Tag: fries

Red Dog Saloon, Berwick St, Soho

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Hefty, chewy, tasty burger option

Burger source 

Red Dog Saloon purports to be all about ‘Austin, Tx’ BBQ, but the menu features Buffalo Wings (Buffalo, New York), Philadelphia Cheesesteak (famously from Philadelphia), Po Boys (Louisiana), Nashville Hot Wings (guess?), St Louis Pork Rib (at a loss as to where this one is from)… so, well… maybe all the food that’s from elsewhere in the USA is terrible? Regardless, I went for a burger, of which there are a grotesque multitude, with toppings as varied as fried egg, cheese whiz, habanero peppers, mozzarella sticks and onion rings. All the burgers come in multiples of 5oz patties, going single, double, XL (presumably a triple?) and double XL (perhaps a quad, or 20oz of beef).

I’m a fan of simpler choices, here…

The order 

…so went for the standard cheeseburger, featuring fresh cut onion, American cheese, homemade dill pickle, baby gem, and their eponymous red dog sauce. I added bacon, because, as the young people in 2010 said, YOLO.

We shared a side of fries (it was lunchtime, after all).

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

I almost immediately regretted going for a double, as their singles would have been plenty. But it is a beautiful stack, resplendent with melty cheese, well charred patties, a glistening brioche and a healthy dose of fresh bright lettuce.

In cross section…

The heft of this burger is obscene. The meat is cooked well done, which is a shame, but on the plus side, it is coarse ground and loose packed. The bacon is thick cut and generously portioned, the red dog sauce is in evidence but not overwhelming, and there’s the occasional hint of pickle camouflaged in the lettuce.

First taste… you are slammed with flavour; the red dog sauces reminded me of In & Out’s animal style toppings, adding moisture, light spice and smoothing out the salty tang of melty cheese, well seasoned beef and chewy, moreish bacon. The patty is tough – overcooked and chewy – but good quality meat, albeit uncomplicated. None of the pungency of dry-aging, no 11 herbs and spices – simple, well seasoned, yum. The salad was a crisp and necessarily bland compliment, helping balance the umami, and the pickles – well, I could have done with more pickles given the quantity of meat. Again, my mistake for not just getting a single. Not bad at all, in all.

The fries…

Despite their pale-ness, these were crisp and well seasoned, with a good fluffy exterior. Solid, but unexceptional, and a pleasant complement. I’m glad we shared these as the burger was just mahoosive (I believe that’s the technical term) and these could probably have been left as surplus to requirements had we not been feeling greedy.

Soft drinks as sides (this was a lunch meet, after all), so nothing exciting to report there.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – solid   
Value – 4/5 – £26 for double burger, shared fries and soft drink each in Soho, £52 in total. Not outrageous  

Burger rating – 4/5 – whilst individual components left bits to be desired, the whole was enjoyable. Would go again, order a single, ask them to be more generous with the pickles, and attempt to order it medium… 

The deets 

There’s a few around. Find a convenient one at the Red Dog Saloon website. 

Spielburger, Everyman Cinema, Hampstead, London

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A messy delight

Burger source 

The Everyman Cinema is a chain of privately owned upmarket cinemas that seems to have recognised that with streaming – cinemagoing needed to transform from transactional to experiential. Amazing, plush surroundings, brilliant staff, an attached restaurant in Spielburger, a good cocktail selection and more help justify the hefty ticket prices, table service (in the cinema, too!) and more. Going with my brother – both a fellow cinephile and a professional writer and producer – on one of his trips to the UK, made it a special treat.

The film? Furiosa: a Mad Max Saga. The burger? Wait and see.

The order 

Eating with my brother is always a sharing experience. So we shared the 1216 – Spielburger’s messiest burger (we were offered – and accepted – it cooked medium), featuring dry-aged beef, cured bacon, harissa mayo, potato scraps (!) and red leicester cheese, served with fries. We also got some sides – mini chorizo, garlic dough balls and  buttermilk fried chicken. To drink, I had a pretty in pink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s good presentation – gratuitous knife through the centre notwithstanding. glossy bun, melty cheese, scraps of potato everywhere… bacon luxuriating beyond the perimeter of the bun, and hints of freshness from the salad and pickle eking their way out.

