Category: london

The Gourmet Burger Club, The Strand, London

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Well put together halal (?) smashburger

Burger source 

I must admit, I’ve been curious as to how the Gourmet Burger Club has avoided intellectual property suits from whoever owns Gourmet Burger Kitchen today… but the concept – and the delivery – is very different. The London location is super central – right on the Strand – but it wasn’t born here, starting in Banstead… then Cobham before reaching London. The founder explains their origin story on the website and it’s rather charming:

” In 2020, when people had run out of spirit and were bound to their homes, I was sitting by my window thinking how I could help in restoring the spirit and bringing a smile on people’s faces during these dark times. So, I went into my kitchen and started to experiment with flavours and ingredients. This is where Gourmet Burger Club was born.”

It goes on a bit after that. But lovely nonetheless. Anyway: it was a convenient place to meet a friend who works nearby, and easy to get back to Waterloo after, and we thought we’d give it a go.

The restaurant is well appointed, clean, and a quiet pool of calm in the busy of the Strand. It is substantially upmarket from fast food, but at posh-diner vibes vs a full on restaurant. Still, no complaints – we booked, were greeted and seated quickly, and served in short order. On to the food…

The order 

I had the Lockdown 2.0, feat: a double smash patty, melted cheese, turkey bacon (hence my assuming it’s halal, because why else? I didn’t check for the Halal markings or ask unfortunate), fried onion, lettuce, mustard & BBQ Sauce. Side of curly fries (YES! Top of my fries hierarchy, don’t @ me), and 7-up Free to drink (delighted to find this on the menu, as someone that loves sweet drinks but doesn’t need sugar in his life).

The meat of it 

I like the presentation. Toasted buns, melty cheese, even distribution of bacon, salad in the right place in the burger… and the fries look well-seasoned and cooked, if the obligatory metal basket wasn’t as full as I would have hoped for. Let’s see if it holds up in cross section…

This is basically most of what I’m looking for in a double smash burger. The presentation is pretty much perfect – all toppings perfectly layered. The bun holds up to the greasiness of the burger (you can see a shimmer of it on the plate), whilst retaining the softness you’d want in each bite. The turkey bacon, controversially (?), sits between the patties. I’m not sure if this is genius or there’s a reason people don’t normally do this, but I appreciate the innovation nonetheless.

First bite… brilliant umami, excellent mouthfeel. The meat is uncomplicated – none of the dry-age funk you get with fancy meats – but the blend is excellent, the seasoning is on point, the melty cheese compliments beautifully. The extra flavour from the turkey bacon works well (though it’s not fooling anyone that knows the taste of actual bacon, it is a good substitute). Another bite and you get into the BBQ sauce – which is very well balanced and successfully tamps down the savouriness elsewhere, as do pockets of sweet fried onions, cut super fine and merging in with the BBQ sauce beautifully.

I search for notes and I find them – the BBQ sauce is a bit too meanly portioned, so the balance of the burger is slightly off – not enough sweet to edge off the salt. The onions should be more generously portioned too, to further help temper the savoury taste. I found myself dunking the burger in some ketchup on my plate to manage the balance. And I would perhaps have liked the burger fried in a little bit of mustard, to give it a bit more… bite, though that is just be the In & Out fan in me. But these are minor – on the whole, this is an excellent smashburger.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5  – little to complain about!
Build – 4.5/5 – More sauce! Weird bacon positioning!
Burger – 4/5 – less salt! 
Taste –  4/5  – more sauce/onions
Sides – 4/5 – more fried! more fries!
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, ish.   

Burger rating – 4/5 – would have this again, or try one of the variants. My friend had the spicy club, which he found very good also! 

The deets 

Find all three locations of the Gourmet Burger Club here, or order via Deliveroo if you’re in range.

Mother Flipper, Seven Dials, Covent Garden

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Excellent meat, middling to good toppings

Burger source 

Mother Flipper is on so many best burger lists, for so many good reasons it was exciting to check it out. The Seven Dials website (where the street food burger has a permanent residency) describes it thusly:

Brace yourself for thick, juicy patties, handcrafted from a blend of 28-day aged cuts, grilled to perfection, and topped with flavours of your choice. Slap that patty on a decadent brioche bun, then stack it high with lettuce, pickles, and onions. In the kingdom of London burgers, many declare that Mother Flipper wear the crown.

Let’s GO.

The order 

I had the ‘Candied Bacon Flipper’, feat their aged beef patty, candy bacon, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, red onion, pickle and american cheese. We shared a fries, at £4.95 for a health portion, as well as a ranch and spicy mayo sauce pot for dunkin’.

