Category: Gourmety

Sam’s Riverside Restaraunt, Riverside Studios, Hammersmith

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Beautifully crafted, slippery gourmet burger

Burger source

I was at the opening night of my brother’s new show, the excellent Hitchhiker’s Live at Riverside Studios in Hammersmith, and in need of sustenance. I’d been promised that Sam’s cafe would provide an excellent burger by my brother – a promise reaffirmed by the serving staff – and so I was set on my path.

Sam’s is a newish restaurant, set up just pre-Covid and specialising in seasonal British produce, so there’s a diverse, thoughtful menu featuring a wide range of creative and delicious sounding dishes. Their spiel:

The Modern British menus focus on the very best seasonal produce from all around the UK. The kitchen is passionate about working with our small artisan suppliers, from meat, fish and seafood to fruit and vegetables. The wines have also all been handpicked by Sam, and many are from wineries that Sam has visited and struck up personal friendships.

The order

My friend Matt had the halibut (naturally), but the eponymous Sam’s cheeseburger it was for me, served with chips. There’s no fanfare on the menu; no description of dry-aged meat, farm-to-table traditions, grass fed whole-wheat brioche or any such chicanery. It’s just Sam’s cheeseburger and I was there for it – both the burger, and its simplicity.

I was asked if I was OK if it was served medium. WAS I? I love places that grind their own meat and offer this. I was duly excited.

The meat of it

This is a pretty burger. Glossy bun, lovely stack – fresh vegetables, a whole layer of pickles, a perfect melt on the cheese, and elegantly simple plating. There’s little else to remark on at this stage in the proceedings, until the cross section kicks in.

And what a cross section! The bun is perfectly sturdy and airy, bringing a light, soft, but fluffy structure to the burger. The salad is as fresh as it seemed; the burger is as pink as was promised, with a good char, and a perfect melt on the cheese. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed, and there’s a well balanced layer of some kind of burger source providing lubrication and the promise of additional flavour.

So, the first bite… And in this case, you can judge a book by its cover. The patty is well seasoned, and melts in your mouth with an understated dry-aged funk. The cheese provides an unguent bind that adds salt and flavour – it is a very generous amount of cheese so the cheddar brings more than texture. The salad is bright, the tomatoes adding sweetness and moisture – though perhaps these could have done with a bit of seasoning. The pickles add mild but welcome sweet-and-sour notes. And the burger sauce adds bind but is somewhat non-descript – not a criticism, the burger doesn’t want for more flavour. The combination is very near perfect.

My very small notes; the burger is very… soft. The char on the hefty – 6-7oz – patty doesn’t add crunch, and the vegetables aren’t sufficiently robust to give structure to the bite. Fresh or crispy onions, bacon, or even a harder sear on the patty might have helped here. The stack doesn’t quite pass the structural integrity test – the problem with using whole pieces of lettuce (vs shredded) at the base is always that it makes the burger want to slide off the rink and onto the plate. But… these are minor. People that aren’t as fussed about textural contrast in a burger as I am would probably not notice, and if I hadn’t cross-sectioned the burger perhaps the slipperiness wouldn’t have mattered. It’s really very good.

The fries were nigh on perfect. Crispy on the outside, squidgy in the middle, they were made from high quality potatoes, generously seasoned, and cooked to perfection. They were perhaps marginally heavy with the salt shaker but that’s always an individual judgement, so your mileage may vary. Dunked in the ketchup and/or mayo that was provided, these were a delicious and generous portion and perfect to the very last chip.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – near faultless fries 
Value – 5/5 – £19 for burger and fries seems to be the going rate and the quality was excellent, so I’m scoring full points.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I suspect for many this will be a perfect 5.

The deets

Sat in the rear of Riverside Studios, this place is a sub ten minute stroll from Hammersmith Station, and as you’ll be going to see Hitchhiker’s Live anyway… you should go, yes?

Cardinal Bar & Kitchen, Aldgate, London

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Imbalanced but not irredeemable

Burger source 

A happy restaurant non-booking accident led us to a meal at this East London eatery, ostensibly taking cues from Brick Lane but atmospherically holding all the vibes of a modern gastro-hotel restaurant – which I think is broadly what it is. Downstairs from the amazingly trendy Jin Bo Law cocktail bar (though independent, I think), the less queue-inducing restaurant features a diverse contemporary menu carrying gastrointestinal pub vibes – fish and chips, steak and chips and the burger – alongside Asian inspired fusion dishes, like tandoori lamb chops (served with crushed potatoes and watercress), and salmon mie [sic] goreng. Naturally the burger drew my attention!

