Tag: Reviews

Meat Stop residency, Commercial Tavern, Commercial Street, London

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Sumptuous, rich Oklahoma style tribute

Burger source 

I’m confident in my mid-life crisis here, so I’ll confess that I saw this place blowing up on TikTok, and it was conveniently close to the office. Particularly on a day when the tube strikes meant my route required an Overground train, so I *had* to walk past it after a slightly late finish at the office…

The conceit is Essex-farmed, Essex-sourced, local high quality produce; dry-aged beef ground daily, ‘custom spec brioche’ (maybe it has upgraded RAM? – I took this as code that they don’t make it but ask for an extra egg yolk or something in there) – all cooked fresh on site, daily.

The videos and photos I’d seen made this look truly drool worthy, so was excited to see how it shaped up.

The order 

This was tough, on the burger front. I mean, obviously I wasn’t going to order the peanut butter burger because I’m not Elvis, but otherwise… Classic, Oklahoma style (‘the car boot’), Stilton (usually better than I expect it to be), cheese and bacon (well, pancetta), or a classic cheeseburger… Even with a small menu, I felt spoilt for choice!

And so naturally, I opted out of the decision – I asked the server what she recommended and when she called the Car Boot, that was decision made. I had a side of ‘skins’ – rough cut new potatoes, triple fried and heavily seasoned.

The meat of it 

It’s a pretty burger. It arrived wrapped, which probably helped the melt on that glorious cheese. The char on the burger and the onions is in obvious evidence – Oklahoma style, for the uninitiated, involves layering a large pile of thin-sliced onions on the raw side of the patty after it hits the grill, then flipping it and charring them in. The bun is toasted, warm and soft to touch. It’s good.

No cutlery, so first bite is also the cross-section…

Ok, maybe I had a couple of bites.

The melange of flavours and textures is an immediate joy. You get the char, the slight bitterness from the crisped onions, the sweetness of the rich, juicy, well-seasoned beef and the velvety unguence of the cheese, blended into a glorious gestalt. The bun holds up and adds sweetness and bready flavour contrast in one; it’s almost in perfect balance. The dry-aged beef is uncomplicated, but that’s not a criticism – it’s simple, delicious and high grade. The lean/fat ratio is spot on, making it juicy but not outrageously messy. It’s cooked to a perfect pink, as you can see, with coarse ground, loose packed meat – just how I like it. The patty has a good heft, too, probably in the 6oz territory, making this a pretty well packaged, pretty well sized bundle of joy.

As to its limitations, it’s hard to critique this as I haven’t had a lot of Oklahoma style burgers in the past so I don’t have much of a frame of reference. From what I’ve heard, they sometimes have a bit more sweetness and crunch from the onions, and the burger does want somewhat for textural contrast. It’s very… soft. But that’s lovely in its own way; the onions cooking on the grill are meant to steam the burger and leave it tender and fresh. From a sweet/savoury contrast perspective, I don’t know if you’d pollute Oklahoma style with some burger sauce or relish, but it was *very* savoury. I love that, so happy with it as was, but thoughtful about the possibility.

All in all – excellent.

As to the side… No fries here, just these skin-on new potatoes, cut into uneven chunks. The result is a mix of crispy corners and chunky, fluffy new potato clouds, all heavily salted and served with a sauce of your choosing (at a premium of 2 quid per sauce pot). I went for a garlic aioli, which added a slick tempering of the – extremely but justifiably – heavily salted new potatoes. I normally gravitate exclusively to the crisp chunks but the fluffier, chunkier lumps were delicious too. I unexpectedly inhaled the substantial portion; can recommend.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 4.5/5 
Burger – 5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – think I marginally preferred the new potatoes at The Plimsoll, but it’s a close call.   

Value – 4/5 – £23 for burger, side and drink feels reasonable.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – this one is up there

The deets 

The Commercial Tavern is a well known and well-liked drinkery a few minutes from Liverpool Street, Shoreditch High Street and Aldgate East. Highly recommended for the newfound residents, kudos Meat Stop. 

My Burger Lab, Sea Park, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

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A tasty mess

Burger source 

MyBurgerLab is Malaysia’s answer to the world’s gourmet / elite fast food burger renaissance. Their inspiration is an eclectic mix of the fast food elite (Shake Shack, In & Out) and high street gourmet (GBK), but their mission is to make the world a happier place, one burger at a time – which is a purpose that is both honest and commercial in a way I can respect.

They say this about their priorities:

We don’t spend our money on décor or on advertisements. But we’ll splurge on food. Our charcoal buns are baked from scratch in our own bakery daily. It’s the only way to get that perfect combination of crisp crust and melt-in-your-mouth, fresh-from-the-oven taste. We grind our own beef patties daily and hand-pack them just so they retain their freshness and juiciness. In fact, our patties are still beautifully pink right before they hit the griddle.

I think they mean – after they come off the griddle. As I’m not sure what colour they’re meant to be when they hit it if not reddy-pink!