#YOLO?

I’m too old to know if I used that right. Tell me in the comments.

The meat of it 

Right, it’s decent presentation. Pretty stack, lovely glossy brioche, crisp looking fries, generous sauce pots… It’s on.

Time for a cross section:

It was quite dark in the (very busy) seven dials, so flash was required… but wow, look what it showed. Brilliant, coarse ground beef, cooked medium. Perfect melt on the cheese. The candied bacon (check out their Insta/Facebook pages to see how they make it, drizzling it in syrup and leaving it to caramelise) generously portioned on top. The salad looks a little on the anaemic side, other than some healthy chunks of red onion, but it’s a lesser fault.

First taste.

The bun is cold. I don’t know why this offends me so much, and to be fair this might be down to the fact that – due to the crazy-busy-ness of Seven Dials market of a Tuesday evening (who ARE all these people?), we were sat about 150 yards from Mother Flipper when our buzzer went off indicating food readiness – so my plodding schlep there and back might have cooled it down, but nonetheless. It was disappointing. But – crazy amounts of flavour, alongside the back-of-your nose, back of your throat hit from the dry-aged beef. The meat is delicious, heavily seasoned, well coated in the melty cheese, and well supported by the (intemperate) bun.

Second bite, and third, and the candied bacon and brioche, alongside the (meagre) ketchup portion provide a counterpoint to the salt bomb that this burger is, but not quite enough of one – chef went just a tad heavy with the salt shaker. The pickles and sauce are decent but could be more generously portioned – and I’d have liked more salad and onion too, just to balance the ratio of sweet, fresh, crisp, vs unguent, savoury umami. Just a tad off balance as it was made onight.

As to the fries… and the SAUCE.

These are lightly seasoned (would have liked some salt on the side to top them up, ironically), crisp, fresh fries. They had a good potato flavour and were brilliant dunked in the lightly spiced mayo (think mayo + a glug of sriracha) and the creamy ranch. The ranch was good but… needed fried chicken, really, it wasn’t the best compliment to the fries on its own.

Overall, a really good experience. Imperfect, but just a few minor notes and this could have been close to [chef’s kiss].

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  – did I mention it was cold?
Build – 5/5 – more salad. More sauce!
Burger – 4/5 – less salt! 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 – more salt!   
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger and side, ish. Which is about the going rate.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – would definitely be keen to go again. 

The deets 

Find Mother Flipper at Seven Dials near Covent Garden, or in Brockley. More details here.

Grind, Broadgate Circle, Liverpool Street

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A posh McD’s double cheeseburger

Burger source 

I’ve popped into the Grind in both London Bridge and Liverpool Street a couple of times now; they are both vibey places with great drinks, good service and what looked like good food. When I met with a former colleague there to catch up on life and work and beyond, it seemed like a shame to not see if the burger lived up to the other positive attributes of the venue.

The order 

The Grind cheeseburger is served with dijonnaise, crispy shallots, pickle and skin-on fries. Let’s check it out.

The meat of it 

To the picture, maestro!

Two simultaneous first thoughts 1/ decent presentation and 2/ did they overtoast the bun? Followed by my admiration of the cheese melt, a bubbly feeling of pleasant surprise that the burger featured a double smash patty, and the glimpses of fresh pickle around the edges. Let’s see the cross section now.

Well, it’s well built – the lower bun holds up, the melt carries all the way through, the dijonaisse is evident but not overwhelming, the pickle and cheese are well dsitributed… but the bun is definitely over-toasted. It cuts with a crunch and looks dry, and also slightly crushed on service – the bun isn’t soft enough to spring back to shape after handling. The patties also look somewhat overdone, though it is hard to tell with smash patties. Let’s see.

First taste… there’s a healthy crust on the patties, but the meat isn’t too chewy – it gives way under just the right amount of pressure, filling your mouth with a rich, savoury explosion. It’s maybe just a smidge overdone. However, it’s well seasoned and the American cheese is very reminiscent of the McDonald’s varietals, in a good way – melty, savoury, binding the flavours together. The bread has a bit of crunch and chew – it is dried out from its run-in with the toaster and slightly disappointing. Second bite, and I found the djonnaise; it brings a little texture but no heat, with a light, creamy underside providing additional umami. The pickles struggled to cut through against the salt of cheese, beef and dijonnaise, but they did bring a light, bright crisp sweetness if you were looking for it – though definite room for improvement here too. A few more bites and I’m dipping it in ketchup – something is needed to cut through the salt explosion. The balance is just slightly off – salt, salt, salt, salt and crunch – and that’s your burger.