The order 

The eponymous Cardinal burger features a dry aged beef patty, kimchi mayo, smoked apple wood cheddar, caramelised onions, lettuce, tomato, gherkins, fries. That was all for tonight; let’s see how they did.

The meat of it 

There’s no question this is a pretty burger; a perfect, shiny, brioche roll, a wonderful melt on the cheese, a lovely char on the patty, bright, fresh looking veggies and a sensible amount of kimchi mayo – enough for flavour and texture, not so much that it splurges out when you take a bite.

In cross section, you see the lovely airy grain of the bun, the elegant stacking (veg below, correct, even-ish bacon coverage, yes, fresh veg in decent proportion, yay, and controllable amounts of mayo. But look at the meat – whilst coarse ground, it is almost grey, and the burger shattered on slicing. This says, nay, shouts – as my teenage and tweenage daughters might say – ‘I’m cooked, bro.’ And not in a good way.

First bite confirms – whilst there’s excellent seasoning and a tasty char on the exterior, the patty is dry and tough. There’s a gamey flavour that speaks to quality, dry-aged (?) beef, but its texture disappoints. The kimchi mayo adds some sourness but no spice whatsoever; I’m not schooled enough in kimchi to know if that’s right or not, but regardless – the flavour balance is off. The sour from the kimchi overwhelms any sweetness left in the overcooked meat and renders the pickle completely invisible, the brioche’s soft sweetness doesn’t quite recover the balance. The bacon is excellent, as is the cheese, but the overall balance means this is just a little bit meh.

On the fries… they’re pale, slightly undercooked and slightly under-seasoned. So whilst they are again made from high quality potatoes, the overall experience underwhelms, with the pots of ketchup and mayo unable to compensate for the bite of undercooked fry.

The meal was £19 plus £2.50 for the extra bacon. This seems to increasingly be standard fare these days, but I would have expected better for the ££.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 – this was the one faultless element  
Build – 3/5 – architecturally strong, flavour profile – not so much 
Burger – 3/5 – well seasoned, quality meat abused on the griddle.
Taste –  3/5  – possibly being generous here.
Sides – 2/5 – you had one job, fries  
Value – 2.5/5 – I can’t celebrate £22 on something I didn’t really enjoy  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – could do better. Spicy kimchi, sweetness from somewhere, and a better cooked patty – would have made this really interesting. 

The deets 

Right by Aldgate Tube, dodge past the queue for Jin Bo Law, walk past the lifts and head straight to the back. You can’t miss it. And failing that, the website’s here. 

Beast & Field, Box Park, Shoreditch

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A burger of contrasts

Burger source 

Honestly? I was trying to meet a friend at Dumbo Shoreditch after all the TikTok hype, but I didn’t realise that it was full-on, take-out only, so we retreated to the old faithful that is Box Park, and was delighted to find that Beast & Field had arrived since I last stopped in… Literal fresh meat.

Their mission, says their website, is simple. Make ethical eating easy and fun. In particular – they focus on getting grass-fed beef from farms they trust, cooking it well and pricing it sensibly. Did they succeed? SPOILERS.

The order 

They’ve only got one burger; a steak patty, with onion jam, crispy shallots, tomato, leaves, mayo and their own handmade organic burger bun. I added bacon (it’s an option!) and had a side of their chips, which come with smoked paprika and Himalayan salt, no less.

The meat of it

 

What’s wrong with this picture? Well clearly the bun is burnt; that’s not a deliberate look for it. But otherwise – strong melt on the cheese, good char on the meat, an elegant stack. The fake Lilt looks interesting, and the fries…. Well I’ll come back to that.

Cross section…

This started to restore confidence. Bright, fresh vegetables protect the lower bun. The meat is well proportioned and coarse ground, though perhaps a little well done for a thick patty. The onion jam promises some sweetness, the crispy shallots falling out the side promise some crunch, and the bacon is rended crisp but not glass-like in its texture. The bun has a good grain despite its overly browned state. In short; it’s looking good on the whole.

First bite… well, it’s definitely burned. The char on the bun adds bitterness and the bun is slightly dryer than intended. The meat is beautifully seasoned and has a lovely bite as you get through the well cooked exterior… but it slightly dryer than intended again from an over generous turn on the griddle. The bacon gives crunch, the shallots give crunch, the cheese adds further to unguent, umami goodness. There’s brightness from the veg and sweetness from the onion jam…. I find myself almost forgiving the burnt bun and the overdone meat as this burger strikes that perfect balance of sweet and savoury; of crunchy and comforting. If your home was made of 100% grass fed beef, this burger would taste of home – it is comforting and happy making, even with its flaws.

The sides?

