Category: Reviews

Bunsen’s, Botanic Avenue, Belfast

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All the good things, none of the bad

Burger source 

I’m in Belfast with some fabulous colleagues, to see some other fabulous colleagues, and so I do the only thing humanly possible to do when you come off a horrifically crowded flight – Google burger restaurants near your hotel so you can catch an early supper and some zzzs before a busy day ahead. Bunsen’s scored well in a variety of reviews, and the concierge at the hotel immediately confirmed that it was “class.” Checking out the website, everything about the method and ideology behind the burger concept is a thing of beauty – minimal complexity, maximum quality, thoughtfulness behind each element, from the choice of bun through to the choice of pickle and beyond.

The order 

The menu is reminiscent of In & Out, the options are so limited – and that is, as it is at In & Out, an absolute virtue. Beefburger, cheeseburger, add bacon, mess with the toppings (if you dare), double up, and have your choice of shoestring, hand cut or sweet potato fries. It’s printed beautifully on a business card, and I’m told that a local has been collecting the cards and using Bunsen’s price rises as a mechanism for tracking inflation, which puts a rather bougie spin on the Big Mac Index. Think about that, The Economist! Here it is, in all it’s elegant graphic design glory. Passes any vibe check.

I went for the cheese & bacon burger (single) with all their recommend toppings (bottomings) and the shoestring (read: slightly skinny) French fries, with a Sprite Zero on the side – but they had a great selection of wines and beers on offer too. As the meat’s ground on site, you get asked how you’d like it done – medium, natch.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

To take each picture in turn. It’s a simple, no-nonsense plating – the wax wrapper promises an oozy cheese and it doesn’t disappoint, as you can see as the soft bun and 5-6oz patty fold out of it. It looks soft, it looks inviting. The cross section (we asked for a knife) shows off the pink centre, the generous, crisp bacon portion, the cheese melt, and the merging of the salad with the ketchup/mayo/mustard combo that is their “punch that brings flavour to the table.”

First bite… and it is absolutely ON. This is a proper LFG moment, you want to hit the table and say ‘go on my son,’ it’s so good (and I never do either of those things). The patty is perfectly seasoned, crunch through the sear and a soft, juicy centre. The American cheese provides unguent, umami flavour with every bite, accentuated by the occasional crunch of crispy, streaky bacon, generously portioned and evenly distributed. The sauce does (as promised on the website) add punch, reminding me once more of In & Out, this time its trademark, mustard heavy Animal Style – mustard adding a gentle warmth, ketchup adding sweetness, mayo adding moisture. The bun is a paragon – soft yet – just – sturdy enough to hold up to the juices emanating from the luscious beef. The website says they have perfected their own blend of meats (this is 75% lean / 25% fat I suspect, not very demure – in fact wildly luxuriant), and the occasional bite of the crisp, sweet Jewish deli pickles adds sparkle to what is already an absolute diva of a burger.

One of the best I’ve had in a long time. Belfast, you legend.

The fries – well seasoned, crisp, hot, fresh — these have potato flavour despite being shoestring cut, and dunk well in ketchup or mayo. Reassuringly, the condiments are provided in bottles (none of those tiny artsy pots nonsense). The portion is ludicrously generous; think Five Guys level of excess fries.

Service was outstanding; we got the backstory of the restaurant (brothers wanting to create quality burger dining in Ireland), a sense of the economics of it (apparently their busier site in Belfast does a few million a year, excellent and brisk trade), the food philosophy (simple, quality, fresh food, well crafted), and a real sense of passion. Thanks Alan, you upgraded an already amazing dining experience with your quality chat and we appreciate you. And you’re right, Allen is clearly a last name.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5
Build – 5/5 – bun, sauce, salads, burger, cheese, bacon, pickles IIRC. Nowt to fault.
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – perfect, uncomplicated fries
Value – 5/5 – £19 a head for burger, fries and drink each, and one of us had a double and another had a milkshake, represents pretty good value by modern standards .  

Burger rating – 5/5 – regular readers know I can normally find a single note to give even the best burgers I eat. I had nothing for this. I’d like it exactly the same next time. Maybe Alan saw that in me and that’s why he said ‘see youse tomorrow,’ as we left. I’m really tempted. 

