Coin Laundry, 70 Exmouth Market, London

A tremendous disappointment of a burger; dry, overcooked, underseasoned, under-topped

Burger source

So when looking for new burgers, I routinely Google other people’s ‘best burgers’ list and this one came up number two on Esquire.com. The review is extraordinary, the photo lush. I mean, look at it:

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I’m reminded, in a movie reference that will show my age, of Michael Douglas in Falling Down.

There is something wrong with this picture.

Regardless, this is what Coin Laundry’s website has to say about it:

“Cheeseburger, hot smoked pork belly, red onion, kohlrabi pickle, fried potatoes.” There’s no real clue as to the origin of the burger itself, other than the restaraunts own claims that it uses: “ingredients … from the best local suppliers…. Our meat and veg are organic where possible.”

So, there’s that.

The order

I was there for a birthday meal with my sister and some friends and, whilst Sheila joined me on the burger the others ordered a selection of sharing plates from the menu. I’m not going to get into the small plates except in passing; so the order was really just the burger for me. I’d asked about the potatoes; generally I’m more of a fries guy but was sold on them by the waitress: “they’re, like small roast potato chunks,” sounded good at the time.

The meat of it

So, the burger. First impressions, not positive:

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The stack is lopsided. The plate is unnecessarily small and potatoes are literally falling off the edge. They look ok, though, so I’m reserving judgement. Cross section next.

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Perhaps the clue should have come when they didn’t ask me how I wanted the burger cooked, because it’s well done (not ideal). Worse, there’s little evidence of the ‘hot pork belly’ – ample red onion, and plenty of the pickle… but the pork belly had such promise!

Down to the taste. The bun is incredibly soft and is tragically the highlight of the burger; sweet and sturdy enough for this burger. The meat? Is underseasoned; the crust is soft, there’s no tang whatsoever from the kohlrabi, you can’t taste any cheese (or much salt at all, to be honest). The grind is  coarse enough but the meat is packed in hard and the overall impression is chewy hockey-puck like. The red onion is not unpleasant but despite the lack of salt, the dryness of the burger forced me to condiments; ketchup and mayonnaise help a little. It’s just unworthy of a seeding in any ‘best burger’ ranking and belongs in the kitchen of a mediocre pub, frankly. It was sad.

The potatoes? Not as crispy as they looked. Underseasoned and hard to season (too thick; had these been cubed roasted potatoes I’d have enjoyed the variation, otherwise I should have gone with the fries option). All in all, a solid ‘meh’.

As to other things; had a fried chicken dish (soaked in a mildly spicey sauce and served with a sour cream-esque side) which was nice, tasted a rather delicious courgette fritter (think: bhaji) and enjoyed the totally ungarlicky garlic fries. They definitely can cook here, just… not a burger.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 1/5
Burger – 2/5
Taste –  2/5
Sides – 4/5 – not really sides so much as small plates of other things, but good on the whole
Value – 2/5 – £13.50 for burger and potatoes, £6-7 for the small plates. Overall the meal wasn’t expensive but it was so disappointing.

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – go for the food, beer and atmosphere. Don’t have a burger.

The deets

Coin Laundry is up on Exmouth Market and is full of charm and atmosphere; the service is friendly and most of the food is good. Just don’t order the burger. You can book online via the website.

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Haché Burgers, High Holborn, London

A near perfect burger, marred only by a dense brioche and average sides

Burger source

There’s little about the burger itself origins, other than the fact that the original owners set out to create ‘gourmet bugers, with nothing but the best ingredients.’ Bought out by Hush in 2016, the restaraunt has expanded from its original site in Camden and now has locations all London; this one was on High Holborn, a short walk from the tube. The new owners wanted to ‘reclaim burgers for grown-ups’ (so far, so clichéd), so Haché Burger Social expanded.

I must admit, the name put me off slightly – have never been a fan of Steak Haché, but Debs at work has been evangelising it to me for some time so I thought to give it a try!

The order

I ordered the ‘Steak le Fumé’ – £12.95 of caramelised onions, smoked bacon, Gruyère & house coleslaw, rather joyfully presented in a smoke-filled dome. It was close enough to my standard ‘cheese and bacon’ standard to be indicative for the review, I felt, but had added panache and drama, which was, y’know, ridiculous but fun. Damian and I shared standard fries (frites, natch) and onion rings (disappointingly not rondelles d’oignon panées). And I broke and ordered the banofé pie for pudding. Drank a raspberry mojito thanks to happy hour.

