Tag: fries

The Globe, Alresford, Hampshire

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Succulent, oversized, unwieldy delight

Burger source

My youngest daughter had an excursion on the Watercress Line with Brownies so I went in search of a place to eat, read, work for a bit whilst waiting for her return, and the well-reviewed Globe Pub, tucked slightly off the high street, promised relative calm, had good reviews and free WiFi, and it turned out… had a burger on the menu. Call it fate or call it good fortune, either way… I’ll take it.

The order

It’s literally just called ‘the burger’, but features quite a lot; wagyu beef patties, smoked bacon, Monterey Jack cheese and burger sauce, served with fries and a tiny pot of celeriac remoulade.

The meat of it

This is a behemoth. Towering, entirely out of proportion with itself, in addition to the advertised ingredients I can also see lettuce, a slice of tomato and chunky gherkins in abundance. The bun seems a token gesture next to what look like two five ounce patties, covered with a generous coating of Jack, and the whole thing seems to need the skewer to hold it in place.

In cross section…

The patties seem beautifully cooked, a brilliant shade of pink. They are tender; the bun, toasted on both sides, seems to hold up well. The structural integrity seems to hold up, against all odds.

First bite… and structural integrity collapses, the burgers sliding off each other and the salad, all of it slopping messily onto the plate. But the taste… is good. Whilst the patty has no char, it is tender and melts in your mouth. There’s no hint of dry-aged funk, this tastes like literally fresh meat, ground coarsely, and lovingly but loosely packed into a patty. The slight under seasoning is somewhat compensated for by the tasty cheese; the salad adds brightness and there’s a sweet and sour hit from the pickle. It’s good…

On further eating – now with cutlery on a disassembled burger – the bun continues to hold up, providing starchy counterbalance to the melange of flavours; the slick, sweet and savoury burger sauce provides moisture, the smoked bacon an occasional umami explosion and crunch, helping the unguent cheese to compensate for the burgers slight under-seasoning. The fact both patties are covered in Jack, and the buns have a generous amount of burger sauce across them, means even somewhat deconstructed – every mouthful of the burger is reasonably well balanced. It’s a nice experience… though I do have notes – specifically 1/ char the patties like you mean it! 2/ go heavier on the seasoning 3/ one 6-8oz patty would have done better for this style of burger than 2x 4-5 oz ones – you only ever want a double patty with a smash burger, IMHO – 4/ reconsider your bun/burger pairing and 5/ invest a bit more in the pickles too – make them yourselves, in a lighter brine, and slice them thinner.

On the sides… the fries were… fine. Well seasoned, crispy, but thin cut frozen chip variety. Nothing to write home about but perfectly pleasant dumped in either ketchup and mayo.

The celeriac slaw… was sour, sweet, savoury and crunchy all in one. It has a pickled undertone, possibly from a generous portion of capers that were in the tiny pot with the rest of them. It was interesting… but not something I’d rush back for.

The service… was outstanding. I was warmly welcomed without a booking, given a table, had my order taken within minutes, and repeatedly checked on with warmth and grace. The locals were full of warmth of good humour, there were good Christmas tunes on… all in all, it’s a lovely pub.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  3.5/5
Build – 3/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 3/5 – 
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, ish.

Burger rating – 4/5 – actually more than the sum of its parts, this one. Would recommend.

The deets

Find the 15th Century Pub as you drive into Alresford, or via its website here.

Sam’s Riverside Restaraunt, Riverside Studios, Hammersmith

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Beautifully crafted, slippery gourmet burger

Burger source

I was at the opening night of my brother’s new show, the excellent Hitchhiker’s Live at Riverside Studios in Hammersmith, and in need of sustenance. I’d been promised that Sam’s cafe would provide an excellent burger by my brother – a promise reaffirmed by the serving staff – and so I was set on my path.

Sam’s is a newish restaurant, set up just pre-Covid and specialising in seasonal British produce, so there’s a diverse, thoughtful menu featuring a wide range of creative and delicious sounding dishes. Their spiel:

The Modern British menus focus on the very best seasonal produce from all around the UK. The kitchen is passionate about working with our small artisan suppliers, from meat, fish and seafood to fruit and vegetables. The wines have also all been handpicked by Sam, and many are from wineries that Sam has visited and struck up personal friendships.

The order

My friend Matt had the halibut (naturally), but the eponymous Sam’s cheeseburger it was for me, served with chips. There’s no fanfare on the menu; no description of dry-aged meat, farm-to-table traditions, grass fed whole-wheat brioche or any such chicanery. It’s just Sam’s cheeseburger and I was there for it – both the burger, and its simplicity.

I was asked if I was OK if it was served medium. WAS I? I love places that grind their own meat and offer this. I was duly excited.

The meat of it

This is a pretty burger. Glossy bun, lovely stack – fresh vegetables, a whole layer of pickles, a perfect melt on the cheese, and elegantly simple plating. There’s little else to remark on at this stage in the proceedings, until the cross section kicks in.

