Star by Liverpool Street, London

Undersized, underseasoned, underwhelming – but fun

Burger source 

A much needed team night out took us to the Star by Liverpool St; the limited menu did feature a tasty sounding smash burger, so it felt worth a try.

The order 

The burger featured two aged aurox smash patties, cheese, smoked mustard butter, whisky caramelised onions and house sauce. Together with rosemary skin-on fries – the combo tapped out at £19.

If you’re wondering what an aurox is, it is apparently either an [sic] auroch, an extinct breed of wild ox, or a cryptocurrency. Given it seemed to consist of ground up cow meat, I’m assuming it was some modern ox variant with a self-important genetic heritage.

The meat of it 

It looks decent. Excellent melt on the cheese, good char on the patty, tasty looking burger sauce slathered on generously. The bun looks robust but standard – not a bad thing, standing up to the structure of the burger and providing starchy, comforting accompaniment; a potentially harmonious pairing.

In cross section:

A few things become immediately apparent; whilst the structure is robust, it’s immediately clear that the bun is cold (boo) and untoasted (double boo). The next thing you notice is that the patties cover – at most – 2/3rds of the surface area of the bun. It feels light in hand. The coarse ground smash burgers look small and decent but there isn’t the crunch of a truly lacy smash patty when I cut the cross section. Everything holds together, so it’s time for…

…first taste. The burger is ok, texturally, perhaps a little underseared. The bigger crime is that it is also underseasoned, as well as being a little too small. The meat is a little bland as a result, also apparently lacking the usual funk of dry-aged beef (something about the process, or the aurox breed(?))… The bun’s starchiness is not contrasting well with the not-quite-savoury-enough bite of the burger either, instead combining into an indifferent melange of blandness. The cheese is barely present, the onions don’t seem to be there at all, and the (thick) slice of pickle I was gifted with added – some brightness – but didn’t feel quite right; there was no scent of summer in it at all, no memory of sunshine and long evenings; of cooling breezes and wind in the trees.

But the burger sauce is decent – adding moisture and flavour contrast, and the net impact isn’t horrible – it’s just a slightly underwhelming burger. Not terrible; but [ironically] not worth writing home about. That said; my compatriots who also had the burger had different experiences (better ratios, better flavour), so your mileage may vary.

As to the rosemary seasoned fries? They were also inconsistently portioned – my bowl was half as full as my neighbour’s. But the seasoning was good – not overly heavy on the rosemary, but distinctive. The fries were crisp but fluffy on the inside with a good starchy flavour. Excellent on their own or dunked in ketchup and mayo. Not quite a paragon, but really not far off the top of the class for that style of skin-on, not-quite-chunky chip.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – points off for cold and untoastedness  
Build – 5/5 – for all that the ingredients were underwhelming, you can’t argue with the architecture here
Burger – 2.5/5 – underseasoned, small patties, underseared, and pretentiously bred 
Taste –  3/5 – somehow it’s sort of OK in spite of all of that 
Sides – 4/5 – they’re just rosemary fries. But they’re good ones.   

Value – 4/5 – £19 for burger and fries, which is depressingly standard for this part of London.  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – it’s just fine. 

The deets 

All that said; this was one of the most fun nights out I’ve had in a long time. A lot of that was the fantastic company I was with, but some of it was the affordable and well maintained karaoke rooms, the flights of Baby Guinnesses that seemed a necessary part of proceedings, and the excellent service we had throughout the evening. You wouldn’t go to the Star for their bar burger – but you might to have an amazing night with your friends – and the burger is inoffensive enough that you’d welcome it as a way of keeping your consumption balanced.

Sunset Boulevard, Viborg, Denmark

A higher grade of fast food burger

Burger source 

Honestly, we got to Viborg late after a busy day at Legoland, it’s ‘low’ season so most things were closed, I needed to get the kids fed and it was open and didn’t tax my very limited Danish too much. However… Wikipedia Denmark tells me that it was founded in 1996, is owned by the same people who own the Pizza Hut franchise here… and they its outcompeted Subway to have 40 branches across Denmark, the Faroe Islands and Greenland. So it is at least somewhat authentically Danish… in tribute to American burgers.

The order 

I had the ‘brioche bacon burn’ meal, which came with fries, limitless soft drink and the burger itself – featuring chipotle mayo, a beef patty and ‘pepper bacon’ along with the eponymous brioche bun. It featured a ‘one pepper’ rating, in the style of these things.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look. No cross section, it’s a fast food burger.

