Author: Armand

CTO, Comms Consultant, Dad, Runner, Burger fan, mediocre guitarist, worse poker player and all around good guy.

Supernova, Deliveroo, London

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Better than the memory of a double double cheeseburger

Burger source 

Supernova was a viral smash [sic] when it arrived in Soho, serving smashburgers and fries from its limited but pretty much perfect menu. Simplicity is pretty much its defining attribute from a marketing perspective; little choice, little space; both things seem to drive demand through the roof.

Anyway, I have literally never had the patience to go. Every time I wander past there’s a gargantuan queue, you can’t book, and I’m too middle aged to have the time for that. So, when it appeared on Deliveroo after a late finish at the office… well, colour me tempted.

The order 

There are literally two burgers on the menu, a house and a classic cheeseburger. They’re identical – double smash patties, pickles, onions, American cheese… but then you get to choose the sauce, either mustard + ketchup (classic) or ‘house sauce’ (you guessed it – that’s the house cheeseburger). I got their standard fries with a house cheeseburger and sort of braced for mild disappointment – smashburgers are often better fresh.

So… how was it?

The meat of it 

That’s pretty good looking for a delivery burger that’s been cycled (don’t ask me why, I don’t know) at least 3-4 miles. It was well packaged so protected from squishing, and you can see the phenomenal crust on the patty. There’s a thin pickle peeking out and you can see a good melt on the cheese around the side. The bun is soft but robust and hasn’t gone soggy from either the beef or from being overly steamed in delivery. The fries look crisp and well seasoned.

Let’s go cross section.

Ok, it’s hard to see through the mess of house sauce but this burger is PERFECTLY cooked and stacked. The bun is holding up – just – to the patties. The cheese is fully melted. The house sauce is generously but not excessively applied. There’s an even coating of pickles across the burger. There’s no pooled grease. There’s a fantastic sear on the beef. It’s hefty without being heavy – a well proportioned burger.

First bite, and this is immediately something that somehow beats nostalgia. That part of your brain that remembers McDonalds or In & Out as being better than they are because the gestalt of salt, soft bread, cheese and savoury patty, in eight-year-old-you’s mind’s eye – remembers it as pretty much the dictionary definition of what a cheeseburger should be and should taste like. The savoury, sweet, sour house sauce provides unguence and moisture in a way that balances out the dry, Maillard-rich beef sear on the patty, and the umami appeal of the American cheese. The meat – well seasoned, still crisp from the harsh sear despite the delivery, is balanced by soft, perfectly bland bread, bringing balance to the mouthful. Soft, crisp, unguent, salty, sweet, pliant – is taste of childhood and happiness, of parental indulgence and guilty pleasure. It is a living paradigm of what a double cheeseburger should be; a real thing that is somehow more perfect, more precious than a memory. And it is grown up; the tang of the burger sauce, the sharp, sour bite of the pickle, the rich, savoury flavourbomb that is the high quality beef in itself. It was glorious; I forced myself to pace and paused at the midway point to go onto the fries.

The fries are as they appeared, to a degree. Crisp, well but not excessively seasoned. But they were warm, not fresh, after the journey home, and some were chilling. Again, they seemed modelled on the memory of a McDonald’s fry, improved and upgraded. They are essentially perfect frozen fries… again an improvement on the memory, crisp, tasty and warming, and a delight dunked in a little ketchup and mayonnaise.

Delivery burgers often disappoint. This one was exciting. As if it was this good after 30 minutes on the back of a bicycle, imagine its potential fresh. A thing of absolute beauty and the ultimate hedonism.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 5/5 
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – imagine them fresh!
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, ish.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – like a memory wrapped in happiness wraped in a gold brick. 

The deets 

They’ve got three branches now; in South Ken, Soho and Mayfair. My delivery came to NW London inside of 40 minute, even with a cyclist bringing it the 3-4 miles required, and was sub £20. It’s really very good and I would recommend it..

Squeezed Bristol, Wapping Wharf, Bristol

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Gooey, sweet and savoury smashburger

Burger source 

My friend Simon was adamant that this pop-up shop shaped burger restaurant was a paragon, nay an exemplar – for all other burger shops to follow, and his favourite burger shop in all of Bristoldom. He then proceeded to get very nervous when he heard me describing my ‘process’ – god, I’ve got a process now. What have I become? Were any of his fears merited?

Let’s get into it.

The order 

I had the St Werburger, and am only now regretting not asking what that means (Google suggests it might have something to do with the city of Chester, as St Werburgh is the patron saint of that self-same city – notable for not being Bristol – but perhaps Google’s other suggestion – that it is a reference to the Bristol neighbourhood of St Werburg – is more likely). It featured double beef patties, smoked bacon & caper aioli, Monterey Jack cheese, chipotle ketchup and confit shallots. With their skin-on fries, natch.