And what a cross section! The bun is perfectly sturdy and airy, bringing a light, soft, but fluffy structure to the burger. The salad is as fresh as it seemed; the burger is as pink as was promised, with a good char, and a perfect melt on the cheese. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed, and there’s a well balanced layer of some kind of burger source providing lubrication and the promise of additional flavour.

So, the first bite… And in this case, you can judge a book by its cover. The patty is well seasoned, and melts in your mouth with an understated dry-aged funk. The cheese provides an unguent bind that adds salt and flavour – it is a very generous amount of cheese so the cheddar brings more than texture. The salad is bright, the tomatoes adding sweetness and moisture – though perhaps these could have done with a bit of seasoning. The pickles add mild but welcome sweet-and-sour notes. And the burger sauce adds bind but is somewhat non-descript – not a criticism, the burger doesn’t want for more flavour. The combination is very near perfect.

My very small notes; the burger is very… soft. The char on the hefty – 6-7oz – patty doesn’t add crunch, and the vegetables aren’t sufficiently robust to give structure to the bite. Fresh or crispy onions, bacon, or even a harder sear on the patty might have helped here. The stack doesn’t quite pass the structural integrity test – the problem with using whole pieces of lettuce (vs shredded) at the base is always that it makes the burger want to slide off the rink and onto the plate. But… these are minor. People that aren’t as fussed about textural contrast in a burger as I am would probably not notice, and if I hadn’t cross-sectioned the burger perhaps the slipperiness wouldn’t have mattered. It’s really very good.

The fries were nigh on perfect. Crispy on the outside, squidgy in the middle, they were made from high quality potatoes, generously seasoned, and cooked to perfection. They were perhaps marginally heavy with the salt shaker but that’s always an individual judgement, so your mileage may vary. Dunked in the ketchup and/or mayo that was provided, these were a delicious and generous portion and perfect to the very last chip.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – near faultless fries 
Value – 5/5 – £19 for burger and fries seems to be the going rate and the quality was excellent, so I’m scoring full points.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I suspect for many this will be a perfect 5.

The deets

Sat in the rear of Riverside Studios, this place is a sub ten minute stroll from Hammersmith Station, and as you’ll be going to see Hitchhiker’s Live anyway… you should go, yes?

Cardinal Bar & Kitchen, Aldgate, London

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Imbalanced but not irredeemable

Burger source 

A happy restaurant non-booking accident led us to a meal at this East London eatery, ostensibly taking cues from Brick Lane but atmospherically holding all the vibes of a modern gastro-hotel restaurant – which I think is broadly what it is. Downstairs from the amazingly trendy Jin Bo Law cocktail bar (though independent, I think), the less queue-inducing restaurant features a diverse contemporary menu carrying gastrointestinal pub vibes – fish and chips, steak and chips and the burger – alongside Asian inspired fusion dishes, like tandoori lamb chops (served with crushed potatoes and watercress), and salmon mie [sic] goreng. Naturally the burger drew my attention!

The order 

The eponymous Cardinal burger features a dry aged beef patty, kimchi mayo, smoked apple wood cheddar, caramelised onions, lettuce, tomato, gherkins, fries. That was all for tonight; let’s see how they did.

The meat of it 

There’s no question this is a pretty burger; a perfect, shiny, brioche roll, a wonderful melt on the cheese, a lovely char on the patty, bright, fresh looking veggies and a sensible amount of kimchi mayo – enough for flavour and texture, not so much that it splurges out when you take a bite.

In cross section, you see the lovely airy grain of the bun, the elegant stacking (veg below, correct, even-ish bacon coverage, yes, fresh veg in decent proportion, yay, and controllable amounts of mayo. But look at the meat – whilst coarse ground, it is almost grey, and the burger shattered on slicing. This says, nay, shouts – as my teenage and tweenage daughters might say – ‘I’m cooked, bro.’ And not in a good way.

First bite confirms – whilst there’s excellent seasoning and a tasty char on the exterior, the patty is dry and tough. There’s a gamey flavour that speaks to quality, dry-aged (?) beef, but its texture disappoints. The kimchi mayo adds some sourness but no spice whatsoever; I’m not schooled enough in kimchi to know if that’s right or not, but regardless – the flavour balance is off. The sour from the kimchi overwhelms any sweetness left in the overcooked meat and renders the pickle completely invisible, the brioche’s soft sweetness doesn’t quite recover the balance. The bacon is excellent, as is the cheese, but the overall balance means this is just a little bit meh.

On the fries… they’re pale, slightly undercooked and slightly under-seasoned. So whilst they are again made from high quality potatoes, the overall experience underwhelms, with the pots of ketchup and mayo unable to compensate for the bite of undercooked fry.