The fries – are exceptional. Skin on, medium cut but crispy, filled with soft, fluffy potato, perfectly crispy and well paired with the pots of mayo and ketchup. Not much else to report.

All in, with a couple of drinks, it came to about £27 including service a head. Pretty reasonable for the location (right behind Liverpool Street station) and the quality, given what inflation seems to have done to burgers in the main.

On the whole, I recommend this – I’d probably add ketchup and mayonnaise into the burger myself next time, to balance the salt, and ask them to just toast the bun on one side to soften the bun.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – close to perfect   
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger and side, which is apparently decent now.  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – less burnt bun, better managed sweet/salty contrast, improved cook on the beef, and higher quality, sweeter, fresher pickles would earn this the remaining points.

The deets 

There are a few Grinds around, in the city and in the E/SE of London. Find your nearest here.

Red Dog Saloon, Berwick St, Soho

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Hefty, chewy, tasty burger option

Burger source 

Red Dog Saloon purports to be all about ‘Austin, Tx’ BBQ, but the menu features Buffalo Wings (Buffalo, New York), Philadelphia Cheesesteak (famously from Philadelphia), Po Boys (Louisiana), Nashville Hot Wings (guess?), St Louis Pork Rib (at a loss as to where this one is from)… so, well… maybe all the food that’s from elsewhere in the USA is terrible? Regardless, I went for a burger, of which there are a grotesque multitude, with toppings as varied as fried egg, cheese whiz, habanero peppers, mozzarella sticks and onion rings. All the burgers come in multiples of 5oz patties, going single, double, XL (presumably a triple?) and double XL (perhaps a quad, or 20oz of beef).

I’m a fan of simpler choices, here…

The order 

…so went for the standard cheeseburger, featuring fresh cut onion, American cheese, homemade dill pickle, baby gem, and their eponymous red dog sauce. I added bacon, because, as the young people in 2010 said, YOLO.

We shared a side of fries (it was lunchtime, after all).

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

I almost immediately regretted going for a double, as their singles would have been plenty. But it is a beautiful stack, resplendent with melty cheese, well charred patties, a glistening brioche and a healthy dose of fresh bright lettuce.

In cross section…

The heft of this burger is obscene. The meat is cooked well done, which is a shame, but on the plus side, it is coarse ground and loose packed. The bacon is thick cut and generously portioned, the red dog sauce is in evidence but not overwhelming, and there’s the occasional hint of pickle camouflaged in the lettuce.

First taste… you are slammed with flavour; the red dog sauces reminded me of In & Out’s animal style toppings, adding moisture, light spice and smoothing out the salty tang of melty cheese, well seasoned beef and chewy, moreish bacon. The patty is tough – overcooked and chewy – but good quality meat, albeit uncomplicated. None of the pungency of dry-aging, no 11 herbs and spices – simple, well seasoned, yum. The salad was a crisp and necessarily bland compliment, helping balance the umami, and the pickles – well, I could have done with more pickles given the quantity of meat. Again, my mistake for not just getting a single. Not bad at all, in all.

The fries…

Despite their pale-ness, these were crisp and well seasoned, with a good fluffy exterior. Solid, but unexceptional, and a pleasant complement. I’m glad we shared these as the burger was just mahoosive (I believe that’s the technical term) and these could probably have been left as surplus to requirements had we not been feeling greedy.

Soft drinks as sides (this was a lunch meet, after all), so nothing exciting to report there.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – solid   
Value – 4/5 – £26 for double burger, shared fries and soft drink each in Soho, £52 in total. Not outrageous  

Burger rating – 4/5 – whilst individual components left bits to be desired, the whole was enjoyable. Would go again, order a single, ask them to be more generous with the pickles, and attempt to order it medium… 

The deets 

There’s a few around. Find a convenient one at the Red Dog Saloon website. 

Fallow, Haymarket, London

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Tasty but flawed – and expensive

Burger source 

Fallow‘s conceit is that is a place where “culinary creativity meets hospitality experience and passion.” That’s certainly how the menu is constructed, with inspired combinations of food and flavour on practically every plate, and the service was pretty excellent. Meat is a key attribute if not a defining feature of the menu, and the two “dairy cow” meat burgers on offer (one with rarebit cheese and shortrib, one with bacon, cheese & shallot alone)  stared temptingly at me. Why dairy cow meat? I didn’t ask, and the internet is awash with confusing answers. Some say a milder, less pronounced flavour, others say its inferior, others say there are some breeds where it tastes better. This one? Wait and see.