Two things to speak of here; the chips first. They are glorious; tossed in a delightfully savoury set of seasonings (Himalayalicious), they are chip-shop cut – chunky – but double or triple fried so as to be brilliantly crispy and crunchy. The thickness means many of them maintain that pillowy fluffiness some people are so keen on in a chip; for me it was that on occasion, with a heavier dose of crunchy goodness that made these pretty much the paradigm of a chip. The sauce was a chimmichurri mayo; smooth, slightly sour, savoury, fresh and delicious. If only I hadn’t dropped half of it when I collected my order…

The fake lilt drink? Also delicious, though that was from Boxpark’s bar, so… can’t really count it.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5 – major deductions for it being burnt.   
Build – 5/5 – can’t fault the construction
Burger – 4/5 – elsewhere this would have scored worse due to being overdone. But in gestalt, the quality of everything was aces 
Taste –  4/5  – better than expected; awesome flavour/culture contrast
Sides – 5/5 – cannot fault chips or dips
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, minus service (because Box Park, there is none) felt a lot given it was burnt. But it was a well constructed burger, the portion was generous, and inflation is a beast too.

Burger rating – 4/5 – the overall experience was joyous despite its constraints.

The deets 

There’s a few of these around; Boxpark, Mayfair, Ladbroke Grove & Shoreditch. Find your local; it’s worth a try. And if it’s burnt, sent it back and get them to do it right – it’s worth the fuss.

The Plimsoll, Finsbury Park, London N4

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Possibly perfect cheeseburger

Burger source

The Plimsoll is on so many ‘best burger’ reviews it’s almost obscene that it’s taken me nearly a decade of my burger gastronomic adventure to get out there. But thanks to an invite from local resident and corporate affairs industry watcher, Helen Dunne, I had a good reason to discover quite how accessible Finsbury Park is from Central London and give the gastro-pubbed refurb of the old, Auld (it used to be the Auld Triangle, so that was a pun), Irish pub and its famous ‘Dexter’ cheeseburger. Which I’m told is named for the Irish cow breed used for its meat, not the storied serial killer…

The pub is apparently under the management of chefs Jamie Allan and Ed McIlroy, who previously ran a pop up called the Four Legs @ the Compton Arms elsewhere in North London. But I couldn’t find a website, so blame me for citing a three year old Guardian article if I have this wrong… 

The order

If you want chips, this is the wrong place to be. I had the Dexter cheeseburger (beef, cheese, burger sauce, pickles, fresh onion, crispy onion, brioche – £14), and we shared a pile of ‘greens’ (it’s a Caesar salad of sorts, at £11) and ‘fried potatoes with aioli.’ (£7).

The meat of it

OMG. You can immediately see the butteriness of the bun; the double onion combo is spilling out the sides. The home made pickles speak of sweet and sour pleasure; the cheese is melted perfectly on a beautifully charred patty… and the glisten on the brioche. Wow. If looks could cause type two diabetes…

In cross section you can see the build is pretty much perfect. The plate remains clean despite the healthy amount of burger sauce that’s within, the bun is super soft but providing structure, the meat is coarse ground and the assembly precise. There’s a lot to play for.

First bite… soft bread, robust, perfectly seasoned bite to the patty and a melty, meaty centre. The sweet burger sauce and unguent, umami-rich cheese contrast beautifully, and the double onion combo gives you crisp and crunch in one. The pickle adds fresh, bright sweetness with a sour pickle edge and tastes of the summer day on which it was picked. The mouthfeel is fantastic, the flavour sublime.

It’s just a glorious combination. It feels and looks small but this thing is dense and packed with flavour. The first bite loads my hands with grease and burger sauce and I don’t even care; I switch over to cutlery to preserve my dignity and my shirt, and to draw out the luscious sensory experience. Every bite of this is like injecting pleasure into my taste buds; I don’t understand the appeal of class A drugs, but this… This I can see myself getting withdrawal symptoms from. It’s glorious.

On the sides…

I love that the salad was billed as “leaves with vinaigrette”; this felt like a loaded Caesar salad, dense with Parmesan and a slick sweet and savoury dressing – which is what you’d expect for the money. I wouldn’t exactly call it bright and fresh – this is a rich, rich salad – but it was a lovely contrast to the burger.

The potatoes – are perfectly tender and simultaneously crisp all over. I didn’t expect to love them – I LOVE chips – but they are beguiling, and provide a heft that ensures you walk away full – we didn’t finish one portion between the two of us.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5 – soft, buttery pleasure
Build – 5/5 – clinically precise, beautifully architected
Burger – 5/5 – inarguably extraordinary
Taste –  5/5 – flawless victory
Sides – 4/5 – these were great but felt a bit pricey 
Value – 5/5 – it wasn’t cheap but if this is what I get, this is what I pay for.

Burger rating – 5/5 – this deserves its billing as one of the top burgers in London. Absolutely extraordinary.