The meal was £19 plus £2.50 for the extra bacon. This seems to increasingly be standard fare these days, but I would have expected better for the ££.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 – this was the one faultless element  
Build – 3/5 – architecturally strong, flavour profile – not so much 
Burger – 3/5 – well seasoned, quality meat abused on the griddle.
Taste –  3/5  – possibly being generous here.
Sides – 2/5 – you had one job, fries  
Value – 2.5/5 – I can’t celebrate £22 on something I didn’t really enjoy  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – could do better. Spicy kimchi, sweetness from somewhere, and a better cooked patty – would have made this really interesting. 

The deets 

Right by Aldgate Tube, dodge past the queue for Jin Bo Law, walk past the lifts and head straight to the back. You can’t miss it. And failing that, the website’s here. 

Street Burger Bistro, Prague, Czech Republic

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Hefty, tasty, soggy Czech burger

Burger source

When in London, I struggle to find a burger place I haven’t reviewed. On this, my first visit to the Czech Republic, needless to say I didn’t have the same issue. In fact, by crazy random happenstance, our hotel was next to a burger restaurant called simply ‘Fat f**k smashburger’ – where we had intended to have supper. Unfortunately – and perhaps unsurprisingly given both its reputation and its name – it was completely booked out. So we went in search of another highly reviewed burger, not too far from our hotel – and found it, on the edge of the Old Town, in the Street Burger Bistro.

The order

My kids, predictably, proceeded to order the well constructed burgers and remove stuff from them. I did not; ordering the cheeseburger (burger, bacon, cheddar, red onion, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise) as it was designed to be. We had fries and some onion rings on the side (ok; we had fries, I had the onion rings) and an alcohol free Czech beer to drink.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

Ok, it’s not evenly stacked but it is pretty – a good melt on the cheese, a hefty piece of well cooked back bacon, bright fresh lettuce, a golden seeded bun, and a decent amount of mayo. Let’s look in cross section…

The lower bun is already collapsing under the heft of the burger, and the (two) tomato slices are causing the patty to slide. There’s perhaps a smidge too much mayo. The burger… delighted as I was to have it pink, there’s something about the severe stripes of brown and pink that concerns me.

And it reveals itself in bite one; the sear is so heavy that there’s quite a rubbery first mouthfeel before you get to the soft, medium centre. The burger is otherwise juicy and delightfully seasoned; the companion cheese and bacon adds further umami… which is not quite balanced with the salad; the tomato isn’t ripe or seasoned, I think, causing it to be a bland rather than a sweet counterpoint. The mayo adds more moisture and depth and the bottom bun all but collapses as you eat it, though the bun otherwise lends a pleasing starchy blandness as a counterpoint to the taste fest that is the rest of the burger. The whole is good – it’s a tasty patty, and the design that’s gone into shaping this is excellent. But the execution wasn’t quite there tonight, and what could have been a 5/5 is shooting just a smidge under tonight.

On the sides and the drink:

The fries were lovely. Perfectly, albeit lightly seasoned (too many places in the UK overdo the salt), they have a crisp exterior, a fluffy interior and are consistent the whole way through. As good on their own as they are dunked in a very aesthetic little tub of ketchup they brought us for them on request.

The onion rings… are surprising. They are the minced onion kind; not whole slices of fresh onion, and breaded rather than battered. To me this normally spells ‘frozen’ and therefore immediately consigns them to the mediocre pile. However these were hot, crisp and well seasoned, and the onion retained flavour and sweetness. A joyous surprise; as I’m sure is the experience of learning I put this much thought into the experience of eating onion rings.

Izzy had a hot dog, removing all the toppings that were designed for it but ketchup, and I had a taste at the end when she reached her limit… and it was excellent. Well spiced, rich with paprika, salt, pepper and other flavourings I couldn’t identify – and with actual texture – none of that soggy synthetic flavour you get with frankfurters.

The beer was a slightly dark lager, crisp and clear with a bitter edge. I prefer a bit more of a pilsener, so it wasn’t quite what I imagined when I ordered but it was good for what it was.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5 – good texture and flavour but didn’t hold up to the burger
Build – 3/5 – uneven stack, unripe tomatoes
Burger – 4/5 – over hard sear makes an otherwise excellent burger slightly rubbery
Taste –  4/5 – really good but clearly not as good as it could have been
Sides – 4.5/5 – small knock for minced onion rings 
Value – 4/5 – a meal for five with two beers came to about £80 including service – which seemed quite a lot by our limited experience of Prague, and we were hit by the tax of a restaurant that doesn’t have a children’s menu. Still inexpensive relative to London, but our priciest meal in the Czech Republic to date

Burger rating – 4/5 – good, bordering on excellent.

The deets

It’s a short skip from the Charles Bridge, opposite the river from the bulk of the old town. There’s a lovely walk in to it from Malostranske tram stop, going past some lovely riverside view and the most delightful gingerbread shop you’ve ever seen. Highly recommend all of it.