You know, it looked OK? Brioche bun shiny, streaky crispy bacon crispy, lettuce bright and fresh, a good amount of the chipotle mayo, hot and fresh to the table.

First taste… the bun is soft but sturdy, indiscernible sweetness. Good. The burger is probably more reminiscent of a BK patty than a McD’s, in that it is more convincingly beef; it’s well seasoned and the creamy chipotle mayo adds the necessary moisture given the burger’s quality (good for fast food, not good by the standards I typically review). The lettuce is fresh and bright but the pickles are disappointing – especially in a country that is famed for them. Just slightly insipid and bland. There’s a peppery kick (black pepper, not hot pepper), but it’s mild – not unpleasant. The bacon adds bright, salty crunch to every mouthful – textural contrast plus umami, I’m delighted with this, at least! The balance is good – and it’s filling for fast food fayre. All in all, a good burger, up there with the best fast food has to offer, if a little heavy perhaps on the seasoning.

The fries are also heavily seasoned. Salt, pepper and rosemary. The are crisp on the outside, skin on fries, and unlike McD’s varietals, actually have the soft, fluffy warmth of real potato in the centre. They are lush although overpowering after a while – not even roast lamb wants that much rosemary.

Monkey finger rating   – modified to suit fast food

Bun –  4/5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 – deducation for just too much rosemary   
Value – 4/5 – I honestly have no idea though. £53 for four people would be dollar as hell in a fast food joint in the UK. But everything in Denmark costs a million, so…  

Burger rating – 4/5 – I’d have this over any UK fast food chain on offer. Especially given the puns.

The deets 

Find one of your nearest in DK (or Greenland, or the Faroe Islands) here

TGI Fridays, Retail Park, Southampton

Pricey but serviceable nostalgia 

Burger source 

TGI Fridays is, to my mind, an artefact of my teenage years. I remember a trip to the Science Museum when I was at secondary school that ended there, with the teachers sipping cocktails that my classmates tried to spike with tabasco sauce (Mr Collins seemed to like his Tequila sunrise + hot sauce, which is less surprising today than it was then), and I remember loving the indulgence of the Americana. It had a resurgence in my early 20s because of the cocktails – oh, the cocktails – but I probably haven’t been to one in about 15 years. And it was on the occasion of a trip to see the musical SIX in Southampton with the elder kids that we picked it as a dinner venue, and so naturally – burgers were had. 

The order 

I had the Fridays glazed burger – described as “100% beef patty coated in our Fridays® Legendary Glaze, Monterey Jack cheese and crispy bacon. Served on a bed of lettuce, mayo, tomato, pickled red onions and extra Fridays® Legendary Glaze on the side.” Emily had a kids burger but was anxious it wouldn’t be enough food, so I got some corndogs for us to share (minus the mustard, because, kids, fussy, etc). And Izzy had a sundae to finish, whilst Emily ordered a £7.50 rocky road milkshake. £7.50 – seriously.

The meat of it 

Well, that is decent presentation. Good crust on the burger, sturdy looking (but soft) bun, bed of salad in the right place with duly julienned lettuce, amazing melt on the cheese, good colour and seasoning on the fries…. and a slightly suspicious pot of watery brown sauce – the aforementioned glaze.

Let’s take a closer look.

Cross section confirms the robustness of the stack. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely enough packed. The bun has a good texture, and the salad is bright and fresh. The back bacon is slightly on the floppy side – surprising given the American tendency to present bacon as fully hardened glass-like shards of streaky – but – so far, so good.

First taste… sweet bun, excellent seasoning on the burger. The melty cheese adds a binder and texture but little flavour; the bacon adds savoury bite but little texture. The meat is decent but not special – a little on the dry side, helped by the mayo in the burger, good texture and well balanced on the whole – but it is somewhat generic to taste. Overall, however, the effect is really not bad. The sauce – adds a – not entirely unpleasant – saccharine sweetness when I dipped either the burger or the fries in it – but would NOT recommend dousing the burger in it as described – it would have overwhelmed everything and likely rendered the meal inedible.

On the sides – the fries were crisp and heavily seasoned – slightly too much so – with (I think) rosemary salt and pepper. A bit heavy handed, but pleasant, and a dip on ketchup / mayo / the Fridays glaze took some of the edge off the salt.

The corndogs went down a treat with the kids and I was only able to snaffle a bite – I feel I should like these but the cornbreading is just too stodgy – I think I was hoping for a battered sausage sort of texture (amazingly, I’ve not had a corndog before despite seeing them feature in countless American TV-series) – and the corndog coating is just more bready/cakey. The cheese sauce was bland and served no purpose – it was ignored.

