Category: Gourmety

Seagrass Salcombe, South Sands, Salcombe

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Overcooked, well-formed seaside fayre

Burger source

Seagrass sits right on South Sands beach – one of two eateries in the small harbour. Formerly the South Sands Hotel restaurant, it’s rebranded but the pitch is the same: seafood-heavy menu, West Country sourcing, and a terrace view that almost certainly makes everything taste better. We were staying nearby on holiday, it was the local, and – full disclosure – I may not have gone planning to review a burger. But there it was on the menu, the South Sands Burger, and it called to me.

The order

The South Sands Burger: an 8oz steak burger, emmental, beef tomato, onion, cos lettuce, spicy tomato relish, pickled gherkin, brioche bun, served with skinny fries. £19.50 on the menu. We went early doors – 6pm, as a family, one of only a couple of tables in – so no queue, no rush, nothing. Though we had booked – if you’re going, do, especially in holiday season, as walk-ins were told there was nothing available, not even for ready money.

The meat of it

First impression: this has heft; the bun was glossy and domed, a token, sad, dry-looking gherkin speared on top like a flag planted on a small brown hill. Red onion rings thick enough to have their own gravitational field peek out from under the top bun, and you can see a glorious melt on the cheese.

Cut it in half and the cross-section tells the rest of the story: a thick disc of patty, cooked through with no pink remaining. The meat is coarse ground, I think, but tightly packed – making it dense – but not quite maintaining structural integrity the whole way through (as you can see from the random, large gaps). A landslide of melted emmental goops over it, the onion and tomato atop, and a token single leaf of cos lettuce layered beneath. Build looks the part – properly stacked, nothing sliding out sideways.

First bite, and the bun’s the first thing you register – good flavour, properly brioche-y, but overtoasted to the point of dryness. The patty follows, and it’s the real story: 8oz of well-seasoned beef, cooked just past where it wanted to be, leading to a crumbly texture. That said, the burger as a whole wasn’t dry; a decent lean-to-fat ratio held things together somewhat.

Vegetables did their job – the onion and tomato both crisp and properly fresh, no sad limp slices here. The cos lettuce, though, was doing token duty at best: one leaf, presumably there to stop the bottom bun going soggy, contributing little more. The gherkin suffered similarly – dry, more garnish than ingredient. Next time: a proper thin-sliced pickle worked into the build will do for this burger than a token spear balanced on top ever will.

The emmental was surprising. Normally I’m sceptical of emmental on a burger – too mild, too polite for the job – but heaped on and properly melted like this, it brought unctuousness to the texture and a genuine umami lift that you’d expect to need a sharper cheese for. And the relish is worth calling out on its own: closer to an Indian-style chutney than a standard tomato relish, mustard seeds coming through, a hint of sweet vinegar, real tang. It’s doing the sweet-savoury balancing act the burger needed, and doing it well.

The fries deserve their own paragraph, frankly. Skin-on, home-style, skinny – cooked and seasoned to the point where there’s nothing to fault. Good on their own. Better dunked – I ran mine through Zoe’s unwanted tartare sauce (fish and chips casualty), then through the last of the relish, and they were great in both. Zoe clocked how good they were before anyone else at the table said a word, which either speaks to some early culinary discernment developing, or to the fact that good fries are just obviously, unmissably good.

Pudding. The South Sands Summer Fruit Pavlova (Chantilly cream, meringue, fresh raspberries and strawberries, £12.50 as billed) was a genuinely good plate of food – cream piled and shaped into a dense ball, clearly the good stuff from the famous local Salcombe Dairy, whipped properly thick enough to use as a building material. Meringue underneath light and crisp, fruit fresh and sweet, a citrusy coulis drizzle – mango or passionfruit, hard to call – adding brightness on top. Lovely pudding. At that price, though, you’re paying the tourist tax as much as the dessert bill.

Verdict: for the burger; the components were mostly good, in places genuinely excellent, but let down by the two things that could have been better – the bun (overtoasted, dry) and the patty (overcooked, crumbly rather than juicy). The kids had opinions, too – Emily had one to herself, the rest all had a bite each – it played to their tastebuds, and their training is not complete yet. In time, they’ll understand what it was missing: a softer bun, toasted on the inside only, and a patty allowed to keep some pink in the middle. With that… this would genuinely competes with the best of them. As it stands, it’s a burger doing well in a restaurant that’s clearly built around something else.

Monkey finger rating

  • Bun – 3.5/5. Great flavour, let down by overtoasting and the resulting dryness.
  • Build – 4/5. Good stacking, but one sad lettuce leaf and a token dry gherkin drag it down.
  • Burger – 3.5/5. Well-seasoned 8oz of good beef, but overcooked into crumbliness.
  • Taste – 4/5. The relish and the melted emmental do a lot of lifting here and rebalance things.
  • Sides – 5/5. Skin-on skinny fries, cooked and seasoned to perfection – held up in mayo, tartare and relish alike. No notes.
  • Value – 3/5. £19.50 for the burger and fries is about the going rate these days. The pavlova? Daylight robbery.
  • Burger rating – 4/5. Good bones, good flavours, slightly hit by overcooking on both bun and patty – a genuinely good effort, inches from being a proper contender.