In cross section…

The lighting, as it so often is for the express purpose of burger photography, was underwhelming. But you can still see – the bun, with its light crumb and glossy sheen, is holding up to a heft of a patty – at least 6oz, perhaps more. The meat is coarse ground, loosely packed, and was cooked medium. The harissa mayo is generous and leaking out, but there’s not too much grease; structural integrity is maintained.

First bite… the patty is slightly underseasoned, but very tender, and very tasty. The dry-aged funk comes through from the meat; the cheese lends an unguent, gooey bind, and the harissa mayo adds an ever-so-gentle heat. If the potato scraps were meant to add crunch, they didn’t; perhaps we left it too long after it was served to notice. The pickle was slight and brought intermittent sweet, sour brightness. The bacon added the needed salt but could have been slightly crispier (again, possibly our fault for taking too long with our side dishes). Despite the brilliant texture of the cheese, I tend to find Red Leicester too indistinct to cut through the flavour… but there was enough going on. The complexity worked, just, though it was bordering on chaotic energy, and I enjoyed my half of a 1216. Though I’d be tempted to go more basic on a return visit…

As to the sides, and the drink…

The buttermilk fried chicken was a little dry, but the dipping sauce (a garlicky yoghurt) balanced it out. The doughballs were dense, and well cooked, but the garlic butter was massively overseasoned. The chorizo – hot, rich, paprika-y – were also oversalted (and messy). But for the kind of food it was, it was hot, rich, tasty and filling.

The pretty in pink cocktail – berry gin, strawberry, coconut milk and lime – was a brilliant balance of sweet and sour (emphasis on the sweet, just to my liking).

All that food, a couple of cocktails, fabulous service – came to just under £60 including service. Not too bad given the cinema tickets themselves were rocking £45…!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5 – perhaps being a little generous given the salt and dry-ness issues, but the fries were excellent   

Value – 4/5 – decent for an upmarket place.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – in the upper echelons of upmarket burgers; well cooked, great environs, fab service. A few small details and it good get into promotion territory.

The deets 

There are Everymans all over. Check out the website for your local – the one in Hampstead is lush.

And the film? Other than some slightly excessively indulgent moments of dialogue – well, monologue really – for Chris Hemsworth, it’s fabulous. A really brilliantly executed prequel, peppered with spectacularly creative and choreographed action and moments of real heartbreak and poignancy, without ever dipping into twee hollywoodness.

The Breakfast Club, Southwark Street, London

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Small but perfectly formed

Burger source 

The Breakfast Club – proud purveyors of comfort food – is round the corner from my previous workplace, and I’d always looked into its crowded space when I went past hoping to be the kind of person who is organised enough to book a table at the popular breakfast/burger spot, but never had the wherewithal to do so. Meeting up with an old friend nearby, we  strolled past and found it nearly empty and so seized the opportunity.

The restaurant itself – has café/diner vibes (it’s a caf, full stop, says its website) combined with a touch of speakeasy (there’s a password protected – literally – bar underneath the main restaurant). Menus are simple and options are limited, service is homely and brisk, and there’s a small – but decent – cocktail suggestion hinting at more to come downstairs. It was… cosy, in the low lighting, a nice respite from the summer rains spitting around irrepressibly outside.

The order 

I had the bacon and applewood burger, which came with fresh lettuce, tomato, pickles, crisp bacon, smoked red cheddar, spicey roasted jalapenos, smashed ‘brown’ (hash brown?) pickled red onions bacon on the standard patty, all enclosed in a brioche bun and basted with ‘virgin mary’ mayo. We shared sides – £7 for two – corn ribs and fries. A club mai tai was my drink of choice.

The meat of it 

First look – it’s a well made, fairly conventional looking diner-style burger. Controversially (for things that pass as controversial in the worlds of burger tasting and emoji design) the salad is atop the bacon, not protecting the lower bun from the meat juices. There’s a good melt on the cheese, a robust hash brown sits in the middle of it all, the salad looks bright and fresh, the crisp bacon is peeking out the side, and the bun has good height and a reassuring glisten.