Emily was defeated by her rocky road shake – so I got to have a bit at the end. It was creamy, chunky, luscious indulgence, though the bottle poured caramel and chocolate sauce gave it a slightly chemical feel.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – good fries, meh corn dogs   
Value – 3/5 – £16.50 for burger & fries, £9.50 for two corn dogs, £7.50 for a milkshake – you get it. Not budget friendly.  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – fine. Just fine.

The deets 

Find your Fridays wherever you are, there’s still a fair few around. This one is a 10 minute walk from the Mayflower theatre and not a bad option for those of us with fussy kids (or burger loving parents).

Now: I need to get to Hard Rock Cafe…

Honest Burgers, Southwark Street, London: Plant Burger review

The Beyond Burger powered Plant Burger is totes amazeballs

Burger source

I reviewed Honest Burgers a couple of years’ back and the formula hasn’t changed a great deal. But thanks to a successful trial at its home restaraunt in Kings Cross, and the relentless march of Veganism, the Plant Burger is now a staple at its restaraunts everywhere. A collaboration with Beyond Meat (a company whose tagline is ‘the future of protein’), this promised the real ‘fake burger’ experience.

The order

So that’s what we had. We’d been told it would pass a blind taste test as “real” meat and I was curious. Plus, it never hurts to eat less dead cow. So away we went: here’s what came with: a vegan burger from Beyond Meat with vegan smoked Gouda, Rubies in the Rubble Chipotle ‘Mayo’, mustard, red onion, pickles, lettuce.

But Jme ordered wings to go with it, because WINGS. Also, no buffaloes were harmed in their production.

The meat of it

There is nothing in the superficial appearance of this burger that screams ‘vegan.’ It’s really very artfully crafted. Though it doesn’t really resemble the official glamour shot, that’s standard for the industry.

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The cross section would tell more, I was sure, not least if that bun was as hard as it looked. Spoiler: it wasn’t:

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The bun gave way easily, but the salad took some slicing; a mustard heavy coating covering a thick, thick sliced bed of salad, pickle and red onion. There’s something slightly off about the bun/topping/salad ratio; the burger is smaller than you’d expect, the salad bigger. But these aren’t major offenses.

Then the taste. The texture of the burger is softer than you’d expect and you don’t make out the grind in quite the same was as with a beef burger, but the flavour is remarkable. It doesn’t have the funkiness of dry-aged beef but, in a blind test, you’d be hard-pressed to tell it wasn’t real, and I’ve tasted a LOT of burgers. That said, there’s limited discernable ‘crust’ on the burger, and it’s not quite as juicy as a medium-cooked beef patty. But the overall experience really isn’t far off.

The complimentary flavours and textures meld well; the vegan gouda doesn’t taste a lot like gouda but is a brilliant, salty, melty cheese – better than any vegan cheese I’ve ever tried and without any soy-aftertaste. We speculated – not seriously – that it might be fake-fake cheese – i.e. real. The bun is soft and plain; a good contrast to the heavily savoury burger and cheese that holds up to the mustard and salad; the beyond burger doesn’t trail fat like its meat counterparts. The heavy mustard coating on the salad is actually fine in contrast with the rest of the burger and the overall umami experience is excellent. A little relish or ketchum helps take the edge off all the salt, actually, which is slightly overdone without a mayo- or aioli-based condiment or brioche bun to take the edge off – the mustard doesn’t quite cut it.

Overall, tremendous. I see no reason why I wouldn’t have a beyond burger in place of a regular meat burger anywhere it’s on offer. This is the thing sci-fi has been missing – why would we eat Soy-Protein rubbish in space, when the future is Beyond Meat?

Sides wise…

 

The wings were great if a little mild and on the small side; excellent crunch, smooth if not-super-spicy buffalo sauce. Go heavier on the Frank’s next time! The spring onion garnish was functional as it was aesthetically pleasing.

The rosemary fries are as good as rosemary fries get. Which is to say, pretty good, although a little heavy on the, erm, rosemary for me. Crisp, full of potato flavour, well seasoned, and excellent with a dollop of ketch and mayo.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5 -is its unweighted score as a burger. As a vegan burger, it’s 6/5. Best I’ve ever had. Noting that I’ve not yet tried the impossible burger and my veggie/vegan burger reppertoire has been relatively limited.
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5
Value – 4/5 – £11.5 for burger and fries.