Filthy Buns @ The Star of Kings, York Way, Kings Cross, London

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Well formed but unbalanced burger

Burger source 

Kings Cross is a convenient place to meet with some of my oldest friends, but we’ve been to many of the stalwarts of the burger scene in the area. It was just our luck, then, that Filthy Buns, erstwhile of Dalston, has taken up residence in the Star of Kings on York Way. I wish there was more to their story than this, but it’s kind of joyous for what it is:

“Someone once said ‘You can’t call food filthy’ we wholeheartedly disagreed – Filthy Buns is all about grabbing the humble burger and turbo charging it to give your tastebuds a good smack in the chops.

Quality ingredients, banging flavours, freshly cooked and a funny name – what more do you need from a burger?…Ohhhh that bit of juice that runs down your hand when you eat it, well, we’ve got that covered too.”

The order 

I went for the ‘Smokin gun’ (Patty, swiss cheese, bacon, bbq sauce, miso mayo, crispy onions); friends tried le chunion and the sh*t cheese burger. We shared the ‘nugs’ (w/ BBQ sauce), a regular and a jerk-seasoned fries.

The meat of it 

There’s very little to fault here. A hot, toasted bun; perfect melt on the cheese, a generous portion of well cooked bacon, a healthy covering of BBQ sauce as advertised, and a delight of crispy onions for further umami and crunch. Does it taste as good as it looks?

Let’s look at it in cross section before we get to that. You can see the airy bun is soft and pliant, whilst holding its structural integrity against the heft of the burger/sauce combo. You can see a bright, warm flash of pink in the coarse ground, loose packed patty. Which is confusing, as on eating it – it feels like a smash patty, with crunch and bite… but also the tenderness from a more traditional patty. It’s a mindbender. You can probably see there’s too much sauce – we’ll come back to that – but otherwise there’s little to complain about. This is as advertised.

BUT THE TASTE, Armand, tell us of the taste! WAS IT RIGHTEOUS?

Well, no. Unexpectedly so. This is a burger that is curiously LESS than the sum of its parts. The bun was hot and fresh; the meat perfectly cooked, almost outrageously so. The bacon savoury and with good bite; the cheese unctuous and not overly salty against the weight of everything else. The crispy onions added crunch and my always-sought-after textural contrast.

But the BBQ sauce. The BBQ sauce is delicious, but it is massively overpoured. This means the whole burger is… tainted… with a saccharin sweetness that overwhelms anotherwise well balanced sandwich. Every bite just feels slightly off and whilst the individual components are fabulous – you are weirdly left longing for a bit sour pickle tang, or fresh lettuce crunch, or raw onion crisp – to temper the sweetness and rebalance the burger. The miso mayo might as well not be there. It’s such a shame – the components were so good, the balance was just missing.

As to sides…

Let’s start with the nugs; poor chicken/batter ratio (too much of the latter), slightly overcooked, slightly underseasoned. But crisp and juicy (when you got through to the meat) and well complemented, actually, by the self-same BBQ sauce in this instance.

The fries – regular and jerk – were outstanding. Crisp, fluffy, well seasoned, and full of flavour – they were fab with all the sauces, even the slightly underwhelming Katsu curry sauce I ordered as an experimental side.

Overall it was a great experience; the pub atmosphere is fab, service was brilliant, and the food and drinks were solid. But the burger needs to find the balance in the force for this to be really exceptional.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 – hot, soft, well structured  
Build – 4/5 – too much sauce! 
Burger – 4/5 – it’s a good patty
Taste –  3.5/5 – the sauce I think undermined the whole  
Sides – 3.5/5 – the fries on their own would have been 5/5. The nugs brought the score down.   
Value – 3.5/5 – £13 for the burger; £5 for the fries; £8.50 for the nugs. Not bad but not amazing.  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – I really wanted to love this. There was so much potential. I think I need to go back and try a Sh*t cheese burger at some point!

The deets 

The Star of Kings is just a 7 minute walk from Kings X station, North and slightly East. I really like the buzz of Coal Drops Yard and that campus around Kings X; which does extend across York Way into this trendy, vibrant pub. That they were playing Blur music the whole time we were there was a bizarre and nostalgic bonus. Find out more about them here.

Heard Burgers, Flat Iron Square, London

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Delicious, distinctive smash burger

Burger source 

This is the eco-friendly, posh-ish take on the smash burger by michelin-starred chef Jordan Bailey.

This is how they describe their ambitions:

Heard was born out of Jordan Bailey ’s desire to make an everyday classic exceptional. Two Michelin-starred chef, Jordan uses his expertise and relationships with top suppliers to make burgers that are deceptively simple yet made with the same care and precision as a Michelin-starred dish.

Creating the perfect burger starts with the ingredients – and we only use the best. All produce is ethically and locally sourced – a transparent supply chain from farm to bite.

Our British beef comes from a cooperative of regenerative farms. Aged for a minimum of 35 days, for the ultimate texture and taste.