The order 

We shared (dairy) beef short rib to start (£13 buys you two), and then all had the dairy cow burger (feat, aged dairy cow, bacon, shallot, cheese, brioche bun, £19), and Koffman fries (£7). As you can see, the prices are not for the faint hearted.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

Well, it’s rather fetching. The brioche bun seems to have crisped off the baking sheet, the lettuce looks fresh and inviting, the cheese (American?) seems to have the most glorious melt and ‘fallow’ is branded into the top bun.

In cross section…

Some good, some concerning things become apparent. First – the meat – coarse ground, tender to the point of melting at room temperature, pink with what seems to be a good crust. The cheese melt maintains confidence; the bacon doesn’t seem enormously evident and the shallots… are confusing.

Let’s peek under the bun.

I normally wouldn’t bother with this view but when eating the first half of the burger, I couldn’t taste any bacon. And this explains it – a small rectangle of bacon is all that’s in evidence here, and you can see the uneven distribution of the shallots too. Minus points for assembly and toppings, I think.

As to taste – this is, after all, the important thing…. the first bite is luxuriantly tender, the culinary equivalent of a goose down pillow, giving way to the lightest pressure with the barest of resistance. The cheese – definitely some variant of processed American – provides unguent umami, flavour and binding texture all in one. The bun provides starchy counterbalance but the bottom half is sodden and imploding in the juices from this very fatty patty. It’s not bad, but a second bite (with less cheese and no bacon) draws attention to the slight underseasoning and the lack of a crunch in the crust. Perhaps a feature of the dairy cow meat, there’s no textural contrast in the burger – it’s all soft – and the flavour, despite the dry ageing, is mild – without the funk you might expect from dry-aged cattle that’s been reared for its meat. The crunch, unexpectedly, comes from the shallots, which seem mildly pickled and provide a sour-sweetness and light crunch – not unpleasant, but I’d have preferred a more traditional gherkin/burger pickle, ideally something “home made” in a sweet brine. And when I eventually find the bacon – it’s a good compliment, a mild bacon that pairs well with the extremely salty cheese. The whole is well balanced – a good thing given the absence of any burger sauce, relish or other sauce I could detect, this could easily have tipped over into dead-sea levels of oversalted. But the bacon lacks any crunch – either sodden by the pickles and burger juices, or just too thick cut to crunch like American streaky bacon can (at its – debatable I’m sure – best).

It’s good, in all. Not great, and unsure if it is worth £19 plus 15% service (yep).

As to the sides/starters…

The glazed dairy cow baby back ribs look sumptuous, and just as well at £6.50 a rib. It’s hard to know what to expect but the tender, melt-off the bone meat speaks to a perfected cooking process. The flavour is all salt – its like it’s been marinaded then stewed in marmite; the flavour is not subtle at all. A single rib was plenty to start – any more and you might have had to ask for BBQ sauce…

Google tells me that the ‘Koffman’ in ‘Koffman fries’ refers to the potatoes used for chipping, and I wish I’d spent more time considering the potato texture and flavour now because honestly you’re kind of blown away by the seasoning. A mix of smoked paprika, salt, and maybe garlic or onion powder – I’m guessing from memory – these fries are crisp on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside, and more generously portioned than it might looks. The savoury blast is immense, which seems a running theme of this menu, and I was glad of ketchup and mayo dunking pots to take the edge off. Good, all told.

To drink, I had the somewhat confounding rhubarb and custard spritz (£15) – feat No.3 gin, rhubarb, yogurt and vanilla. You’d be forgiven for expecting something at least somewhat creamy, but no, it was this (right):

The ping tinged drink is served short, in a glass flecked with rhubarb powder, which is irritating and keeps needing to be wiped off sticky fingers. It has a sweet/sour flavour that’s entirely pleasant, and a light carbonation that lifts the drink and establishes its place in a Summer drinks pantheon. It’s refreshing and light and very tasty. A couple of my friends had the frozen margarita – £14, served from a slushy machine – which was apparently very good also.