The deets

It’s about 4 minutes walk from Finsbury Park tube. Take the Station Way exit. Go tomorrow; Finsbury Park is < 10 minutes from Kings X on the Victoria Line so there’s really no excuse for anyone who’s based in London.

Street Burger Bistro, Prague, Czech Republic

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Hefty, tasty, soggy Czech burger

Burger source

When in London, I struggle to find a burger place I haven’t reviewed. On this, my first visit to the Czech Republic, needless to say I didn’t have the same issue. In fact, by crazy random happenstance, our hotel was next to a burger restaurant called simply ‘Fat f**k smashburger’ – where we had intended to have supper. Unfortunately – and perhaps unsurprisingly given both its reputation and its name – it was completely booked out. So we went in search of another highly reviewed burger, not too far from our hotel – and found it, on the edge of the Old Town, in the Street Burger Bistro.

The order

My kids, predictably, proceeded to order the well constructed burgers and remove stuff from them. I did not; ordering the cheeseburger (burger, bacon, cheddar, red onion, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise) as it was designed to be. We had fries and some onion rings on the side (ok; we had fries, I had the onion rings) and an alcohol free Czech beer to drink.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

Ok, it’s not evenly stacked but it is pretty – a good melt on the cheese, a hefty piece of well cooked back bacon, bright fresh lettuce, a golden seeded bun, and a decent amount of mayo. Let’s look in cross section…

The lower bun is already collapsing under the heft of the burger, and the (two) tomato slices are causing the patty to slide. There’s perhaps a smidge too much mayo. The burger… delighted as I was to have it pink, there’s something about the severe stripes of brown and pink that concerns me.

And it reveals itself in bite one; the sear is so heavy that there’s quite a rubbery first mouthfeel before you get to the soft, medium centre. The burger is otherwise juicy and delightfully seasoned; the companion cheese and bacon adds further umami… which is not quite balanced with the salad; the tomato isn’t ripe or seasoned, I think, causing it to be a bland rather than a sweet counterpoint. The mayo adds more moisture and depth and the bottom bun all but collapses as you eat it, though the bun otherwise lends a pleasing starchy blandness as a counterpoint to the taste fest that is the rest of the burger. The whole is good – it’s a tasty patty, and the design that’s gone into shaping this is excellent. But the execution wasn’t quite there tonight, and what could have been a 5/5 is shooting just a smidge under tonight.

On the sides and the drink:

The fries were lovely. Perfectly, albeit lightly seasoned (too many places in the UK overdo the salt), they have a crisp exterior, a fluffy interior and are consistent the whole way through. As good on their own as they are dunked in a very aesthetic little tub of ketchup they brought us for them on request.

The onion rings… are surprising. They are the minced onion kind; not whole slices of fresh onion, and breaded rather than battered. To me this normally spells ‘frozen’ and therefore immediately consigns them to the mediocre pile. However these were hot, crisp and well seasoned, and the onion retained flavour and sweetness. A joyous surprise; as I’m sure is the experience of learning I put this much thought into the experience of eating onion rings.

Izzy had a hot dog, removing all the toppings that were designed for it but ketchup, and I had a taste at the end when she reached her limit… and it was excellent. Well spiced, rich with paprika, salt, pepper and other flavourings I couldn’t identify – and with actual texture – none of that soggy synthetic flavour you get with frankfurters.

The beer was a slightly dark lager, crisp and clear with a bitter edge. I prefer a bit more of a pilsener, so it wasn’t quite what I imagined when I ordered but it was good for what it was.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5 – good texture and flavour but didn’t hold up to the burger
Build – 3/5 – uneven stack, unripe tomatoes
Burger – 4/5 – over hard sear makes an otherwise excellent burger slightly rubbery
Taste –  4/5 – really good but clearly not as good as it could have been
Sides – 4.5/5 – small knock for minced onion rings 
Value – 4/5 – a meal for five with two beers came to about £80 including service – which seemed quite a lot by our limited experience of Prague, and we were hit by the tax of a restaurant that doesn’t have a children’s menu. Still inexpensive relative to London, but our priciest meal in the Czech Republic to date

Burger rating – 4/5 – good, bordering on excellent.

The deets

It’s a short skip from the Charles Bridge, opposite the river from the bulk of the old town. There’s a lovely walk in to it from Malostranske tram stop, going past some lovely riverside view and the most delightful gingerbread shop you’ve ever seen. Highly recommend all of it.

Heard Burgers, Flat Iron Square, London

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Delicious, distinctive smash burger

Burger source 

This is the eco-friendly, posh-ish take on the smash burger by michelin-starred chef Jordan Bailey.