In cross section… the melt is even more evident, as is the modest scale of the patty itself relative to the toppings. The generosity in the cheese serving is also clear, and the softness of the bun.

First bite, and I’m instantly hit with the salty umami of the cheese, the savoury crisp of the bacon, and sweet brine from the pickle. A gentle burn emerges, presumably from the tabasco in the virgin mary sauce, possibly from the jalapeno. It’s actually a delightful contrast, and far from seeming stingy, the ratios are perfectly balanced. The patty – not quite crisp enough to be a smashburger, perhaps, again seems fairly diner-standard, but is perfectly seasoned, and in combination with the fresh, sweet salad, gives a delightful mouthful in every bite. The cheese is sharp and unguent, not quite as melty as American slices, but adding mouthfeel and saltness with every bite. The hash brown adds a small amount of crunch and a good amount to the mass and ratios in the burger.

To the last bite, this was a delight. Really a brilliant balance of standard burger construction. The bun – despite the lack of shielding from the burger – held up to the end. Highly recommend.

On the sides… the corn ribs (3 to a basket, a bit pricey) were fine but not surprising – just a standard corn in the cob cut into pieces for lols and fashion. They hadn’t take the opportunity to crisp it on the grill and add texture, or season and add flavour, so it really was just a pretty decent, but very standard corn (off the) cob. The fries – perfectly cooked, brilliantly seasons, crisp and fresh with starchy potato flavour in every bite – were also nigh on perfect.

The mai tai – was faultless. Sweet and sharp, perfectly balanced, a sweet dream in a glass. I’m not a mai tai pro but suspect that all their cocktails are solid.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 5/5 – in spite of the positioning of the salad, it looked and worked perfectly.
Burger – 4.5/5 – really with the toppings it was a perfect mouthful every time 
Taste –  4.5/5  – hard to fault
Sides – 4/5 – bigger portion and more creative corn ribs would have earned this a 5
Value – 3/5 – £19.50 for burger and two sides, ish, feels a lot given the size of everything, but I might just be in denial about the cost of living. Add on £10 for the cocktail and service… not a cheap night out

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – Very close to an ideal burger, of the type. Would recommend. 

The deets 

Minutes from London Bridge and slightly more minutes to Southwark, this is on a bustling corner opposite one of the exits from Borough Market. Well worth a stop in; the pancakes looked lush too.

Gothic Bar, Kings Cross, London

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Expensive, delicious, unholy mess of a burger

Burger source 

Part of the Midland Grand Dining Room, a bar in the wings of the ultra grand St Pancras Renaissance Hotel (on the site of the former Midland Grand Hotel for which it is name), the Gothic Bar is a super lush, very chilled (although pretty pricey) island of calm in the middle of the bustle of Kings Cross. A little way from the ultra modern developments of Coal Drops Yard, the bar has a distinct 19th century vibe – friendly, ultra attentive service, chatty and charming bar staff and management, amazingly dim lighting (sorry for the terrible photos), and a wonderful warmth and charm. The burger seemed a conceit of the bar menu (not the even posher restaurant), and it felt worth a go, despite frightening prices on the menu.

The order 

The “Grand” cheeseburger au poivre (because nothing makes a burger posh like two words in French) – at £21, two portions of fries between five of us (£7 a pop), and a main fried chicken dish as a side between us (£14 – for three large tenders).

It’s worth admiring the official photography and description, via Insta, from the Midland Grand folk:

A “pot” of pepper sauce being a dish. But let’s get into it.

The meat of it 

Obligatory, but disappointing after the model shot, is my pic:

The poor lighting detracts from the impact but it’s still amazingly close to the posed pic. Fresh lettuce on the bottom, a well seared patty with an amazing cheese melt, thick slices of home made pickle, and a shiny, soft bun. Some slight concerns about the bun/burger ratio, but let’s come back to that. First, the cross section. Prepare for an even worse picture.

Ok, there is a lot of bread vs. bun. But there’s fresh red onion, a pinkness to the coarse ground patty, and for the most part it retains structural integrity well.