All told – a very pleasant experience of a Summer’s evening on the edge of Theatreland. It was definitely expensive – £60 a head all told – but I think if you’re less of a philistine than we are and after some of the more creative cuisine on offer, then it might have been a better all round experience. The hard sought reservation for burgers? Probably overkill. Though a couple of my friends ranked it amongst the best we’ve had on one of these evening excursions… I’m left feeling nostalgic for the Lord Wargrave pub.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  – soggy bottom
Build – 2.5/5 – uneven toppings, meagre bacon, middling shallots
Burger – 4/5 – slightly underseasoned, undercrusted
Taste –  4/5  – the whole was better than the sum of its parts
Sides – 4.5/5 – Herr Koffman, I salute you
Value – 3/5 – maybe not great value for burgers. 

Burger rating – 4/5 – it was good, but I’m honestly not in a hurry to have it again 

The deets 

Find it a little more than halfway down Haymarket towards the Mall; pop into the Haymarket Hotel bar for a digestif as we did and it’s a lovely way to spend a summer evening with friends. But I’d probably have something other than the burger, despite its positive attributes.

Spielburger, Everyman Cinema, Hampstead, London

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A messy delight

Burger source 

The Everyman Cinema is a chain of privately owned upmarket cinemas that seems to have recognised that with streaming – cinemagoing needed to transform from transactional to experiential. Amazing, plush surroundings, brilliant staff, an attached restaurant in Spielburger, a good cocktail selection and more help justify the hefty ticket prices, table service (in the cinema, too!) and more. Going with my brother – both a fellow cinephile and a professional writer and producer – on one of his trips to the UK, made it a special treat.

The film? Furiosa: a Mad Max Saga. The burger? Wait and see.

The order 

Eating with my brother is always a sharing experience. So we shared the 1216 – Spielburger’s messiest burger (we were offered – and accepted – it cooked medium), featuring dry-aged beef, cured bacon, harissa mayo, potato scraps (!) and red leicester cheese, served with fries. We also got some sides – mini chorizo, garlic dough balls and  buttermilk fried chicken. To drink, I had a pretty in pink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s good presentation – gratuitous knife through the centre notwithstanding. glossy bun, melty cheese, scraps of potato everywhere… bacon luxuriating beyond the perimeter of the bun, and hints of freshness from the salad and pickle eking their way out.

In cross section…

The lighting, as it so often is for the express purpose of burger photography, was underwhelming. But you can still see – the bun, with its light crumb and glossy sheen, is holding up to a heft of a patty – at least 6oz, perhaps more. The meat is coarse ground, loosely packed, and was cooked medium. The harissa mayo is generous and leaking out, but there’s not too much grease; structural integrity is maintained.

First bite… the patty is slightly underseasoned, but very tender, and very tasty. The dry-aged funk comes through from the meat; the cheese lends an unguent, gooey bind, and the harissa mayo adds an ever-so-gentle heat. If the potato scraps were meant to add crunch, they didn’t; perhaps we left it too long after it was served to notice. The pickle was slight and brought intermittent sweet, sour brightness. The bacon added the needed salt but could have been slightly crispier (again, possibly our fault for taking too long with our side dishes). Despite the brilliant texture of the cheese, I tend to find Red Leicester too indistinct to cut through the flavour… but there was enough going on. The complexity worked, just, though it was bordering on chaotic energy, and I enjoyed my half of a 1216. Though I’d be tempted to go more basic on a return visit…

As to the sides, and the drink…

The buttermilk fried chicken was a little dry, but the dipping sauce (a garlicky yoghurt) balanced it out. The doughballs were dense, and well cooked, but the garlic butter was massively overseasoned. The chorizo – hot, rich, paprika-y – were also oversalted (and messy). But for the kind of food it was, it was hot, rich, tasty and filling.

The pretty in pink cocktail – berry gin, strawberry, coconut milk and lime – was a brilliant balance of sweet and sour (emphasis on the sweet, just to my liking).

All that food, a couple of cocktails, fabulous service – came to just under £60 including service. Not too bad given the cinema tickets themselves were rocking £45…!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5 – perhaps being a little generous given the salt and dry-ness issues, but the fries were excellent   

Value – 4/5 – decent for an upmarket place.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – in the upper echelons of upmarket burgers; well cooked, great environs, fab service. A few small details and it good get into promotion territory.

The deets 

There are Everymans all over. Check out the website for your local – the one in Hampstead is lush.

And the film? Other than some slightly excessively indulgent moments of dialogue – well, monologue really – for Chris Hemsworth, it’s fabulous. A really brilliantly executed prequel, peppered with spectacularly creative and choreographed action and moments of real heartbreak and poignancy, without ever dipping into twee hollywoodness.