Sounds regeneratalicious? Wait and see.

The order 

It was a tough choice. My usual rule is to find something that as closely as possible resembles a cheese and bacon burger, and have that as the reliable benchmark. But, somewhat ostentatiously (and to the possible tears of Uncle Roger), there is only bacon jam available at this fine establishment. So I went for the eponymous “The Heard” – apparently Jordan’s Pick, The OG! Which comes replete with Jalapeño hot honey, Ogleshield [cheese], white onion, their secret Heard sauce and pickles. I’m not writing Heard with a fullstop after it because it’s just too much. For a side, I went for the also eponymous Heard fries,
seasoned with Heard beef fat and herb salt. I have not experienced tallow as a seasoning before – let’s see if I’m, erm, here for it.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

Was the first thing you noticed how small the patties were relative to the bun? Because that was the first thing I noticed. But the second thing I noticed was that the two, crisp patties were coated with a gooey melt of Ogleshield, and the fries look absolutely perfect – crisp, hot, well-seasoned. The orange-red hue of the Heard sauce – also looked spot on.

In cross section (via chomp, not knife as there was no cutlery provided, not even for ready money…. although possibly there was, we didn’t offer any readies)… well, you can see the perfect melt of the cheese continue. The double, crisp and crinkly patty smash made up of coarse ground, dry-aged beef. The chunks of pickle, the drip of tallow and hot honey, the light toasting of the bun, the fine grain and airiness in said bun… there’s very little else to fault aesthetically.

First bite (well, third by this point but who’s counting?) – every bit leaves you the foundational structure of the bread, the umami and slight funk of the beef, accompanied by a light crunch; the sharp, acidic savouriness of the oglefield; a hint of sweetness from the honey and pickle, alongside a crisp freshness from the latter, backed by a soupcon of heat. It’s an absolutely glorious combination and only really limited by the bun-to-bread ratio – this little fella is chunkier than it looks and will not leave you hungry.

Especially not when accompanies by the Heard fries. These are a glorious thing; crunchy on the outside, squidgy in the middle; despite somehow being seasoned with tallow, these are dry – none of the greasiness of chip shop chips. Perfectly seasoned; glorious dunked in the sweet/savoury Heard sauce (think – big mac sauce but better in every way).

It’s a simply glorious combination, well executed. I’ll forgive all the ostentation in the website copywriting – go to Heard, you will not spend a better £17 on a burger and fries. My only complaint (which I did voice) was that the Heard sauce needed to come in bigger tubs.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – oversized but otherwise perfect in every way
Build – 4.5/5 – per aforementioned bun comment, and perhaps a smidge too much sharp cheese
Burger – 4.5/5 – a fine, fine smashburger 
Taste – 4.5/5 – so close to perfect  
Sides – 5/5 – these very possibly take the crown for best fries in London   
Value – 4.5/5 – £17 for a burger this good and fries this extraordinary, generously proportioned in the case of the latter, is a fair price in these inflationary times. Well done the (posh) lad.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – I’m giving Heard > than sum of its points scoring. 

The deets 

It’s just round the corner from Flat Iron Square, between London Bridge and Southwark tubes. You could miss it, as I did, but keep walking where Google tells you to and you’ll get close. Or find it via their website, here.

Bleeding Heart Tavern, Hatton Garden, Farringdon

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Slightly overcooked but tasty, chunky burger

Burger source

The Tavern Wine Bar & Grill is a city staple and offers a decent gastropub-style selection of food, which I think you might classify as ‘modern European.’ The restaurant had a fab atmosphere and brilliant service and was a lovely place to celebrate a few colleagues moving on to new things, and a great chance to catch up with our former chief crochet officer, Josie.

Naturally I was tempted by their take on the burger.

The order

The Tavern’s 6 oz Scotch beef burger was served on a toasted sourdough bun, with red onion marmalade, Gruyère cheese, dill gherkin & tomato. I had a side of “Truffled” fries (I did not realise we were doing truffle as a verb, but I’m unexpectedly here for it). Because we were doing starters, I went for a Morteau sausage, served with puy lentils and a mustard sauce, which I’ll handle with the ‘sides’ to keep consistency with my review format and avoid throwing my sense of order to the wolves.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

It’s good plating – tidy, well stacked. The bun, toasted on both sides is… unexpected, and you can see a good melt to the cheese. The fries look crisp and the coating of shaved Parmesan – well, you can’t go wrong with fresh Parmesan, though it can be too much. BUT WAS IT? We’ll get there, be patient.

First, an accidental close up of the burger and the obligatory cross section shot:

The close up shows the beautiful melt on the Gruyère. The cross section shows the elegant stack, a layer of unadvertised lettuce along the base alongside the promised tomato, peeking slightly unobtrusively out from amongst it, the LONG, long dill pickles (more on this shortly) and the meat… which is decidedly not medium, as I was promised, but very close to well done. It is also surprisingly densely packed. Will it suffer for it?