First bite… and its good. Unctuous is the word – the gooey cheese binding and adding savoury bite, the bun providing (slightly too much) starchy padding for the soft, tender meat. Sweet salad and bright pickles bring contrast and texture and the combination is an absolute, messy delight, as fat drizzles out the far side of the burger. It takes careful eating. Initially – the burger feels too small, swimming in the bread. But it is so rich – between the high (25%+?) fat ratio, the generous melty cheese and the rest, it carries some heft. Being slightly critical – it feels intially slightly underseasoned and under-seared – a crisper texture wouldn’t have gone amiss.

But the “au poivre” pepper sauce? Absolute delight. Adds all the salt the burger needs, a light, breezy heat, more richness and depth – a joy. Would that the “pot” (dish) of sauce was slightly deeper, and slightly fuller, and dunking the fries in here would have been lush. It’s a delightful experience, hurt only by the crazy prices.

The sides?

The fries were a paradigm. Perfect potatoes, perfectly fried, perfectly seasoned, just a treat. Like the childhood memory of a McDonald’s fry, but with actual, consistent crispness and potato flavour. 5/5. £7 does buy a portion for sharing – it’s hefty.

The chicken tenders – we were told we’d get 4-5 pieces between us. We got three. I nabbed a whole one in the interests of science / this blog (the things I do for my art). It was crisp, hot, juicy, fresh – just great, especially dunked in the sweet-not-sharp garlic aioli. A pickle as a palate cleanser and bob’s your uncle.

A lot of money and a lot of food later – we were sated. Time for the final wrap.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – soft, not too sweet, only slightly oversized
Build – 5/5 – a thing of beauty
Burger – 4.5/5 – tad more seasoning and sear 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – great fries, good chicken, lots to delight, little to excite   
Value – 3/5 – £50 for burger, share of chicken, share of fries, and three half-pints a piece. Ish.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – this was great. It loses a point because it is not £30 burger and fries great – there are lots of places that will be a third cheaper than this and almost / as good – including the very good Double Standard across the road. 

The deets 

Turn right onto Euston Road when you exit Kings Cross, past the ultra posh hotel, and you’ll find the Gothic Bar (and the Midland Grand) in the West Wing. Worth a visit, save up though – it’s ££££. To give you a sense of why they get away with this pricing? There was a metallic purple wrapped McLaren parked outside the hotel. There’s no accounting for taste.

Mrs Foggs, Broadgate Circle, London

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Tolerable cheese burger & fries

Burger source 

It was a convenient place for an industry friend and I to meet, and burgers were not top of mind. But they had them, and whilst I’m not sure of the connection between the bar’s Victorian-era explorer theme and cheeseburgers (maybe they explored NEW YORK CITY), I wasn’t complaining. Now, for no reason, this clip from WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS.

The order 

Basics – cheeseburger and skin on fries. The burger was billed as follows: a beef patty, American cheese slice, pickles, lettuce, tomato, mustard, ketchup, pretzel bun. The skin on fries – do what they say on the tin. Paired with a nice merlot.

Now, apropos of not very much, this clip from SIDEWAYS.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

That’s not a bad stack. Decent shine on a soft bun, bright salad supporting the lower bun from the patty, amazing melt on the (distinctly unamerican looking cheese – that’s not nearly Donald-Trump-tan orange enough for pureblood American cheese singles). But – nothing to complain about yet.

Cross section…

Right, the lighting is bad so it may be hard to tell but there’s good and bad here. Good – stack, bun sturdiness/pliability balance, the layering in the stack is good and evenly distributed, the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed – so far, so good really…

First bite…. soft bread, crisp salad, sweet pickle, decent bite to a – slightly overcooked – patty, the cheese added salt and the ketchup/mayo adds moisture. It’s not bad. But as you chew – you realise the meat is more than a little bland, and overcooked, which diminishes from the mouthfeel and flavour of what is otherwise a pretty well constructed burger.

The skin on fries… were fine. Decent seasoning, not uniformly hot or crisp, but decent at their best and still OK at their worst. Dunked in the provided mayo and ketchup (nice touch), these were a good accompaniment to the main meal, and came in a decent sized portion.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – really very good 
Build – 5/5 – well constructed, there was balance in the force
Burger – 3/5 – lack of seasoning and overdone-ness are significant faults
Taste –  3.5/5 – just not enough flavour or moisture to the burger. Slightly dry and underwhelming.  
Sides – 3.5/5 – solid but ultimately forgettable   

Value – 3/5 – £12.5 for the burger, another £4.50 for the fries, plus drinks plus side. Disproportionate to the quality.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – it was fine but the price, bland, overcookedness of it all knocked it down a few pegs from what could have been quite a good burger.. 