The ambience of it all

Worth saying: the setting is genuinely lovely, right on South Sands beach with the estuary view doing exactly what it’s meant to. It was calm and peaceful, a sunny day easing into a gentle breeze – the kind of view that makes you forgive quite a lot before the food’s even landed. Arriving at 6pm meant near-empty tables, quick service, and food that landed hot and fresh. Highly recommend the experience.

The deets

Seagrass Salcombe – South Sands Hotel, Bolt Head, Salcombe, TQ8 8LL
Tel: 01548 845900 · seagrass@southsands.com

Buntrix @ The White Swan, Alie Street, Aldgate East

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Bacon cheese burger and fries

Just complicated enough

Burger source 

The White Swan is a lovely local boozer near my office in Aldgate East. Full carpet, stool, woodpanel experience, and staffed by the loveliest people you can imagine, it is a favourite for an after-work pint. After hosting a community meet up for me in their very reasonable private room, we spotted the burger ‘residency’ in progress with the folk from Buntrix.

I can’t find much info on who Buntrix are, but the food looked great and by the time we were free to eat, it was 8.30 so… needless to say, it had to be done. BT colleagues, strap in, you’re going to want this as a reference point for any visits you have planned to One Braham.

The order 

I went for the The Flame Stack, a bacon cheeseburger with grilled onions and burger sauce on a soft toasted bun, with just enough lettuce and pickles to make it messy and a little bit complex.

For some people, the search is for an uncomplicated burger. For me, well, regular readers will know that I’m drawn to just a little complexity to bring the flavour contrast that makes the burger such a paragon of modern cuisine. We need the sweet/salt contrast, we need the soft/crisp contrast, I quite like the fresh/unguent contrast, and the additional separate sweetness, crisp and sourness of the salad and pickles. Ultimately, what I think many will agree is – we need the gestalt operating in service of a more jaw-dropping gastronomic experience.

If you think that’s too dramatic a send-up for a burger, well, then, perhaps stop reading now as it’s only going to get worse.

The meat of it 

Look at it. There’s something unassuming about this. It’s almost a burger that you might have at home, served up off the BBQ after being Dad-sembled on a not particularly well considered production line. But that simple and relatively plain presentation gives off clues that it is something else; something different; something better. Look at the melt on the cheese; the peek of dark, crisp bacon, the amazing sear on the meat, the gentle glisten of the bun, the bright, fresh lettuce. There’s more to this burger than meets the eye.

In cross section, you see more messiness. Onion and lettuce clump out; the coarse ground meat seems barely held together. The bun seems to compress immediately and struggle to hold up under the burden of the (5oz?) patty. It’s hard to tell if we’re dealing gourmet style or smash patty but… either way, it’s messy.

First bite. If you’d been judging the book by its cover, you would at this point be slapping yourself. Because the clumsy, BBQ aesthetics of this burger give way to a flavour and mouthfeel explosion. The bun is soft, sweet and pliant; the crust of the patty brings crunch, the meat itself melts away with a lingering sense of beef and happiness. This is compounded by the additional crunch and umami explosion of the crispy, thick cut bacon. The vegetables add sweetness, and sourness from the pickle and a faint hint of both in the burger sauce bind everything gloriously. The grilled onions add, too – a gentle, sweet bite in every mouthful. If this burger was a robot it would be Voltron because the whole is far more immense and powerful than the parts are, and despite looking like a glorious mess when combined – it is a tremendous force for good.

As to the fries? Good. Crisp with fluffy potato interior – slightly underseasoned – which is fine – because that makes dunking them in the provided, unrequested mayo and ketchup pots clearly part of their design.

Together? Fabulous. Really, really good combination. Can recommend.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – despite what looked like excessive squidge
Build – 1.5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 5
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 –    
Value – 5/5 – £16 for burger and side, ish.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I would go back for this tomorrow. Seriously, I’d like to.  

The deets 

The White Swan is tucked away on Alie Street, directly behind the BT building. It’s a delight; food’s served from 12 noon-9pm and you can find them here.

Liverpool Street Chop House & Tavern, Liverpool St, London

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A luscious, well-made smash burger

Burger source

Searching for a new burger place to review after TEN YEARS of reviewing burgers is hard. And finding somewhere convenient to meet up with old friends brings a separate set of challenges. I haven’t yet managed to prompt AI into useful suggestions but some old fashioned Googling led me to discover the Chop House & Tavern – a category of institution that feels as British as it comes, and was it was an an absolute – albeit pricy – treat.

Their concept is centred on ethical, seasonal produce served in a comforting, olde-world environment – with a modern twist. Here’s how they put it:

We celebrate the best seasonal produce including signature chops and steaks from our ‘Ethical Butcher’ partner farms; the finest example of animal husbandry and regenerative farming practices in the UK.