The Breakfast Club, Southwark Street, London

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Small but perfectly formed

Burger source 

The Breakfast Club – proud purveyors of comfort food – is round the corner from my previous workplace, and I’d always looked into its crowded space when I went past hoping to be the kind of person who is organised enough to book a table at the popular breakfast/burger spot, but never had the wherewithal to do so. Meeting up with an old friend nearby, we  strolled past and found it nearly empty and so seized the opportunity.

The restaurant itself – has café/diner vibes (it’s a caf, full stop, says its website) combined with a touch of speakeasy (there’s a password protected – literally – bar underneath the main restaurant). Menus are simple and options are limited, service is homely and brisk, and there’s a small – but decent – cocktail suggestion hinting at more to come downstairs. It was… cosy, in the low lighting, a nice respite from the summer rains spitting around irrepressibly outside.

The order 

I had the bacon and applewood burger, which came with fresh lettuce, tomato, pickles, crisp bacon, smoked red cheddar, spicey roasted jalapenos, smashed ‘brown’ (hash brown?) pickled red onions bacon on the standard patty, all enclosed in a brioche bun and basted with ‘virgin mary’ mayo. We shared sides – £7 for two – corn ribs and fries. A club mai tai was my drink of choice.

The meat of it 

First look – it’s a well made, fairly conventional looking diner-style burger. Controversially (for things that pass as controversial in the worlds of burger tasting and emoji design) the salad is atop the bacon, not protecting the lower bun from the meat juices. There’s a good melt on the cheese, a robust hash brown sits in the middle of it all, the salad looks bright and fresh, the crisp bacon is peeking out the side, and the bun has good height and a reassuring glisten.

In cross section… the melt is even more evident, as is the modest scale of the patty itself relative to the toppings. The generosity in the cheese serving is also clear, and the softness of the bun.

First bite, and I’m instantly hit with the salty umami of the cheese, the savoury crisp of the bacon, and sweet brine from the pickle. A gentle burn emerges, presumably from the tabasco in the virgin mary sauce, possibly from the jalapeno. It’s actually a delightful contrast, and far from seeming stingy, the ratios are perfectly balanced. The patty – not quite crisp enough to be a smashburger, perhaps, again seems fairly diner-standard, but is perfectly seasoned, and in combination with the fresh, sweet salad, gives a delightful mouthful in every bite. The cheese is sharp and unguent, not quite as melty as American slices, but adding mouthfeel and saltness with every bite. The hash brown adds a small amount of crunch and a good amount to the mass and ratios in the burger.

To the last bite, this was a delight. Really a brilliant balance of standard burger construction. The bun – despite the lack of shielding from the burger – held up to the end. Highly recommend.

On the sides… the corn ribs (3 to a basket, a bit pricey) were fine but not surprising – just a standard corn in the cob cut into pieces for lols and fashion. They hadn’t take the opportunity to crisp it on the grill and add texture, or season and add flavour, so it really was just a pretty decent, but very standard corn (off the) cob. The fries – perfectly cooked, brilliantly seasons, crisp and fresh with starchy potato flavour in every bite – were also nigh on perfect.

The mai tai – was faultless. Sweet and sharp, perfectly balanced, a sweet dream in a glass. I’m not a mai tai pro but suspect that all their cocktails are solid.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 5/5 – in spite of the positioning of the salad, it looked and worked perfectly.
Burger – 4.5/5 – really with the toppings it was a perfect mouthful every time 
Taste –  4.5/5  – hard to fault
Sides – 4/5 – bigger portion and more creative corn ribs would have earned this a 5
Value – 3/5 – £19.50 for burger and two sides, ish, feels a lot given the size of everything, but I might just be in denial about the cost of living. Add on £10 for the cocktail and service… not a cheap night out

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – Very close to an ideal burger, of the type. Would recommend. 

The deets 

Minutes from London Bridge and slightly more minutes to Southwark, this is on a bustling corner opposite one of the exits from Borough Market. Well worth a stop in; the pancakes looked lush too.

Gothic Bar, Kings Cross, London

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Expensive, delicious, unholy mess of a burger

Burger source 

Part of the Midland Grand Dining Room, a bar in the wings of the ultra grand St Pancras Renaissance Hotel (on the site of the former Midland Grand Hotel for which it is name), the Gothic Bar is a super lush, very chilled (although pretty pricey) island of calm in the middle of the bustle of Kings Cross. A little way from the ultra modern developments of Coal Drops Yard, the bar has a distinct 19th century vibe – friendly, ultra attentive service, chatty and charming bar staff and management, amazingly dim lighting (sorry for the terrible photos), and a wonderful warmth and charm. The burger seemed a conceit of the bar menu (not the even posher restaurant), and it felt worth a go, despite frightening prices on the menu.

