Jones the Grocer, Terminal 2, Heathrow

Dry, overpriced cardboard with undercooked fries

Burger source 

Not gonna lie – we were disappointed that T2 didn’t offer the delights of Wagamama. Dubious as it is as a source of authentic East Asian cuisine, my kids love it and I will basically be delighted with almost any variation on a katsu curry. But options at T2 for a proper hot meal are relatively limited and it was this, a pub, or an airport grade “smokehouse”. So we went to Jones the Grocer.

The order 

The burgers people were eating looked great. And I was drawn in by the marketing materials around the venue. So the ultimate mr. jones it was – a brisket and wagyu beef burger, topped with streaky bacon, mixed leaves, cheddar, a seeded bun, skin-on fries, and served with something called a bois boudran sauce (apparently ketchup, worcester sauce and shallots – though I’ve read of variants including tabasco, vinegar and other eccentricities).

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

So far, so decent. Salad in the right place, good melt on the cheese, intriguing looking bun, skin on fries… I’m not regretting my life choices, yet. Did it last?

It did not. The bun wasn’t particularly airy and flattened on contact with a knife. The meat is dryer than the sun and practically breaks in half, despite its coarse grind. It’s a double patty in there but there’s no cheese between the smash burgers (rookie error), and way too much on top. The (streaky?) bacon looks flaccid and pale; the leaves token and sad.

Let’s not judge a book by its cover though; first taste.

Oh no, this book was exactly as bad as it looked. The meat doesn’t melt in your mouth, it sort of crumbles in dry, mealy mouthfuls with each bite. The cheese has an acrid taste; like it was a sharp cheddar that had grown an unhealthy amount of pinmould on its surface before it was melted over the burger, the process entirely failing to mask the sharp sourness of the decay at all. The bun is inoffensive; the bacon adds unwanted salty flavour over the cheese and the fancy ketchup is nowhere to be found. If not for the fact that I wanted to be full up before the flight, and I’m incapable of wasting food and at this point too British to send it back, I would have left it fully uneaten.

Redeemed by those tasty looking fries in any way?

No. Not even a little bit. The majority had the harsh bite of raw potato; they were underseasoned and undercooked, and most went uneaten.

I think I got unlucky though; the kids burgers (similar in every way but less fancy) were apparently good, and their fries were well cooked. But goddamn it, Jones, for £19 you’d expect better, even at the airport.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 0/5 
Taste –  1/5 – there are tastier hockey pucks, I suspect
Sides – 1/5 – undercooked and unseasoned   
Value – 1/5 – you won’t want to eat after this. And possibly not during it.  

Burger rating – 0.5/5 – the presentation was nice? 

The deets 

If you’re at terminal 2, I very much recommend you don’t have this. Some of the other dishes looked better but looks are clearly deceiving.

Supra Burger, Salusbury Road, Queen’s Park

Saucy smashburger perfection

Burger source

I was meeting some friends in the area and they mentioned Supra Burger, a pop-up installation in the local high-end French style healthy rotisserie chicken restaurant. I could try to tell you more about how such a juxtaposition came to pass but I think it’s more joyous to let Supra tell you about themselves in their own words, because honestly – this is possibly my favourite ‘about’ content for any restaurant, company, charity or government – ever. Some selections:

Supra is a pop-up burger joint created in collaboration with Cocotte Queens Park, offering a unique dining experience that merges quality with community spirit.

We believe that quality is synonymous with honesty: we exclusively use fresh, superior grade products, sourced responsibly and locally.

We want you to discover a whole new world every time you visit Supra. We always strive for improvement, both as a team and in the products we offer. We persistently pursue superior goods, innovative sustainable materials, and uphold absolute transparency in all aspects of our operations. Our aspiration is for you to embark on a new journey with every visit to Supra..

Burgers act as a unifying link amongst us all. Each burger mirrors our community’s spirit, ensuring no one is left out.

That’s not a boilerplate; that’s bloody poetry. I love it so much; and I share the philosophy. Burgers ARE a unifying link amongst us all. And the friends we share them with? That smells like community spirit. Or maybe that’s the hot sauce, let’s see.

The order

I always try to get a bacon cheeseburger – or closest equivalent – when I order. This place, however, had an eponymous Supra Burger – exactly the same as their bacon cheeseburger but with additional pickle and supra sauce (alongside double smash patty, melted American cheese, and a toasted brioche). So I did the only sensible human thing: I asked them to add bacon to a Supra burger. It was served with french fries and we shared a portion of tenders.

Sauce seems to be a fairly central feature of the menu; so we had four (indulgent, but… when in Supra) – we ordered (off menu) the burnt chilli, as well as the ‘spicy’, the n’duja and the garlic mayo. More on all of the above shortly.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

This is immediately promising. Toasted brioche, crisp streaky bacon, healthy slices of pickle, brilliant char on the meat, fantastic melt on the cheese, tidy plating. Let’s continue.

