Fallow, Haymarket, London

Tasty but flawed – and expensive

Burger source 

Fallow‘s conceit is that is a place where “culinary creativity meets hospitality experience and passion.” That’s certainly how the menu is constructed, with inspired combinations of food and flavour on practically every plate, and the service was pretty excellent. Meat is a key attribute if not a defining feature of the menu, and the two “dairy cow” meat burgers on offer (one with rarebit cheese and shortrib, one with bacon, cheese & shallot alone)  stared temptingly at me. Why dairy cow meat? I didn’t ask, and the internet is awash with confusing answers. Some say a milder, less pronounced flavour, others say its inferior, others say there are some breeds where it tastes better. This one? Wait and see.

The order 

We shared (dairy) beef short rib to start (£13 buys you two), and then all had the dairy cow burger (feat, aged dairy cow, bacon, shallot, cheese, brioche bun, £19), and Koffman fries (£7). As you can see, the prices are not for the faint hearted.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

Well, it’s rather fetching. The brioche bun seems to have crisped off the baking sheet, the lettuce looks fresh and inviting, the cheese (American?) seems to have the most glorious melt and ‘fallow’ is branded into the top bun.

In cross section…

Some good, some concerning things become apparent. First – the meat – coarse ground, tender to the point of melting at room temperature, pink with what seems to be a good crust. The cheese melt maintains confidence; the bacon doesn’t seem enormously evident and the shallots… are confusing.

Let’s peek under the bun.

I normally wouldn’t bother with this view but when eating the first half of the burger, I couldn’t taste any bacon. And this explains it – a small rectangle of bacon is all that’s in evidence here, and you can see the uneven distribution of the shallots too. Minus points for assembly and toppings, I think.

As to taste – this is, after all, the important thing…. the first bite is luxuriantly tender, the culinary equivalent of a goose down pillow, giving way to the lightest pressure with the barest of resistance. The cheese – definitely some variant of processed American – provides unguent umami, flavour and binding texture all in one. The bun provides starchy counterbalance but the bottom half is sodden and imploding in the juices from this very fatty patty. It’s not bad, but a second bite (with less cheese and no bacon) draws attention to the slight underseasoning and the lack of a crunch in the crust. Perhaps a feature of the dairy cow meat, there’s no textural contrast in the burger – it’s all soft – and the flavour, despite the dry ageing, is mild – without the funk you might expect from dry-aged cattle that’s been reared for its meat. The crunch, unexpectedly, comes from the shallots, which seem mildly pickled and provide a sour-sweetness and light crunch – not unpleasant, but I’d have preferred a more traditional gherkin/burger pickle, ideally something “home made” in a sweet brine. And when I eventually find the bacon – it’s a good compliment, a mild bacon that pairs well with the extremely salty cheese. The whole is well balanced – a good thing given the absence of any burger sauce, relish or other sauce I could detect, this could easily have tipped over into dead-sea levels of oversalted. But the bacon lacks any crunch – either sodden by the pickles and burger juices, or just too thick cut to crunch like American streaky bacon can (at its – debatable I’m sure – best).

It’s good, in all. Not great, and unsure if it is worth £19 plus 15% service (yep).

As to the sides/starters…

The glazed dairy cow baby back ribs look sumptuous, and just as well at £6.50 a rib. It’s hard to know what to expect but the tender, melt-off the bone meat speaks to a perfected cooking process. The flavour is all salt – its like it’s been marinaded then stewed in marmite; the flavour is not subtle at all. A single rib was plenty to start – any more and you might have had to ask for BBQ sauce…

Google tells me that the ‘Koffman’ in ‘Koffman fries’ refers to the potatoes used for chipping, and I wish I’d spent more time considering the potato texture and flavour now because honestly you’re kind of blown away by the seasoning. A mix of smoked paprika, salt, and maybe garlic or onion powder – I’m guessing from memory – these fries are crisp on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside, and more generously portioned than it might looks. The savoury blast is immense, which seems a running theme of this menu, and I was glad of ketchup and mayo dunking pots to take the edge off. Good, all told.

To drink, I had the somewhat confounding rhubarb and custard spritz (£15) – feat No.3 gin, rhubarb, yogurt and vanilla. You’d be forgiven for expecting something at least somewhat creamy, but no, it was this (right):

The ping tinged drink is served short, in a glass flecked with rhubarb powder, which is irritating and keeps needing to be wiped off sticky fingers. It has a sweet/sour flavour that’s entirely pleasant, and a light carbonation that lifts the drink and establishes its place in a Summer drinks pantheon. It’s refreshing and light and very tasty. A couple of my friends had the frozen margarita – £14, served from a slushy machine – which was apparently very good also.