The Liverpool Street Chop House and Tavern is a reimagining of Sir Terence Conran’s original Chop House’s and the spirit of the original Taverns of The City of London from 1690

It’s a great place to eat.

The order

The Chop Shop Burger – nearly eponymous – at £22.50, plus a side of their beef dripping fries was called for. Whilst their description is more about the vibe of the burger – I can tell you it’s a double smash burger, featuring home made pickles, fresh salad, and a mayo-rich burger sauce (possibly just their very fine house-made mayo). The beef dripping fries… are just that, at £6.75.

Here’s the the burger was billed – all the vibes:

Made from 100% British grass-fed beef, our burgers combine select cuts for a naturally rich flavour. Freshly prepared, succulent, tender and responsibly sourced – a burger you can genuinely feel good about.

The meat of it

That is a pretty burger. You can see the vegetables – some kind of heritage tomato, some kind of chopped gem lettuce, fresh pickles, perfectly melted cheese on the lacy smash patty, enclosed in this rather impressive branded glossy bun.

In cross section…

More is revealed – you can see the tidy stacking – tomato, lettuce protecting the bun from the juicy patties. Double stacked patties with cheese on each layer. Pickles and mayo atop. A lovely, airy grain to the sturdy bun – which holds up in spite of the ludicrously juicy burgers contained within.

First bite… there’s a good bite on the well-charred patties, which seem well seasoned. The dry-aged funk of whatever choice beef cuts are in there is a thrill, the smell and taste combining to be a gestalt that is impressively dynamic. The savoury moisture from the mayo, the salty unguence from the cheese – binds this all together beautifully. Second bite earns me fresh salad, and bright, crisp, sweet pickles. It continues to be delicious.

Somewhere mid burger I sense that the sear wasn’t even, and nor was the seasoning – the meat on its own  is a little underwhelming – but the coarse grain of the patty, and the underlying quality of the meat, with the balance of flavours and textures across the burgers more than make up for these minor notes. It’s a treat.

As to the chips… £6.75 is extortionate for the portion – whilst it’s not an ungenerous helping, I’m not sure chips should ever cost nearly £7. BUT… they taste of steak, cooked as they are in beef dripping, and they seem lightly but evenly seasoned (a friend complained that they were plainer at the top and saltier at the bottom, but maybe one of us got lucky?). To my mind… they were near perfect – at least double fried, I would imagine, if not triple cooked – beefy, crisp on the outside and fluffy on the inside – a paradigm of British chips. Skin on adds taste and texture, as does whatever potato varietal they used, which was rich and flavourful. Dunked in some of the brilliant house mayo and ketchup – and this was a top quality side, even at nearly £7.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5 – flawless, in spite of the ostentation of the brand
Build – 5/5 – precise and quality controlled
Burger – 4.5/5 – minor deduction for seasoning and sear
Taste –  5/5 – it really was close to flawless
Sides – 4,5/5 – I can’t give 5/5 for a £7 side dish of chips, even if they were nearly perfect 
Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and side is a lot; add in a drink and the 13.5% suggested service charge and you’re not walking away with change from £40 for one. It was hefty, and whilst I know things cost more than they did – I can’t score this one higher than a four in spite of its brilliant taste.

Burger rating – 5/5 – the overall experience is still a five. Service was fab, the setting was comfortable and surprisingly unpretentious, the food was really delicious, and I’m going to let that trump the slightly sore wallet I’m going to have in the morning.

The deets

It’s a minute from Liverpool Street station – a very good place to catch up with very good friends, over some very good – if pricey – food. Find more here.

Sam’s Riverside Restaraunt, Riverside Studios, Hammersmith

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Beautifully crafted, slippery gourmet burger

Burger source

I was at the opening night of my brother’s new show, the excellent Hitchhiker’s Live at Riverside Studios in Hammersmith, and in need of sustenance. I’d been promised that Sam’s cafe would provide an excellent burger by my brother – a promise reaffirmed by the serving staff – and so I was set on my path.

Sam’s is a newish restaurant, set up just pre-Covid and specialising in seasonal British produce, so there’s a diverse, thoughtful menu featuring a wide range of creative and delicious sounding dishes. Their spiel:

The Modern British menus focus on the very best seasonal produce from all around the UK. The kitchen is passionate about working with our small artisan suppliers, from meat, fish and seafood to fruit and vegetables. The wines have also all been handpicked by Sam, and many are from wineries that Sam has visited and struck up personal friendships.

The order

My friend Matt had the halibut (naturally), but the eponymous Sam’s cheeseburger it was for me, served with chips. There’s no fanfare on the menu; no description of dry-aged meat, farm-to-table traditions, grass fed whole-wheat brioche or any such chicanery. It’s just Sam’s cheeseburger and I was there for it – both the burger, and its simplicity.

I was asked if I was OK if it was served medium. WAS I? I love places that grind their own meat and offer this. I was duly excited.

The meat of it

This is a pretty burger. Glossy bun, lovely stack – fresh vegetables, a whole layer of pickles, a perfect melt on the cheese, and elegantly simple plating. There’s little else to remark on at this stage in the proceedings, until the cross section kicks in.