This is how they describe their ambitions:

Heard was born out of Jordan Bailey ’s desire to make an everyday classic exceptional. Two Michelin-starred chef, Jordan uses his expertise and relationships with top suppliers to make burgers that are deceptively simple yet made with the same care and precision as a Michelin-starred dish.

Creating the perfect burger starts with the ingredients – and we only use the best. All produce is ethically and locally sourced – a transparent supply chain from farm to bite.

Our British beef comes from a cooperative of regenerative farms. Aged for a minimum of 35 days, for the ultimate texture and taste.

Sounds regeneratalicious? Wait and see.

The order 

It was a tough choice. My usual rule is to find something that as closely as possible resembles a cheese and bacon burger, and have that as the reliable benchmark. But, somewhat ostentatiously (and to the possible tears of Uncle Roger), there is only bacon jam available at this fine establishment. So I went for the eponymous “The Heard” – apparently Jordan’s Pick, The OG! Which comes replete with Jalapeño hot honey, Ogleshield [cheese], white onion, their secret Heard sauce and pickles. I’m not writing Heard with a fullstop after it because it’s just too much. For a side, I went for the also eponymous Heard fries,
seasoned with Heard beef fat and herb salt. I have not experienced tallow as a seasoning before – let’s see if I’m, erm, here for it.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

Was the first thing you noticed how small the patties were relative to the bun? Because that was the first thing I noticed. But the second thing I noticed was that the two, crisp patties were coated with a gooey melt of Ogleshield, and the fries look absolutely perfect – crisp, hot, well-seasoned. The orange-red hue of the Heard sauce – also looked spot on.

In cross section (via chomp, not knife as there was no cutlery provided, not even for ready money…. although possibly there was, we didn’t offer any readies)… well, you can see the perfect melt of the cheese continue. The double, crisp and crinkly patty smash made up of coarse ground, dry-aged beef. The chunks of pickle, the drip of tallow and hot honey, the light toasting of the bun, the fine grain and airiness in said bun… there’s very little else to fault aesthetically.

First bite (well, third by this point but who’s counting?) – every bit leaves you the foundational structure of the bread, the umami and slight funk of the beef, accompanied by a light crunch; the sharp, acidic savouriness of the oglefield; a hint of sweetness from the honey and pickle, alongside a crisp freshness from the latter, backed by a soupcon of heat. It’s an absolutely glorious combination and only really limited by the bun-to-bread ratio – this little fella is chunkier than it looks and will not leave you hungry.

Especially not when accompanies by the Heard fries. These are a glorious thing; crunchy on the outside, squidgy in the middle; despite somehow being seasoned with tallow, these are dry – none of the greasiness of chip shop chips. Perfectly seasoned; glorious dunked in the sweet/savoury Heard sauce (think – big mac sauce but better in every way).

It’s a simply glorious combination, well executed. I’ll forgive all the ostentation in the website copywriting – go to Heard, you will not spend a better £17 on a burger and fries. My only complaint (which I did voice) was that the Heard sauce needed to come in bigger tubs.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – oversized but otherwise perfect in every way
Build – 4.5/5 – per aforementioned bun comment, and perhaps a smidge too much sharp cheese
Burger – 4.5/5 – a fine, fine smashburger 
Taste – 4.5/5 – so close to perfect  
Sides – 5/5 – these very possibly take the crown for best fries in London   
Value – 4.5/5 – £17 for a burger this good and fries this extraordinary, generously proportioned in the case of the latter, is a fair price in these inflationary times. Well done the (posh) lad.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – I’m giving Heard > than sum of its points scoring. 

The deets 

It’s just round the corner from Flat Iron Square, between London Bridge and Southwark tubes. You could miss it, as I did, but keep walking where Google tells you to and you’ll get close. Or find it via their website, here.

Bleeding Heart Tavern, Hatton Garden, Farringdon

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Slightly overcooked but tasty, chunky burger

Burger source

The Tavern Wine Bar & Grill is a city staple and offers a decent gastropub-style selection of food, which I think you might classify as ‘modern European.’ The restaurant had a fab atmosphere and brilliant service and was a lovely place to celebrate a few colleagues moving on to new things, and a great chance to catch up with our former chief crochet officer, Josie.

Naturally I was tempted by their take on the burger.

The order

The Tavern’s 6 oz Scotch beef burger was served on a toasted sourdough bun, with red onion marmalade, Gruyère cheese, dill gherkin & tomato. I had a side of “Truffled” fries (I did not realise we were doing truffle as a verb, but I’m unexpectedly here for it). Because we were doing starters, I went for a Morteau sausage, served with puy lentils and a mustard sauce, which I’ll handle with the ‘sides’ to keep consistency with my review format and avoid throwing my sense of order to the wolves.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

It’s good plating – tidy, well stacked. The bun, toasted on both sides is… unexpected, and you can see a good melt to the cheese. The fries look crisp and the coating of shaved Parmesan – well, you can’t go wrong with fresh Parmesan, though it can be too much. BUT WAS IT? We’ll get there, be patient.