The meat of it 

I do like a basket burger. There’s something about the basket that immediately sorts most of the presentation challenges any burger might have. It looks good – a generous portion of fries, a glossy bun with a very melty, very tidy-looking double stack. Visually, this is douze points so far.

In cross section (we had to ask for cutlery and got their only set – it’s that kind of place, which is all for the better):

Let’s go through the stack. The bun is holding up to a very juicy patty, despite being soft in itself. There’s a peek at the chipotle ketchup and its promise of sweet, vinegary heat. The patties themselves are big lads, thicker than you’d expect of a smashburger and lacking the crenellated edges that make all really world class smash burgers remind you of the Fjords of Norway.

The beef is loosely packed, coarse ground and cuts like butter. The cheese is melted in an unctuous layer, amplified by a generous portion of the mega savoury caper and bacon aioli. The bun flops into submission, soft and fresh, but manages to hold on to structural integrity nonetheless. It carries a reasonable heft and really needs a taste now.

First bite… its soft; hot and fresh (the kitchen is about 5 feet from where we are sat). The cheese and aioli and sweet confit shallots and vinegary kethcup add a depth and contrast of flavour that wallops you in the tastebuds. It’s hard to process, as there’s so much going on and yet – in all the glorious mess of it – there’s a coherence. The ketchup cuts through the salt bomb and adds sweet contrast. The beef (whether it is truly dry aged or not, I have no idea) carries a light funk, adding complexity and depth to every bite. The shallots and aioli, are balanced and tempered by each other, and all of it wrapped in the gloriously soft and inexplicably, irrationally robust bun.

It’s an incredible gestalt. I have to force myself to take smaller and smaller bites, to eke out the pleasure of it. And then, when forced by the mantle I give myself as burger don, to critique it – I had only minor, minor notes:

  1. Smash the burger harder into the grill. Let’s get those burger fjords, and crunchy bites!
  2. Go slightly lighter on the toppings. There’s a lot going on. onions and ketchup played the same functional purpose, we could have simplified, or at least made it slightly less messy.

That’s it. Very close to a paragon.

On the fries… we saw them slop a floppy portion of skin-on fries straight into the fryer from a soft, non-freezer bag. This made me worry that they would braise more than fry and struggle to get crunch. I was partially justified on first taste – there’s something slightly stale and chewy about the fries, despite them also being fresh from the fryer. That said – it was a relatively minor complaint. Many of the fries were crispy enough, they seemed well cooked (if not well all well prepared,). The seasoning was fascinating – I think cumin, paprika, salt and pepper? Really distinctive and interesting and extremely moreish. Next time, freeze them first broskis – get them dried out and full of ice crystals and they’ll taste fresher and even crispier.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5  – held it together despite heavy opposition
Build – 4.5/5 – bit heavy with the mayo
Burger – 4.5/5 – harder sear
Taste –  4.5/5 – really jolly nice 
Sides – 3/5 – hit by the stale-ish fries, redeemed a bit by the seasoning   
Value – 4/5 – £19 for burger and lemonade, ish.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really jolly nice. 

The deets 

Well worth the mile or so stroll from Bristol Temple Meads station. And what a lovely city.

Flip & Sear, Edgware Road, London

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Rock solid burger; curious fries

Burger source 

Well done, Flip & Sear. Known for its Wagyu (we didn’t stretch to it), it’s a highly rated burger spot founded by North London cousins Abu and Munib. And the idea of cousin-brothers working together on a project like this immediately made me fond of it. As with so many burger entrepreneurs (burgpreneurs? Entrepreburgs?), their focus is high quality ingredients, but they’ve made some interesting choices – including the Wagyu – that make the end result special.

The order 

A classic cheeseburger (5oz NZ Grass-Fed Beef Patty, American Cheese, Sliced Red Onion & Flip Sauce in a Toasted Brioche Bun), with regular fries, house ‘flip’ sauce and a Vimto Zero, because I LOVED the 80s but 2020s me doesn’t need extra refined sugar. For Muslim readers, they’re all halal, so there’s a bonus if you need it.

The meat of it 

Well, it doesn’t look bad! That demi-brioche bun looks soft and inviting. True to its name, the burger looked both flipped and seared – with a fabulous crust. There’s a good melt on the cheese, and the gherkin infused flip sauce + red onion makes it a tidy and not too messy combination. Fries look decent, pot of flip sauce is generous.

No cutlery, so first bite gives us the cross-section.

It’s a tidy stack. The demi brioche bun is warm and adds starch without overpowering sweetness. Thin sliced red onions give crunch but are easy to eat and add a gentle, sweet flavour. The crust is perfectly seasoned and gives way with a delightful bite to a soft, tender centre; with the coarse ground, loosely packed meat melting in your mouth beautifully. That said – whilst the meat is tasty, well ground, well seasoned and well cooked – it is unremarkable – lacking the delightful funk of the dry-aged cuts, or the fatty richness that the Wagyu might have had. It was just solid.