And what a cross section! The bun is perfectly sturdy and airy, bringing a light, soft, but fluffy structure to the burger. The salad is as fresh as it seemed; the burger is as pink as was promised, with a good char, and a perfect melt on the cheese. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed, and there’s a well balanced layer of some kind of burger source providing lubrication and the promise of additional flavour.

So, the first bite… And in this case, you can judge a book by its cover. The patty is well seasoned, and melts in your mouth with an understated dry-aged funk. The cheese provides an unguent bind that adds salt and flavour – it is a very generous amount of cheese so the cheddar brings more than texture. The salad is bright, the tomatoes adding sweetness and moisture – though perhaps these could have done with a bit of seasoning. The pickles add mild but welcome sweet-and-sour notes. And the burger sauce adds bind but is somewhat non-descript – not a criticism, the burger doesn’t want for more flavour. The combination is very near perfect.

My very small notes; the burger is very… soft. The char on the hefty – 6-7oz – patty doesn’t add crunch, and the vegetables aren’t sufficiently robust to give structure to the bite. Fresh or crispy onions, bacon, or even a harder sear on the patty might have helped here. The stack doesn’t quite pass the structural integrity test – the problem with using whole pieces of lettuce (vs shredded) at the base is always that it makes the burger want to slide off the rink and onto the plate. But… these are minor. People that aren’t as fussed about textural contrast in a burger as I am would probably not notice, and if I hadn’t cross-sectioned the burger perhaps the slipperiness wouldn’t have mattered. It’s really very good.

The fries were nigh on perfect. Crispy on the outside, squidgy in the middle, they were made from high quality potatoes, generously seasoned, and cooked to perfection. They were perhaps marginally heavy with the salt shaker but that’s always an individual judgement, so your mileage may vary. Dunked in the ketchup and/or mayo that was provided, these were a delicious and generous portion and perfect to the very last chip.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – near faultless fries 
Value – 5/5 – £19 for burger and fries seems to be the going rate and the quality was excellent, so I’m scoring full points.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I suspect for many this will be a perfect 5.

The deets

Sat in the rear of Riverside Studios, this place is a sub ten minute stroll from Hammersmith Station, and as you’ll be going to see Hitchhiker’s Live anyway… you should go, yes?

Cardinal Bar & Kitchen, Aldgate, London

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Imbalanced but not irredeemable

Burger source 

A happy restaurant non-booking accident led us to a meal at this East London eatery, ostensibly taking cues from Brick Lane but atmospherically holding all the vibes of a modern gastro-hotel restaurant – which I think is broadly what it is. Downstairs from the amazingly trendy Jin Bo Law cocktail bar (though independent, I think), the less queue-inducing restaurant features a diverse contemporary menu carrying gastrointestinal pub vibes – fish and chips, steak and chips and the burger – alongside Asian inspired fusion dishes, like tandoori lamb chops (served with crushed potatoes and watercress), and salmon mie [sic] goreng. Naturally the burger drew my attention!

The order 

The eponymous Cardinal burger features a dry aged beef patty, kimchi mayo, smoked apple wood cheddar, caramelised onions, lettuce, tomato, gherkins, fries. That was all for tonight; let’s see how they did.

The meat of it 

There’s no question this is a pretty burger; a perfect, shiny, brioche roll, a wonderful melt on the cheese, a lovely char on the patty, bright, fresh looking veggies and a sensible amount of kimchi mayo – enough for flavour and texture, not so much that it splurges out when you take a bite.

In cross section, you see the lovely airy grain of the bun, the elegant stacking (veg below, correct, even-ish bacon coverage, yes, fresh veg in decent proportion, yay, and controllable amounts of mayo. But look at the meat – whilst coarse ground, it is almost grey, and the burger shattered on slicing. This says, nay, shouts – as my teenage and tweenage daughters might say – ‘I’m cooked, bro.’ And not in a good way.

First bite confirms – whilst there’s excellent seasoning and a tasty char on the exterior, the patty is dry and tough. There’s a gamey flavour that speaks to quality, dry-aged (?) beef, but its texture disappoints. The kimchi mayo adds some sourness but no spice whatsoever; I’m not schooled enough in kimchi to know if that’s right or not, but regardless – the flavour balance is off. The sour from the kimchi overwhelms any sweetness left in the overcooked meat and renders the pickle completely invisible, the brioche’s soft sweetness doesn’t quite recover the balance. The bacon is excellent, as is the cheese, but the overall balance means this is just a little bit meh.

On the fries… they’re pale, slightly undercooked and slightly under-seasoned. So whilst they are again made from high quality potatoes, the overall experience underwhelms, with the pots of ketchup and mayo unable to compensate for the bite of undercooked fry.

The meal was £19 plus £2.50 for the extra bacon. This seems to increasingly be standard fare these days, but I would have expected better for the ££.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 – this was the one faultless element  
Build – 3/5 – architecturally strong, flavour profile – not so much 
Burger – 3/5 – well seasoned, quality meat abused on the griddle.
Taste –  3/5  – possibly being generous here.
Sides – 2/5 – you had one job, fries  
Value – 2.5/5 – I can’t celebrate £22 on something I didn’t really enjoy  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – could do better. Spicy kimchi, sweetness from somewhere, and a better cooked patty – would have made this really interesting. 