First bite… and it’s good. The meat is juicy despite being overdone, and there’s char coming through from both the bun and the crust of the patty. It’s subtle and pleasant; no dry aged funk, just straightforward, high quality beef with an (un)healthy fat/lean ratio. The patty is well seasoned, the Gruyère adds bind without much flavour, but the burger sauce/mayo/whatever’s in with the salad adds a pleasant salty gooey-ness that helps bind it all together. The pickle is pleasant but indistinct and rather too large – you have to be careful to not have it sliding out in its large, long slices, and I’m silently wishing they’d just cut it into discs like Maccers does.

The ‘marmalade’ – relish by any other name – provides the sweet balance to the umami mouth punch of the rest of the burger, giving good balance to it. The sourdough provides structure and stability and pleasant starchiness. It’s a good combo, that would have been improved with a bit more crunch from somewhere (bacon? Crispy onions?) for that textural contrast I value so much, and just slightly less time on the grill for a pinker finish. And if I’m being brutal, a looser pack on the patty to make it just a tad less robust. The whole was definitely greater than the sum of its parts, and the heft of the 6oz patty means this will leave you pleasantly full.

As to the fries and the sausage? Well you can see the fries above, but let’s get to the sausage ‘Morteau’:

I did ask what Morteau was, and it was described as a ‘smoked sausage’. If you’re thinking that looks like slices of a Matheson’s sausage, you’d be spot on. But it’s denser and richer, and the puy lentil and mustard sauce are done perfectly, providing a surprisingly delicate counterpoint to the salty, garlicky, smoky sausage. It’s lovely.

The fries… were a little disappointing. Even without the caveat that I don’t love truffle (but I prefer fries to the chunky chips on offer elsewhere on the menu). Disappointing because they weren’t fully cooked (some of the fries were decidedly undercooked), and because the combination of a healthy amount of seasoning, Parmesan and truffle flavour led to a confusing profile. It was simultaneously just a bit much… and not enough.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5 – good but unexceptional
Build – 4/5 – curse you, pickle slices!
Burger – 4/5 – more pink, less pack
Taste –  4/5 – solid
Sides – 4/5 – deduction for fries redeemed by quality sausage 
Value – 4/5 – £22 for burger and fries, £30 with sausage, plus service plus drinks – feels sensible if unexceptional value for a nice burger in a nice restaurant.

Burger rating – 4/5 – I would go back here, though I’d like to try some of the other excellent looking food next time.

The deets

Just a few minutes from Farringdon station, make sure you know whether you’re going to the Bistro or the restaurant – we did the latter. Find out more here.

The Brush Grand Cafe, Great Eastern Street, Hoxton

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Superbly crafted burger in trendy environs

Burger source

The Art’otel Hoxton is home to the Brush Grand Cafe; an independent (I think) hotel chain featuring local art (hence the name, clever that). QW The venue makes for a highly stylised culinary experience, and the eye catching art on the walls, the brilliantly trendy (yet still practical) low-lighting and the early evening buzz on a chill January Tuesday made for a fabulous place to catch up with an old friend. She had the schnitzel, but I saw the eponymous Brush Burger on the menu so… you know where this is going. Let’s be honest, you knew where this was going before you got this far in but… allow me my indulgences.

The culinary vibes they are going for… well, it’s a European focussed dining concept, darling, so you know it’s fancy. But it’s also reasonably priced and the service was excellent, so go for a good time. But let’s get into it.

The order

The Brush Burger features bacon, cheddar cheese, bone marrow relish, and not just fries – but Frites – all for £20. I had a ginger ale on the side.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

That’s pretty attractive. Toasted brioche, uber melty cheese, crispy yet still pliant bacon, the beige bone marrow relish peeking out the sides, and the bright, fresh looking salad protecting the lower bun. It’s all warm and smells fabulous, stacked perfectly as it is.

A closer look…

Cheese – confirmed – perfectly melted. Bun confirmed – well toasted, but soft and with an excellent open crumb. Bottom bun holding up against the heft of what is probably a 6oz patty. Good distribution of bacon, cheese, salad and relish. And – and I’ve been saving this for last – look at that coarse ground, loose packed, perfectly medium beef? This is glorious. Somehow the burger also doesn’t ooze fat, despite – I’m certain – being well proportioned on the lean/fat front.

First bite… instant umami. There’s a good crust on the patty, perfectly seasoned, and tasty without being funky in the way dry-aged beef sometimes can be (I’m assuming that’s what this was). The cheese adds further salt and binds, unguently (I know it’s not a word but it should be), the bacon adds crunch and more wonderful flavour. The bun and lettuce, together with a mild mustard heat in the bone marrow relish, provide counterpoint to the mountain of savoury; though it’s far from a sweet brioche. The balance is just right if perhaps a fraction heavy on the umami:sweet ratio, but really – there’s very little to fault. The burger is also a decent size, and leaves me feeling happily full, particularly after the…

Yes, the Frites. They are oddly unevenly cut for frites (one – yes one, darling – expects a uniform slenderness to these), though that’s hardly something to complain about. Though they did seem to also be slightly soft, and slightly under-seasoned. Add the inexplicable dusting of green powder (parsley? For art?) and the flavour sensation doesn’t live up to the – admittedly concise – billing. Longer, hotter fry (or a second fry), more seasoning, less green cr*p and this would have been 5/5. It wasn’t quite up to the burger, sadly.