The deets 

These things are all over the place – who knew? The cocktails and drinks did – to be fair – look amazing and seemed like the main event. Go, experience the quirky Americana – find your nearest here.

Fat Hippo, Wardour Street, Soho

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Greasy, unctuous (mostly) flavourbomb

Burger source 

Hailing from Newcastle, Fat Hippo’s 13 year odyssey Southwards has seen it expand all over the North, the midlands, Scotland… and it finally arrived in London last year. The founders seem to suffer from a surfeit of descriptors, wanting to be known for their “great ingredients”, “good value”, “quirky flavour[ed]”, “indulgent” burgers and their “welcoming atmosphere.” True on all counts? Let’s see.

The order 

Whilst I tend to stick to the closest thing to a cheese and bacon burger, I’m also a big fan of ordering the eponymous burger, so I went that way – with a double (smash) patty, American cheese, smoked bacon, chorizo, onion rings + their Fat Hippo burger sauce. I chose skinny fries on the recommendation of the (entertaining, friendly, and yes, damnit, welcoming) waiter (hand cut wasn’t as crispy, apparently). We shared some buffalo wings (“Hot honey Buffalo + blue cheese crumb”) and after initially having a glass of blackcurrant squash and soda to keep the hydration up (love they have squash!), I had a Fat Hippo hillbilly lager – their ‘in house’ beer from Allendale brewery. How was it all? Let’s get into it.

The meat of it 

Presentation wise you can see this absolutely hits the ‘indulgent’ tick. The burger is about 9 inches tall, with the onion rings, which is obscene. But it looks good – beautiful melt on the cheese, crisp and fresh onion rings, lovely shine on the bun, smoked bacon peeking out the edges, and well seasoned fries on the side. But obviously it’s impractical to eat in this form so some surgery required before we can get to a cross section.

So I went down to a single onion ring in the burger but took a moment to look at the exposed stack. Amazing melt, crispy bacon, slightly disappointing to see the flaccid, super-market style chorizo in there (thicker and or crisp-fried would definitely have been better… but a much more manageable stack resulted from my fiddling and that led to this cross section…

This is pretty impressive – the meat is coarse ground, it’s a very even and smart looking patty stack, there’s a good ratio of sauce in there, the bun is robust and holding up well to the stack – although a little on the bready side, it is built to handle the aforementioned indulgence so, perhaps it’s all well thought through.

First bite… texture is perfect. The crisp onion ring gives way to sweet onion, there’s a bright umami flavour coming through from the bacon, the meat is soft and fatty and and perfectly bound by the melted cheese, and there’s some sweetness from the sauce. The burger is slightly underseasoned for my liking and the chorizo adds as little as you’d expect – a little paprika-ness, a little chew, but it’s a bit of a non-entity. The bread doesn’t feel as bready as you’d hope. Overall, though – really solid, and had it traded chorizo for more bacon and tapped a tiny bit more salt onto the meat when on the griddle, this would have been close to a perfect burger for my liking.

To the sides – the wings were really something – crisp, super juicy – but I found the blue cheese crumb overwhelming. I don’t mind a dip into blue cheese sauce with a buffalo wing but bits of it crumbled all over overwhelmed the buffalo sauce, which was probably a little on the light side for my spice preferences. The fries were just fine – decently crisp, decently seasoned, but unexciting (perhaps I should have experimented with the hand cut). The onion ring – pictured higher up – the one I extracted from the burger and had on its own – was stupidly sized – an onion half the size of my face was involved. It was ludicrously greasy and also slightly underseasoned but good and pretty much as advertised for a place that prides itself on feeding you messy food. And the lager… was not to my taste. Bitter and the exact opposite of moreish.