The order 

The elder kids had the Purist (Pure beefy, cheesy goodness. Angus Cheeseburger, Signature Ketchup, Grilled Onions, Pickled Cucumber) – of course, being kids, they opted out of onion, cheese and pickles. Sigh – am I failing as a parent? Zoe’s ‘Kiddy Beef’ featured beef, ketchup… and she opted out of the lettuce (on the side) and mayo.

Amanda went for the ‘Macik can’ (“Aunty can”, featuring Fried Chicken Thigh, Shredded Lettuce, Tangy Mayo, Spiced Lime on the side), and I had the ‘Lab burger’ – Angus Cheeseburger, Smoky Tomato Sauce, Shredded Lettuce, Pickles, Grilled Onions, Signature Burger Sauce. I was sold this as one of their most representative baseline burgers and I was excited.

After all, both Gemini (thx, AI) and Dad’s cousin Rohan had recommended this place. It was going to be good if both algorithms and Rohan’s impeccable judgement were aligned.

The meat of it 

It looks alright, you know. The charcoal bun is a mystery to me but it looks both soft and well made. The cheese crisp from where the overmelt has fried up on the griddle looks extremely inviting. The melt elsewhere is good. The fries look golden brown and creatively seasoned. There’s a tub of something that looks like firecracker sauce on the side. The bottomless soft drink is my trademark mixture of orange juice (well, Minute Maid) and lemonade (well, Sprite). There’s even a side of chicken nuggets that my eyes made me order.

In cross section?

The cross section is promising. The bun yields pleasingly to the floppy plastic knife; showing off a perfect even grain in the charcoal bun. The pink of the home-ground patty reveals itself, perfectly cooked – there’s an excellent sear to cut through to get to the tender middle. The superb melt on the cheese is complimented by the pickles, the grilled onions, and the copious burger sauce. Let’s gooooo…

First bite… does not disappoint. The bun is soft and gives way pleasingly; though the underside is sodden in burger juice and sauce and slips away. I’m largely uncomplaining, however, as my taste buds make contact… the beef has fabulous Maillard induced crunch; supplemented with the umami-crisp of the cheese and the sweet sour tang of the burger sauce and the pickle. The onions are sublimed, their caramelised texture melting into a flavour melange, which is both lovely – the flavours complement beautifully – and a shame, as they could have added a crunchy contrast. The sweetness of the sauce, the unguence of the cheese – add to a fairly excellent overall package.

However, to add to my – minor – critiques, a layer of lettuce would have protected the bottom half of the bun from collapse – a shame it vanished so completely under the onslaught of burger grease and burger sauce alike. So; better stack, better bun protection, better texture contrast – are my three minor notes.

On the sides… the fries are excellent; crisp on the outside and fluffy in the middle. Brilliant dunked in both ketchup and the firecracker sauce. The paprika and assorted herbs add more aesthetic than they do substance, but they put the kids off – so that’s worth being aware of.

The nugs? Largely inoffensive. Real chicken, well seasoned, and crisp, but the soft pliant sloppy chicken of McD’s nugs, not the textured pull of a tender, and nothing unusual or creative in its delivery.

On the others; Amanda’s burger was too soggy. The kids had a layer of mayo unnecessarily smeared on them, side on, which caused brief dismay. Zoe’s had both mayo and onions, one we requested not to have, the other not even part of the billing. And 2/3 kids were unimpressed by the generous seasoning on the fries. So slightly disappointing elsewhere.

The bottomless soft drinks are a nice touch, though.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4.5/5 – one of the best I’ve ever had in Malaysia 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 – fries – fab. Nugs – meh.   
Value – 5/5 – RM30 for a quality burger, fries and bottomless soft drink may seem punchy, unless you reflect that a Big Mac Meal goes for about RM20. So actually –  this isn’t just good value for a tourist, it’s a good deal by local standards too. IMHO and limited experience.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I think this is my best Malaysian burger so far.

The deets 

We went to the one Sea Park, but there are other branches in Bangsar, Sunway etc. Check the website for more.

Chapman’s Bar, Pangkor Laut Resort, Malaysia

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Very well balanced 

Burger source 

Pangkor Laut Resort is the only resort on the tiny island of Pangkor Laut – a small island somewhat to the South of Pangkor proper. It has about five restaraunts and this was from one of them – Chapman’s Bar, named for a British colonel who escaped the war in a submarine from Emerald Bay – the secluded spot where the bar is situated.

It’s visually stunning as a place to eat – but HOW, I hear you ask, was the burger? Surely the most important criteria for planning beach holidays and family escapes…

The order 

The burger – served with onion rings and medium cut fries – was served on a toasted, seeded bun with onion chutney, fresh tomato and lettuce, I think melted cheese, and a hand made burger patty. It was – surprisingly – offered to me medium or well done. Having not lived in Malaysia since 1993, and not having had great experiences of the burger scene here since the burger renaissance started in the 2000s, my expectations were for a slightly charred puck of beef regardless…

[Sidebar – I really hope that the burger renaissance achieves some form of prominence in the years to come, as a formal period in culinary history. I suspect not, but if it does – I will be proud if I make up part of the historical record with this humble offering]

The meat of it 

OK on the aesthetic – first impressions are good. The fries are golden, as advertised. The onion rings – only 2 were provided, the rest were gifted by my kids who don’t like onion – well, they were dry despite the golden batter, speaking of a good deep-frying process that doesn’t leave pooled grease in every crevice in the batter.