The deets 

Right by Aldgate Tube, dodge past the queue for Jin Bo Law, walk past the lifts and head straight to the back. You can’t miss it. And failing that, the website’s here. 

Beast & Field, Box Park, Shoreditch

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A burger of contrasts

Burger source 

Honestly? I was trying to meet a friend at Dumbo Shoreditch after all the TikTok hype, but I didn’t realise that it was full-on, take-out only, so we retreated to the old faithful that is Box Park, and was delighted to find that Beast & Field had arrived since I last stopped in… Literal fresh meat.

Their mission, says their website, is simple. Make ethical eating easy and fun. In particular – they focus on getting grass-fed beef from farms they trust, cooking it well and pricing it sensibly. Did they succeed? SPOILERS.

The order 

They’ve only got one burger; a steak patty, with onion jam, crispy shallots, tomato, leaves, mayo and their own handmade organic burger bun. I added bacon (it’s an option!) and had a side of their chips, which come with smoked paprika and Himalayan salt, no less.

The meat of it

 

What’s wrong with this picture? Well clearly the bun is burnt; that’s not a deliberate look for it. But otherwise – strong melt on the cheese, good char on the meat, an elegant stack. The fake Lilt looks interesting, and the fries…. Well I’ll come back to that.

Cross section…

This started to restore confidence. Bright, fresh vegetables protect the lower bun. The meat is well proportioned and coarse ground, though perhaps a little well done for a thick patty. The onion jam promises some sweetness, the crispy shallots falling out the side promise some crunch, and the bacon is rended crisp but not glass-like in its texture. The bun has a good grain despite its overly browned state. In short; it’s looking good on the whole.

First bite… well, it’s definitely burned. The char on the bun adds bitterness and the bun is slightly dryer than intended. The meat is beautifully seasoned and has a lovely bite as you get through the well cooked exterior… but it slightly dryer than intended again from an over generous turn on the griddle. The bacon gives crunch, the shallots give crunch, the cheese adds further to unguent, umami goodness. There’s brightness from the veg and sweetness from the onion jam…. I find myself almost forgiving the burnt bun and the overdone meat as this burger strikes that perfect balance of sweet and savoury; of crunchy and comforting. If your home was made of 100% grass fed beef, this burger would taste of home – it is comforting and happy making, even with its flaws.

The sides?

Two things to speak of here; the chips first. They are glorious; tossed in a delightfully savoury set of seasonings (Himalayalicious), they are chip-shop cut – chunky – but double or triple fried so as to be brilliantly crispy and crunchy. The thickness means many of them maintain that pillowy fluffiness some people are so keen on in a chip; for me it was that on occasion, with a heavier dose of crunchy goodness that made these pretty much the paradigm of a chip. The sauce was a chimmichurri mayo; smooth, slightly sour, savoury, fresh and delicious. If only I hadn’t dropped half of it when I collected my order…

The fake lilt drink? Also delicious, though that was from Boxpark’s bar, so… can’t really count it.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5 – major deductions for it being burnt.   
Build – 5/5 – can’t fault the construction
Burger – 4/5 – elsewhere this would have scored worse due to being overdone. But in gestalt, the quality of everything was aces 
Taste –  4/5  – better than expected; awesome flavour/culture contrast
Sides – 5/5 – cannot fault chips or dips
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, minus service (because Box Park, there is none) felt a lot given it was burnt. But it was a well constructed burger, the portion was generous, and inflation is a beast too.

Burger rating – 4/5 – the overall experience was joyous despite its constraints.

The deets 

There’s a few of these around; Boxpark, Mayfair, Ladbroke Grove & Shoreditch. Find your local; it’s worth a try. And if it’s burnt, sent it back and get them to do it right – it’s worth the fuss.

The Plimsoll, Finsbury Park, London N4

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Possibly perfect cheeseburger

Burger source

The Plimsoll is on so many ‘best burger’ reviews it’s almost obscene that it’s taken me nearly a decade of my burger gastronomic adventure to get out there. But thanks to an invite from local resident and corporate affairs industry watcher, Helen Dunne, I had a good reason to discover quite how accessible Finsbury Park is from Central London and give the gastro-pubbed refurb of the old, Auld (it used to be the Auld Triangle, so that was a pun), Irish pub and its famous ‘Dexter’ cheeseburger. Which I’m told is named for the Irish cow breed used for its meat, not the storied serial killer…

The pub is apparently under the management of chefs Jamie Allan and Ed McIlroy, who previously ran a pop up called the Four Legs @ the Compton Arms elsewhere in North London. But I couldn’t find a website, so blame me for citing a three year old Guardian article if I have this wrong… 

The order

If you want chips, this is the wrong place to be. I had the Dexter cheeseburger (beef, cheese, burger sauce, pickles, fresh onion, crispy onion, brioche – £14), and we shared a pile of ‘greens’ (it’s a Caesar salad of sorts, at £11) and ‘fried potatoes with aioli.’ (£7).