All told – a very pleasant experience of a Summer’s evening on the edge of Theatreland. It was definitely expensive – £60 a head all told – but I think if you’re less of a philistine than we are and after some of the more creative cuisine on offer, then it might have been a better all round experience. The hard sought reservation for burgers? Probably overkill. Though a couple of my friends ranked it amongst the best we’ve had on one of these evening excursions… I’m left feeling nostalgic for the Lord Wargrave pub.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  – soggy bottom
Build – 2.5/5 – uneven toppings, meagre bacon, middling shallots
Burger – 4/5 – slightly underseasoned, undercrusted
Taste –  4/5  – the whole was better than the sum of its parts
Sides – 4.5/5 – Herr Koffman, I salute you
Value – 3/5 – maybe not great value for burgers. 

Burger rating – 4/5 – it was good, but I’m honestly not in a hurry to have it again 

The deets 

Find it a little more than halfway down Haymarket towards the Mall; pop into the Haymarket Hotel bar for a digestif as we did and it’s a lovely way to spend a summer evening with friends. But I’d probably have something other than the burger, despite its positive attributes.

Spielburger, Everyman Cinema, Hampstead, London

A messy delight

Burger source 

The Everyman Cinema is a chain of privately owned upmarket cinemas that seems to have recognised that with streaming – cinemagoing needed to transform from transactional to experiential. Amazing, plush surroundings, brilliant staff, an attached restaurant in Spielburger, a good cocktail selection and more help justify the hefty ticket prices, table service (in the cinema, too!) and more. Going with my brother – both a fellow cinephile and a professional writer and producer – on one of his trips to the UK, made it a special treat.

The film? Furiosa: a Mad Max Saga. The burger? Wait and see.

The order 

Eating with my brother is always a sharing experience. So we shared the 1216 – Spielburger’s messiest burger (we were offered – and accepted – it cooked medium), featuring dry-aged beef, cured bacon, harissa mayo, potato scraps (!) and red leicester cheese, served with fries. We also got some sides – mini chorizo, garlic dough balls and  buttermilk fried chicken. To drink, I had a pretty in pink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s good presentation – gratuitous knife through the centre notwithstanding. glossy bun, melty cheese, scraps of potato everywhere… bacon luxuriating beyond the perimeter of the bun, and hints of freshness from the salad and pickle eking their way out.

In cross section…

The lighting, as it so often is for the express purpose of burger photography, was underwhelming. But you can still see – the bun, with its light crumb and glossy sheen, is holding up to a heft of a patty – at least 6oz, perhaps more. The meat is coarse ground, loosely packed, and was cooked medium. The harissa mayo is generous and leaking out, but there’s not too much grease; structural integrity is maintained.

First bite… the patty is slightly underseasoned, but very tender, and very tasty. The dry-aged funk comes through from the meat; the cheese lends an unguent, gooey bind, and the harissa mayo adds an ever-so-gentle heat. If the potato scraps were meant to add crunch, they didn’t; perhaps we left it too long after it was served to notice. The pickle was slight and brought intermittent sweet, sour brightness. The bacon added the needed salt but could have been slightly crispier (again, possibly our fault for taking too long with our side dishes). Despite the brilliant texture of the cheese, I tend to find Red Leicester too indistinct to cut through the flavour… but there was enough going on. The complexity worked, just, though it was bordering on chaotic energy, and I enjoyed my half of a 1216. Though I’d be tempted to go more basic on a return visit…

As to the sides, and the drink…

The buttermilk fried chicken was a little dry, but the dipping sauce (a garlicky yoghurt) balanced it out. The doughballs were dense, and well cooked, but the garlic butter was massively overseasoned. The chorizo – hot, rich, paprika-y – were also oversalted (and messy). But for the kind of food it was, it was hot, rich, tasty and filling.

The pretty in pink cocktail – berry gin, strawberry, coconut milk and lime – was a brilliant balance of sweet and sour (emphasis on the sweet, just to my liking).

All that food, a couple of cocktails, fabulous service – came to just under £60 including service. Not too bad given the cinema tickets themselves were rocking £45…!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5 – perhaps being a little generous given the salt and dry-ness issues, but the fries were excellent   

Value – 4/5 – decent for an upmarket place.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – in the upper echelons of upmarket burgers; well cooked, great environs, fab service. A few small details and it good get into promotion territory.

The deets 

There are Everymans all over. Check out the website for your local – the one in Hampstead is lush.

And the film? Other than some slightly excessively indulgent moments of dialogue – well, monologue really – for Chris Hemsworth, it’s fabulous. A really brilliantly executed prequel, peppered with spectacularly creative and choreographed action and moments of real heartbreak and poignancy, without ever dipping into twee hollywoodness.