The order 

The “Grand” cheeseburger au poivre (because nothing makes a burger posh like two words in French) – at £21, two portions of fries between five of us (£7 a pop), and a main fried chicken dish as a side between us (£14 – for three large tenders).

It’s worth admiring the official photography and description, via Insta, from the Midland Grand folk:

A “pot” of pepper sauce being a dish. But let’s get into it.

The meat of it 

Obligatory, but disappointing after the model shot, is my pic:

The poor lighting detracts from the impact but it’s still amazingly close to the posed pic. Fresh lettuce on the bottom, a well seared patty with an amazing cheese melt, thick slices of home made pickle, and a shiny, soft bun. Some slight concerns about the bun/burger ratio, but let’s come back to that. First, the cross section. Prepare for an even worse picture.

Ok, there is a lot of bread vs. bun. But there’s fresh red onion, a pinkness to the coarse ground patty, and for the most part it retains structural integrity well.

First bite… and its good. Unctuous is the word – the gooey cheese binding and adding savoury bite, the bun providing (slightly too much) starchy padding for the soft, tender meat. Sweet salad and bright pickles bring contrast and texture and the combination is an absolute, messy delight, as fat drizzles out the far side of the burger. It takes careful eating. Initially – the burger feels too small, swimming in the bread. But it is so rich – between the high (25%+?) fat ratio, the generous melty cheese and the rest, it carries some heft. Being slightly critical – it feels intially slightly underseasoned and under-seared – a crisper texture wouldn’t have gone amiss.

But the “au poivre” pepper sauce? Absolute delight. Adds all the salt the burger needs, a light, breezy heat, more richness and depth – a joy. Would that the “pot” (dish) of sauce was slightly deeper, and slightly fuller, and dunking the fries in here would have been lush. It’s a delightful experience, hurt only by the crazy prices.

The sides?

The fries were a paradigm. Perfect potatoes, perfectly fried, perfectly seasoned, just a treat. Like the childhood memory of a McDonald’s fry, but with actual, consistent crispness and potato flavour. 5/5. £7 does buy a portion for sharing – it’s hefty.

The chicken tenders – we were told we’d get 4-5 pieces between us. We got three. I nabbed a whole one in the interests of science / this blog (the things I do for my art). It was crisp, hot, juicy, fresh – just great, especially dunked in the sweet-not-sharp garlic aioli. A pickle as a palate cleanser and bob’s your uncle.

A lot of money and a lot of food later – we were sated. Time for the final wrap.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – soft, not too sweet, only slightly oversized
Build – 5/5 – a thing of beauty
Burger – 4.5/5 – tad more seasoning and sear 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – great fries, good chicken, lots to delight, little to excite   
Value – 3/5 – £50 for burger, share of chicken, share of fries, and three half-pints a piece. Ish.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – this was great. It loses a point because it is not £30 burger and fries great – there are lots of places that will be a third cheaper than this and almost / as good – including the very good Double Standard across the road. 

The deets 

Turn right onto Euston Road when you exit Kings Cross, past the ultra posh hotel, and you’ll find the Gothic Bar (and the Midland Grand) in the West Wing. Worth a visit, save up though – it’s ££££. To give you a sense of why they get away with this pricing? There was a metallic purple wrapped McLaren parked outside the hotel. There’s no accounting for taste.

Victoria Stakes, Muswell Hill, London

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An unassuming cheeseburger that surprises and delights

Burger source 

I was visiting a friend in North London and he recommended this local pub that specialised in ‘meat’ (slight overstatement, despite the ‘stakes’ in the title); rather this is classic North London gastropub fayre – locally, ethically sourced produce, prepared with love and friendly-local vibes. Lovely atmosphere, especially if you’re the sort of person who likes extra botanicals in his gin.

The order 

The burger is as follows: short-rib cheeseburger, chipotle mayo, pickle, tomato, onion, lettuce, [red cabbage] slaw & fries.

The meat of it 

It looked a little homely on the plate. Getting a decent angle on the burger in the lighting was hard – it’s an immense (8oz at a guess) patty, the bun looks deceptively ordinary and curiously toasted. The chipotle mayo looks concerningly thin and the skin-on fries – well, they look spot on. Out of shot – you’ll see a quenelle (don’t ask me why) of red cabbage.

Cross section time, ‘scuse the lighting.