The meat of it

OMG. You can immediately see the butteriness of the bun; the double onion combo is spilling out the sides. The home made pickles speak of sweet and sour pleasure; the cheese is melted perfectly on a beautifully charred patty… and the glisten on the brioche. Wow. If looks could cause type two diabetes…

In cross section you can see the build is pretty much perfect. The plate remains clean despite the healthy amount of burger sauce that’s within, the bun is super soft but providing structure, the meat is coarse ground and the assembly precise. There’s a lot to play for.

First bite… soft bread, robust, perfectly seasoned bite to the patty and a melty, meaty centre. The sweet burger sauce and unguent, umami-rich cheese contrast beautifully, and the double onion combo gives you crisp and crunch in one. The pickle adds fresh, bright sweetness with a sour pickle edge and tastes of the summer day on which it was picked. The mouthfeel is fantastic, the flavour sublime.

It’s just a glorious combination. It feels and looks small but this thing is dense and packed with flavour. The first bite loads my hands with grease and burger sauce and I don’t even care; I switch over to cutlery to preserve my dignity and my shirt, and to draw out the luscious sensory experience. Every bite of this is like injecting pleasure into my taste buds; I don’t understand the appeal of class A drugs, but this… This I can see myself getting withdrawal symptoms from. It’s glorious.

On the sides…

I love that the salad was billed as “leaves with vinaigrette”; this felt like a loaded Caesar salad, dense with Parmesan and a slick sweet and savoury dressing – which is what you’d expect for the money. I wouldn’t exactly call it bright and fresh – this is a rich, rich salad – but it was a lovely contrast to the burger.

The potatoes – are perfectly tender and simultaneously crisp all over. I didn’t expect to love them – I LOVE chips – but they are beguiling, and provide a heft that ensures you walk away full – we didn’t finish one portion between the two of us.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5 – soft, buttery pleasure
Build – 5/5 – clinically precise, beautifully architected
Burger – 5/5 – inarguably extraordinary
Taste –  5/5 – flawless victory
Sides – 4/5 – these were great but felt a bit pricey 
Value – 5/5 – it wasn’t cheap but if this is what I get, this is what I pay for.

Burger rating – 5/5 – this deserves its billing as one of the top burgers in London. Absolutely extraordinary.

The deets

It’s about 4 minutes walk from Finsbury Park tube. Take the Station Way exit. Go tomorrow; Finsbury Park is < 10 minutes from Kings X on the Victoria Line so there’s really no excuse for anyone who’s based in London.

Street Burger Bistro, Prague, Czech Republic

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Hefty, tasty, soggy Czech burger

Burger source

When in London, I struggle to find a burger place I haven’t reviewed. On this, my first visit to the Czech Republic, needless to say I didn’t have the same issue. In fact, by crazy random happenstance, our hotel was next to a burger restaurant called simply ‘Fat f**k smashburger’ – where we had intended to have supper. Unfortunately – and perhaps unsurprisingly given both its reputation and its name – it was completely booked out. So we went in search of another highly reviewed burger, not too far from our hotel – and found it, on the edge of the Old Town, in the Street Burger Bistro.

The order

My kids, predictably, proceeded to order the well constructed burgers and remove stuff from them. I did not; ordering the cheeseburger (burger, bacon, cheddar, red onion, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise) as it was designed to be. We had fries and some onion rings on the side (ok; we had fries, I had the onion rings) and an alcohol free Czech beer to drink.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

Ok, it’s not evenly stacked but it is pretty – a good melt on the cheese, a hefty piece of well cooked back bacon, bright fresh lettuce, a golden seeded bun, and a decent amount of mayo. Let’s look in cross section…

The lower bun is already collapsing under the heft of the burger, and the (two) tomato slices are causing the patty to slide. There’s perhaps a smidge too much mayo. The burger… delighted as I was to have it pink, there’s something about the severe stripes of brown and pink that concerns me.

And it reveals itself in bite one; the sear is so heavy that there’s quite a rubbery first mouthfeel before you get to the soft, medium centre. The burger is otherwise juicy and delightfully seasoned; the companion cheese and bacon adds further umami… which is not quite balanced with the salad; the tomato isn’t ripe or seasoned, I think, causing it to be a bland rather than a sweet counterpoint. The mayo adds more moisture and depth and the bottom bun all but collapses as you eat it, though the bun otherwise lends a pleasing starchy blandness as a counterpoint to the taste fest that is the rest of the burger. The whole is good – it’s a tasty patty, and the design that’s gone into shaping this is excellent. But the execution wasn’t quite there tonight, and what could have been a 5/5 is shooting just a smidge under tonight.

On the sides and the drink:

The fries were lovely. Perfectly, albeit lightly seasoned (too many places in the UK overdo the salt), they have a crisp exterior, a fluffy interior and are consistent the whole way through. As good on their own as they are dunked in a very aesthetic little tub of ketchup they brought us for them on request.