The pickley, Big-Mac-reminiscent ‘flip’ sauce adds sweet sour pockets of bright freshness and helped bind the burger; the cheese adds savoury unguence that melts [sic] into the melange of flavours that make this burger more than the sum of its parts. It’s really very, very good.

As to the fries? They don’t get a close up as whilst they were sort of fine – they were 1/ reasonably generic freezer-style skinny chips 2/ slightly greasy and stale and 3/ somewhat underdone. But I think I got unlucky – the two friends I was with had better portions which were crisp and tasty. And even slightly stale – they were very moreish; well seasoned and delicious dunked in that pot of sweet, savoury, sour and crunchy flip sauce. Yum.

It’s a delicious overall experience, despite this, in the food-courty vibe the Edgware Road branch has. Recommend!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 5/5
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 3/5 – pretty average fries, but props for the sauce
Value – 4.5/5 – £16 for burger and fries and drink, ish.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – very solid. Can and do recommend!

The deets 

It’s a short stroll from either Edgware Road tube station. And very close to that favourite pub of mine, the Lord Wargrave, which is always good for a nightcap. 

Meat Stop residency, Commercial Tavern, Commercial Street, London

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Sumptuous, rich Oklahoma style tribute

Burger source 

I’m confident in my mid-life crisis here, so I’ll confess that I saw this place blowing up on TikTok, and it was conveniently close to the office. Particularly on a day when the tube strikes meant my route required an Overground train, so I *had* to walk past it after a slightly late finish at the office…

The conceit is Essex-farmed, Essex-sourced, local high quality produce; dry-aged beef ground daily, ‘custom spec brioche’ (maybe it has upgraded RAM? – I took this as code that they don’t make it but ask for an extra egg yolk or something in there) – all cooked fresh on site, daily.

The videos and photos I’d seen made this look truly drool worthy, so was excited to see how it shaped up.

The order 

This was tough, on the burger front. I mean, obviously I wasn’t going to order the peanut butter burger because I’m not Elvis, but otherwise… Classic, Oklahoma style (‘the car boot’), Stilton (usually better than I expect it to be), cheese and bacon (well, pancetta), or a classic cheeseburger… Even with a small menu, I felt spoilt for choice!

And so naturally, I opted out of the decision – I asked the server what she recommended and when she called the Car Boot, that was decision made. I had a side of ‘skins’ – rough cut new potatoes, triple fried and heavily seasoned.

The meat of it 

It’s a pretty burger. It arrived wrapped, which probably helped the melt on that glorious cheese. The char on the burger and the onions is in obvious evidence – Oklahoma style, for the uninitiated, involves layering a large pile of thin-sliced onions on the raw side of the patty after it hits the grill, then flipping it and charring them in. The bun is toasted, warm and soft to touch. It’s good.

No cutlery, so first bite is also the cross-section…

Ok, maybe I had a couple of bites.

The melange of flavours and textures is an immediate joy. You get the char, the slight bitterness from the crisped onions, the sweetness of the rich, juicy, well-seasoned beef and the velvety unguence of the cheese, blended into a glorious gestalt. The bun holds up and adds sweetness and bready flavour contrast in one; it’s almost in perfect balance. The dry-aged beef is uncomplicated, but that’s not a criticism – it’s simple, delicious and high grade. The lean/fat ratio is spot on, making it juicy but not outrageously messy. It’s cooked to a perfect pink, as you can see, with coarse ground, loose packed meat – just how I like it. The patty has a good heft, too, probably in the 6oz territory, making this a pretty well packaged, pretty well sized bundle of joy.

As to its limitations, it’s hard to critique this as I haven’t had a lot of Oklahoma style burgers in the past so I don’t have much of a frame of reference. From what I’ve heard, they sometimes have a bit more sweetness and crunch from the onions, and the burger does want somewhat for textural contrast. It’s very… soft. But that’s lovely in its own way; the onions cooking on the grill are meant to steam the burger and leave it tender and fresh. From a sweet/savoury contrast perspective, I don’t know if you’d pollute Oklahoma style with some burger sauce or relish, but it was *very* savoury. I love that, so happy with it as was, but thoughtful about the possibility.

All in all – excellent.

As to the side… No fries here, just these skin-on new potatoes, cut into uneven chunks. The result is a mix of crispy corners and chunky, fluffy new potato clouds, all heavily salted and served with a sauce of your choosing (at a premium of 2 quid per sauce pot). I went for a garlic aioli, which added a slick tempering of the – extremely but justifiably – heavily salted new potatoes. I normally gravitate exclusively to the crisp chunks but the fluffier, chunkier lumps were delicious too. I unexpectedly inhaled the substantial portion; can recommend.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 4.5/5 
Burger – 5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – think I marginally preferred the new potatoes at The Plimsoll, but it’s a close call.   