A good experience on the whole, though, lovely atmosphere, brilliant service (entertaining waited kept trolling Damian with his order, which is always a bonus).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 – a bit bready but not bad
Build – 4/5 – clearly impractical with the rings but generally solid
Burger – 4/5 – tiny bit more seasoning for a perfect burger 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – can’t score the wings or the fries too highly   
Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and side and two drinks, plus shared wings.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really pretty good 

The deets 

Wardour street for Soho, there’s one in Shoreditch, and they’re up and down the country now. Find out more here.

Beer + Burger, Kings Cross, London

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Great burger, meh packaging

Burger source 

So both the beer and the burgers take equal billing, but honestly? The beer wins. 20 different draft beers on tap, a fridge full of weird and wonderful cans – there’s a lot of choice. Shame I’m not a huge beer fan, but that’s what it is.

The order 

I had a bacon cheeseburger – two smashed patties, American cheese, pickles, diced red onions, their signature ‘goop’ sauce and maple candied bacon. We shared their Seoul Wings – crispy fried chicken wings in a sweet and spicy Korean sauce – as well as regular fries, sweet potato fries, and the filthy, filthy dirty fries – fries, cheese, buffalo sauce, gravy, jalapenos and ranch. Yes, it was a lot, but there were three of us so… we shared.

For the beer – I asked for the beer that tasted least like beer and drank a strawberry beer that almost didn’t taste like beer. Perfect.

The meat of it 

Fast food style wrapping gives way to a tidily presented and well crafted burger. Strong char on the meat, layered pickles, goop, patties, melty cheese and the crisp, candied maple bacon on top. The goop sauce oozes but doesn’t drip – a good balance.

First bite – UMAMI CITY, baby. This thing is all about the salt – there’s no evident sweetness from the bacon, just crisp, chewy, salty bite. The burger patties are well-seasoned, well-cooked and delicious – the cheese is fully melted and binds the whole lot together. The goop is hard to distinguish but seems to add even more savoury-ness. The pickles are slightly drowned out by the mass of salt, but the red onion does cut through with some fresh brightness. The bun – is soft, but cold and untoasted – it doesn’t hold up brilliantly and starts to crumble as we go.

It’s good, on the whole – tasty and moreish – but it’s just off balance. Too much salt, not enough sweet. Too much goop, not enough crunch.

On the sides… brace yourself.

The Seoul wings were good – meaty, hot, crisp, juicy, and leaving a faint hint of heat and sweet tanginess behind. Can’t comment to their authenticity – probably a tad on the mild side, I’m no expert – really tasty though.

The regular fries were, well, unexceptional. Crisp and well seasoned, but there was nothing stand-out in the flavour. The sweet potato fries were crisp and soft centred, and whilst I’m not generally a fan, these were well done. The dirty fries – were absolutely filthy. I’m never sure quite what this kind of dish is meant to be – the fries are soggy with gravy, the cheese is melty but the flavour is all over the place with ranch cool, gravy saltiness, light heat from the buffalo – all coming through at the same time. The fries are the same unexceptional ones but now – poutine like – this Frankenstein’s monster of a dish comes to life. It was moreish as hell despite the utter chaos of flavours involved.

To drink? My strawberry beer. Strawberrylicious.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5 – soft, crumbling, cold, and not sweet enough to make up for the rest
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – bump for the wings and the dirty, dirty fries   
Value – 3/5 – £27+ for burger and sides + beer felt punchy for the quality  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – good, not great

The deets 

There’s a few branches across North & Northeast London – well worth a visit, and ask them to toast or steam your bun… and maybe add ketchup and you’ll be grand. If you love beer, I think you’re going to have a great time. Find it here.

Cosy Club, Northgate Street, Chester

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It was fine. I said fine, OK?

Burger source 

I was struggling – there were a lot of good things on the menu of the Cosy Club – creative dishes, some healthy, some indulgent, almost all more exciting than a burger. I got myself down to a few options… and when I asked for help from the waitress, she guided me to the burger. FATE.

