit venue). It’s not easy to see, but there’s a brilliant melt on the cheese, a strong char on the burger, the bun is soft, the bacon in clear evidence. Lots good so far.

In cross section…

There’s a brilliantly coarse grind to the meet; the ratios of meat, bun and toppings are excellent, though it is cooked a bit more than I would choose it – no trace of pink – the burger is not dry, possibly thanks to a(n un)healthy fat/lean ratio in the blend.

First bite – a solid crunch from a hard char, the bun is as soft and pleasantly nondescript as you’d expect – lending structure more than flavour – and a light dry-aged funk from the meat comes through. The meat is reasonably juicy, but helped by a measured ration of relish, which also provides a mildly spiced sweetness. A second later, and you are hit with the umami, from the strong but odourless blue cheese and the chewy, substantial bacon – back bacon, cooked well but not crispy – and it binds beautifully. The contrast between the salt and the sweet, between the crunch of the meat, the chew of the bacon and the soft bite of the bun – is really excellent. My only note is that – had the patty just been a smidge over toward medium, it would have boosted the experience even more.

To the sides; the fries are superb, crisp exterior, fluffy interior, well seasoned but otherwise little to remark. Improved by both ketchup and the garlic aioli that came with the chicken bites. The chicken bites are a thing of legend (we ordered a second portion, despite the £8 price tag) – chunks of juicy chicken thigh, brilliantly seasoned, crisp and spicy and juicy all at once. The garlic aioli was an excellent contrast, adding a slick, garlicky sweetness with a dunk. The mac & cheese was mac & cheese-like, credible and competent but about as exciting as it always is – which – to me – is limited.

Cocktails are half-price on Monday and Tuesday and were good value at that price – the pina colada was punchy and delicious. The Elderflower Collins was meh (who aims for ‘fresh’ instead of ‘sweet’ with an elderflower drink?), but friends also enjoyed the Negroni and the Ginger Magarita.

All in all, an excellent experience, in a busy, trendy, highly styled environment, with decent service (slower on food than drink), tasty food, interesting drinks and in a useful, albeit unexpected location (the hotel is MUCH cooler than you would expect).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4..5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – chicken bites to dream of   
Value – 4/5 – £42 burger, 3 sides between five, and 2-3 cocktails each. Not bad for where/what it is.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – deservedly amongst the best in London 

The deets 

It’s tucked in on the ground floor of the Standard hotel, literally opposite Kings Cross station on the corner of Argyle St and the A501. You can’t miss it, and you shouldn’t.