The onion rings… are surprising. They are the minced onion kind; not whole slices of fresh onion, and breaded rather than battered. To me this normally spells ‘frozen’ and therefore immediately consigns them to the mediocre pile. However these were hot, crisp and well seasoned, and the onion retained flavour and sweetness. A joyous surprise; as I’m sure is the experience of learning I put this much thought into the experience of eating onion rings.

Izzy had a hot dog, removing all the toppings that were designed for it but ketchup, and I had a taste at the end when she reached her limit… and it was excellent. Well spiced, rich with paprika, salt, pepper and other flavourings I couldn’t identify – and with actual texture – none of that soggy synthetic flavour you get with frankfurters.

The beer was a slightly dark lager, crisp and clear with a bitter edge. I prefer a bit more of a pilsener, so it wasn’t quite what I imagined when I ordered but it was good for what it was.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5 – good texture and flavour but didn’t hold up to the burger
Build – 3/5 – uneven stack, unripe tomatoes
Burger – 4/5 – over hard sear makes an otherwise excellent burger slightly rubbery
Taste –  4/5 – really good but clearly not as good as it could have been
Sides – 4.5/5 – small knock for minced onion rings 
Value – 4/5 – a meal for five with two beers came to about £80 including service – which seemed quite a lot by our limited experience of Prague, and we were hit by the tax of a restaurant that doesn’t have a children’s menu. Still inexpensive relative to London, but our priciest meal in the Czech Republic to date

Burger rating – 4/5 – good, bordering on excellent.

The deets

It’s a short skip from the Charles Bridge, opposite the river from the bulk of the old town. There’s a lovely walk in to it from Malostranske tram stop, going past some lovely riverside view and the most delightful gingerbread shop you’ve ever seen. Highly recommend all of it.

Heard Burgers, Flat Iron Square, London

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Delicious, distinctive smash burger

Burger source 

This is the eco-friendly, posh-ish take on the smash burger by michelin-starred chef Jordan Bailey.

This is how they describe their ambitions:

Heard was born out of Jordan Bailey ’s desire to make an everyday classic exceptional. Two Michelin-starred chef, Jordan uses his expertise and relationships with top suppliers to make burgers that are deceptively simple yet made with the same care and precision as a Michelin-starred dish.

Creating the perfect burger starts with the ingredients – and we only use the best. All produce is ethically and locally sourced – a transparent supply chain from farm to bite.

Our British beef comes from a cooperative of regenerative farms. Aged for a minimum of 35 days, for the ultimate texture and taste.

Sounds regeneratalicious? Wait and see.

The order 

It was a tough choice. My usual rule is to find something that as closely as possible resembles a cheese and bacon burger, and have that as the reliable benchmark. But, somewhat ostentatiously (and to the possible tears of Uncle Roger), there is only bacon jam available at this fine establishment. So I went for the eponymous “The Heard” – apparently Jordan’s Pick, The OG! Which comes replete with Jalapeño hot honey, Ogleshield [cheese], white onion, their secret Heard sauce and pickles. I’m not writing Heard with a fullstop after it because it’s just too much. For a side, I went for the also eponymous Heard fries,
seasoned with Heard beef fat and herb salt. I have not experienced tallow as a seasoning before – let’s see if I’m, erm, here for it.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

Was the first thing you noticed how small the patties were relative to the bun? Because that was the first thing I noticed. But the second thing I noticed was that the two, crisp patties were coated with a gooey melt of Ogleshield, and the fries look absolutely perfect – crisp, hot, well-seasoned. The orange-red hue of the Heard sauce – also looked spot on.

In cross section (via chomp, not knife as there was no cutlery provided, not even for ready money…. although possibly there was, we didn’t offer any readies)… well, you can see the perfect melt of the cheese continue. The double, crisp and crinkly patty smash made up of coarse ground, dry-aged beef. The chunks of pickle, the drip of tallow and hot honey, the light toasting of the bun, the fine grain and airiness in said bun… there’s very little else to fault aesthetically.

First bite (well, third by this point but who’s counting?) – every bit leaves you the foundational structure of the bread, the umami and slight funk of the beef, accompanied by a light crunch; the sharp, acidic savouriness of the oglefield; a hint of sweetness from the honey and pickle, alongside a crisp freshness from the latter, backed by a soupcon of heat. It’s an absolutely glorious combination and only really limited by the bun-to-bread ratio – this little fella is chunkier than it looks and will not leave you hungry.

Especially not when accompanies by the Heard fries. These are a glorious thing; crunchy on the outside, squidgy in the middle; despite somehow being seasoned with tallow, these are dry – none of the greasiness of chip shop chips. Perfectly seasoned; glorious dunked in the sweet/savoury Heard sauce (think – big mac sauce but better in every way).