The deets 

If you’re visiting Ireland, North or South, make a trip to Bunsen’s. It’s just great. Find your nearest here.

Jensens Bøfhus, Holstebro, Jutland

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Very credible burger, but room for polish

Burger source 

Again, family holiday and needs must led us to Jensens after a morning’s shopping and exploring the local park in Holstebro, a town that my wife’s family have spent a lot of time in over the years. A bit of research tells me of its origins in the 80s, initially in Aarhus, then moving over to Holstebro and beyond. First as a restaurant, then a Scandinavian chain of restaurants and a butcher/kitchen producing meat-based ready meals for these here parts. Part of me was fearful we’d walked into the Danish equivalent of Aberdeen Angus Steakhouses (the prices certainly would reflect that), but it felt more Miller & Carter in the end, which is for the best. Anyway, broader translated backstory here if you want it!

The order 

I had a ‘beast burger’ – beef patty on a brioche bun with bacon, chipotle mayo, cheddar, BBQ sauce, salad, onion chutney and crispy onion rings. It was served with crispy fries and pot of mayo, and a good amount of lettuce too. The ‘special’ priced it at 149DKK (normally 199DK). In pounds, that’s £17 (down from about £22), so it’s pricey but not absurd, even by the standards of expensive Denmark.

The meat of it 

Presentation, uneven stack and absurd height of onion ring tower notwithstanding, is not bad. The fries look crisp and fresh (as advertised), the cheese has a brilliant melt on it, there’s generous amounts of crisp streaky bacon protruding, the salad is bright and fresh, the bun is toasted (on both sides – bit much), and the burger looks like it had a good sear.

Cross section…

There’s a coarse grind, and the lightest shade of pink (promised in the menu – Izzy’s kids burger is a more promising pink). The chipotle mayo oozes out, as does the generous onion relish and BBQ sauce. The bun is overtoasted – it crunches as I half the burger for the picture – and it’s hard, due to the uneven stack, to get a clean 50/50 split. I do the best I can and make a bit of a mess of it.

First taste… discounting for the slight crunch on the brioche (which you want to be soft!), the stack is surprisingly well balanced on first bite. There’s salty crunch from the bacon and light heat from the chipotle mayo. There’s tender bite from the meat which is still juicy and melt-in-your-mouth more-ish (although better if pinker). The sweet relish counters the salt – perhaps too much, if I’m being critical. Textures are spot on, flavours are – almost – in balance – there’s a lot to like. But – again – with the eye of a critic – the patty itself is under seasoned and the bun is too large for the meat, leaving to bready mouthfuls on your way through the burger. It’s good, but small corrections – bit more salt on the meat, bit less toast on the bun, bit more width to the patty, bit more even in the stacking – would have made this really excellent.

Which the fries were. Generous both in portion and in seasoning, a dusting of salt and paprika infused every bite with smoky, salty crunch. They were perfectly cooked with a soft centre despite the French fry cut. Dipped in ketchup or mayo – utter perfection. Although I couldn’t finish them – no cheffy portions in an artisan tin cup here, just as many as would fit on the plate – which is more than would fit in my belly!

I’d go back. It was a good experience. Service was excellent and kids’ portions were generous, food quality was high. Recommend!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  – overtoasted and oversized but good integrity
Build – 2/5 – not evenly assembled at all 
Burger – 4/5 – tasty but underseasoned and marginally overcooked
Taste –  4/5 – over  
Sides – 5/5 – the fries were amazing
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger and side, ish, seems decent for restaraunt food in DK  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really good experience 

The deets 

Find your local branch – if you’re visiting Scandinavia – here!

Grind, Broadgate Circle, Liverpool Street

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A posh McD’s double cheeseburger

Burger source 

I’ve popped into the Grind in both London Bridge and Liverpool Street a couple of times now; they are both vibey places with great drinks, good service and what looked like good food. When I met with a former colleague there to catch up on life and work and beyond, it seemed like a shame to not see if the burger lived up to the other positive attributes of the venue.

The order 

The Grind cheeseburger is served with dijonnaise, crispy shallots, pickle and skin-on fries. Let’s check it out.

The meat of it 

To the picture, maestro!