Overall, though, the experience was superb. Great service, a nice place for a drink, a decent wine and cocktail menu from the bar, brilliant art and decor – there’s a lot to love.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  5/5
Sides – 3.5/5 – I was not whelmed 
Value – 4.5/5 – £30 for burger, drink, frites and service is reasonable for this sort of place.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – will recommend in good conscience.

The deets

It’s a hop, skip and jump away from Old Street station, right across from the Star of Shoreditch. You can’t miss it. Not sure if the cafes at the other Art’otels are as nice, but you can find (and dine) them all here.

Supra Burger, Salusbury Road, Queen’s Park

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Saucy smashburger perfection

Burger source

I was meeting some friends in the area and they mentioned Supra Burger, a pop-up installation in the local high-end French style healthy rotisserie chicken restaurant. I could try to tell you more about how such a juxtaposition came to pass but I think it’s more joyous to let Supra tell you about themselves in their own words, because honestly – this is possibly my favourite ‘about’ content for any restaurant, company, charity or government – ever. Some selections:

Supra is a pop-up burger joint created in collaboration with Cocotte Queens Park, offering a unique dining experience that merges quality with community spirit.

We believe that quality is synonymous with honesty: we exclusively use fresh, superior grade products, sourced responsibly and locally.

We want you to discover a whole new world every time you visit Supra. We always strive for improvement, both as a team and in the products we offer. We persistently pursue superior goods, innovative sustainable materials, and uphold absolute transparency in all aspects of our operations. Our aspiration is for you to embark on a new journey with every visit to Supra..

Burgers act as a unifying link amongst us all. Each burger mirrors our community’s spirit, ensuring no one is left out.

That’s not a boilerplate; that’s bloody poetry. I love it so much; and I share the philosophy. Burgers ARE a unifying link amongst us all. And the friends we share them with? That smells like community spirit. Or maybe that’s the hot sauce, let’s see.

The order

I always try to get a bacon cheeseburger – or closest equivalent – when I order. This place, however, had an eponymous Supra Burger – exactly the same as their bacon cheeseburger but with additional pickle and supra sauce (alongside double smash patty, melted American cheese, and a toasted brioche). So I did the only sensible human thing: I asked them to add bacon to a Supra burger. It was served with french fries and we shared a portion of tenders.

Sauce seems to be a fairly central feature of the menu; so we had four (indulgent, but… when in Supra) – we ordered (off menu) the burnt chilli, as well as the ‘spicy’, the n’duja and the garlic mayo. More on all of the above shortly.

The meat of it

Let’s take a look.

This is immediately promising. Toasted brioche, crisp streaky bacon, healthy slices of pickle, brilliant char on the meat, fantastic melt on the cheese, tidy plating. Let’s continue.

In cross-section, the near perfection continues. The bottom bun is a little compressed, but it’s holding up. The top bun is light and airy with a good crumb. The burger meat is tender bur robust against the knife. The Supra sauce, a vibrant orange, spills out, promising… well, something.

First taste… you can actually taste a delightful char to the burger – it’s crisp on the outside, and tender on the inside. Just like Dime bars (let’s see if my audience gets this reference). The bacon is crisp as it promised; the cheese binds and adds savoury umph to every mouthful – but isn’t overwhelming. The sauce adds moisture, sweetness and an unctuous mouthfeel. The pickle adds bright freshness, sweet and sour sparkles around the edges of everything else. Meat, cheese, sauce, bacon, bread, pickle – all provide separate inputs into a glorious gestalt that honestly just tastes of joy. This is one of the best smash burgers I’ve ever had, and I would have it again RIGHT NOW if I wasn’t so full. It was a thrill. I had to search for any notes – and if I had to give one, it’s that I prefer a thinner sliced, fresher pickle – like those quick-brine ones you can do in the summer at home with cucumbers, in a sweet-salty base. But it wasn’t enough to deduct a point (spoilers).

On the sides…

The tenders were… a bit meh, tbh. Juicy, well fried, but lacking a little on the seasoning front and needed to be sauced for flavour. Which is just as well as we had plenty of sauces!

The fries were pretty much a paragon of a modern french fry – crisp, well seasoned (salt and pepper) and pairing well with the sauces.