In cross-section, the near perfection continues. The bottom bun is a little compressed, but it’s holding up. The top bun is light and airy with a good crumb. The burger meat is tender bur robust against the knife. The Supra sauce, a vibrant orange, spills out, promising… well, something.

First taste… you can actually taste a delightful char to the burger – it’s crisp on the outside, and tender on the inside. Just like Dime bars (let’s see if my audience gets this reference). The bacon is crisp as it promised; the cheese binds and adds savoury umph to every mouthful – but isn’t overwhelming. The sauce adds moisture, sweetness and an unctuous mouthfeel. The pickle adds bright freshness, sweet and sour sparkles around the edges of everything else. Meat, cheese, sauce, bacon, bread, pickle – all provide separate inputs into a glorious gestalt that honestly just tastes of joy. This is one of the best smash burgers I’ve ever had, and I would have it again RIGHT NOW if I wasn’t so full. It was a thrill. I had to search for any notes – and if I had to give one, it’s that I prefer a thinner sliced, fresher pickle – like those quick-brine ones you can do in the summer at home with cucumbers, in a sweet-salty base. But it wasn’t enough to deduct a point (spoilers).

On the sides…

The tenders were… a bit meh, tbh. Juicy, well fried, but lacking a little on the seasoning front and needed to be sauced for flavour. Which is just as well as we had plenty of sauces!

The fries were pretty much a paragon of a modern french fry – crisp, well seasoned (salt and pepper) and pairing well with the sauces.

On the sauce front – I didn’t get photos of them all – pictured is ‘burnt chilli’ (sweet with a edge that definitely tasted of chilli), a ‘spicy’ sauce that had a deeper red lustre to it and chunks of peppers – tasty, savoury, lightly spicy but more conventional. The garlic mayo was good – strong garlic flavour, more crème fraiche in texture than mayo. The n’duja sauce tasted a bit like the burnt chilli, but with chunks of n’duja in it – so not bad in any way, really. I’m not sure this was £10 worth of sauce, but we definitely enjoyed the variety. A must for the tenders, and a nice complement to the fries.

I had a mixed fruit juice to drink (sorry, again no pic, what was I thinking!) – tasted mostly of apple, but was very nice for all that it had carrot and orange in it too.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5 – not often you get both a soft give and a toasted crunch in one bite
Build – 5/5 – perfect construction
Burger – 5/5 – flawless
Taste –  5/5 – the parts were great and the whole was even greater
Sides – 4/5 – small deduction for lackluster tenders 

Value – 5/5 – £33 for burger, share of tenders, fries, drinks and service (which was super) felt very reasonable in this post-Covid, post-inflation era of eating out.

Burger rating – 5/5 – this is up there with the best of them.

The deets

You’ll find it in Cocotte, just across the road from the Salusbury pub, a few minutes walk North from Queen’s Park Station. It’s a joy. Go now. Tell your friends. And let this burger feed your community spirit. Mike and Leia – a joy to partake in this community moment with you.

Bunsen’s, Botanic Avenue, Belfast

All the good things, none of the bad

Burger source 

I’m in Belfast with some fabulous colleagues, to see some other fabulous colleagues, and so I do the only thing humanly possible to do when you come off a horrifically crowded flight – Google burger restaurants near your hotel so you can catch an early supper and some zzzs before a busy day ahead. Bunsen’s scored well in a variety of reviews, and the concierge at the hotel immediately confirmed that it was “class.” Checking out the website, everything about the method and ideology behind the burger concept is a thing of beauty – minimal complexity, maximum quality, thoughtfulness behind each element, from the choice of bun through to the choice of pickle and beyond.

The order 

The menu is reminiscent of In & Out, the options are so limited – and that is, as it is at In & Out, an absolute virtue. Beefburger, cheeseburger, add bacon, mess with the toppings (if you dare), double up, and have your choice of shoestring, hand cut or sweet potato fries. It’s printed beautifully on a business card, and I’m told that a local has been collecting the cards and using Bunsen’s price rises as a mechanism for tracking inflation, which puts a rather bougie spin on the Big Mac Index. Think about that, The Economist! Here it is, in all it’s elegant graphic design glory. Passes any vibe check.

I went for the cheese & bacon burger (single) with all their recommend toppings (bottomings) and the shoestring (read: slightly skinny) French fries, with a Sprite Zero on the side – but they had a great selection of wines and beers on offer too. As the meat’s ground on site, you get asked how you’d like it done – medium, natch.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

To take each picture in turn. It’s a simple, no-nonsense plating – the wax wrapper promises an oozy cheese and it doesn’t disappoint, as you can see as the soft bun and 5-6oz patty fold out of it. It looks soft, it looks inviting. The cross section (we asked for a knife) shows off the pink centre, the generous, crisp bacon portion, the cheese melt, and the merging of the salad with the ketchup/mayo/mustard combo that is their “punch that brings flavour to the table.”