The burger itself is well stacked, salad underpinning the beef, itself topped with cheese and chutney – and there is a good char on both the inside of the buns and the meat. The salad itself looks bright and fresh, with condensation beading on the fridge fresh tomato (a think at equatorial climes). As to what happens in cross section…

 

I’m blown away. Whilst the meat is quite densely packed and quite finely ground, it is cooked, as promised, to a perfect medium. The bun, disappointingly, whilst beautifully charred on the inside, is cold to touch and just slightly the wrong ratio for what felt like a 5oz patty – too much bread to burger. This wasn’t disastrous but diluted the flavour with each bite somewhat.

Speaking of which… first bite… brilliant, crunchy char on the meat, which is well seasoned. The burger is juicy and tender; the onion chutney adding sweetness and a nice bit of textural contrast. The tomato is sweet too, not just watering things down as tomato slices can do but actually adding complementary favour – very unexpected. The cheese – is a non entity – a thin slice of processed cheese is lost, in every sense of the word – you can neither see, nor feel, nor taste it. The bread is fresh enough but just too bready. So whilst it is in many ways a very well balanced burger, it is the bread that throws it off somewhat. Still – really good by every objective measure. The kids – the two of them that also had the burger – also loved it (in their salad-free, well done incarnations – heathens, and something I will work through with them in the fullness of time).

As to the sides?

The fries were more or less as you’d hope – crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside, lovely on their own or dunked in ketchup or mayo. Very slightly light on the salt, perhaps, but very much in judgement call territory.

The onion rings were a bit odd – the onions were neither crisp and fresh nor squidgy and over fried, nor any texture in between. I suspect they were slightly old onions which didn’t cope well with the process. They were OK though, other than the slightly odd texture of the onions – the batter was crisp and light – if again, slightly underseasoned. Decent dunked.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5  

Value – n/a. Everything here is expensive but also part of the inclusive ‘residents’ packages if you book semi-all inclusive so… it’s part of the experience  

Burger rating – 4/5 – would recommend to any visitors to the island. 

The deets 

Pangkor Laut is a 15 minute boat ride from Marina Island Jetty, a 3 hour drive from KL. Chapman’s Bar is a pleasant <10 minute golf buggy ride from the main resort, facing into the beautiful swimming beach that is Emerald Bay.

Star by Liverpool Street, London

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Undersized, underseasoned, underwhelming – but fun

Burger source 

A much needed team night out took us to the Star by Liverpool St; the limited menu did feature a tasty sounding smash burger, so it felt worth a try.

The order 

The burger featured two aged aurox smash patties, cheese, smoked mustard butter, whisky caramelised onions and house sauce. Together with rosemary skin-on fries – the combo tapped out at £19.

If you’re wondering what an aurox is, it is apparently either an [sic] auroch, an extinct breed of wild ox, or a cryptocurrency. Given it seemed to consist of ground up cow meat, I’m assuming it was some modern ox variant with a self-important genetic heritage.

The meat of it 

It looks decent. Excellent melt on the cheese, good char on the patty, tasty looking burger sauce slathered on generously. The bun looks robust but standard – not a bad thing, standing up to the structure of the burger and providing starchy, comforting accompaniment; a potentially harmonious pairing.

In cross section:

A few things become immediately apparent; whilst the structure is robust, it’s immediately clear that the bun is cold (boo) and untoasted (double boo). The next thing you notice is that the patties cover – at most – 2/3rds of the surface area of the bun. It feels light in hand. The coarse ground smash burgers look small and decent but there isn’t the crunch of a truly lacy smash patty when I cut the cross section. Everything holds together, so it’s time for…

…first taste. The burger is ok, texturally, perhaps a little underseared. The bigger crime is that it is also underseasoned, as well as being a little too small. The meat is a little bland as a result, also apparently lacking the usual funk of dry-aged beef (something about the process, or the aurox breed(?))… The bun’s starchiness is not contrasting well with the not-quite-savoury-enough bite of the burger either, instead combining into an indifferent melange of blandness. The cheese is barely present, the onions don’t seem to be there at all, and the (thick) slice of pickle I was gifted with added – some brightness – but didn’t feel quite right; there was no scent of summer in it at all, no memory of sunshine and long evenings; of cooling breezes and wind in the trees.

But the burger sauce is decent – adding moisture and flavour contrast, and the net impact isn’t horrible – it’s just a slightly underwhelming burger. Not terrible; but [ironically] not worth writing home about. That said; my compatriots who also had the burger had different experiences (better ratios, better flavour), so your mileage may vary.