On the sauce front – I didn’t get photos of them all – pictured is ‘burnt chilli’ (sweet with a edge that definitely tasted of chilli), a ‘spicy’ sauce that had a deeper red lustre to it and chunks of peppers – tasty, savoury, lightly spicy but more conventional. The garlic mayo was good – strong garlic flavour, more crème fraiche in texture than mayo. The n’duja sauce tasted a bit like the burnt chilli, but with chunks of n’duja in it – so not bad in any way, really. I’m not sure this was £10 worth of sauce, but we definitely enjoyed the variety. A must for the tenders, and a nice complement to the fries.

I had a mixed fruit juice to drink (sorry, again no pic, what was I thinking!) – tasted mostly of apple, but was very nice for all that it had carrot and orange in it too.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5 – not often you get both a soft give and a toasted crunch in one bite
Build – 5/5 – perfect construction
Burger – 5/5 – flawless
Taste –  5/5 – the parts were great and the whole was even greater
Sides – 4/5 – small deduction for lackluster tenders 

Value – 5/5 – £33 for burger, share of tenders, fries, drinks and service (which was super) felt very reasonable in this post-Covid, post-inflation era of eating out.

Burger rating – 5/5 – this is up there with the best of them.

The deets

You’ll find it in Cocotte, just across the road from the Salusbury pub, a few minutes walk North from Queen’s Park Station. It’s a joy. Go now. Tell your friends. And let this burger feed your community spirit. Mike and Leia – a joy to partake in this community moment with you.

Queens Head, Bradfield Southend, Berkshire

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Messy, sumptuous smash-beast

Burger source 

The Queen’s Head is a rural pub in the Berkshire countryside; not far from Reading and the M4 but sufficiently far away from it all that it feels like the middle of nowhere. The pub was described to me as ‘excessively dog friendly’ and, as Harley was joining us this evening, that was really the key criterion we were weighing up to eat here. As it happens, under new management since the Summer, the pub is clearly making an effort to build a reputation around its cuisine, billing itself as a pub/brasserie, and shifting between different seasonal menus throughout the year. The burgers, though, I think are staples.

The order 

I got greedy and ordered the XL Smashburger – three thinnish patties, smashed and crisped on a hot grill, “cloaked” with melted cheese and caramelised onions and burger sauce.

The meat of it 

The presentation is… slightly underwhelming, if I’m being critical. The burger is sat in a pool of cheese sauce and burger sauce, though the bun looks decent. The fries are well fried and seasoned, but the portion is modest. A little side salad would have brightened the plating somewhat, and a bit more restraint on the toppings might have made it more – as the kids like to say – aesthetic.

The side profile shows the mess in all its glory. I think the bright yellow is an American cheese, the light yellow a cheddar, and the burger sauce and caramelised onions are mixed up all in there.

Let’s look in cross section, then get into it.

The patties are well formed and the stack is well made, for all that the greed of the third burger meant the bun really didn’t hold up to it and the surplus of sauce and cheese made this unhandleable – this is a burger that had to be eaten with cutlery. The char of the smash is very evident and adds a nice aroma to the burger. I’m excited.

First bite (and all subsequent bites) are cutlery assisted. The patties are well seasoned and tasty, if made up of what feels like a fairly conventional meat blend, and cooked in a conventional way. I sensed no dry aged meat, nor a mustard fry on the patty at work here. The burger sauce is sweet and savoury, but balances the salt-fest of the meat well, and the onions merge very well with the charred beef. The bun acts as a necessary stodgy contrast to the savoury mountain within, but doesn’t hold up terribly well against the onslaught of meat, grease and cheese. The combination of flavours works well – the burger is moist, the sweet and salty notes are well balanced, there’s a light crunch and char to the patty which adds a little textural contrast… it works well as a package.

The fries are topped with salt and something that looks like pepper but brings no noticeable flavour. They are perfectly crisp and well seasoned and perfect for dunking in mayo and ketchup. Whilst the core fries are – I suspect – frozen from a wholesaler – there’s little to complain about.

I did have a pudding (sorry, no picture) – a modest portion of sticky toffee pudding, served with ice cream. This was delicious, though if I’m being brutal the ice cream could have been lighter and the caramel sauce more generous. But excellent flavour combination, well made sauce, chewy dates in and amongst the light fluffy sponge of the pudding, with a swirl of light, sweet caramel sauce – yum.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – nice but not up to the challenge  
Build – 4/5 – sauce and cheese overdone 
Burger – 4.5/5 – very little to complain about with the patties 
Taste –  4.5/5 – for all that it was messy to eat, it tasted delicious 
Sides – 4/5 – more fries, more caramel sauce and it would have been faultless  
Value – 4/5 – £24 for burger and pudding and service, ish.  And there are more modest double patty burgers which are a few quid cheaper.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – despite the mess and the compromises on the build, it really is delicious and I would have it again… but ask them to go easy on the sauce/cheese a bit next time! 

The deets 

I’m afraid the pub’s ‘website’ is a Facebook page – hopefully you can still find all the details here.