Fat Hippo, Wardour Street, Soho

Greasy, unctuous (mostly) flavourbomb

Burger source 

Hailing from Newcastle, Fat Hippo’s 13 year odyssey Southwards has seen it expand all over the North, the midlands, Scotland… and it finally arrived in London last year. The founders seem to suffer from a surfeit of descriptors, wanting to be known for their “great ingredients”, “good value”, “quirky flavour[ed]”, “indulgent” burgers and their “welcoming atmosphere.” True on all counts? Let’s see.

The order 

Whilst I tend to stick to the closest thing to a cheese and bacon burger, I’m also a big fan of ordering the eponymous burger, so I went that way – with a double (smash) patty, American cheese, smoked bacon, chorizo, onion rings + their Fat Hippo burger sauce. I chose skinny fries on the recommendation of the (entertaining, friendly, and yes, damnit, welcoming) waiter (hand cut wasn’t as crispy, apparently). We shared some buffalo wings (“Hot honey Buffalo + blue cheese crumb”) and after initially having a glass of blackcurrant squash and soda to keep the hydration up (love they have squash!), I had a Fat Hippo hillbilly lager – their ‘in house’ beer from Allendale brewery. How was it all? Let’s get into it.

The meat of it 

Presentation wise you can see this absolutely hits the ‘indulgent’ tick. The burger is about 9 inches tall, with the onion rings, which is obscene. But it looks good – beautiful melt on the cheese, crisp and fresh onion rings, lovely shine on the bun, smoked bacon peeking out the edges, and well seasoned fries on the side. But obviously it’s impractical to eat in this form so some surgery required before we can get to a cross section.

So I went down to a single onion ring in the burger but took a moment to look at the exposed stack. Amazing melt, crispy bacon, slightly disappointing to see the flaccid, super-market style chorizo in there (thicker and or crisp-fried would definitely have been better… but a much more manageable stack resulted from my fiddling and that led to this cross section…

This is pretty impressive – the meat is coarse ground, it’s a very even and smart looking patty stack, there’s a good ratio of sauce in there, the bun is robust and holding up well to the stack – although a little on the bready side, it is built to handle the aforementioned indulgence so, perhaps it’s all well thought through.

First bite… texture is perfect. The crisp onion ring gives way to sweet onion, there’s a bright umami flavour coming through from the bacon, the meat is soft and fatty and and perfectly bound by the melted cheese, and there’s some sweetness from the sauce. The burger is slightly underseasoned for my liking and the chorizo adds as little as you’d expect – a little paprika-ness, a little chew, but it’s a bit of a non-entity. The bread doesn’t feel as bready as you’d hope. Overall, though – really solid, and had it traded chorizo for more bacon and tapped a tiny bit more salt onto the meat when on the griddle, this would have been close to a perfect burger for my liking.

To the sides – the wings were really something – crisp, super juicy – but I found the blue cheese crumb overwhelming. I don’t mind a dip into blue cheese sauce with a buffalo wing but bits of it crumbled all over overwhelmed the buffalo sauce, which was probably a little on the light side for my spice preferences. The fries were just fine – decently crisp, decently seasoned, but unexciting (perhaps I should have experimented with the hand cut). The onion ring – pictured higher up – the one I extracted from the burger and had on its own – was stupidly sized – an onion half the size of my face was involved. It was ludicrously greasy and also slightly underseasoned but good and pretty much as advertised for a place that prides itself on feeding you messy food. And the lager… was not to my taste. Bitter and the exact opposite of moreish.

A good experience on the whole, though, lovely atmosphere, brilliant service (entertaining waited kept trolling Damian with his order, which is always a bonus).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5 – a bit bready but not bad
Build – 4/5 – clearly impractical with the rings but generally solid
Burger – 4/5 – tiny bit more seasoning for a perfect burger 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – can’t score the wings or the fries too highly   
Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and side and two drinks, plus shared wings.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – really pretty good 

The deets 

Wardour street for Soho, there’s one in Shoreditch, and they’re up and down the country now. Find out more here.

Double Standard, Kings Cross, London

Brilliant burger, capital chicken bites, fantastic fries, cool cocktails

Burger source 

The Double Standard, in the Standard hotel, has achieved a number of plaudits and made a few ‘best burgers in London’ lists, and as a supremely convenient central location for all my friends, it was a sensible place to go.

The order 

The burger itself is described with little ceremony – it is simply ‘the burger’, served with bacon and blue cheese, and fries. We shared a side of chicken bites, and mac and cheese, and tried a brace of cocktails.