As to the rosemary seasoned fries? They were also inconsistently portioned – my bowl was half as full as my neighbour’s. But the seasoning was good – not overly heavy on the rosemary, but distinctive. The fries were crisp but fluffy on the inside with a good starchy flavour. Excellent on their own or dunked in ketchup and mayo. Not quite a paragon, but really not far off the top of the class for that style of skin-on, not-quite-chunky chip.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – points off for cold and untoastedness  
Build – 5/5 – for all that the ingredients were underwhelming, you can’t argue with the architecture here
Burger – 2.5/5 – underseasoned, small patties, underseared, and pretentiously bred 
Taste –  3/5 – somehow it’s sort of OK in spite of all of that 
Sides – 4/5 – they’re just rosemary fries. But they’re good ones.   

Value – 4/5 – £19 for burger and fries, which is depressingly standard for this part of London.  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – it’s just fine. 

The deets 

All that said; this was one of the most fun nights out I’ve had in a long time. A lot of that was the fantastic company I was with, but some of it was the affordable and well maintained karaoke rooms, the flights of Baby Guinnesses that seemed a necessary part of proceedings, and the excellent service we had throughout the evening. You wouldn’t go to the Star for their bar burger – but you might to have an amazing night with your friends – and the burger is inoffensive enough that you’d welcome it as a way of keeping your consumption balanced.

Liverpool Street Chop House & Tavern, Liverpool St, London

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A luscious, well-made smash burger

Burger source

Searching for a new burger place to review after TEN YEARS of reviewing burgers is hard. And finding somewhere convenient to meet up with old friends brings a separate set of challenges. I haven’t yet managed to prompt AI into useful suggestions but some old fashioned Googling led me to discover the Chop House & Tavern – a category of institution that feels as British as it comes, and was it was an an absolute – albeit pricy – treat.

Their concept is centred on ethical, seasonal produce served in a comforting, olde-world environment – with a modern twist. Here’s how they put it:

We celebrate the best seasonal produce including signature chops and steaks from our ‘Ethical Butcher’ partner farms; the finest example of animal husbandry and regenerative farming practices in the UK.

The Liverpool Street Chop House and Tavern is a reimagining of Sir Terence Conran’s original Chop House’s and the spirit of the original Taverns of The City of London from 1690

It’s a great place to eat.

The order

The Chop Shop Burger – nearly eponymous – at £22.50, plus a side of their beef dripping fries was called for. Whilst their description is more about the vibe of the burger – I can tell you it’s a double smash burger, featuring home made pickles, fresh salad, and a mayo-rich burger sauce (possibly just their very fine house-made mayo). The beef dripping fries… are just that, at £6.75.

Here’s the the burger was billed – all the vibes:

Made from 100% British grass-fed beef, our burgers combine select cuts for a naturally rich flavour. Freshly prepared, succulent, tender and responsibly sourced – a burger you can genuinely feel good about.

The meat of it

That is a pretty burger. You can see the vegetables – some kind of heritage tomato, some kind of chopped gem lettuce, fresh pickles, perfectly melted cheese on the lacy smash patty, enclosed in this rather impressive branded glossy bun.

In cross section…

More is revealed – you can see the tidy stacking – tomato, lettuce protecting the bun from the juicy patties. Double stacked patties with cheese on each layer. Pickles and mayo atop. A lovely, airy grain to the sturdy bun – which holds up in spite of the ludicrously juicy burgers contained within.

First bite… there’s a good bite on the well-charred patties, which seem well seasoned. The dry-aged funk of whatever choice beef cuts are in there is a thrill, the smell and taste combining to be a gestalt that is impressively dynamic. The savoury moisture from the mayo, the salty unguence from the cheese – binds this all together beautifully. Second bite earns me fresh salad, and bright, crisp, sweet pickles. It continues to be delicious.

Somewhere mid burger I sense that the sear wasn’t even, and nor was the seasoning – the meat on its own  is a little underwhelming – but the coarse grain of the patty, and the underlying quality of the meat, with the balance of flavours and textures across the burgers more than make up for these minor notes. It’s a treat.

As to the chips… £6.75 is extortionate for the portion – whilst it’s not an ungenerous helping, I’m not sure chips should ever cost nearly £7. BUT… they taste of steak, cooked as they are in beef dripping, and they seem lightly but evenly seasoned (a friend complained that they were plainer at the top and saltier at the bottom, but maybe one of us got lucky?). To my mind… they were near perfect – at least double fried, I would imagine, if not triple cooked – beefy, crisp on the outside and fluffy on the inside – a paradigm of British chips. Skin on adds taste and texture, as does whatever potato varietal they used, which was rich and flavourful. Dunked in some of the brilliant house mayo and ketchup – and this was a top quality side, even at nearly £7.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5 – flawless, in spite of the ostentation of the brand
Build – 5/5 – precise and quality controlled
Burger – 4.5/5 – minor deduction for seasoning and sear
Taste –  5/5 – it really was close to flawless
Sides – 4,5/5 – I can’t give 5/5 for a £7 side dish of chips, even if they were nearly perfect 
Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and side is a lot; add in a drink and the 13.5% suggested service charge and you’re not walking away with change from £40 for one. It was hefty, and whilst I know things cost more than they did – I can’t score this one higher than a four in spite of its brilliant taste.