The restaurant choice itself was guided by the need for a family-friendly venue as we overnighted in Chester on our way further North to meet up with a friend for a few days. We’d had a brilliant afternoon at Chester Zoo so naturally the kids (well, Zoe, our youngest anyway) was/were somewhat tuckered out, so we didn’t venture far from our hotel…

The Club itself is a chain, with a fair few sites, though this – new – branch was a first for me. Despite the fact there’s one in my local town…

The order 

Modern fixtures with a classic trim, this restaurant had style if not a great deal of atmosphere on a sleepy Wednesday night in the Summer holidays. Service was brilliant – fast, polite, friendly and handled Amanda’s nut allergy and the kids miscellaneous fussiness with no complaint.

I went for the House Burger – replete with signature burger sauce, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickle with fries and slaw – and added cheese to top it off. At around £16, it’s not for the faint hearted…

The meat of it 

[Main review] 

Presentation is not bad. The salad’s in the right place, the bun is toasted (perhaps a bit too much), there’s a good melt on the cheese, the slaw looks fresh and bright – and not drenched in mayo – and the fries look decent. Let’s go in for the close up.

Ok – the stack is good. The bun is soft and compacts a fair bit – but the excessive toasting helps it maintain structural integrity. The beef – you can see – has a coarse grind, but is very compacted. The salad remains bright, the cheese binds, and a good amount of burger sauce frames it. Let’s go to the first taste…

The char comes through immediately – both from the slightly blackened bun and the firm, hard sear the burger clearly had in the cook. But it’s not overwhelming and actually adds a pleasant smokiness. The burger is a little chewy, overcooked and slightly underseasoned, but has good flavour. The burger sauce adds a brilliant binding sweetness, the cheese an extra umami oopmh, and there’s fresh crispness from the salad. The pickle adds a – slight – vinegar tang – it’s not a paragon of its kind but is fine – and the whole comes together better than the sum of its parts would have you expect. But it’s expensive for an ‘ok’, pub style burger, especially when you consider…

  • the slaw – uninspired, underseasoned and possibly under-lemoned, this adds crunch but little flavour.
  • the fries – well cooked, self-seasoned skin-on fries, these are good… crisp on the outside, fluffy potato flavour within – but it’s not a generous portion, simply plated to look like it is

So good, but not great.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3.5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 3/5
Taste –  3/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – let down by the slaw and portion size   
Value – 2.5/5 – too much for a thing that was just OK.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – probably should have had the seabass Amanda went for – looked amazing. 

The deets 

Find your local here if you’re keen – probably skip the burger, fine though it was – it wasn’t special and wasn’t worth the sticker price.

TGI Fridays, Retail Park, Southampton

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Pricey but serviceable nostalgia 

Burger source 

TGI Fridays is, to my mind, an artefact of my teenage years. I remember a trip to the Science Museum when I was at secondary school that ended there, with the teachers sipping cocktails that my classmates tried to spike with tabasco sauce (Mr Collins seemed to like his Tequila sunrise + hot sauce, which is less surprising today than it was then), and I remember loving the indulgence of the Americana. It had a resurgence in my early 20s because of the cocktails – oh, the cocktails – but I probably haven’t been to one in about 15 years. And it was on the occasion of a trip to see the musical SIX in Southampton with the elder kids that we picked it as a dinner venue, and so naturally – burgers were had. 

The order 

I had the Fridays glazed burger – described as “100% beef patty coated in our Fridays® Legendary Glaze, Monterey Jack cheese and crispy bacon. Served on a bed of lettuce, mayo, tomato, pickled red onions and extra Fridays® Legendary Glaze on the side.” Emily had a kids burger but was anxious it wouldn’t be enough food, so I got some corndogs for us to share (minus the mustard, because, kids, fussy, etc). And Izzy had a sundae to finish, whilst Emily ordered a £7.50 rocky road milkshake. £7.50 – seriously.

The meat of it 

Well, that is decent presentation. Good crust on the burger, sturdy looking (but soft) bun, bed of salad in the right place with duly julienned lettuce, amazing melt on the cheese, good colour and seasoning on the fries…. and a slightly suspicious pot of watery brown sauce – the aforementioned glaze.

Let’s take a closer look.

Cross section confirms the robustness of the stack. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely enough packed. The bun has a good texture, and the salad is bright and fresh. The back bacon is slightly on the floppy side – surprising given the American tendency to present bacon as fully hardened glass-like shards of streaky – but – so far, so good.