Value – 4/5 – £23 for burger, side and drink feels reasonable.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – this one is up there

The deets 

The Commercial Tavern is a well known and well-liked drinkery a few minutes from Liverpool Street, Shoreditch High Street and Aldgate East. Highly recommended for the newfound residents, kudos Meat Stop. 

My Burger Lab, Sea Park, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

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A tasty mess

Burger source 

MyBurgerLab is Malaysia’s answer to the world’s gourmet / elite fast food burger renaissance. Their inspiration is an eclectic mix of the fast food elite (Shake Shack, In & Out) and high street gourmet (GBK), but their mission is to make the world a happier place, one burger at a time – which is a purpose that is both honest and commercial in a way I can respect.

They say this about their priorities:

We don’t spend our money on décor or on advertisements. But we’ll splurge on food. Our charcoal buns are baked from scratch in our own bakery daily. It’s the only way to get that perfect combination of crisp crust and melt-in-your-mouth, fresh-from-the-oven taste. We grind our own beef patties daily and hand-pack them just so they retain their freshness and juiciness. In fact, our patties are still beautifully pink right before they hit the griddle.

I think they mean – after they come off the griddle. As I’m not sure what colour they’re meant to be when they hit it if not reddy-pink!

The order 

The elder kids had the Purist (Pure beefy, cheesy goodness. Angus Cheeseburger, Signature Ketchup, Grilled Onions, Pickled Cucumber) – of course, being kids, they opted out of onion, cheese and pickles. Sigh – am I failing as a parent? Zoe’s ‘Kiddy Beef’ featured beef, ketchup… and she opted out of the lettuce (on the side) and mayo.

Amanda went for the ‘Macik can’ (“Aunty can”, featuring Fried Chicken Thigh, Shredded Lettuce, Tangy Mayo, Spiced Lime on the side), and I had the ‘Lab burger’ – Angus Cheeseburger, Smoky Tomato Sauce, Shredded Lettuce, Pickles, Grilled Onions, Signature Burger Sauce. I was sold this as one of their most representative baseline burgers and I was excited.

After all, both Gemini (thx, AI) and Dad’s cousin Rohan had recommended this place. It was going to be good if both algorithms and Rohan’s impeccable judgement were aligned.

The meat of it 

It looks alright, you know. The charcoal bun is a mystery to me but it looks both soft and well made. The cheese crisp from where the overmelt has fried up on the griddle looks extremely inviting. The melt elsewhere is good. The fries look golden brown and creatively seasoned. There’s a tub of something that looks like firecracker sauce on the side. The bottomless soft drink is my trademark mixture of orange juice (well, Minute Maid) and lemonade (well, Sprite). There’s even a side of chicken nuggets that my eyes made me order.

In cross section?

The cross section is promising. The bun yields pleasingly to the floppy plastic knife; showing off a perfect even grain in the charcoal bun. The pink of the home-ground patty reveals itself, perfectly cooked – there’s an excellent sear to cut through to get to the tender middle. The superb melt on the cheese is complimented by the pickles, the grilled onions, and the copious burger sauce. Let’s gooooo…

First bite… does not disappoint. The bun is soft and gives way pleasingly; though the underside is sodden in burger juice and sauce and slips away. I’m largely uncomplaining, however, as my taste buds make contact… the beef has fabulous Maillard induced crunch; supplemented with the umami-crisp of the cheese and the sweet sour tang of the burger sauce and the pickle. The onions are sublimed, their caramelised texture melting into a flavour melange, which is both lovely – the flavours complement beautifully – and a shame, as they could have added a crunchy contrast. The sweetness of the sauce, the unguence of the cheese – add to a fairly excellent overall package.

However, to add to my – minor – critiques, a layer of lettuce would have protected the bottom half of the bun from collapse – a shame it vanished so completely under the onslaught of burger grease and burger sauce alike. So; better stack, better bun protection, better texture contrast – are my three minor notes.

On the sides… the fries are excellent; crisp on the outside and fluffy in the middle. Brilliant dunked in both ketchup and the firecracker sauce. The paprika and assorted herbs add more aesthetic than they do substance, but they put the kids off – so that’s worth being aware of.

The nugs? Largely inoffensive. Real chicken, well seasoned, and crisp, but the soft pliant sloppy chicken of McD’s nugs, not the textured pull of a tender, and nothing unusual or creative in its delivery.

On the others; Amanda’s burger was too soggy. The kids had a layer of mayo unnecessarily smeared on them, side on, which caused brief dismay. Zoe’s had both mayo and onions, one we requested not to have, the other not even part of the billing. And 2/3 kids were unimpressed by the generous seasoning on the fries. So slightly disappointing elsewhere.