Burger rating – 5/5 – the overall experience is still a five. Service was fab, the setting was comfortable and surprisingly unpretentious, the food was really delicious, and I’m going to let that trump the slightly sore wallet I’m going to have in the morning.

The deets

It’s a minute from Liverpool Street station – a very good place to catch up with very good friends, over some very good – if pricey – food. Find more here.

The Globe, Alresford, Hampshire

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Succulent, oversized, unwieldy delight

Burger source

My youngest daughter had an excursion on the Watercress Line with Brownies so I went in search of a place to eat, read, work for a bit whilst waiting for her return, and the well-reviewed Globe Pub, tucked slightly off the high street, promised relative calm, had good reviews and free WiFi, and it turned out… had a burger on the menu. Call it fate or call it good fortune, either way… I’ll take it.

The order

It’s literally just called ‘the burger’, but features quite a lot; wagyu beef patties, smoked bacon, Monterey Jack cheese and burger sauce, served with fries and a tiny pot of celeriac remoulade.

The meat of it

This is a behemoth. Towering, entirely out of proportion with itself, in addition to the advertised ingredients I can also see lettuce, a slice of tomato and chunky gherkins in abundance. The bun seems a token gesture next to what look like two five ounce patties, covered with a generous coating of Jack, and the whole thing seems to need the skewer to hold it in place.

In cross section…

The patties seem beautifully cooked, a brilliant shade of pink. They are tender; the bun, toasted on both sides, seems to hold up well. The structural integrity seems to hold up, against all odds.

First bite… and structural integrity collapses, the burgers sliding off each other and the salad, all of it slopping messily onto the plate. But the taste… is good. Whilst the patty has no char, it is tender and melts in your mouth. There’s no hint of dry-aged funk, this tastes like literally fresh meat, ground coarsely, and lovingly but loosely packed into a patty. The slight under seasoning is somewhat compensated for by the tasty cheese; the salad adds brightness and there’s a sweet and sour hit from the pickle. It’s good…

On further eating – now with cutlery on a disassembled burger – the bun continues to hold up, providing starchy counterbalance to the melange of flavours; the slick, sweet and savoury burger sauce provides moisture, the smoked bacon an occasional umami explosion and crunch, helping the unguent cheese to compensate for the burgers slight under-seasoning. The fact both patties are covered in Jack, and the buns have a generous amount of burger sauce across them, means even somewhat deconstructed – every mouthful of the burger is reasonably well balanced. It’s a nice experience… though I do have notes – specifically 1/ char the patties like you mean it! 2/ go heavier on the seasoning 3/ one 6-8oz patty would have done better for this style of burger than 2x 4-5 oz ones – you only ever want a double patty with a smash burger, IMHO – 4/ reconsider your bun/burger pairing and 5/ invest a bit more in the pickles too – make them yourselves, in a lighter brine, and slice them thinner.

On the sides… the fries were… fine. Well seasoned, crispy, but thin cut frozen chip variety. Nothing to write home about but perfectly pleasant dumped in either ketchup and mayo.

The celeriac slaw… was sour, sweet, savoury and crunchy all in one. It has a pickled undertone, possibly from a generous portion of capers that were in the tiny pot with the rest of them. It was interesting… but not something I’d rush back for.

The service… was outstanding. I was warmly welcomed without a booking, given a table, had my order taken within minutes, and repeatedly checked on with warmth and grace. The locals were full of warmth of good humour, there were good Christmas tunes on… all in all, it’s a lovely pub.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  3.5/5
Build – 3/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 3/5 – 
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, ish.

Burger rating – 4/5 – actually more than the sum of its parts, this one. Would recommend.

The deets

Find the 15th Century Pub as you drive into Alresford, or via its website here.

Sam’s Riverside Restaraunt, Riverside Studios, Hammersmith

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Beautifully crafted, slippery gourmet burger

Burger source

I was at the opening night of my brother’s new show, the excellent Hitchhiker’s Live at Riverside Studios in Hammersmith, and in need of sustenance. I’d been promised that Sam’s cafe would provide an excellent burger by my brother – a promise reaffirmed by the serving staff – and so I was set on my path.

Sam’s is a newish restaurant, set up just pre-Covid and specialising in seasonal British produce, so there’s a diverse, thoughtful menu featuring a wide range of creative and delicious sounding dishes. Their spiel:

The Modern British menus focus on the very best seasonal produce from all around the UK. The kitchen is passionate about working with our small artisan suppliers, from meat, fish and seafood to fruit and vegetables. The wines have also all been handpicked by Sam, and many are from wineries that Sam has visited and struck up personal friendships.

The order

My friend Matt had the halibut (naturally), but the eponymous Sam’s cheeseburger it was for me, served with chips. There’s no fanfare on the menu; no description of dry-aged meat, farm-to-table traditions, grass fed whole-wheat brioche or any such chicanery. It’s just Sam’s cheeseburger and I was there for it – both the burger, and its simplicity.

I was asked if I was OK if it was served medium. WAS I? I love places that grind their own meat and offer this. I was duly excited.