Burger rating – 4/5 – I would happily have this on any repeat visit to Honest, in place of a meat burger, and not just to be good to the environment.

The deets

Honest Burgers is prolifertaing. Find your nearest here.

Bottle of Sauce, Ambrose Street, Cheltenham

One of the best burgers in Britain

Burger source

A group of friends were going away for a weekend; naturally, with me as one of them, we googled for the best burgers in town. And Google told us about the Bottle of Sauce. Just over a year old, the pub/restaurant is clearly gaining a cult following – it was packed, with everyone from people on dates to large groups of friends who had it pegged as the perfect location to start their night out.

There’s not much information about the pub, or the ‘Dodo family’ it’s part of on its website, but the parent site tells us that it is part of a small independent chain of social-centric pubs called the Dodo Pub company. Founded 8 years ago, the owners seem to be on a mission to reinvent dilapidated pubs as community hubs, with great food and booze:

Our mission is to set up unique neighbourhood pubs for local communities, all the while continuing to develop our interest in good food, good drink and good design and sharing this passion with our wonderful and loyal customers.

They are onto something good… with their burgers made from dry-aged prime cuts of beef, ground in-house and served pink by default and… well, wait for the meat of it.

The order

Simples – we’d already been out for a few hours, so couldn’t deal with overcomplicated ordering. 6 ‘Big D’ burgers, 5 fries, 3 portions of buffalo wings and one portion of buffalo fries between the six of us. The Big D burger has a seeded bun, the beef, crispy bacon, cheddar, dodo burger mayo, caramelised onions, lettuce. Simples.

The meat of it

HOLY CRAP. This was unexpected. We’re in a pub in Cheltenham, but somehow the medium rare bite of this burger is one of the best balanced, juiciest and, frankly, most gloriously sumptuous burger eating experiences of my life.

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I’ll wind back. Delivering burgers on a tray as they did mean the presentation impact isn’t about an elegant plate but more a ‘wall of meat’ experience. It was an imposing delivery; we weren’t complaining. The stack was fine – no issues with construction, though the juiciness of the meat was combining with dodo sauce to drip onto the tray. A good sign, on reflection. The bacon, two long, crisp strips of perfectly flat, is arranged in a cross hatch. The rest of the toppings are underneath the burger. The bun is seeded, non-brioche.

And the taste…. Whilst, being extremely critical, I would argue that the patties could have done with marginally more seasoning, this is some of the finest meat I’ve ever had in a burger. Coarse ground, loose packed, perfectly pink and with a high fat ratio (I’d guess 70/30), melty cheese and crisp, crunchy bacon, every mouthful is a delight. The caramelised onions and salad, melded seamlessly in with the dodo sauce, provide a sweet counterpoint, and the sturdy seeded bun holds up admirably. I practically inhaled the burger.

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The sides; the fries (Rosemary sea salt fries, sorry!) are crisp on the outside, squidgy on the inside. Thicker than regular fries, I won’t pretend I noticed the rosemary taste (milder than Honest Burger’s take on this), but really very well done. The Buffalo fries were extraordinary; unlike chilli fries the buffalo sauce doesn’t make them too soggy, but the slick, spicy tang of buffalo sauce melded beautifully with those near-perfect fries.

The wings were good too – nothing extraordinary, I’d have liked a bit more crunch to them under the sauce, but the sauce was perfect, and the blue-cheese dip was fine too. The chicken was high quality, juicy but not too fatty, and perfectly cooked.

Wow. Go to Cheltenham *just* so you can spend a few hours in this pub. As a bonus, the atmosphere was jumping, the staff were friendly, and the drinks (we had a house Bourbon cocktail) weren’t bad at all.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5 – held up admirably
Build – 5/5 – beautifully constructed
Burger – 5/5 – possibly tied with Dip & Flip and marginally ahead of Bleecker Street  my mind
Taste –  5/5 – better than the some of its parts
Sides – 4.5/5 – buffalo fries FTW!
Value – 4/5 – Sides are pricey but good, cocktails are cheap, burgers are average by London standards.  But it’s probably expensive for Cheltenham – about £25 for burger, sides and a drink a piece

Burger rating – 5/5 – Just amazing.

The deets

Ambrose Street is fairly central in Cheltenham. If you’re a group of more than 8 people, you can book a table, otherwise just turn up. We got there around 8pm on a Saturday and had little problem finding a space (though we were sat in the outdoor courtyard area). Book your trip now!