The bottomless soft drinks are a nice touch, though.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4.5/5 – one of the best I’ve ever had in Malaysia 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 – fries – fab. Nugs – meh.   
Value – 5/5 – RM30 for a quality burger, fries and bottomless soft drink may seem punchy, unless you reflect that a Big Mac Meal goes for about RM20. So actually –  this isn’t just good value for a tourist, it’s a good deal by local standards too. IMHO and limited experience.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I think this is my best Malaysian burger so far.

The deets 

We went to the one Sea Park, but there are other branches in Bangsar, Sunway etc. Check the website for more.

Chapman’s Bar, Pangkor Laut Resort, Malaysia

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Very well balanced 

Burger source 

Pangkor Laut Resort is the only resort on the tiny island of Pangkor Laut – a small island somewhat to the South of Pangkor proper. It has about five restaraunts and this was from one of them – Chapman’s Bar, named for a British colonel who escaped the war in a submarine from Emerald Bay – the secluded spot where the bar is situated.

It’s visually stunning as a place to eat – but HOW, I hear you ask, was the burger? Surely the most important criteria for planning beach holidays and family escapes…

The order 

The burger – served with onion rings and medium cut fries – was served on a toasted, seeded bun with onion chutney, fresh tomato and lettuce, I think melted cheese, and a hand made burger patty. It was – surprisingly – offered to me medium or well done. Having not lived in Malaysia since 1993, and not having had great experiences of the burger scene here since the burger renaissance started in the 2000s, my expectations were for a slightly charred puck of beef regardless…

[Sidebar – I really hope that the burger renaissance achieves some form of prominence in the years to come, as a formal period in culinary history. I suspect not, but if it does – I will be proud if I make up part of the historical record with this humble offering]

The meat of it 

OK on the aesthetic – first impressions are good. The fries are golden, as advertised. The onion rings – only 2 were provided, the rest were gifted by my kids who don’t like onion – well, they were dry despite the golden batter, speaking of a good deep-frying process that doesn’t leave pooled grease in every crevice in the batter.

The burger itself is well stacked, salad underpinning the beef, itself topped with cheese and chutney – and there is a good char on both the inside of the buns and the meat. The salad itself looks bright and fresh, with condensation beading on the fridge fresh tomato (a think at equatorial climes). As to what happens in cross section…

 

I’m blown away. Whilst the meat is quite densely packed and quite finely ground, it is cooked, as promised, to a perfect medium. The bun, disappointingly, whilst beautifully charred on the inside, is cold to touch and just slightly the wrong ratio for what felt like a 5oz patty – too much bread to burger. This wasn’t disastrous but diluted the flavour with each bite somewhat.

Speaking of which… first bite… brilliant, crunchy char on the meat, which is well seasoned. The burger is juicy and tender; the onion chutney adding sweetness and a nice bit of textural contrast. The tomato is sweet too, not just watering things down as tomato slices can do but actually adding complementary favour – very unexpected. The cheese – is a non entity – a thin slice of processed cheese is lost, in every sense of the word – you can neither see, nor feel, nor taste it. The bread is fresh enough but just too bready. So whilst it is in many ways a very well balanced burger, it is the bread that throws it off somewhat. Still – really good by every objective measure. The kids – the two of them that also had the burger – also loved it (in their salad-free, well done incarnations – heathens, and something I will work through with them in the fullness of time).

As to the sides?

The fries were more or less as you’d hope – crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside, lovely on their own or dunked in ketchup or mayo. Very slightly light on the salt, perhaps, but very much in judgement call territory.

The onion rings were a bit odd – the onions were neither crisp and fresh nor squidgy and over fried, nor any texture in between. I suspect they were slightly old onions which didn’t cope well with the process. They were OK though, other than the slightly odd texture of the onions – the batter was crisp and light – if again, slightly underseasoned. Decent dunked.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5  

Value – n/a. Everything here is expensive but also part of the inclusive ‘residents’ packages if you book semi-all inclusive so… it’s part of the experience  

Burger rating – 4/5 – would recommend to any visitors to the island. 

The deets 

Pangkor Laut is a 15 minute boat ride from Marina Island Jetty, a 3 hour drive from KL. Chapman’s Bar is a pleasant <10 minute golf buggy ride from the main resort, facing into the beautiful swimming beach that is Emerald Bay.

Star by Liverpool Street, London

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Undersized, underseasoned, underwhelming – but fun

Burger source 

A much needed team night out took us to the Star by Liverpool St; the limited menu did feature a tasty sounding smash burger, so it felt worth a try.

The order 

The burger featured two aged aurox smash patties, cheese, smoked mustard butter, whisky caramelised onions and house sauce. Together with rosemary skin-on fries – the combo tapped out at £19.

If you’re wondering what an aurox is, it is apparently either an [sic] auroch, an extinct breed of wild ox, or a cryptocurrency. Given it seemed to consist of ground up cow meat, I’m assuming it was some modern ox variant with a self-important genetic heritage.