The meat of it

This is a pretty burger. Glossy bun, lovely stack – fresh vegetables, a whole layer of pickles, a perfect melt on the cheese, and elegantly simple plating. There’s little else to remark on at this stage in the proceedings, until the cross section kicks in.

And what a cross section! The bun is perfectly sturdy and airy, bringing a light, soft, but fluffy structure to the burger. The salad is as fresh as it seemed; the burger is as pink as was promised, with a good char, and a perfect melt on the cheese. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed, and there’s a well balanced layer of some kind of burger source providing lubrication and the promise of additional flavour.

So, the first bite… And in this case, you can judge a book by its cover. The patty is well seasoned, and melts in your mouth with an understated dry-aged funk. The cheese provides an unguent bind that adds salt and flavour – it is a very generous amount of cheese so the cheddar brings more than texture. The salad is bright, the tomatoes adding sweetness and moisture – though perhaps these could have done with a bit of seasoning. The pickles add mild but welcome sweet-and-sour notes. And the burger sauce adds bind but is somewhat non-descript – not a criticism, the burger doesn’t want for more flavour. The combination is very near perfect.

My very small notes; the burger is very… soft. The char on the hefty – 6-7oz – patty doesn’t add crunch, and the vegetables aren’t sufficiently robust to give structure to the bite. Fresh or crispy onions, bacon, or even a harder sear on the patty might have helped here. The stack doesn’t quite pass the structural integrity test – the problem with using whole pieces of lettuce (vs shredded) at the base is always that it makes the burger want to slide off the rink and onto the plate. But… these are minor. People that aren’t as fussed about textural contrast in a burger as I am would probably not notice, and if I hadn’t cross-sectioned the burger perhaps the slipperiness wouldn’t have mattered. It’s really very good.

The fries were nigh on perfect. Crispy on the outside, squidgy in the middle, they were made from high quality potatoes, generously seasoned, and cooked to perfection. They were perhaps marginally heavy with the salt shaker but that’s always an individual judgement, so your mileage may vary. Dunked in the ketchup and/or mayo that was provided, these were a delicious and generous portion and perfect to the very last chip.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – near faultless fries 
Value – 5/5 – £19 for burger and fries seems to be the going rate and the quality was excellent, so I’m scoring full points.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I suspect for many this will be a perfect 5.

The deets

Sat in the rear of Riverside Studios, this place is a sub ten minute stroll from Hammersmith Station, and as you’ll be going to see Hitchhiker’s Live anyway… you should go, yes?

Granger & Co, Kings Cross, London

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Rich, sweet and savoury feast

Burger source 

Not gonna lie, when I got to Granger & co, I picked up the Vegan menu and got a little flustered. The friend who we were celebrating has something of a flair for the dramatically plant-based and whilst that would have been fine, the menu also had a higher words-to-event ratio than a Jane Austen novel, so it took a bit of parsing.

Eventually, my middle aged eyes differentiated the vegan menu from the omnivore menu and found that they had a burger – and it sounded great! Who knew that this is what the spirit of Australia would feel like.

Everything about Granger & Co. reflects the ‘Australian’ spirit: sunny, light, vibrant, and always generous. Our warm, welcoming neighbourhood restaurants offer all-day dining that makes you feel good and at home.

The order 

This place is too fancy to name its dishes, so I had the descriptively named Grass-fed beef burger, dill pickles, butter lettuce, caramelised onions and herbed fries 22 + gruyère. I also had a £6 glass of home-made ginger ale, and split a pudding – am £11 choux bun. This place carries some heft.

Being offered a choice in how the burger was cooked is ALWAYS a good sign, and the staff were pretty proud of it. Good for them, good for us.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

That is some fancy and yes, ostentatious presentation. Well seasoned (albeit pale) herbed fries notwithstanding, the salad is bright and fresh, that heritage tomato does make tomatoes as a whole perhaps look appealing. The meat has excellent char, the bun is toasted well – at least somewhat – on both sides – and the gruyere has an superb melt.

In cross section, two pics – with/without flash:

They did indeed deliver on the promise of a medium finish (though this is more plainly visible on the flash-image on the right). The layer of caramelised onion is thick and consistent, the gruyere is melted atop the onions – adding structural bind. A thin layer of relish finishes the top layer, and the bottom bun is bare – a flaw in the self-assembly presentation of salad on the side of plate, as every burger aficionado, knows the salad needs to protect the bottom bun. Whatever the emoji says🍔 – and it was too messy to self assemble the correct way.

On first taste… the burger is soft, melt-in-your-mouth, dry-aged meat with a light hint of the expected funk. At first the flavour seems mild, then you’re hit with a depth of umami from the excellent seasoning, the unctuous, salty bite of the gruyere, the sweet hit of the caramelised onions and the meh of the relish – which is lost in that avalanche of sweet-and-savoury flavour. The meat is coarse ground and loose packed, which – alongside a high fat ratio and a perfect cook – leads to an extraordinary texture. The bun holds up, providing bland contrast to this taste explosion.