Let’s get into it.

The meat of it

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The drama was as entertaining as needless as you’d expect. The smokiness was gentle, though, this isn’t a charcoal-grilled burger, a light woody, smokey aroma just infuses everything.

The stack was good, which is clearer still in the cross section. Whilst all burgers default to medium well, they recommend them medium rare and that’s what I went for. The meed has a good crust and a thick band of pinky-red running through the centre.

First bite, moment of truth.

The brioche (we had a choice of ciabatta, but that, for me, would not have been a proper burger) was dense. It lacked the pliancy you’d expect and indeed want froma burger bun; it’s too chewy and it’s extremely sweet. Unnecessarily so in a burger which had its own sweet caramelised onions, sweet coleslaw and sweet, sweet meat already.

Everything else, however: pitch perfect. Cheese was melty and bound the burger well; the bacon was exquisite; whilst not as crisp as American style streaky, it had a rich, salty, pancetta-y quality that was in perfect contrast to the sweet, pink ground beef. The beef is a star attraction, coarse ground and juicy, lightly smoked, a thick, crunchy, well-seasoned crust holding it all together; it’s melt-in-your-mouth luscious, and thankfully lacks the gaminess some dry-aged bef has. The onions and coleslaw provide a sweet finish (no ketchup needed at all), the meat melts in your mouth, and the overall experience was just… great. Even with the bready bun.

The sides… the fries are partially skin on, thin cut frites, crisp on the outside and well seasoned. Solid but standard. There were variants on offer and perhaps we should have tried those, but they were very pricey and seemed unnecessary to me.

The onion rings, whilst making use good thick chunks of fresh, sweet onion, were coated in an ordinary batter and slightly underseasoned. So they were just OK.

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Pudding… let me start by saying that banoffee pie is one my kryptonite dishes; no matter how determined I am not to pudding, if a banoffee pie or a sticky toffee pudding is on the menu, I will struggle. And I’ve never had a bad banoffee pie – after all – it is simplicity itself; biscuit base, caramel, banana, cream, chocolate. Nothing else to it.

Unless, of course, you get carried away and put on 3 inches of cream. Which is what Haché has done, sadly making an extraordinary pudding… ordinary. Every ingredient is high quality and tasty on its own, but this enormous slab of pud just has too much bland cream atop it.

The Raspberry mojito wasn’t bad, if you’re into sweet cocktails. Minty, fresh with a good soda fizz on top, appropriately limey as well.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 2.5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste – 4.5/5
Sides – 3/5 -bump for the onion fries
Value – 3.5/5 – £13 for the burger, £3-£6 for sides, £6 for puddings. Not cheap; even with 2-4-£10 happy hour cocktails.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Desite the bready bread, the ordinary sides and the disappointing pudding, I would put this in my top five burgers in London easily (alongside Dip & Flip, Cut & Grind, Bleecker Street, and Lucky Chip).

The deets

There are branches all over; online booking is easy. Check the website here.

Steam Engine, Waterloo, London

Vigorously indulgent burger; great, edging on brilliant

Burger source

I was looking for somewhere near Waterloo to meet an old family friend; the Steam Engine showed as having a permanent residency from Burger Craft; apparently a partnership with the Publove pubs. It’s not entirely clear from how the relationship with Publove works, but Burger Craft’s mission is clear:

Our craft is burgers: The finest ingredients, wonderful flavours, slow cooked meats, hand cut chips and homemade sauces brought together to create unforgettable burgers. Smashed, grilled and steamed to perfection by our team of chefs to create the tastiest, juiciest burgers around. That’s Burger Craft! Come see us in PubLove  all over London.

Simple enough. The website, whilst somewhat circumspect about who these people are, does go on in beautiful detail about what they’re trying to achieve, how and with who:

Our wonderful dry aged beef (and the rest of our delicious meats) comes from the multiple awards winning Walter Rose & Son’s fantastic farm in Wiltshire. Used by non-other than Tom Kerridge we’ve since discovered.

Our “Springy” & sensational demi-brioche buns come from the master craftsmen & women at The Bread Factory. London’s leading artisan bakery.

We source every ingredient from equally outstanding and dedicated suppliers and continuously work with them to maintain our quality. “Taste, taste and taste again”

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Welcome to the Steam Engine.

The order

Let’s put it to the test, then. A ‘Bacon Dude’ duly ordered – American cheese, streaky bacon – atop the six-ish oz smashburger patty, served in a fresh, soft demi-brioche with hand-cut fries. All for about a tenner; even with my half of Meantime and Andreas’ coke the bill was only £12.25 a head. Reasonable for this part of town.