Two simultaneous first thoughts 1/ decent presentation and 2/ did they overtoast the bun? Followed by my admiration of the cheese melt, a bubbly feeling of pleasant surprise that the burger featured a double smash patty, and the glimpses of fresh pickle around the edges. Let’s see the cross section now.

Well, it’s well built – the lower bun holds up, the melt carries all the way through, the dijonaisse is evident but not overwhelming, the pickle and cheese are well dsitributed… but the bun is definitely over-toasted. It cuts with a crunch and looks dry, and also slightly crushed on service – the bun isn’t soft enough to spring back to shape after handling. The patties also look somewhat overdone, though it is hard to tell with smash patties. Let’s see.

First taste… there’s a healthy crust on the patties, but the meat isn’t too chewy – it gives way under just the right amount of pressure, filling your mouth with a rich, savoury explosion. It’s maybe just a smidge overdone. However, it’s well seasoned and the American cheese is very reminiscent of the McDonald’s varietals, in a good way – melty, savoury, binding the flavours together. The bread has a bit of crunch and chew – it is dried out from its run-in with the toaster and slightly disappointing. Second bite, and I found the djonnaise; it brings a little texture but no heat, with a light, creamy underside providing additional umami. The pickles struggled to cut through against the salt of cheese, beef and dijonnaise, but they did bring a light, bright crisp sweetness if you were looking for it – though definite room for improvement here too. A few more bites and I’m dipping it in ketchup – something is needed to cut through the salt explosion. The balance is just slightly off – salt, salt, salt, salt and crunch – and that’s your burger.

The fries – are exceptional. Skin on, medium cut but crispy, filled with soft, fluffy potato, perfectly crispy and well paired with the pots of mayo and ketchup. Not much else to report.

All in, with a couple of drinks, it came to about £27 including service a head. Pretty reasonable for the location (right behind Liverpool Street station) and the quality, given what inflation seems to have done to burgers in the main.

On the whole, I recommend this – I’d probably add ketchup and mayonnaise into the burger myself next time, to balance the salt, and ask them to just toast the bun on one side to soften the bun.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – close to perfect   
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger and side, which is apparently decent now.  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – less burnt bun, better managed sweet/salty contrast, improved cook on the beef, and higher quality, sweeter, fresher pickles would earn this the remaining points.

The deets 

There are a few Grinds around, in the city and in the E/SE of London. Find your nearest here.

Red Dog Saloon, Berwick St, Soho

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Hefty, chewy, tasty burger option

Burger source 

Red Dog Saloon purports to be all about ‘Austin, Tx’ BBQ, but the menu features Buffalo Wings (Buffalo, New York), Philadelphia Cheesesteak (famously from Philadelphia), Po Boys (Louisiana), Nashville Hot Wings (guess?), St Louis Pork Rib (at a loss as to where this one is from)… so, well… maybe all the food that’s from elsewhere in the USA is terrible? Regardless, I went for a burger, of which there are a grotesque multitude, with toppings as varied as fried egg, cheese whiz, habanero peppers, mozzarella sticks and onion rings. All the burgers come in multiples of 5oz patties, going single, double, XL (presumably a triple?) and double XL (perhaps a quad, or 20oz of beef).

I’m a fan of simpler choices, here…

The order 

…so went for the standard cheeseburger, featuring fresh cut onion, American cheese, homemade dill pickle, baby gem, and their eponymous red dog sauce. I added bacon, because, as the young people in 2010 said, YOLO.

We shared a side of fries (it was lunchtime, after all).

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

I almost immediately regretted going for a double, as their singles would have been plenty. But it is a beautiful stack, resplendent with melty cheese, well charred patties, a glistening brioche and a healthy dose of fresh bright lettuce.

In cross section…

The heft of this burger is obscene. The meat is cooked well done, which is a shame, but on the plus side, it is coarse ground and loose packed. The bacon is thick cut and generously portioned, the red dog sauce is in evidence but not overwhelming, and there’s the occasional hint of pickle camouflaged in the lettuce.

First taste… you are slammed with flavour; the red dog sauces reminded me of In & Out’s animal style toppings, adding moisture, light spice and smoothing out the salty tang of melty cheese, well seasoned beef and chewy, moreish bacon. The patty is tough – overcooked and chewy – but good quality meat, albeit uncomplicated. None of the pungency of dry-aging, no 11 herbs and spices – simple, well seasoned, yum. The salad was a crisp and necessarily bland compliment, helping balance the umami, and the pickles – well, I could have done with more pickles given the quantity of meat. Again, my mistake for not just getting a single. Not bad at all, in all.