The meat of it 

It looks decent. Excellent melt on the cheese, good char on the patty, tasty looking burger sauce slathered on generously. The bun looks robust but standard – not a bad thing, standing up to the structure of the burger and providing starchy, comforting accompaniment; a potentially harmonious pairing.

In cross section:

A few things become immediately apparent; whilst the structure is robust, it’s immediately clear that the bun is cold (boo) and untoasted (double boo). The next thing you notice is that the patties cover – at most – 2/3rds of the surface area of the bun. It feels light in hand. The coarse ground smash burgers look small and decent but there isn’t the crunch of a truly lacy smash patty when I cut the cross section. Everything holds together, so it’s time for…

…first taste. The burger is ok, texturally, perhaps a little underseared. The bigger crime is that it is also underseasoned, as well as being a little too small. The meat is a little bland as a result, also apparently lacking the usual funk of dry-aged beef (something about the process, or the aurox breed(?))… The bun’s starchiness is not contrasting well with the not-quite-savoury-enough bite of the burger either, instead combining into an indifferent melange of blandness. The cheese is barely present, the onions don’t seem to be there at all, and the (thick) slice of pickle I was gifted with added – some brightness – but didn’t feel quite right; there was no scent of summer in it at all, no memory of sunshine and long evenings; of cooling breezes and wind in the trees.

But the burger sauce is decent – adding moisture and flavour contrast, and the net impact isn’t horrible – it’s just a slightly underwhelming burger. Not terrible; but [ironically] not worth writing home about. That said; my compatriots who also had the burger had different experiences (better ratios, better flavour), so your mileage may vary.

As to the rosemary seasoned fries? They were also inconsistently portioned – my bowl was half as full as my neighbour’s. But the seasoning was good – not overly heavy on the rosemary, but distinctive. The fries were crisp but fluffy on the inside with a good starchy flavour. Excellent on their own or dunked in ketchup and mayo. Not quite a paragon, but really not far off the top of the class for that style of skin-on, not-quite-chunky chip.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – points off for cold and untoastedness  
Build – 5/5 – for all that the ingredients were underwhelming, you can’t argue with the architecture here
Burger – 2.5/5 – underseasoned, small patties, underseared, and pretentiously bred 
Taste –  3/5 – somehow it’s sort of OK in spite of all of that 
Sides – 4/5 – they’re just rosemary fries. But they’re good ones.   

Value – 4/5 – £19 for burger and fries, which is depressingly standard for this part of London.  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – it’s just fine. 

The deets 

All that said; this was one of the most fun nights out I’ve had in a long time. A lot of that was the fantastic company I was with, but some of it was the affordable and well maintained karaoke rooms, the flights of Baby Guinnesses that seemed a necessary part of proceedings, and the excellent service we had throughout the evening. You wouldn’t go to the Star for their bar burger – but you might to have an amazing night with your friends – and the burger is inoffensive enough that you’d welcome it as a way of keeping your consumption balanced.

Liverpool Street Chop House & Tavern, Liverpool St, London

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A luscious, well-made smash burger

Burger source

Searching for a new burger place to review after TEN YEARS of reviewing burgers is hard. And finding somewhere convenient to meet up with old friends brings a separate set of challenges. I haven’t yet managed to prompt AI into useful suggestions but some old fashioned Googling led me to discover the Chop House & Tavern – a category of institution that feels as British as it comes, and was it was an an absolute – albeit pricy – treat.

Their concept is centred on ethical, seasonal produce served in a comforting, olde-world environment – with a modern twist. Here’s how they put it:

We celebrate the best seasonal produce including signature chops and steaks from our ‘Ethical Butcher’ partner farms; the finest example of animal husbandry and regenerative farming practices in the UK.

The Liverpool Street Chop House and Tavern is a reimagining of Sir Terence Conran’s original Chop House’s and the spirit of the original Taverns of The City of London from 1690

It’s a great place to eat.

The order

The Chop Shop Burger – nearly eponymous – at £22.50, plus a side of their beef dripping fries was called for. Whilst their description is more about the vibe of the burger – I can tell you it’s a double smash burger, featuring home made pickles, fresh salad, and a mayo-rich burger sauce (possibly just their very fine house-made mayo). The beef dripping fries… are just that, at £6.75.

Here’s the the burger was billed – all the vibes:

Made from 100% British grass-fed beef, our burgers combine select cuts for a naturally rich flavour. Freshly prepared, succulent, tender and responsibly sourced – a burger you can genuinely feel good about.

The meat of it

That is a pretty burger. You can see the vegetables – some kind of heritage tomato, some kind of chopped gem lettuce, fresh pickles, perfectly melted cheese on the lacy smash patty, enclosed in this rather impressive branded glossy bun.