It’s a simply glorious combination, well executed. I’ll forgive all the ostentation in the website copywriting – go to Heard, you will not spend a better £17 on a burger and fries. My only complaint (which I did voice) was that the Heard sauce needed to come in bigger tubs.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – oversized but otherwise perfect in every way
Build – 4.5/5 – per aforementioned bun comment, and perhaps a smidge too much sharp cheese
Burger – 4.5/5 – a fine, fine smashburger 
Taste – 4.5/5 – so close to perfect  
Sides – 5/5 – these very possibly take the crown for best fries in London   
Value – 4.5/5 – £17 for a burger this good and fries this extraordinary, generously proportioned in the case of the latter, is a fair price in these inflationary times. Well done the (posh) lad.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – I’m giving Heard > than sum of its points scoring. 

The deets 

It’s just round the corner from Flat Iron Square, between London Bridge and Southwark tubes. You could miss it, as I did, but keep walking where Google tells you to and you’ll get close. Or find it via their website, here.

Bleeding Heart Tavern, Hatton Garden, Farringdon

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Slightly overcooked but tasty, chunky burger

Burger source

The Tavern Wine Bar & Grill is a city staple and offers a decent gastropub-style selection of food, which I think you might classify as ‘modern European.’ The restaurant had a fab atmosphere and brilliant service and was a lovely place to celebrate a few colleagues moving on to new things, and a great chance to catch up with our former chief crochet officer, Josie.

Naturally I was tempted by their take on the burger.

The order

The Tavern’s 6 oz Scotch beef burger was served on a toasted sourdough bun, with red onion marmalade, Gruyère cheese, dill gherkin & tomato. I had a side of “Truffled” fries (I did not realise we were doing truffle as a verb, but I’m unexpectedly here for it). Because we were doing starters, I went for a Morteau sausage, served with puy lentils and a mustard sauce, which I’ll handle with the ‘sides’ to keep consistency with my review format and avoid throwing my sense of order to the wolves.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

It’s good plating – tidy, well stacked. The bun, toasted on both sides is… unexpected, and you can see a good melt to the cheese. The fries look crisp and the coating of shaved Parmesan – well, you can’t go wrong with fresh Parmesan, though it can be too much. BUT WAS IT? We’ll get there, be patient.

First, an accidental close up of the burger and the obligatory cross section shot:

The close up shows the beautiful melt on the Gruyère. The cross section shows the elegant stack, a layer of unadvertised lettuce along the base alongside the promised tomato, peeking slightly unobtrusively out from amongst it, the LONG, long dill pickles (more on this shortly) and the meat… which is decidedly not medium, as I was promised, but very close to well done. It is also surprisingly densely packed. Will it suffer for it?

First bite… and it’s good. The meat is juicy despite being overdone, and there’s char coming through from both the bun and the crust of the patty. It’s subtle and pleasant; no dry aged funk, just straightforward, high quality beef with an (un)healthy fat/lean ratio. The patty is well seasoned, the Gruyère adds bind without much flavour, but the burger sauce/mayo/whatever’s in with the salad adds a pleasant salty gooey-ness that helps bind it all together. The pickle is pleasant but indistinct and rather too large – you have to be careful to not have it sliding out in its large, long slices, and I’m silently wishing they’d just cut it into discs like Maccers does.

The ‘marmalade’ – relish by any other name – provides the sweet balance to the umami mouth punch of the rest of the burger, giving good balance to it. The sourdough provides structure and stability and pleasant starchiness. It’s a good combo, that would have been improved with a bit more crunch from somewhere (bacon? Crispy onions?) for that textural contrast I value so much, and just slightly less time on the grill for a pinker finish. And if I’m being brutal, a looser pack on the patty to make it just a tad less robust. The whole was definitely greater than the sum of its parts, and the heft of the 6oz patty means this will leave you pleasantly full.

As to the fries and the sausage? Well you can see the fries above, but let’s get to the sausage ‘Morteau’:

I did ask what Morteau was, and it was described as a ‘smoked sausage’. If you’re thinking that looks like slices of a Matheson’s sausage, you’d be spot on. But it’s denser and richer, and the puy lentil and mustard sauce are done perfectly, providing a surprisingly delicate counterpoint to the salty, garlicky, smoky sausage. It’s lovely.

The fries… were a little disappointing. Even without the caveat that I don’t love truffle (but I prefer fries to the chunky chips on offer elsewhere on the menu). Disappointing because they weren’t fully cooked (some of the fries were decidedly undercooked), and because the combination of a healthy amount of seasoning, Parmesan and truffle flavour led to a confusing profile. It was simultaneously just a bit much… and not enough.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5 – good but unexceptional
Build – 4/5 – curse you, pickle slices!
Burger – 4/5 – more pink, less pack
Taste –  4/5 – solid
Sides – 4/5 – deduction for fries redeemed by quality sausage 
Value – 4/5 – £22 for burger and fries, £30 with sausage, plus service plus drinks – feels sensible if unexceptional value for a nice burger in a nice restaurant.

Burger rating – 4/5 – I would go back here, though I’d like to try some of the other excellent looking food next time.

The deets

Just a few minutes from Farringdon station, make sure you know whether you’re going to the Bistro or the restaurant – we did the latter. Find out more here.