The fries…

Despite their pale-ness, these were crisp and well seasoned, with a good fluffy exterior. Solid, but unexceptional, and a pleasant complement. I’m glad we shared these as the burger was just mahoosive (I believe that’s the technical term) and these could probably have been left as surplus to requirements had we not been feeling greedy.

Soft drinks as sides (this was a lunch meet, after all), so nothing exciting to report there.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – solid   
Value – 4/5 – £26 for double burger, shared fries and soft drink each in Soho, £52 in total. Not outrageous  

Burger rating – 4/5 – whilst individual components left bits to be desired, the whole was enjoyable. Would go again, order a single, ask them to be more generous with the pickles, and attempt to order it medium… 

The deets 

There’s a few around. Find a convenient one at the Red Dog Saloon website. 

Fallow, Haymarket, London

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Tasty but flawed – and expensive

Burger source 

Fallow‘s conceit is that is a place where “culinary creativity meets hospitality experience and passion.” That’s certainly how the menu is constructed, with inspired combinations of food and flavour on practically every plate, and the service was pretty excellent. Meat is a key attribute if not a defining feature of the menu, and the two “dairy cow” meat burgers on offer (one with rarebit cheese and shortrib, one with bacon, cheese & shallot alone)  stared temptingly at me. Why dairy cow meat? I didn’t ask, and the internet is awash with confusing answers. Some say a milder, less pronounced flavour, others say its inferior, others say there are some breeds where it tastes better. This one? Wait and see.

The order 

We shared (dairy) beef short rib to start (£13 buys you two), and then all had the dairy cow burger (feat, aged dairy cow, bacon, shallot, cheese, brioche bun, £19), and Koffman fries (£7). As you can see, the prices are not for the faint hearted.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

Well, it’s rather fetching. The brioche bun seems to have crisped off the baking sheet, the lettuce looks fresh and inviting, the cheese (American?) seems to have the most glorious melt and ‘fallow’ is branded into the top bun.

In cross section…

Some good, some concerning things become apparent. First – the meat – coarse ground, tender to the point of melting at room temperature, pink with what seems to be a good crust. The cheese melt maintains confidence; the bacon doesn’t seem enormously evident and the shallots… are confusing.

Let’s peek under the bun.

I normally wouldn’t bother with this view but when eating the first half of the burger, I couldn’t taste any bacon. And this explains it – a small rectangle of bacon is all that’s in evidence here, and you can see the uneven distribution of the shallots too. Minus points for assembly and toppings, I think.

As to taste – this is, after all, the important thing…. the first bite is luxuriantly tender, the culinary equivalent of a goose down pillow, giving way to the lightest pressure with the barest of resistance. The cheese – definitely some variant of processed American – provides unguent umami, flavour and binding texture all in one. The bun provides starchy counterbalance but the bottom half is sodden and imploding in the juices from this very fatty patty. It’s not bad, but a second bite (with less cheese and no bacon) draws attention to the slight underseasoning and the lack of a crunch in the crust. Perhaps a feature of the dairy cow meat, there’s no textural contrast in the burger – it’s all soft – and the flavour, despite the dry ageing, is mild – without the funk you might expect from dry-aged cattle that’s been reared for its meat. The crunch, unexpectedly, comes from the shallots, which seem mildly pickled and provide a sour-sweetness and light crunch – not unpleasant, but I’d have preferred a more traditional gherkin/burger pickle, ideally something “home made” in a sweet brine. And when I eventually find the bacon – it’s a good compliment, a mild bacon that pairs well with the extremely salty cheese. The whole is well balanced – a good thing given the absence of any burger sauce, relish or other sauce I could detect, this could easily have tipped over into dead-sea levels of oversalted. But the bacon lacks any crunch – either sodden by the pickles and burger juices, or just too thick cut to crunch like American streaky bacon can (at its – debatable I’m sure – best).

It’s good, in all. Not great, and unsure if it is worth £19 plus 15% service (yep).