The meat of it

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I’m not going to lie, the plating isn’t great; the burger itself looks fantastic, but that sad sprawl of fries doesn’t inspire confidence. However, the second you touch the bun you can feel that this burger is something beyond the ordinary; it’s unbelievably soft, the stack is perfect with the burger sat atop a thin spread of what seems to be BBQ sauce, a slim slice of tomato and then coated with a lush, bright yellow melt of proper American processed cheese and a healthy wodge of nicely browned, lightly smoked bacon. Touch is the right word; this burger is an unashamed multi-sensory experience. You taste, touch, sell, feel all in one go.

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The cross section doesn’t look as pink as many other high-end burgers in London but it is a patty smash-and-steam job – the meat is pressed down on the grill to get extra crispness on the patty and steamed under cover to get a good cheese melt, so this finish is expected. The meat is coarsely ground and even with the smash retains a loose-packed finish. It looks good.

A first bite shows the impact this cooking method delivers; the super-soft bun is wrapped around completely melty cheese, a thick smokey bite of bacon, soft – and if I’m brutally honest, slightly over-soft and slightly undersasoned – melty meat, and somewhat indistinct salad. That said, the cheese and bacon compensated for the slight underseasoning of the burger, and the meat itself is clearly top-notch, with that a light touch of that gamey flavour you get when meat has been dry-aged; fat oozes out of it and drips out of the soft, slightly sweet bun. The bacon was slightly flaccid, like it had been under a heat lamp and lost some of its crispness; and so the only real problem with the burger as a whole is textural. The limitations compound, but are minor. The overall experience is gluttunous, voluminous, glossy and pliant. The burger is tender, juicy and plump.

The fries – were underwhelming IMHO. Some of them were fine; crisp and well-seasoned, happily married with a dollop of ketchup. Others – were limp, sorry excuses for a french fry – not quite underdone but somehow structurally incapable of holding the crisp finish their most impressive peers did. They are well seasoned, though, and tasty enough – it was just a bit of a mixed, visually underwhelming bag; an unfair pairing for an otherwise superlative burger.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5 – really high quality
Build – 4.5/5 – the veg was slightly over-done and there could have been a smidge more sauce
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 2.5/5
Value – 4/5 – £11 for burger and side, ish. Pretty good for something in view of Waterloo station.

Burger rating – 4/5 – really rather good., in spite of the fries

The deets

There are a few Publoves scattered around London; this one is pretty much down the road from Waterloo, right by Lambeth North tube. Check the website for other locations.

Guest pic: Andreas, my Norwegian brother from another mother.

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Bob’s Cafe, 77 Salusbury Road, Queens Park

A very strong contender from this neighbourhood diner

Burger source

Bob’s Café is a modest looking neighbourhood diner with eccentric décor; upside down plants suspended above the tables, slow-turning ceiling fans spinning gently against the warmth of an early Spring day, rustic exposed brickwork roughly painted, sat alongside wooden booths and furniture. Truth be told, it hadn’t been my intent to go for the burger, but when I saw it listed on the menu of this Franco-American diner (“100%  prime beef, traditionally reared, grass and grain-fed), as well as the native toppings on the burger itself (“gherkins, pickled red onion, tomato, lettuce, house sauce”) I was like, “DONE.”

The order

Naturally I had the burger with fries, with extra toppings of aged cheddar and crispy bacon. Amanda had a pasta dish, which I’m told was nice. The chicken schnitzel burger sounded tempting too!

The meat of it

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The burger presents well – stacked apparently beautifully, toppings edged out the lid of the bun, crisp bacon sat on a perfect, modest cheddar melt; pickles on top and salad underneath, coated in a light house-made burger sauce. Almost like having a lettuce-heavy coleslaw on the underside. I didn’t even notice the tomatoes, if they were there, which for me is generally an upside.

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On cross section, I had a slight concern. Whilst everything still generally looked good, part of the patty had begun to grey out (not the “pink” the promised when I ordered), and it also looked very densely packed. Would this burger be mealy, grey and overcooked like so many frozen burgers from “gastropubs” around the country? Some of the burger looked perfectly medium, so I was reserving judgement… even as the stack collapsed as the burger slipped off the pile of burger-sauce lubed up salad on its base.

First bite, moment of truth….