First, an accidental close up of the burger and the obligatory cross section shot:

The close up shows the beautiful melt on the Gruyère. The cross section shows the elegant stack, a layer of unadvertised lettuce along the base alongside the promised tomato, peeking slightly unobtrusively out from amongst it, the LONG, long dill pickles (more on this shortly) and the meat… which is decidedly not medium, as I was promised, but very close to well done. It is also surprisingly densely packed. Will it suffer for it?

First bite… and it’s good. The meat is juicy despite being overdone, and there’s char coming through from both the bun and the crust of the patty. It’s subtle and pleasant; no dry aged funk, just straightforward, high quality beef with an (un)healthy fat/lean ratio. The patty is well seasoned, the Gruyère adds bind without much flavour, but the burger sauce/mayo/whatever’s in with the salad adds a pleasant salty gooey-ness that helps bind it all together. The pickle is pleasant but indistinct and rather too large – you have to be careful to not have it sliding out in its large, long slices, and I’m silently wishing they’d just cut it into discs like Maccers does.

The ‘marmalade’ – relish by any other name – provides the sweet balance to the umami mouth punch of the rest of the burger, giving good balance to it. The sourdough provides structure and stability and pleasant starchiness. It’s a good combo, that would have been improved with a bit more crunch from somewhere (bacon? Crispy onions?) for that textural contrast I value so much, and just slightly less time on the grill for a pinker finish. And if I’m being brutal, a looser pack on the patty to make it just a tad less robust. The whole was definitely greater than the sum of its parts, and the heft of the 6oz patty means this will leave you pleasantly full.

As to the fries and the sausage? Well you can see the fries above, but let’s get to the sausage ‘Morteau’:

I did ask what Morteau was, and it was described as a ‘smoked sausage’. If you’re thinking that looks like slices of a Matheson’s sausage, you’d be spot on. But it’s denser and richer, and the puy lentil and mustard sauce are done perfectly, providing a surprisingly delicate counterpoint to the salty, garlicky, smoky sausage. It’s lovely.

The fries… were a little disappointing. Even without the caveat that I don’t love truffle (but I prefer fries to the chunky chips on offer elsewhere on the menu). Disappointing because they weren’t fully cooked (some of the fries were decidedly undercooked), and because the combination of a healthy amount of seasoning, Parmesan and truffle flavour led to a confusing profile. It was simultaneously just a bit much… and not enough.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5 – good but unexceptional
Build – 4/5 – curse you, pickle slices!
Burger – 4/5 – more pink, less pack
Taste –  4/5 – solid
Sides – 4/5 – deduction for fries redeemed by quality sausage 
Value – 4/5 – £22 for burger and fries, £30 with sausage, plus service plus drinks – feels sensible if unexceptional value for a nice burger in a nice restaurant.

Burger rating – 4/5 – I would go back here, though I’d like to try some of the other excellent looking food next time.

The deets

Just a few minutes from Farringdon station, make sure you know whether you’re going to the Bistro or the restaurant – we did the latter. Find out more here.

The Brush Grand Cafe, Great Eastern Street, Hoxton

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Superbly crafted burger in trendy environs

Burger source

The Art’otel Hoxton is home to the Brush Grand Cafe; an independent (I think) hotel chain featuring local art (hence the name, clever that). QW The venue makes for a highly stylised culinary experience, and the eye catching art on the walls, the brilliantly trendy (yet still practical) low-lighting and the early evening buzz on a chill January Tuesday made for a fabulous place to catch up with an old friend. She had the schnitzel, but I saw the eponymous Brush Burger on the menu so… you know where this is going. Let’s be honest, you knew where this was going before you got this far in but… allow me my indulgences.

The culinary vibes they are going for… well, it’s a European focussed dining concept, darling, so you know it’s fancy. But it’s also reasonably priced and the service was excellent, so go for a good time. But let’s get into it.

The order

The Brush Burger features bacon, cheddar cheese, bone marrow relish, and not just fries – but Frites – all for £20. I had a ginger ale on the side.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

That’s pretty attractive. Toasted brioche, uber melty cheese, crispy yet still pliant bacon, the beige bone marrow relish peeking out the sides, and the bright, fresh looking salad protecting the lower bun. It’s all warm and smells fabulous, stacked perfectly as it is.