As to the sides/starters…

The glazed dairy cow baby back ribs look sumptuous, and just as well at £6.50 a rib. It’s hard to know what to expect but the tender, melt-off the bone meat speaks to a perfected cooking process. The flavour is all salt – its like it’s been marinaded then stewed in marmite; the flavour is not subtle at all. A single rib was plenty to start – any more and you might have had to ask for BBQ sauce…

Google tells me that the ‘Koffman’ in ‘Koffman fries’ refers to the potatoes used for chipping, and I wish I’d spent more time considering the potato texture and flavour now because honestly you’re kind of blown away by the seasoning. A mix of smoked paprika, salt, and maybe garlic or onion powder – I’m guessing from memory – these fries are crisp on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside, and more generously portioned than it might looks. The savoury blast is immense, which seems a running theme of this menu, and I was glad of ketchup and mayo dunking pots to take the edge off. Good, all told.

To drink, I had the somewhat confounding rhubarb and custard spritz (£15) – feat No.3 gin, rhubarb, yogurt and vanilla. You’d be forgiven for expecting something at least somewhat creamy, but no, it was this (right):

The ping tinged drink is served short, in a glass flecked with rhubarb powder, which is irritating and keeps needing to be wiped off sticky fingers. It has a sweet/sour flavour that’s entirely pleasant, and a light carbonation that lifts the drink and establishes its place in a Summer drinks pantheon. It’s refreshing and light and very tasty. A couple of my friends had the frozen margarita – £14, served from a slushy machine – which was apparently very good also.

All told – a very pleasant experience of a Summer’s evening on the edge of Theatreland. It was definitely expensive – £60 a head all told – but I think if you’re less of a philistine than we are and after some of the more creative cuisine on offer, then it might have been a better all round experience. The hard sought reservation for burgers? Probably overkill. Though a couple of my friends ranked it amongst the best we’ve had on one of these evening excursions… I’m left feeling nostalgic for the Lord Wargrave pub.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  – soggy bottom
Build – 2.5/5 – uneven toppings, meagre bacon, middling shallots
Burger – 4/5 – slightly underseasoned, undercrusted
Taste –  4/5  – the whole was better than the sum of its parts
Sides – 4.5/5 – Herr Koffman, I salute you
Value – 3/5 – maybe not great value for burgers. 

Burger rating – 4/5 – it was good, but I’m honestly not in a hurry to have it again 

The deets 

Find it a little more than halfway down Haymarket towards the Mall; pop into the Haymarket Hotel bar for a digestif as we did and it’s a lovely way to spend a summer evening with friends. But I’d probably have something other than the burger, despite its positive attributes.

Spielburger, Everyman Cinema, Hampstead, London

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A messy delight

Burger source 

The Everyman Cinema is a chain of privately owned upmarket cinemas that seems to have recognised that with streaming – cinemagoing needed to transform from transactional to experiential. Amazing, plush surroundings, brilliant staff, an attached restaurant in Spielburger, a good cocktail selection and more help justify the hefty ticket prices, table service (in the cinema, too!) and more. Going with my brother – both a fellow cinephile and a professional writer and producer – on one of his trips to the UK, made it a special treat.

The film? Furiosa: a Mad Max Saga. The burger? Wait and see.

The order 

Eating with my brother is always a sharing experience. So we shared the 1216 – Spielburger’s messiest burger (we were offered – and accepted – it cooked medium), featuring dry-aged beef, cured bacon, harissa mayo, potato scraps (!) and red leicester cheese, served with fries. We also got some sides – mini chorizo, garlic dough balls and  buttermilk fried chicken. To drink, I had a pretty in pink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s good presentation – gratuitous knife through the centre notwithstanding. glossy bun, melty cheese, scraps of potato everywhere… bacon luxuriating beyond the perimeter of the bun, and hints of freshness from the salad and pickle eking their way out.

In cross section…

The lighting, as it so often is for the express purpose of burger photography, was underwhelming. But you can still see – the bun, with its light crumb and glossy sheen, is holding up to a heft of a patty – at least 6oz, perhaps more. The meat is coarse ground, loosely packed, and was cooked medium. The harissa mayo is generous and leaking out, but there’s not too much grease; structural integrity is maintained.