…and I was pleasantly surprised. There’s a lovely, well-seasoned (straight salt and pepper job, no eccentric herbs and spices), slightly charred crunch to the burger and whilst the meat isn’t as juicy as you might hope, the burger sauce and fresh, sweet salad more than compensated. The bacon is a welcome crisp and savoury addition, though I’ll admit I didn’t notice the cheddar as a discrete entity. Perhaps that’s a sign of how well the burger comes together, as many places overdo the cheddar IMO. The burger sauce makes up for the slightly dry meat, and whilst the burger is slightly dense, it comes apart beautifully as you eat it and seems to be made of high quality albeit non-aged beef with a decent fat ratio. The pickles are glorious; the crisp, sweet/sour tang of both the gherkins and the pickled onions contrasting with the crunch of the bacon and the chew of the meat. The bun (a semi-brioche? Not overly sweet) holds up well and despite the somewhat slippery mess of a stack, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. An excellent neighbourhood burger.

The fries, on the other hand, were slightly uninspired. Giving the impression of freezer fries, they aren’t quite crisp enough and are a little underseasoned; the coarse ground table salt doesn’t coat them well and they get cold and limp relatively rapidly. But they’re not terrible.

Drinks-wise, the wine selection here is not extensive but is clearly well chosen. I had a very drinkable Shiraz with the meal.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 3/5 – wobbly, slidey burger in spite of excellent initial appearance
Burger – 4/5 – really tasty despite dryness
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 3/5 – there are better fries, but there are worse ones too.
Value – 3/5 – £14 for burger and sides, after cheese and bacon added. £6 per glass of wine! Pricey, although I gather there are routine discounts for living in the neighbourhood.

Burger rating – 4/5 – a great neighbourhood find.

The deets

Next to Gail’s in Queen’s Park, Bob’s Café is unassuming, unpretentious, and a wonderful find. There are apparently a few other branches; find them all here.

The Table Café, 83 Southwark Street, London

An extremely well put together burger let down by the meat

Burger source

The Table Café is characteristic of the Southwark neighbourhood; independent, owner-managed, distinctive, generally innovative and relatively unconventional. It’s not a burger house but does feature an interesting one on the lunch menu which I thought I’d sample, given the reputed quality of the rest of the cooking. More of the backstory of the restaurant here; worth a read.

The order

I went for the Cheeseburger, red onion relish & triple cooked chips, resisting the urge to add bacon for £2.50!

The meat of it

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The burger is well if simply presented. The bun has some gloss but is not a brioche; there’s a light dripping of unidentifiable burger sauce spilling out the side, the stack looks well assembled. The triple cooked chips on the side are golden with crunch evident before you even pick one up, much less bite into it. So far, so promising.

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The cross section improves and detracts in equal measure. It’s a perfect stack; a thick layer of the red onion relish, a good melt on the cheese, a good amount of pickle, a sturdy but pliant bun, and a good ratio of everything involved. BUT you can see the meat is overdone – it’s grey in the middle and soft the whole way through, no real juiciness at all.

On tasting it – the red onion relish brings a wonderful sourness to every bite, contrasted by the crisp sweetness of the pickle and the savoury nature of the rest of it. The burger meat is well seasoned but the lack of a distinctive crust and the dryness of the overcooked meat detracts from the overall experience, despite the best efforts of the mildly spicy mustard-filled burger sauce elsewhere in the stack. The meat isn’t terrible, but it is far less special than the rest of the burger, which really pulls together very well.

The fries -whilst underseasoned – live up to the first impression. Crisp crunch, but cut thick enough for a fluffy interior despite the triple cooking. The ketchup that was on the table – a brand I didn’t recognise – was somewhat eccentric. I suspect the consequence of buying posh, locally sourced, organic stuff. I’d have preferred Heinz, tbh!

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 2.5/5
Taste – 3/5 – let down by meat despite how good everything else is
Sides – 4/5 – good chips
Value – 3.5/5 – £12.75 for burger and fries, which is pretty reasonable for the restaraunt. The bacon was too much extra though!

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – could have been better had it been better cooked.

The deets

This is one of our locals on Southwark Street, near the Tate Modern and five minutes’ walk from Blackfriars. If I go back I’ll ask them to cook it medium explicitly and see what happens.

The Grove, 83 Hammersmith Grove, Hammersmith

Very high quality pub burger; slightly uninspired wedges

Burger source

I was meeting a client in the area, and she had the pub recommended by colleagues. They specifically advised her it had a good burger, but it doesn’t have any particular billing on its otherwise conventionally unconventional gastropub menu.