First taste… sweet bun, excellent seasoning on the burger. The melty cheese adds a binder and texture but little flavour; the bacon adds savoury bite but little texture. The meat is decent but not special – a little on the dry side, helped by the mayo in the burger, good texture and well balanced on the whole – but it is somewhat generic to taste. Overall, however, the effect is really not bad. The sauce – adds a – not entirely unpleasant – saccharine sweetness when I dipped either the burger or the fries in it – but would NOT recommend dousing the burger in it as described – it would have overwhelmed everything and likely rendered the meal inedible.

On the sides – the fries were crisp and heavily seasoned – slightly too much so – with (I think) rosemary salt and pepper. A bit heavy handed, but pleasant, and a dip on ketchup / mayo / the Fridays glaze took some of the edge off the salt.

The corndogs went down a treat with the kids and I was only able to snaffle a bite – I feel I should like these but the cornbreading is just too stodgy – I think I was hoping for a battered sausage sort of texture (amazingly, I’ve not had a corndog before despite seeing them feature in countless American TV-series) – and the corndog coating is just more bready/cakey. The cheese sauce was bland and served no purpose – it was ignored.

Emily was defeated by her rocky road shake – so I got to have a bit at the end. It was creamy, chunky, luscious indulgence, though the bottle poured caramel and chocolate sauce gave it a slightly chemical feel.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – good fries, meh corn dogs   
Value – 3/5 – £16.50 for burger & fries, £9.50 for two corn dogs, £7.50 for a milkshake – you get it. Not budget friendly.  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – fine. Just fine.

The deets 

Find your Fridays wherever you are, there’s still a fair few around. This one is a 10 minute walk from the Mayflower theatre and not a bad option for those of us with fussy kids (or burger loving parents).

Now: I need to get to Hard Rock Cafe…

Fountain & Ink, Stamford Street, London SE1

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Near perfect patty smash double cheese burger, magic fries

Burger source 

I was searching for a convenient place to meet a friend near Blackfriars that we hadn’t tried before, and this bar showed up with positive reviews. It had a smash burger on the menu, and I thought little else of it till we got there.

The order 

The Smash burger describes itself thus:

Smash Burger, double patty, double cheese, onion, pickles, skin on fries

I think it’s fair to say that’s understated. Let’s see how it panned out.

The meat of it 

The understatement carries on through the plating. This is… well, a little basic. But practical – space on the plate, everything doing exactly what it needs to do. Looks nice, though – strong melt on the cheese, lovely crust on the patty, good gloss on the bun, tidy presentation. Can’t complain.

And the cross section…

It’s brilliant. Soft bun, good density, perfectly balanced with a burger that may seem a little dry but isn’t. The stack is literally perfect – nothing to fault here – very well assembled.

First bite…. Soft bun, well seasoned crust, juicy burgers bound in melty cheese. Brilliant texture. Second bite got me in range of the sharp, smooth, mustardy burger sauce, which adds depth and heat. The meat is coarse ground but vigorously smashed, and well seasoned. There’s a light hint of meaty funk that makes me think of dry-aged steak.

The pickle added an absolutely delightful crunch, though could have added even more sweetness and acidity to balance out the savoury smorgasbord of the rest of the burger. Utterly delightful – I have to really search for challenge, and if the worst thing you can say about a burger is that you’d have liked the pickle to be a bit more pickley, and for there to be a bit more of the delightful burger sauce… well, it’s top drawer.

The fries… were unexpected. They looked like completely standard skin on fries. They probably were fairly standard skin on fries. But something in either the potato of the preparation gave pretty well the perfect contrast of crisp, savoury, well seasoned outer shell with a good level of crunch… and an unbelievably smooth, pillowy interior. Like someone had fried mashed potato but magically added the structural integrity of a potato chip. Delicious, moreso dunked in the mayo and ketchup we asked for.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – those fries are crack, man
Value – 4.5/5 – £17 for burger, fries and service feels right for this type of bar in this part of town.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – wanted to order another one immediately

The deets 

On the walk down from Waterloo to Blackfriars, Fountain and Ink is marginally closer to the Waterloo end. A really cool venue, good lighting, music, beer selection, seating and the rest; definitely somewhere I’d be happy to go back to.