First bite… the patty is slightly underseasoned, but very tender, and very tasty. The dry-aged funk comes through from the meat; the cheese lends an unguent, gooey bind, and the harissa mayo adds an ever-so-gentle heat. If the potato scraps were meant to add crunch, they didn’t; perhaps we left it too long after it was served to notice. The pickle was slight and brought intermittent sweet, sour brightness. The bacon added the needed salt but could have been slightly crispier (again, possibly our fault for taking too long with our side dishes). Despite the brilliant texture of the cheese, I tend to find Red Leicester too indistinct to cut through the flavour… but there was enough going on. The complexity worked, just, though it was bordering on chaotic energy, and I enjoyed my half of a 1216. Though I’d be tempted to go more basic on a return visit…

As to the sides, and the drink…

The buttermilk fried chicken was a little dry, but the dipping sauce (a garlicky yoghurt) balanced it out. The doughballs were dense, and well cooked, but the garlic butter was massively overseasoned. The chorizo – hot, rich, paprika-y – were also oversalted (and messy). But for the kind of food it was, it was hot, rich, tasty and filling.

The pretty in pink cocktail – berry gin, strawberry, coconut milk and lime – was a brilliant balance of sweet and sour (emphasis on the sweet, just to my liking).

All that food, a couple of cocktails, fabulous service – came to just under £60 including service. Not too bad given the cinema tickets themselves were rocking £45…!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5 – perhaps being a little generous given the salt and dry-ness issues, but the fries were excellent   

Value – 4/5 – decent for an upmarket place.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – in the upper echelons of upmarket burgers; well cooked, great environs, fab service. A few small details and it good get into promotion territory.

The deets 

There are Everymans all over. Check out the website for your local – the one in Hampstead is lush.

And the film? Other than some slightly excessively indulgent moments of dialogue – well, monologue really – for Chris Hemsworth, it’s fabulous. A really brilliantly executed prequel, peppered with spectacularly creative and choreographed action and moments of real heartbreak and poignancy, without ever dipping into twee hollywoodness.

Victoria Stakes, Muswell Hill, London

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An unassuming cheeseburger that surprises and delights

Burger source 

I was visiting a friend in North London and he recommended this local pub that specialised in ‘meat’ (slight overstatement, despite the ‘stakes’ in the title); rather this is classic North London gastropub fayre – locally, ethically sourced produce, prepared with love and friendly-local vibes. Lovely atmosphere, especially if you’re the sort of person who likes extra botanicals in his gin.

The order 

The burger is as follows: short-rib cheeseburger, chipotle mayo, pickle, tomato, onion, lettuce, [red cabbage] slaw & fries.

The meat of it 

It looked a little homely on the plate. Getting a decent angle on the burger in the lighting was hard – it’s an immense (8oz at a guess) patty, the bun looks deceptively ordinary and curiously toasted. The chipotle mayo looks concerningly thin and the skin-on fries – well, they look spot on. Out of shot – you’ll see a quenelle (don’t ask me why) of red cabbage.

Cross section time, ‘scuse the lighting.

The heft on the burger is immediately apparent; as is the enormous buffalo tomato slice, the thick slices of pickle, the bright, fresh lettuce, the softness of the bun, the coarse grind on the beef – coupled with its well-doneness – the even melt on the cheese and the puddles of grease on the plate. A lot was adding up.

First bite… it’s juicy; there’s a sour-spicy tang from the chipotle mayo. The pickle adds crunch but is very mild; the salad adds juicy brightness. The cheese adds a savoury goo; the beef itself has good texture; perhaps slightly underseasoned and slightly overcooked but it doesn’t suffer greatly for it. The bun is extraordinary – soft and pliant whilst being robust enough to hold up to the gravitational field that the burger exudes, at risk as it is of collapsing into its own event horizon. The combination is really very good – sweet, salty, sour, fresh – whilst at the same time beefy, gooey and indulgent – it hits a lot of good notes.

The sides – the fries are excellent – well cooked, crisp and fresh with just enough potato-ey bite, perfectly seasoned. The coleslaw – meh. Mushy and indistinct, without the crunch and zing you’ll get from a more traditional ‘slaw. Room for improvement!

Overall – a really good experience. Good service, good food, well prepared in a lovely environment. Recommend!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5.5/5  – something really special here
Build – 4/5 – it does get messy – a lot of beef
Burger – 4/5 – cook it less, season it more, and possibly shrink it slightly 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4.5/5 – small deduction for the unimpressive quenelle of coleslaw   
Value – 4/5 – £17 for burger, fries and coleslaw – with a pint and a tip, £28 a head. Not cheap but not ridiculous.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – would definitely go again. 