First bite… and it is absolutely ON. This is a proper LFG moment, you want to hit the table and say ‘go on my son,’ it’s so good (and I never do either of those things). The patty is perfectly seasoned, crunch through the sear and a soft, juicy centre. The American cheese provides unguent, umami flavour with every bite, accentuated by the occasional crunch of crispy, streaky bacon, generously portioned and evenly distributed. The sauce does (as promised on the website) add punch, reminding me once more of In & Out, this time its trademark, mustard heavy Animal Style – mustard adding a gentle warmth, ketchup adding sweetness, mayo adding moisture. The bun is a paragon – soft yet – just – sturdy enough to hold up to the juices emanating from the luscious beef. The website says they have perfected their own blend of meats (this is 75% lean / 25% fat I suspect, not very demure – in fact wildly luxuriant), and the occasional bite of the crisp, sweet Jewish deli pickles adds sparkle to what is already an absolute diva of a burger.

One of the best I’ve had in a long time. Belfast, you legend.

The fries – well seasoned, crisp, hot, fresh — these have potato flavour despite being shoestring cut, and dunk well in ketchup or mayo. Reassuringly, the condiments are provided in bottles (none of those tiny artsy pots nonsense). The portion is ludicrously generous; think Five Guys level of excess fries.

Service was outstanding; we got the backstory of the restaurant (brothers wanting to create quality burger dining in Ireland), a sense of the economics of it (apparently their busier site in Belfast does a few million a year, excellent and brisk trade), the food philosophy (simple, quality, fresh food, well crafted), and a real sense of passion. Thanks Alan, you upgraded an already amazing dining experience with your quality chat and we appreciate you. And you’re right, Allen is clearly a last name.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5
Build – 5/5 – bun, sauce, salads, burger, cheese, bacon, pickles IIRC. Nowt to fault.
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – perfect, uncomplicated fries
Value – 5/5 – £19 a head for burger, fries and drink each, and one of us had a double and another had a milkshake, represents pretty good value by modern standards .  

Burger rating – 5/5 – regular readers know I can normally find a single note to give even the best burgers I eat. I had nothing for this. I’d like it exactly the same next time. Maybe Alan saw that in me and that’s why he said ‘see youse tomorrow,’ as we left. I’m really tempted. 

The deets 

If you’re visiting Ireland, North or South, make a trip to Bunsen’s. It’s just great. Find your nearest here.

The Meat Shack, Thorp Street, Birmingham

Dripping, filthy, goodness

Burger source 

Very much part of the burger renaissance, the Meat Shack has a pop-up to restaraunt story like so many. Here’s how they tell it:

Established in 2012, we started out in streetfood working with Digbeth Dining Club as one of the original traders. Fast forward to 2017 and we opened our restaurant in Thorp Street. Still serving our hefty hunk of well aged grass fed beef which is hand smashed creating the best crispy caramelisation of beefiness on the outside, leaving all the dripping filthy goodness on the inside.  

https://themeatshack.co.uk/about-us

My train home from a work trip to Leeds was cancelled, so I got to pop in for dinner whilst waiting for the next one. Hashtag industrial action hashtag silver linings.

The order 

I went for a “dutch piggy” – Dutch gouda cheese, american cheese, streaky bacon, pickle, ketchup, chipayo (choptle mayo, I’m guessing), iceberg and red onion, with a side of naked fries and an ice cream soda – because YOLO.

The meat of it 

Well now, that looks pretty promising. Amazing melt on the cheese, tidy looking bun, fresh looking veg, good amount of general goo. Let’s take in the cross section.

The unctuous gooeyness continues. It really is dripping and filthy, as promised. First taste… does it deliver on the goodness?

Yes, it really does. The meat has a good aged funk about it, is perfectly seasoned with a good crust. The middle is a light pink, the cheese adds amazing salt and texture. The streaky bacon is a little on the chewy side – it comes off in large chunks instead of breaking off like a crisp, which is not right for streaky – but it’s thick cut and does add a good salty bite. You’d think the umami would be overwhelming, but sweet ketchup and sweet-spicy chipotle mayo temper it, and the slightly oversized (but pleasant) bun gives good balance to the overall flavour profile. My hands are covered in the sauce, and every so often a vinegary, pickly bit comes through. Sweet, spicy, salty, sour, chewy, filthy and sweet again – it really is very, very good. If I’m being SUPER picky – the sauces are slightly overwhelming, the bun is a bit much and the bacon could be crispier – but these are finessing points on an excellent burger.

The fries – are slightly overseasoned but otherwise perfect – crispy on the outside, fluffy in the middle, quality potato, healthy portion.

The cream soda – not oversweet, a lovely balance to all the salt.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 – a bit more than needed
Build – 4/5 – I’m not sure about the level of filth, think it could have been better contained 
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 4.5/5   
Value – 5/5 – £17 inc service for burger, side and drink is pretty good in these inflationary times.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – really very good all around. 

The deets 

Thorp St is just 7 mins walk from Birmingham New Street station. Stop in on your way in/out of Brum, or when in town if this is your endz. Does what it says on the tin.