The order

The burger has no fanfare in its send-up: “Grilled Aberdeen Angus Beef Burger (8oz), Cheddar, Pickle, Salsa, Onion Ring, Salad & Chips.” We shared a sticky toffee pudding for pudding, because Celine had never had one despite living in the UK for years and I felt she had to be educated.

The meat of it

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The burger arrived fairly promptly and was well assembled and well laid out; the thick slab of cheddar looked like an over-heavy coating and it worried me that this burger was going to be more hefty than tasty, but those fears proved unfounded. The stack is otherwise perfect; pickle, tomato and cheddar atop the beef, which was laid directly on a toasted brioche.

The “chips” were extremely thick seasoned wedges and a light pleasant salad with a garlicky white dressing centred the plate.

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The cross section revealed a perfect pink medium finish; a coarse ground patty, the bun just holding up to the juiciness, that perfect melt and a thick, crisp, sweet slice of tomato (I’m getting used to these!) and chunky pickle slice adding a vinegary tang. The relish was on the side, and it added a necessary, mildly spicy sweetness to the melty mouthfuls of really very well-seasoned and tasty meat, which had an impressive crust and the even pink finish – very good cooking indeed. It was topped with a solitary onion ring, which I ate separately. The onion ring was fine, but nothing special!

The chunky chips – are not my favourite. I’m sure they were good exemplars of their kind, but it’s like having a burger with a side of jacket potato, really. Doesn’t go, in my opinion.

The salad – was not bad at all. But it’s a salad. So that’s all I got.

The sticky toffee pudding – was OK, but a bit light on the caramel, and a bit dry in the sponge. It either needed a lot more caramel or a nice scoop (or, y’know, quenelle) of vanilla ice cream to moisten things up. Still hard for me to turn down but I kind of regretted not going for the banoffee pie. I love a banoffee pie.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 4.5/5 – a different meat blend might have added a tad more flavour but very little to complain about
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 3/5 – bump down for the chips and pud
Value – 4.5/5 – £12.50 for burger and side, ish. £50 for two with coffee and dessert – not bad.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – one of the best pub burgers I’ve had. Just sub out the fries.

The deets

About five minutes’ walk from Hammersmith Tube; very quiet on a Tuesday lunchtime, this feels like more of a neighbourhood pub than a lunchtime place, but recommended wholeheartedly nonetheless. Find it here, online.

Burger & Lobster, Oxford Circus, London

Not as good as I remember it; overpriced and underwhelming, this burger disappoints.

Burger source

Four schoolmates, apparently, had the idea to open a restaurant (chain) that specialized on just one or two ingredients. They went for beef… and lobster, back in 2011 and seem to have done pretty well now, with multiple locations open across London and beyond.

Turf and surf. Not wholly original as combinations go, but the conceit – an extremely limited menu, designed for simplicity, with (originally) flat pricing for burger, lobster or lobster roll (there are a few more variants on offer now, and varied pricing), was intriguing, and I enjoyed a visit I made there back in 2012.

This time, I was there for a group event, and once again, chose turf…

The order

The “original burger” is 10oz of “Lettuce, tomato, house made pickles and B&L’s secret burger sauce served with chips and salad.” For a place that ‘specialises’ in two ingredients, they don’t make much of the beef’s progeny, but that’s what it is. I topped it with cheese and bacon (standard).

As it was a group event, some starters were pre-ordered, including a spicy bean and feta dip, some arancini (which don’t appear on the standard menu and might have been a Christmas special) and calamari.

The meat of it

Let’s start with the starters.

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The spicy bean dip was spicy as promised – served with a warm, soft flatbread. Nice, if simple.

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The arancini was a crispy ball of cheesey indulgence. I’m not a huge fan of arancini in general, so was somewhat underwhelmed; it was neither risotto ball nor deep fried cheese puff, so, well, meh. I don’t think it was the best exemplar of the category but it wasn’t bad.

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The calamari was extremely moreish; crisp but tender, well cooked. However the batter was loose and flaking off, as you can see in the picture, and the overall greasiness was too high. I suspect this was a slight victim of having to serve a partyload of people. The aioli was excellent; the tomato based sauce bland. But perhaps deliberately so. And the lemon took the edge of the grease…

And now the burger.

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It’s a behemoth. That picture! As much as I love burgers, 10oz is a little more than anybody needs.