A closer look…

Cheese – confirmed – perfectly melted. Bun confirmed – well toasted, but soft and with an excellent open crumb. Bottom bun holding up against the heft of what is probably a 6oz patty. Good distribution of bacon, cheese, salad and relish. And – and I’ve been saving this for last – look at that coarse ground, loose packed, perfectly medium beef? This is glorious. Somehow the burger also doesn’t ooze fat, despite – I’m certain – being well proportioned on the lean/fat front.

First bite… instant umami. There’s a good crust on the patty, perfectly seasoned, and tasty without being funky in the way dry-aged beef sometimes can be (I’m assuming that’s what this was). The cheese adds further salt and binds, unguently (I know it’s not a word but it should be), the bacon adds crunch and more wonderful flavour. The bun and lettuce, together with a mild mustard heat in the bone marrow relish, provide counterpoint to the mountain of savoury; though it’s far from a sweet brioche. The balance is just right if perhaps a fraction heavy on the umami:sweet ratio, but really – there’s very little to fault. The burger is also a decent size, and leaves me feeling happily full, particularly after the…

Yes, the Frites. They are oddly unevenly cut for frites (one – yes one, darling – expects a uniform slenderness to these), though that’s hardly something to complain about. Though they did seem to also be slightly soft, and slightly under-seasoned. Add the inexplicable dusting of green powder (parsley? For art?) and the flavour sensation doesn’t live up to the – admittedly concise – billing. Longer, hotter fry (or a second fry), more seasoning, less green cr*p and this would have been 5/5. It wasn’t quite up to the burger, sadly.

Overall, though, the experience was superb. Great service, a nice place for a drink, a decent wine and cocktail menu from the bar, brilliant art and decor – there’s a lot to love.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  5/5
Sides – 3.5/5 – I was not whelmed 
Value – 4.5/5 – £30 for burger, drink, frites and service is reasonable for this sort of place.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – will recommend in good conscience.

The deets

It’s a hop, skip and jump away from Old Street station, right across from the Star of Shoreditch. You can’t miss it. Not sure if the cafes at the other Art’otels are as nice, but you can find (and dine) them all here.

Tender Cow, Mackie Mayor, Manchester

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Small, salty, but otherwise spot-on burger

Burger source

We were visiting one of Amanda’s closest friends in Manchester over the ‘twixmas period and she was keen to take us to Mackie Mayor, a food court in a Victorian market hall in central Manchester, for the atmosphere and variety. The variety included ‘Tender Cow’, a beef specialist steak place focussing on obscure cuts. But they had a burger on the menu, so my choices were made for me.

Tender Cow’s mission is an interesting one and not one I’ve heard before. The burger didn’t promise to be made of a blend of anything in particular but it looked and sounded simple but fantastic so I was excited…

Here’s how they describe their ambition:

Our aim is to offer the lesser-known cuts of beef from some of the best producers and farms in Britain. Very rarely, unless its a very special piece of meat, will you see cuts such as sirloin, rib-eye or fillet on our menus. Instead we go for the less heard of and sometimes newly discovered cuts of steak. Flat iron, from the feather blade, is our steak of choice but this will be joined on our menu by cuts such as sirloin pave, spider steak, hanger steak and Jacobs steak.

The order

On the menu it’s simply billed as the ‘Mackie cheeseburger and chips’, at £15. I think the description promised burger sauce, onions and pickles too. There wasn’t much else to it! Zoe (9) joined me for a burger (minus pickles and burger sauce), whilst Emily went for Ramen, Amanda, Izzy and Nicky went for pizza from the exciting looking sourdough pizza place.

The meat of it

As you can see – it presents well. Brilliant melt on the cheese, and intriguing peppery texture to the burger sauce, a shiny toasted bun that’s still soft to touch, and a good char on the burger you could see. The pickles – home made pickled cucumber from the look of things – looked promising.

In cross section:

There’s a pinkness to the meat, which promises tenderness and juiciness, which is a little surprising as the patty is so thin. It looks like a 4oz total – closer to generous smash burger territory than the full heft of a gourmet-style burger patty. But clearly it’s been cooked well. There’s no unnecessary grease, and the stack holds together post cross section.

Time for the first taste. The umami hits – salty beef, salty cheese, neutral bun, and even a bit more savoury flavour from the burger sauce. It needed more sweetness – which does come in small, bright moments from the crisp, sweet and sour cucumber pickle slices and the bright, fresh sparks of onion. But the balance is off; the savoury overwhelms slightly and I found myself applying small amounts of ketchup to take the edge off.

The meat, however, is clearly high grade, and is the perfect texture. A light crunch on the sear, and soft, delicious and tender throughout. Coarse ground, loose packed but well enough to hold structural integrity despite its slender construction. The balance of most of the burger – between the sturdy but pliant roll, the lovely pickle, the melty cheese – binds beautifully. I’d have preferred a little more beef – 1-2oz more would have made all the difference – in managing the ratios here. But there was little otherwise to complain about.