The meat of it 

There’s nothing overly exciting about the plating, but its competent:

(Apologies for the lighting, it’s a stylish, dimly lit venue). It’s not easy to see, but there’s a brilliant melt on the cheese, a strong char on the burger, the bun is soft, the bacon in clear evidence. Lots good so far.

In cross section…

There’s a brilliantly coarse grind to the meet; the ratios of meat, bun and toppings are excellent, though it is cooked a bit more than I would choose it – no trace of pink – the burger is not dry, possibly thanks to a(n un)healthy fat/lean ratio in the blend.

First bite – a solid crunch from a hard char, the bun is as soft and pleasantly nondescript as you’d expect – lending structure more than flavour – and a light dry-aged funk from the meat comes through. The meat is reasonably juicy, but helped by a measured ration of relish, which also provides a mildly spiced sweetness. A second later, and you are hit with the umami, from the strong but odourless blue cheese and the chewy, substantial bacon – back bacon, cooked well but not crispy – and it binds beautifully. The contrast between the salt and the sweet, between the crunch of the meat, the chew of the bacon and the soft bite of the bun – is really excellent. My only note is that – had the patty just been a smidge over toward medium, it would have boosted the experience even more.

To the sides; the fries are superb, crisp exterior, fluffy interior, well seasoned but otherwise little to remark. Improved by both ketchup and the garlic aioli that came with the chicken bites. The chicken bites are a thing of legend (we ordered a second portion, despite the £8 price tag) – chunks of juicy chicken thigh, brilliantly seasoned, crisp and spicy and juicy all at once. The garlic aioli was an excellent contrast, adding a slick, garlicky sweetness with a dunk. The mac & cheese was mac & cheese-like, credible and competent but about as exciting as it always is – which – to me – is limited.

Cocktails are half-price on Monday and Tuesday and were good value at that price – the pina colada was punchy and delicious. The Elderflower Collins was meh (who aims for ‘fresh’ instead of ‘sweet’ with an elderflower drink?), but friends also enjoyed the Negroni and the Ginger Magarita.

All in all, an excellent experience, in a busy, trendy, highly styled environment, with decent service (slower on food than drink), tasty food, interesting drinks and in a useful, albeit unexpected location (the hotel is MUCH cooler than you would expect).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4..5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – chicken bites to dream of   
Value – 4/5 – £42 burger, 3 sides between five, and 2-3 cocktails each. Not bad for where/what it is.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – deservedly amongst the best in London 

The deets 

It’s tucked in on the ground floor of the Standard hotel, literally opposite Kings Cross station on the corner of Argyle St and the A501. You can’t miss it, and you shouldn’t.

Black Bear Burger, Exmouth Market, London

Every bit worth the hype

Burger source 

It’s a lovely start-up story – from flipping burgers at the weekend to multiple restaurants and a pop-up across London, Black Bear’s popularity has been blooming over the last couple of years. My attention was drawn to it, because I’m either trendy or just a sucker for good marketing (depending on how you look at it), as I’ve noticed a wave of Tik Tok reviews for the joint, including a very complimentary one from Jon the Food Don.

Anyway, lengthy origin story on their website. Some excerpts focussed on the burgers themselves:

EACH DAY OUR BAKERY DELIVERS OUR BESPOKE BUNS FRESH IN THE MORNING AND OUR BUTCHER MAKES OUR BURGERS TO OUR SPEC. ASIDE FROM THAT, WE MAKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN HOUSE FRESH EVERY DAY.

AT BLACK BEAR BURGER WE ARE COMMITTED TO USING HIGH WELFARE, HIGH QUALITY BRITISH MEAT AND BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT MAKES OUR BURGERS TASTE SO SPECIAL. STEW’S FAMILY RUN A SMALL BEEF FARM IN DEVON AND HE IS PASSIONATE ABOUT ANIMAL WELFARE; HOW ANIMALS ARE LOOKED AFTER AND PREPARED IS SO IMPORTANT AND THIS MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE WITH HOW YOUR MEAT TASTES! THIS IS WHY WE SOURCE OUR MEAT FROM OUR AWARD WINNING BUTCHER WHO HAS THE SAME ETHOS AS US.

Black Bear website

Ok then.

The order 

Right, I went for the Miso burger (dry aged beef, cheese, smoked bacon, miso honey butter mayo, onions) and fries (hand cut, skin on). I also shared some brisket spring rolls (fried wonton with 12 hr brisket, cheese, & smoked bacon, with garlic mayo and pickles) and wings with bourbon BBQ & maple sauce. A *lot* of food, accompanied by a Maple [Syrup] Old Fashioned.