Regardless; look at the stack. Absolutely perfect superficially. Lettuce protecting the lower half of the bun, a perfect melt on the cheese coating the burger, bacon, onions, pickle on top. Burger sauce on either side. Good crisp char on the bacon too. And the bun – an elaborate unsweetened white roll with seeds for texture – seemed to be holding up well.

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It’s limitations start to become apparent in cross section. The beef is overcooked (perhaps another victim of mass-catering), resulting in a dry, mealy texture. It is too hard-packed, adding unnecessary bite. The burger sauce turns the whole thing into a slippery loaded gun – burger wants to shoot out everywhere. The bun, untouched by burger juice, is actually too dry. the pickle, whilst good, is totally outclassed by the vast quantity of meat, so the sweet contrast is left wanting. You can barely taste the bacon for the rest of it. The salad was fine, but the net impact was one of eating a bit of a hot mess.

That said, there were some redeeming qualities; it was well seasoned. The cheese melt was good and bound the burger together. The burger sauce was tasty… just outmatched by the vastness of the beef.  I ended up giving away a quarter of my burger and not missing it.

All in all, the burger didn’t quite work. I’d like to go back in a smaller group and see if they can do better.

The fries? Less complicated to review; they were unseasoned, uncrispy, there was no salt on the table, and tbh I left the vast majority. I didn’t even take a pic, it turns out. Sorry!

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  3/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 2.5/5
Taste –  2.5/5
Sides – 2.5/5 – the fries were bad. But the starters had some redeeming qualities
Value – 2/5 – £16 for burger and fries; starters were £7-8.50. I was there for a group event where I didn’t foot the bill, but if I had… I would have felt overcharged.

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – it wasn’t as good as I remembered it being. I don’t particularly like lobster but I was left wondering if I should have ordered that instead.

The deets

They seem to be all over the place – find your nearest branch here if you want to try it for yourself; I’m sure it’ll be better when they’re not crazy busy. This one was a four minute walk from Oxford Circus, on Little Portland Street.

City Burgers, Vauxhall, Amazon Restaurants delivery

Decent burger; bad sides, both suffer in delivery

Burger source

We wanted to try out Amazon Restaurants to use a voucher I had been sent, and City Burgers came up top. There’s no useful website, so no idea on the origins of the meat or the restaurant. It seems to be pop up within the Vauxhall Street Food garden, so a place with aspirations of gourmet but accessible food. Here’s their write-up:

Introducing our in house Burger stall, serving delicious, carefully sourced Hamburgers freshly prepared to eat in or takeaway. With a selection of burgers taking influence from global cuisines expect to have your tastebuds tingle to the flavours of London, New York, Madrid, Munich, and beyond.

The order

Cheese & bacon burger, skin on fries. Comes with a double 4oz patty. Colleagues had sweet potato fries and buffalo wings as well, and due to a glitch in the order we got to try the wings too.

The meat of it

The order system allowed you to specify a ‘done’ rating down to rare; I went for medium rare.

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Arriving in a cardboard box with no wax wrapper, the stack was still mysteriously intact. The potato roll had a lovely shine on it, the melt on the bright yellow American cheese was remarkable, and the single slice of back bacon had a charred crust – the look was lovely.

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In cross section, it holds up. Although more medium than medium rare, it’s not bad looking for a delivery burger.  Layers of salad protect the lower bun; onions, pickle top the bacon and the melty cheese drapes down the size. You can see the ooze of ketchup providing sweetness throughout the burger.

On tasting it – it’s impressive for a relatively mundane delivery burger. The meat is well seasoned, the bun holds up well, the bacon is crisp and adds a bit of bite, and the ketchup provides the necessary sweetness given the bun is a potato roll rather than the more popular brioche seen so often these days.

However… if there was a charred crust on the burgers, it softened in delivery and for being transported in a steamy cardboard box.  So the texture felt slightly off, despite a coarse grind and a loose pack. And there was probably just slightly too much meat in total – 2x 3oz patties would have been plenty!

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The fries – were terrible. Again, delivery would have been a factor, but not only were my portion a mix between standard frozen essential-type French fries and the skin-on variety advertised, but they were definitely undercooked. No effort to compensate for delivery had been made, so the chips lacked any crispness and were underseasoned (no salt was provided in the delivery bag). The sweet potato fries – which I didn’t try – reportedly had a raw crunch to them.

The buffalo wings – were a misnomer, really. They were fried chicken wings where the very light breading had buffalo flavour woven through the seasoning. They were dry and bland, lacking both the taste and texture you’d hope for buffalo wings.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  3.5/5
Sides – 1/5
Value – 3/5 – £7.50 for burger, £3 for a giant but rubbish portion.