As to the fries…

These are rustic, hand-cut, skin-on chips, that look like they’ve been double fried. Like the burger, they went a bit heavy on the salt seasoning them but don’t think they got the second fry quite to temp – a good proportion of the fries are a little floppy. But there’s good potato flavour and – when you get a properly cooked one – it’s a lovely crunch. Really enjoyable.

A good balance on the whole, and very cosy in the bright, airy, unrushed halls of Mackie Mayor – unlike somewhere like Seven Dials in London, there weren’t people hovering over the table waiting for you to leave, the staff were attentive and quick to help clear tables, and the prices were more reasonable (though I still flinch slightly at the inflationary impact, post Covid/the Ukraine war).

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 4/5 – point deducted for salt and size
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5 – soggy fries penalty 
Value – 4/5 – £15 for burger and side

Burger rating – 4/5 – lovely.

The deets

If you know, you know, but for visitors to Manchester – it’s a few minutes from Manchester Victoria, or five minutes from Exchange Square or Sudehill tram stops. More here.

Jensens Bøfhus, Holstebro, Jutland

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Very credible burger, but room for polish

Burger source 

Again, family holiday and needs must led us to Jensens after a morning’s shopping and exploring the local park in Holstebro, a town that my wife’s family have spent a lot of time in over the years. A bit of research tells me of its origins in the 80s, initially in Aarhus, then moving over to Holstebro and beyond. First as a restaurant, then a Scandinavian chain of restaurants and a butcher/kitchen producing meat-based ready meals for these here parts. Part of me was fearful we’d walked into the Danish equivalent of Aberdeen Angus Steakhouses (the prices certainly would reflect that), but it felt more Miller & Carter in the end, which is for the best. Anyway, broader translated backstory here if you want it!

The order 

I had a ‘beast burger’ – beef patty on a brioche bun with bacon, chipotle mayo, cheddar, BBQ sauce, salad, onion chutney and crispy onion rings. It was served with crispy fries and pot of mayo, and a good amount of lettuce too. The ‘special’ priced it at 149DKK (normally 199DK). In pounds, that’s £17 (down from about £22), so it’s pricey but not absurd, even by the standards of expensive Denmark.

The meat of it 

Presentation, uneven stack and absurd height of onion ring tower notwithstanding, is not bad. The fries look crisp and fresh (as advertised), the cheese has a brilliant melt on it, there’s generous amounts of crisp streaky bacon protruding, the salad is bright and fresh, the bun is toasted (on both sides – bit much), and the burger looks like it had a good sear.

Cross section…

There’s a coarse grind, and the lightest shade of pink (promised in the menu – Izzy’s kids burger is a more promising pink). The chipotle mayo oozes out, as does the generous onion relish and BBQ sauce. The bun is overtoasted – it crunches as I half the burger for the picture – and it’s hard, due to the uneven stack, to get a clean 50/50 split. I do the best I can and make a bit of a mess of it.

First taste… discounting for the slight crunch on the brioche (which you want to be soft!), the stack is surprisingly well balanced on first bite. There’s salty crunch from the bacon and light heat from the chipotle mayo. There’s tender bite from the meat which is still juicy and melt-in-your-mouth more-ish (although better if pinker). The sweet relish counters the salt – perhaps too much, if I’m being critical. Textures are spot on, flavours are – almost – in balance – there’s a lot to like. But – again – with the eye of a critic – the patty itself is under seasoned and the bun is too large for the meat, leaving to bready mouthfuls on your way through the burger. It’s good, but small corrections – bit more salt on the meat, bit less toast on the bun, bit more width to the patty, bit more even in the stacking – would have made this really excellent.

Which the fries were. Generous both in portion and in seasoning, a dusting of salt and paprika infused every bite with smoky, salty crunch. They were perfectly cooked with a soft centre despite the French fry cut. Dipped in ketchup or mayo – utter perfection. Although I couldn’t finish them – no cheffy portions in an artisan tin cup here, just as many as would fit on the plate – which is more than would fit in my belly!

I’d go back. It was a good experience. Service was excellent and kids’ portions were generous, food quality was high. Recommend!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  – overtoasted and oversized but good integrity
Build – 2/5 – not evenly assembled at all 
Burger – 4/5 – tasty but underseasoned and marginally overcooked
Taste –  4/5 – over  
Sides – 5/5 – the fries were amazing
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger and side, ish, seems decent for restaraunt food in DK  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really good experience 

The deets 

Find your local branch – if you’re visiting Scandinavia – here!