In cross section…

More is revealed – you can see the tidy stacking – tomato, lettuce protecting the bun from the juicy patties. Double stacked patties with cheese on each layer. Pickles and mayo atop. A lovely, airy grain to the sturdy bun – which holds up in spite of the ludicrously juicy burgers contained within.

First bite… there’s a good bite on the well-charred patties, which seem well seasoned. The dry-aged funk of whatever choice beef cuts are in there is a thrill, the smell and taste combining to be a gestalt that is impressively dynamic. The savoury moisture from the mayo, the salty unguence from the cheese – binds this all together beautifully. Second bite earns me fresh salad, and bright, crisp, sweet pickles. It continues to be delicious.

Somewhere mid burger I sense that the sear wasn’t even, and nor was the seasoning – the meat on its own  is a little underwhelming – but the coarse grain of the patty, and the underlying quality of the meat, with the balance of flavours and textures across the burgers more than make up for these minor notes. It’s a treat.

As to the chips… £6.75 is extortionate for the portion – whilst it’s not an ungenerous helping, I’m not sure chips should ever cost nearly £7. BUT… they taste of steak, cooked as they are in beef dripping, and they seem lightly but evenly seasoned (a friend complained that they were plainer at the top and saltier at the bottom, but maybe one of us got lucky?). To my mind… they were near perfect – at least double fried, I would imagine, if not triple cooked – beefy, crisp on the outside and fluffy on the inside – a paradigm of British chips. Skin on adds taste and texture, as does whatever potato varietal they used, which was rich and flavourful. Dunked in some of the brilliant house mayo and ketchup – and this was a top quality side, even at nearly £7.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5 – flawless, in spite of the ostentation of the brand
Build – 5/5 – precise and quality controlled
Burger – 4.5/5 – minor deduction for seasoning and sear
Taste –  5/5 – it really was close to flawless
Sides – 4,5/5 – I can’t give 5/5 for a £7 side dish of chips, even if they were nearly perfect 
Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and side is a lot; add in a drink and the 13.5% suggested service charge and you’re not walking away with change from £40 for one. It was hefty, and whilst I know things cost more than they did – I can’t score this one higher than a four in spite of its brilliant taste.

Burger rating – 5/5 – the overall experience is still a five. Service was fab, the setting was comfortable and surprisingly unpretentious, the food was really delicious, and I’m going to let that trump the slightly sore wallet I’m going to have in the morning.

The deets

It’s a minute from Liverpool Street station – a very good place to catch up with very good friends, over some very good – if pricey – food. Find more here.

The Globe, Alresford, Hampshire

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Succulent, oversized, unwieldy delight

Burger source

My youngest daughter had an excursion on the Watercress Line with Brownies so I went in search of a place to eat, read, work for a bit whilst waiting for her return, and the well-reviewed Globe Pub, tucked slightly off the high street, promised relative calm, had good reviews and free WiFi, and it turned out… had a burger on the menu. Call it fate or call it good fortune, either way… I’ll take it.

The order

It’s literally just called ‘the burger’, but features quite a lot; wagyu beef patties, smoked bacon, Monterey Jack cheese and burger sauce, served with fries and a tiny pot of celeriac remoulade.

The meat of it

This is a behemoth. Towering, entirely out of proportion with itself, in addition to the advertised ingredients I can also see lettuce, a slice of tomato and chunky gherkins in abundance. The bun seems a token gesture next to what look like two five ounce patties, covered with a generous coating of Jack, and the whole thing seems to need the skewer to hold it in place.

In cross section…

The patties seem beautifully cooked, a brilliant shade of pink. They are tender; the bun, toasted on both sides, seems to hold up well. The structural integrity seems to hold up, against all odds.

First bite… and structural integrity collapses, the burgers sliding off each other and the salad, all of it slopping messily onto the plate. But the taste… is good. Whilst the patty has no char, it is tender and melts in your mouth. There’s no hint of dry-aged funk, this tastes like literally fresh meat, ground coarsely, and lovingly but loosely packed into a patty. The slight under seasoning is somewhat compensated for by the tasty cheese; the salad adds brightness and there’s a sweet and sour hit from the pickle. It’s good…

On further eating – now with cutlery on a disassembled burger – the bun continues to hold up, providing starchy counterbalance to the melange of flavours; the slick, sweet and savoury burger sauce provides moisture, the smoked bacon an occasional umami explosion and crunch, helping the unguent cheese to compensate for the burgers slight under-seasoning. The fact both patties are covered in Jack, and the buns have a generous amount of burger sauce across them, means even somewhat deconstructed – every mouthful of the burger is reasonably well balanced. It’s a nice experience… though I do have notes – specifically 1/ char the patties like you mean it! 2/ go heavier on the seasoning 3/ one 6-8oz patty would have done better for this style of burger than 2x 4-5 oz ones – you only ever want a double patty with a smash burger, IMHO – 4/ reconsider your bun/burger pairing and 5/ invest a bit more in the pickles too – make them yourselves, in a lighter brine, and slice them thinner.