Burger rating – 3/5 – a good burger, let down by terrible sides and a couple of delivery defects.

The deets

I think both Amazon Restaurants and Just Eat will sort delivery for you if you’re in range. Or head down to Vauxhall; 6A South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP London, United Kingdom

 

Cut & Grind Burgers, York Way, London Kings Cross

Fine crust, amazing meat, disciplined construction – one of the best burgers in London

Disclaimer: I was invited to a meat grinding ‘masterclass’ as a blogger. My food and drink for the evening was comped.

Burger source

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Pas Loucaides strikes you as an obsessive. In a good way; the passion with which the man has pursued excellence in his burgers is clear in everything he has to say about them. From the choice of cuts that make up the burger blend, to the 4mm  drilled plate he uses in the meat grinder proudly displayed in a cabinet at the centre of his open, airy restaurant in the rapidly redeveloping Kings X neighbourhood, to the passion with which he speaks of C&G’s ‘home made’ ketchup.

Other details are evident in conversation; he’s friends with James George of the butchers Turner and George, who supply C&G’s meat (and Hawksmoor’s, Richard Turner’s restaurant); he makes his pickles in house, once a week; he’s bought in a ludicrously expensive, very hot griddle pan to ensure a good sear on the meat; he’s got a special method of treating the meat so that he can cook his burgers medium rare if customers so desire; he double grinds meat if it’s too lean and needs a finer texture. He even hangs the meat used in the daily grind up on display in the centre of the restaurant. For such a burger fan as me, it was truly an enjoyable experience to meet a like-minded soul (as well as some of the other bloggers and ‘influencers’ in attendance).

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The meat cuts and blend varies each day; today it was a mix of dry-aged rib cap (fatty), chuck (substance) and rump (prime flavour). I even got to grind the chuck myself – surprisingly satisfying! We tried mini patties of each individual cut before we got to the burger, from the unctuousness of the rib cap (my fave) to the prime flavour of the rump to the beautiful textured filler of the chuck. He mixes them using an expert eye for the proportions, aiming for a 70% lean/ 30% fat ratio, prior to simple seasoning (salt and pepper) and a sear on the griddle pan. A lid over the burgers on the griddle helps melt any cheese toppings on and a temperature probe checks they hit the magic medium mark.

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The order

My friend Matt was my plus one for the influencer event, and we each ordered differently and agreed to share. Matt had the rotating special – today, a dry-aged rump burger topped with truffle mayonnaise, crispy fried shallots and that’s about it. Mine was the ‘House’ – a bacon burger with ‘bearnaise’ with added capers and pickle – basically a posh burger sauce, by Pas’ own admission – to which I somewhat unnecessarily added cheddar cheese. The burgers come on a demi-brioche bun, with a side of truffle fries, and were served medium.

The meat of it

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I tried the special first. The dry aged rib is rich, but without the funk you sometimes get with aged meat. It’s incredibly soft and juicy – slightly too soft, texturally, for my liking, perhaps due to the coarse ground/loose pack, perhaps due to losing structural integrity under a weight of truffle mayo. The richness of the truffle mayo is somewhat overwhelming, but if you like truffles, you’ll love it. The crispy shallots provide a delightful crunch in the messyness of this burger, a lovely bit of balance in savouriness too, against the sweet notes of the beef and the demi-brioche bun, which holds up well to the burger. A very good combination, if not to entirely to my personal tastes.

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The house, though, was something else. The bearnaise-burger sauce is used more sparingly than the truffle mayo, and is under the burger so is a more subtle influence. The cheese is beautifully melted on and a blackened (but not burned), crisp, thick slice of dry-aged bacon sits atop a heavily charred patty. Fresh, sweet, crisp salad is there in the right proportions and the burger oozes flavour, whilst holding a better texture than the rump special did. The sweet tomato slice – normally something I dispose of – provided a nice sweet contrast to the extreme seasoned crust of the juicy patty, the bacon added crisp chew and the cheese a further umami glue. The burger sauce was somewhat lost – I debated moving it to the top of the burger with Pas – but the sweet, home-made pickles were in evidence. They’re an interesting contrast to normal pickles; sweeter and less crunchy, with less of the trademark vinegar tang – but interesting for that. On balance, I probably prefer a more conventional gherkin, but I’m nitpicking here…

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Special on the left, House on the right

This is a very, very special burger indeed. Pas will tell you that he prefers it ‘bare’ – no bearnaise-burger-sauce, no mayo, no cheese, – burger, pickle and salad alone. And having had it, it’s easy to see why: the beef really is the star of this show.