In fact, it is almost a perfect mouthful, and the build is so elegant that virtually every other bite follows the same profile. Consistently excellent, deep, rich, savoury, sweet and fulfilling. The only slight criticism is that texture contrast is limited – it’s quite a mushy mouthful – and some fresh onions, or crispy onions, or streaky bacon – would have completed the experience. And perhaps a burger sauce instead of the relish – at times the thick layer of onions could overwhelm somewhat with sweetness, and I didn’t taste the pickles at all – so there was no vinegary hit to cut through the almost cloying sweetness of the onions.

Still, these are small notes on an exceptional burger.

As to the side, the salad, the drink and the pud?

The salad was salted, and the tomatoes as fresh and sweet as you could hope for two months into the UK’s autumn. The butter lettuce likewise – fresh and bright, though I do prefer a shredded iceberg, perhaps that itself a sign of a misspent youth.

The fries looked pale and anaemic but were in fact perfectly crooked – crisp and fresh, brilliantly seasoned with a clean tasting herb salt that hit of parsley (I think), and were fabulous dunked in generous pots of mayo.

The choux bun – full title: choux bun, orange and fennel seed craquelin, citrus curd and crème fraîche – was a surprise with every mouthful. I don’t know what craquelin is when it’s not on a roast pork joint, so didn’t really know what to expect – but the soft puffy ball is textured like a chewy profiterole; the creme fraiche is unsweetened and the fennel seed adds to the savoury bite. The sweet and sour curd reminds you this is, in fact, a pudding, and despite the confusing blend of flavours and textures – this dish mysteriously works. And is a fresh, bright, palate cleansing joy.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5  – slightly dry but not bad, well balanced against the burger
Build – 5/5 – not even going to take points off for DIY salad because the rest of it was so well done
Burger – 5/5 – some of the best quality, best cooked, best seasoned beef patty I’ve had in a while
Taste –  4.5/5 – small deduction for too much sweet and not enough crunch 
Sides – 4.5/5 – very strong fries, very interesting pudding   

Value – 4/5 – at nearly £50 for the meal (and admittedly friends had wine, so that pumped up the averages somewhat), this was a punchy meal. But a brilliant vibe, delicious food, and excellent service

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – very little to fault here. Hurrah for the Australian spirit.

The deets 

There’s a few locations. Find your nearest one here. The Kings X one is literally out the main entrance, out the back, heading up to Coal Drops Yard.

Maxwells, Covent Garden, London

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Great build, rubbery meat, inoffensive sauce

Burger source 

I remember (vaguely) having a really good, albeit random, night out with old university friends that started in a bar that was on the same site as Maxwell’s, ending in the nightclub that was Roadhouse on the far side of Covent Garden, about 20 years ago. Good times.

This time around, I was meeting with a former colleague who was based in the area and who – for some inexplicable reason – wanted both the experience of dining through a burger tasting with me, and to catch up at the same time. So we did both; he had a head-sized margarita and I talked him through my process. This one’s dedicated to you, Steve.

[I appreciate this section is normally occupied with some chicanery about the reasons I was drawn to this particular burger venue; their approach to farm-to-plate food, fine ingredients for fine dining, etc., but in all honesty, I’ve been doing this for nearly a decade, I’ve tried the burgers everywhere, and a lot of the new upstarts frustratingly have very little dine-in space and/or are in sites where people don’t want to meet up with me. At some point I’ll have reason to do a burger tour of Peckham but I don’t think 2025 is the year… and, well, many of the places I haven’t reviewed just don’t have as compelling a story].

But… so as not to betray consistency – they have 50 years of dining experience. And have mastered culinary whatsits. Etcetera.

More generously – the vibes and service in this place were fab. Lovely cocktail bar/diner hybrid, replete with Americana, neon lighting, generous portions and weirdly hybrid meals (a Philly Cheesesteak served in a ciabatta? Sacrilege). We had fab service, they played great music, and it was a good time all around. But let’s get into the food.

The order 

My wont is to order the closest thing they have to a paradigmatic bacon cheeseburger. However I was thrown into a flurry of indecision by the fact they had both the Maxwell’s classic (featuring a traditional burger patty) and the Big Max’s Smash burger (featuring a double smash patty), both of which had optional bacon. I did the only thing a sane person could do in the circumstances; I asked the waitress, who made clear that the sensible choice was the Big Max’s. So Big Max’s it was; all the way to the top, featuring two smash patties, American cheese, lettuce, diced onion and their “proper” Big Max’s sauce. Plus bacon, natch.

I also had a Hakuna Matata to drink; a mocktail featuring mango juice, lychee juice, Monin mango syrup, watermelon syrup and lime juice… they might as well have called it the Type 2 diabetes. More to follow.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

On first inspection, stray onion notwithstanding, this is a fine looking plate of food. There’s a pleasant sheen on the toasted brioche bun, an excellent melt on the cheese, what seems to be a decent char on the patties… and you can see bright, fresh salad peeking out the sides. The fries look crisp and hot; and whilst the bacon appears somewhat flaccid, there’s nevertheless a lot to hope for.