On the sides… the fries were… fine. Well seasoned, crispy, but thin cut frozen chip variety. Nothing to write home about but perfectly pleasant dumped in either ketchup and mayo.

The celeriac slaw… was sour, sweet, savoury and crunchy all in one. It has a pickled undertone, possibly from a generous portion of capers that were in the tiny pot with the rest of them. It was interesting… but not something I’d rush back for.

The service… was outstanding. I was warmly welcomed without a booking, given a table, had my order taken within minutes, and repeatedly checked on with warmth and grace. The locals were full of warmth of good humour, there were good Christmas tunes on… all in all, it’s a lovely pub.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  3.5/5
Build – 3/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 3/5 – 
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, ish.

Burger rating – 4/5 – actually more than the sum of its parts, this one. Would recommend.

The deets

Find the 15th Century Pub as you drive into Alresford, or via its website here.

Sam’s Riverside Restaraunt, Riverside Studios, Hammersmith

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Beautifully crafted, slippery gourmet burger

Burger source

I was at the opening night of my brother’s new show, the excellent Hitchhiker’s Live at Riverside Studios in Hammersmith, and in need of sustenance. I’d been promised that Sam’s cafe would provide an excellent burger by my brother – a promise reaffirmed by the serving staff – and so I was set on my path.

Sam’s is a newish restaurant, set up just pre-Covid and specialising in seasonal British produce, so there’s a diverse, thoughtful menu featuring a wide range of creative and delicious sounding dishes. Their spiel:

The Modern British menus focus on the very best seasonal produce from all around the UK. The kitchen is passionate about working with our small artisan suppliers, from meat, fish and seafood to fruit and vegetables. The wines have also all been handpicked by Sam, and many are from wineries that Sam has visited and struck up personal friendships.

The order

My friend Matt had the halibut (naturally), but the eponymous Sam’s cheeseburger it was for me, served with chips. There’s no fanfare on the menu; no description of dry-aged meat, farm-to-table traditions, grass fed whole-wheat brioche or any such chicanery. It’s just Sam’s cheeseburger and I was there for it – both the burger, and its simplicity.

I was asked if I was OK if it was served medium. WAS I? I love places that grind their own meat and offer this. I was duly excited.

The meat of it

This is a pretty burger. Glossy bun, lovely stack – fresh vegetables, a whole layer of pickles, a perfect melt on the cheese, and elegantly simple plating. There’s little else to remark on at this stage in the proceedings, until the cross section kicks in.

And what a cross section! The bun is perfectly sturdy and airy, bringing a light, soft, but fluffy structure to the burger. The salad is as fresh as it seemed; the burger is as pink as was promised, with a good char, and a perfect melt on the cheese. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed, and there’s a well balanced layer of some kind of burger source providing lubrication and the promise of additional flavour.

So, the first bite… And in this case, you can judge a book by its cover. The patty is well seasoned, and melts in your mouth with an understated dry-aged funk. The cheese provides an unguent bind that adds salt and flavour – it is a very generous amount of cheese so the cheddar brings more than texture. The salad is bright, the tomatoes adding sweetness and moisture – though perhaps these could have done with a bit of seasoning. The pickles add mild but welcome sweet-and-sour notes. And the burger sauce adds bind but is somewhat non-descript – not a criticism, the burger doesn’t want for more flavour. The combination is very near perfect.

My very small notes; the burger is very… soft. The char on the hefty – 6-7oz – patty doesn’t add crunch, and the vegetables aren’t sufficiently robust to give structure to the bite. Fresh or crispy onions, bacon, or even a harder sear on the patty might have helped here. The stack doesn’t quite pass the structural integrity test – the problem with using whole pieces of lettuce (vs shredded) at the base is always that it makes the burger want to slide off the rink and onto the plate. But… these are minor. People that aren’t as fussed about textural contrast in a burger as I am would probably not notice, and if I hadn’t cross-sectioned the burger perhaps the slipperiness wouldn’t have mattered. It’s really very good.

The fries were nigh on perfect. Crispy on the outside, squidgy in the middle, they were made from high quality potatoes, generously seasoned, and cooked to perfection. They were perhaps marginally heavy with the salt shaker but that’s always an individual judgement, so your mileage may vary. Dunked in the ketchup and/or mayo that was provided, these were a delicious and generous portion and perfect to the very last chip.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – near faultless fries 
Value – 5/5 – £19 for burger and fries seems to be the going rate and the quality was excellent, so I’m scoring full points.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I suspect for many this will be a perfect 5.

The deets

Sat in the rear of Riverside Studios, this place is a sub ten minute stroll from Hammersmith Station, and as you’ll be going to see Hitchhiker’s Live anyway… you should go, yes?