The deets 

1 Muswell Hill. A map will get you there, as will this link to Victoria Stakes’ website.

Manna, Arcade Tottenham Court Road, London

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Small but perfectly formed halal burger

Burger source 

Trying to find somewhere convenient, available and new to review for this blog isn’t trivial. But Manna reviewed well elsewhere and sounded delightful, bringing inspiration from “diner culture and regional fast food joints in the States.” The website promises that: “every dish on the menu is designed to be the best and most luscious verision of itself.”

Well, let’s see.

The order 

I had the smash burger – smashed patty, American cheese, mustard, ketchup, mayo, pickles, diced onions. Simple – but hard to fault. I then proceeded to get confused about the menu and tried the shawarma fries that were not from Manna but from Shatta and Toum, another resident restaurant in Arcade, so I won’t review that here – I did try one of my dining companion’s waffle fries, which are a Manna creation so I’ll talk to those instead.

The meat of it 

Let’s look again at the burger.

Scale is hard to gauge here, but it is small. Really small. Palm of my hand small. But you can see promising signs – the hard sear you hope for in a patty smash. A delightful melt on the cheese. A soft shine on the bun, the glisten of the grease escaping onto the wrapper, and small rivulets of the mustard/ketchup/mayo sauce, seeking a path to freedom.

In cross section, you see some good and some bad things. The bun is so soft, it’s compressed to be wafer thin. The patty is coarse ground and delightfully pink. The cheese is oozing. There’s a good spread of pickle in there, and the onion and sauces. It’s promising. The main bad thing, other than the compressed bun… once again, it’s small. There’s no heft, its displacement is low.

First taste… the crunch of the hard sear, the healthy seasoning, the soft, sweet bun gives way. Delightful, unctuous, salty, gooey beefiness comes in each mouthful. The bun – holds integrity, despite its compression, and in relative to the sliver-like patty – well, it is actually well proportioned. The bright, fresh pickle and crisp onion adds brightness and further sweet crunch. The swirl of mayo, mustard and ketchup essentially puts an In-and-Out-reminiscent ‘animal style’ onto your taste buds. The combination is near perfect. I’m left wanting more.

After a £10 tiny burger, a £5 portion of waffle fries delivers everything you want waffle fries to deliver. Well seasoned, crisp on the outside, soft, hot and fresh interior. So much surface area holds so much flavour and crunch, with pliant, well cooked potato on the inside. Full points.

To drink – I had a mojito. Not always my drink of choice but they used Santiago de Cuba run – a favourite – and it was properly reminiscent of a trip to Cuba in the early 2000s with my friends, drinking the herba-bueno garnished local Cuban mojitos – though at £11.50, substantially more expensive than the $2 cocktails in Havana.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 – docking half a point for it being too small 
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 – value punishment, £5 for waffle fries was a lot, despite their wondrousness   
Value – 4/5 – £15 for burger and side, ish.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – highly recommended. 

The deets 

There’s a couple of Arcades – one just outside Tottenham Court Road tube, on New Oxford St, the other in Battersea. More info at the website, here.

Mrs Foggs, Broadgate Circle, London

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Tolerable cheese burger & fries

Burger source 

It was a convenient place for an industry friend and I to meet, and burgers were not top of mind. But they had them, and whilst I’m not sure of the connection between the bar’s Victorian-era explorer theme and cheeseburgers (maybe they explored NEW YORK CITY), I wasn’t complaining. Now, for no reason, this clip from WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS.

The order 

Basics – cheeseburger and skin on fries. The burger was billed as follows: a beef patty, American cheese slice, pickles, lettuce, tomato, mustard, ketchup, pretzel bun. The skin on fries – do what they say on the tin. Paired with a nice merlot.

Now, apropos of not very much, this clip from SIDEWAYS.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

That’s not a bad stack. Decent shine on a soft bun, bright salad supporting the lower bun from the patty, amazing melt on the (distinctly unamerican looking cheese – that’s not nearly Donald-Trump-tan orange enough for pureblood American cheese singles). But – nothing to complain about yet.