The heft on the burger is immediately apparent; as is the enormous buffalo tomato slice, the thick slices of pickle, the bright, fresh lettuce, the softness of the bun, the coarse grind on the beef – coupled with its well-doneness – the even melt on the cheese and the puddles of grease on the plate. A lot was adding up.

First bite… it’s juicy; there’s a sour-spicy tang from the chipotle mayo. The pickle adds crunch but is very mild; the salad adds juicy brightness. The cheese adds a savoury goo; the beef itself has good texture; perhaps slightly underseasoned and slightly overcooked but it doesn’t suffer greatly for it. The bun is extraordinary – soft and pliant whilst being robust enough to hold up to the gravitational field that the burger exudes, at risk as it is of collapsing into its own event horizon. The combination is really very good – sweet, salty, sour, fresh – whilst at the same time beefy, gooey and indulgent – it hits a lot of good notes.

The sides – the fries are excellent – well cooked, crisp and fresh with just enough potato-ey bite, perfectly seasoned. The coleslaw – meh. Mushy and indistinct, without the crunch and zing you’ll get from a more traditional ‘slaw. Room for improvement!

Overall – a really good experience. Good service, good food, well prepared in a lovely environment. Recommend!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5.5/5  – something really special here
Build – 4/5 – it does get messy – a lot of beef
Burger – 4/5 – cook it less, season it more, and possibly shrink it slightly 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4.5/5 – small deduction for the unimpressive quenelle of coleslaw   
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger, fries and coleslaw – with a pint and a tip, £28 a head. Not cheap but not ridiculous.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – would definitely go again. 

The deets 

1 Muswell Hill. A map will get you there, as will this link to Victoria Stakes’ website.

Manna, Arcade Tottenham Court Road, London

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Small but perfectly formed halal burger

Burger source 

Trying to find somewhere convenient, available and new to review for this blog isn’t trivial. But Manna reviewed well elsewhere and sounded delightful, bringing inspiration from “diner culture and regional fast food joints in the States.” The website promises that: “every dish on the menu is designed to be the best and most luscious verision of itself.”

Well, let’s see.

The order 

I had the smash burger – smashed patty, American cheese, mustard, ketchup, mayo, pickles, diced onions. Simple – but hard to fault. I then proceeded to get confused about the menu and tried the shawarma fries that were not from Manna but from Shatta and Toum, another resident restaurant in Arcade, so I won’t review that here – I did try one of my dining companion’s waffle fries, which are a Manna creation so I’ll talk to those instead.

The meat of it 

Let’s look again at the burger.

Scale is hard to gauge here, but it is small. Really small. Palm of my hand small. But you can see promising signs – the hard sear you hope for in a patty smash. A delightful melt on the cheese. A soft shine on the bun, the glisten of the grease escaping onto the wrapper, and small rivulets of the mustard/ketchup/mayo sauce, seeking a path to freedom.

In cross section, you see some good and some bad things. The bun is so soft, it’s compressed to be wafer thin. The patty is coarse ground and delightfully pink. The cheese is oozing. There’s a good spread of pickle in there, and the onion and sauces. It’s promising. The main bad thing, other than the compressed bun… once again, it’s small. There’s no heft, its displacement is low.

First taste… the crunch of the hard sear, the healthy seasoning, the soft, sweet bun gives way. Delightful, unctuous, salty, gooey beefiness comes in each mouthful. The bun – holds integrity, despite its compression, and in relative to the sliver-like patty – well, it is actually well proportioned. The bright, fresh pickle and crisp onion adds brightness and further sweet crunch. The swirl of mayo, mustard and ketchup essentially puts an In-and-Out-reminiscent ‘animal style’ onto your taste buds. The combination is near perfect. I’m left wanting more.

After a £10 tiny burger, a £5 portion of waffle fries delivers everything you want waffle fries to deliver. Well seasoned, crisp on the outside, soft, hot and fresh interior. So much surface area holds so much flavour and crunch, with pliant, well cooked potato on the inside. Full points.

To drink – I had a mojito. Not always my drink of choice but they used Santiago de Cuba run – a favourite – and it was properly reminiscent of a trip to Cuba in the early 2000s with my friends, drinking the herba-bueno garnished local Cuban mojitos – though at £11.50, substantially more expensive than the $2 cocktails in Havana.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 – docking half a point for it being too small 
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – value punishment, £5 for waffle fries was a lot, despite their wondrousness   
Value – 4/5 – £15 for burger and side, ish.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – highly recommended. 

The deets 

There’s a couple of Arcades – one just outside Tottenham Court Road tube, on New Oxford St, the other in Battersea. More info at the website, here.