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The fries? Pas tells me he drew some inspiration from the Honest Burger rosemary fries – his are thicker cut, crispier, but still cut from chosen potatoes in-store and fried to a remarkable finish. If I’m honest, I was a little wiped out by all the meat so I had just a few fries on the side. The crunch is good but they could be fluffier on the inside; the ‘truffle oil’ is indistinct next to the  truffle mayo in the special burger but that’s just as well for me. They are well seasoned and tasty.

The home-made ketchup, I hear you ask? Whilst it’s texturally perfect – less chemically oozing than a bottle of Heinz, fresh and pungent – it is a little sickly to my taste. Between the pickles and the ketchup, Pas clearly has a sweet tooth!

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Pas kindly brought a couple of paired beers for us to try – I’m not a huge beer fan and the bitterness of the Belgian blonde followed by the tartness of the sour-cherry beer were not to my taste, but they did complement the burger surprisingly well – you can’t fault the man’s palate at all.

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Nothing remained

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 4/5
Value – 5/5 – £10 for burger and side, ish. Affordable wine, beer and beyond adorns the menu too.

Burger rating – 5/5 – whilst there were imperfections, they are in the upper realms of subjective. Every burger lover knows that the perfect burger is unattainable; the journey is where the joy is. Well, a journey to Cut & Grind will bring you much joy. And it is easily one of the best journeys you can make in London.

The deets

About 10 minutes’ walk from King’s Cross, this place is a destination filled with delight. Go, eat, drink and be merry. And Tell Pas I said hi.

BFI Bar & Kitchen (Benugo), South Bank, Waterloo

Gorgonzola-y goodness at the British Film Institute

Burger source

The BFI’s Bar & Kitchen has an eclectic modern European menu, and the burger sounded an interesting take on the convention. It was also the only burger on the menu, and of course they make little of its provenance, so I was fully prepared that this would be a mediocre attempt at best. I was pleasantly surprised… but… spoilers.

The restaurant itself is a delight – light and airy, completely calm at lunchtime on a Friday. I’m sure it’s busy at the weekends… but the service and ambiance today was perfect. I know from past experience that they have an excellent cocktail menu too.

The order

Bread, oil and balsamico to start followed by the burger – the BFI 6 oz beef burger, served with Gorgonzola, radicchio and red onion, on a butter milk bun. Accompanied by ‘fries’ (again, little send-up, though truffle fries were also on the menu).

The meat of it

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The presentation was good, and the burger delivered medium well (I was promised medium). That aside, the meat was juicy – a coarsely ground, loosely packed patty. Any seasoning of the meat itself vanished in the face of the punchy gorgonzola – an absolute umame-packed salt-fest coupling beautifully with the juicy meat.

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The enriched bun holds up well, but further interest comes from the red onion/radicchio (leafy Italian salady thing) combo, which provides a slightly sour, slightly sweet, slightly crisp topping to the burger. As the only substantive flavour contrast to the savoury, the buttermilk bun doesn’t quite provide the necessary counterpoint – I think some sweet relish or gourmet Italian ketchup would have slightly tempered the saltiness of the dish and perhaps have rounded it out without tainting its Italian stylings – but it’s not bad. Good crumb, airy but sturdy, with a soft bite to it. Really quite enjoyable on the whole.

The fries – there’s something special about these. They’re more chips than fries in the American sense – thicker cut, skin-on. They have a delightful exterior, light and almost flakey, crisp with a delightful crunch. The inside – soft and floury, a perfect contrast. I didn’t even ask for ketchup – that’s how good they were. Perfectly seasoned.

The bread starter –  which is really neither here nor there as it’s a burger review, but what the hey – lovely hefty brown slices, lightly grilled and served with a pot of rich olive oil and thick balsamic glaze. Very tasty!

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 5/5 – very special fries
Value – 4/5 –  expensive but reasonable for the area – £14 for burger and fries, £4 for bread, central London drinks prices etc., plus service – £55 for two

Burger rating – 4/5 – you’re unlikely to be disappointed. An interesting twist on the convention.

The deets

The BFI’s next to the National Threatre on the South Bank. The Bar & Kitchen bit is round the back, on Belvedere Road. But you can cut through the main BFI from the South Bank itself! More here.