In cross section, there’s good (airy, warm bun with good structural integrity, excellent melt on the cheese, confirmed fresh salad), bad (bacon is under-grilled for my liking, sauce is a little watery) and straight up weird (how did the centre of a smashburger stay pink? these things are meant to be smashed to a meat-lace on the grill and crisped to savoury, almost crunchy perfection). I’m wary.

First taste… the flavour balance is actually OK. The bun adds sweetness and structure that contrasts elegantly with the salty cheese, which in turn gives some decent, unguent umami to boost the bacon. The meat is good quality but slightly rubbery in texture and perhaps a little under-seasoned. There’s a nice crunch from the onions, adding my much sought after textural contrast. The sauce is watery but adds moisture and a light, inoffensive sweetness to counterbalance the savoury bite… it’s OK. More bites reaffirm that, somehow – despite its limitations – the burger is decent. I have notes, but it’s pleasant and I’d recommend it.

My notes:

  • More seasoning on the meat, bros. Flavour is your friend,
  • Thicken up and season that sauce a bit more; vinegar; some diced pickle, add some sharpness to balance the sweet too
  • Crisp that patty! Smash it harder!
  • Render the fat in the bacon. And switch to streaky. It’s not a salad.

Otherwise – pretty good! Would go again.

On the fries… they were excellent quality. They came a little under seasoned but that was easily remedied. And could perhaps have done with ever so slightly longer in the fryer.

The Hakuna Matata? Sugary delight. Order a side of insulin.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 -bump for the onion fries   
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and fries, £7 for the cocktail, and – amazingly – a 25% discount voucher courtesy of Steve’s winning charm added value to the experience. But v reasonable for this part of London.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – good – but room to improve. 

The deets 

34 King Street, just round from Cov’t Garden tube. I really wish I remember what was there about 20 years ago… Can recommend. Details, booking etc – all here.

Cardinal Bar & Kitchen, Aldgate, London

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Imbalanced but not irredeemable

Burger source 

A happy restaurant non-booking accident led us to a meal at this East London eatery, ostensibly taking cues from Brick Lane but atmospherically holding all the vibes of a modern gastro-hotel restaurant – which I think is broadly what it is. Downstairs from the amazingly trendy Jin Bo Law cocktail bar (though independent, I think), the less queue-inducing restaurant features a diverse contemporary menu carrying gastrointestinal pub vibes – fish and chips, steak and chips and the burger – alongside Asian inspired fusion dishes, like tandoori lamb chops (served with crushed potatoes and watercress), and salmon mie [sic] goreng. Naturally the burger drew my attention!

The order 

The eponymous Cardinal burger features a dry aged beef patty, kimchi mayo, smoked apple wood cheddar, caramelised onions, lettuce, tomato, gherkins, fries. That was all for tonight; let’s see how they did.

The meat of it 

There’s no question this is a pretty burger; a perfect, shiny, brioche roll, a wonderful melt on the cheese, a lovely char on the patty, bright, fresh looking veggies and a sensible amount of kimchi mayo – enough for flavour and texture, not so much that it splurges out when you take a bite.

In cross section, you see the lovely airy grain of the bun, the elegant stacking (veg below, correct, even-ish bacon coverage, yes, fresh veg in decent proportion, yay, and controllable amounts of mayo. But look at the meat – whilst coarse ground, it is almost grey, and the burger shattered on slicing. This says, nay, shouts – as my teenage and tweenage daughters might say – ‘I’m cooked, bro.’ And not in a good way.

First bite confirms – whilst there’s excellent seasoning and a tasty char on the exterior, the patty is dry and tough. There’s a gamey flavour that speaks to quality, dry-aged (?) beef, but its texture disappoints. The kimchi mayo adds some sourness but no spice whatsoever; I’m not schooled enough in kimchi to know if that’s right or not, but regardless – the flavour balance is off. The sour from the kimchi overwhelms any sweetness left in the overcooked meat and renders the pickle completely invisible, the brioche’s soft sweetness doesn’t quite recover the balance. The bacon is excellent, as is the cheese, but the overall balance means this is just a little bit meh.

On the fries… they’re pale, slightly undercooked and slightly under-seasoned. So whilst they are again made from high quality potatoes, the overall experience underwhelms, with the pots of ketchup and mayo unable to compensate for the bite of undercooked fry.

The meal was £19 plus £2.50 for the extra bacon. This seems to increasingly be standard fare these days, but I would have expected better for the ££.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 – this was the one faultless element  
Build – 3/5 – architecturally strong, flavour profile – not so much 
Burger – 3/5 – well seasoned, quality meat abused on the griddle.
Taste –  3/5  – possibly being generous here.
Sides – 2/5 – you had one job, fries  
Value – 2.5/5 – I can’t celebrate £22 on something I didn’t really enjoy  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – could do better. Spicy kimchi, sweetness from somewhere, and a better cooked patty – would have made this really interesting. 

The deets 

Right by Aldgate Tube, dodge past the queue for Jin Bo Law, walk past the lifts and head straight to the back. You can’t miss it. And failing that, the website’s here.