Cross section…

Right, the lighting is bad so it may be hard to tell but there’s good and bad here. Good – stack, bun sturdiness/pliability balance, the layering in the stack is good and evenly distributed, the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed – so far, so good really…

First bite…. soft bread, crisp salad, sweet pickle, decent bite to a – slightly overcooked – patty, the cheese added salt and the ketchup/mayo adds moisture. It’s not bad. But as you chew – you realise the meat is more than a little bland, and overcooked, which diminishes from the mouthfeel and flavour of what is otherwise a pretty well constructed burger.

The skin on fries… were fine. Decent seasoning, not uniformly hot or crisp, but decent at their best and still OK at their worst. Dunked in the provided mayo and ketchup (nice touch), these were a good accompaniment to the main meal, and came in a decent sized portion.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – really very good 
Build – 5/5 – well constructed, there was balance in the force
Burger – 3/5 – lack of seasoning and overdone-ness are significant faults
Taste –  3.5/5 – just not enough flavour or moisture to the burger. Slightly dry and underwhelming.  
Sides – 3.5/5 – solid but ultimately forgettable   

Value – 3/5 – £12.5 for the burger, another £4.50 for the fries, plus drinks plus side. Disproportionate to the quality.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – it was fine but the price, bland, overcookedness of it all knocked it down a few pegs from what could have been quite a good burger.. 

The deets 

These things are all over the place – who knew? The cocktails and drinks did – to be fair – look amazing and seemed like the main event. Go, experience the quirky Americana – find your nearest here.

The Meat Shack, Thorp Street, Birmingham

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Dripping, filthy, goodness

Burger source 

Very much part of the burger renaissance, the Meat Shack has a pop-up to restaraunt story like so many. Here’s how they tell it:

Established in 2012, we started out in streetfood working with Digbeth Dining Club as one of the original traders. Fast forward to 2017 and we opened our restaurant in Thorp Street. Still serving our hefty hunk of well aged grass fed beef which is hand smashed creating the best crispy caramelisation of beefiness on the outside, leaving all the dripping filthy goodness on the inside.  

https://themeatshack.co.uk/about-us

My train home from a work trip to Leeds was cancelled, so I got to pop in for dinner whilst waiting for the next one. Hashtag industrial action hashtag silver linings.

The order 

I went for a “dutch piggy” – Dutch gouda cheese, american cheese, streaky bacon, pickle, ketchup, chipayo (choptle mayo, I’m guessing), iceberg and red onion, with a side of naked fries and an ice cream soda – because YOLO.

The meat of it 

Well now, that looks pretty promising. Amazing melt on the cheese, tidy looking bun, fresh looking veg, good amount of general goo. Let’s take in the cross section.

The unctuous gooeyness continues. It really is dripping and filthy, as promised. First taste… does it deliver on the goodness?

Yes, it really does. The meat has a good aged funk about it, is perfectly seasoned with a good crust. The middle is a light pink, the cheese adds amazing salt and texture. The streaky bacon is a little on the chewy side – it comes off in large chunks instead of breaking off like a crisp, which is not right for streaky – but it’s thick cut and does add a good salty bite. You’d think the umami would be overwhelming, but sweet ketchup and sweet-spicy chipotle mayo temper it, and the slightly oversized (but pleasant) bun gives good balance to the overall flavour profile. My hands are covered in the sauce, and every so often a vinegary, pickly bit comes through. Sweet, spicy, salty, sour, chewy, filthy and sweet again – it really is very, very good. If I’m being SUPER picky – the sauces are slightly overwhelming, the bun is a bit much and the bacon could be crispier – but these are finessing points on an excellent burger.

The fries – are slightly overseasoned but otherwise perfect – crispy on the outside, fluffy in the middle, quality potato, healthy portion.

The cream soda – not oversweet, a lovely balance to all the salt.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 – a bit more than needed
Build – 4/5 – I’m not sure about the level of filth, think it could have been better contained 
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 4.5/5   
Value – 5/5 – £17 inc service for burger, side and drink is pretty good in these inflationary times.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – really very good all around. 

The deets 

Thorp St is just 7 mins walk from Birmingham New Street station. Stop in on your way in/out of Brum, or when in town if this is your endz. Does what it says on the tin.