The meat of it 

Well, it’s a pretty thing, isn’t it? toasted bun, love the sesame seeds, glorious melt on the cheese, crisp bacon peeking out the edges, miso mayo coating generous but not ridiculous. How does it weigh up in cross section?

Well, it’s messy. The mayo splurges over everything, but the texture is fab, the bun soft but sturdy, the meat tender and not overly greasy despite what must be an (un)healthy fat/lean ratio.

First taste: amazing umami – crisp, crunchy bacon adds brilliant texture; the meat, coarse ground, loose packed and perfectly cooked, is juicy and rich, with the mildest dry-age funk adding complexity but without undue fuss. The miso mayo adds an edgey depth of flavour, boosting the umami even further, and the soft bun holds it all together beautifully. Mildest of criticisms; the bun: meat ratio was a little high in the bun’s favour but only marginally, and the crust on the burger was ever so slightly soft – a harder sear, or a shorter steam to melt the cheese perhaps? Don’t know. But really very little to fault; this is a burger you can inhale if you’re not careful – I had to pace myself and savour it.

As to the sides…

The fries were decent; not universally crisp, but well seasoned and full of potato flavour. The brisket spring roll tasted authentically of a cheeseburger but – despite being a savoury fiend in general – I thought it was overpowering. Too much salt – cheese, brisket, and bacon – in a crispy, salty shell, with only mayo and pickles to temper it? There’s a very credible cheeseburger flavour in there which I think I’d have mellowed out with a burger relish or something else to cut the salt just a smidge. Texture is spot on – crisp shell, melty, tender meat, gooey cheese (though I admit – other than the salt impact, I didn’t feel the crunch of the bacon with this one). The home made pickles were lush – sweet, sour and crisp. The wings – I thought were disappointing, though Simon enjoyed them – they were over fried and a little burnt around the edges, dark brown instead of a golden colour, and the BBQ sauce was a bit thin and sickly for my liking.

We were given a teeny tiny soft serve scoop to finish the meal, which was a lovely touch, and it was a welcome relief from the salt bomb of the evening.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 5/5 
Taste –  5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – 2.5 for the wings. Everything else was good!   
Value – 4/5 – It was pricey – £14.50 for burger and fries, then more for the sides, but so delicious  

Burger rating – 5/5 – one of the best I’ve had in London 

The deets 

Multiple locations, in Brixton, Shoreditch Box Park, Exmouth Market, Canary Wharf etc., – find your nearest here. Walking back from Exmouth Market to Farringdon, check out the views, man. Love London in the Summertime.

Truffle Burger, Bateman Street, Soho 

An almost perfect burger… if you like truffle

Burger source 

Truffle Burger has started emerging on a variety of ‘best burger’ lists in recent months, and I even sent a colleague and her husband there on other people’s recommendations, so when a chance cancellation left me briefly without evening plans on a night I was in London,  it felt like a good moment to try it. The Elizabeth Line even made zipping into Soho of a Tuesday evening relatively easy, so we carpe diemed and headed on in. 

Their backstory is fairly standard as these things go:

TRUFFLE BURGER STARTED AS A STREET FOOD OPERATION. WE TRADED WITH LONDONS BEST STREET FOOD ORGANISATIONS AND MARKETS WHICH HELPED US PROPEL OUR BRAND TO A BIGGER STAGE…

When Truffle Burger was started in 2018, the goal was to bring a luxury product to the masses in an affordable and accessible way. All the food features truffle in one way or another and the idea came from the love of the ingredient by the founder, Tom.

The mission is to cook for as many people as possible, to show there is more to grab and go food than a quick fix, create a destination meal in a simple and affordable way.

Truffle Burger website

The order 

I had a Truffle Butter burger and my friend Pob ordered the eponymous Truffle Burger. The former a more or less standard burger, but generously doused in truffle butter, melty raclette and caramelised onions, the latter a bacon and beef patty topped with truffle mayo, raclette, fig jam and crispy onions. We shared sides of truffle Parmesan fries and some BBQ chicken bites. 

The meat of it 

The melty raclette caused the top bun to slide around a bit but the burger – arriving on a side plate – otherwise looked perfect. The bun was gloriously soft yet somehow standing up to a hefty 6oz ish patty, other toppings glistening slightly in the burger drippings.  The fries are peppered with Parmesan nubs and heavily scented with truffle, presumably fresh from a truffle oil deep fry, and the nuggets present an alluring invitation to chomp and crunch. More on that shortly. 

Butter burger on left, Truffle burger on right

The cross section is reassuring. A bright pink, perfect medium burger. A splash of meaty burger juice lands on the plate as the coarse ground, loose packed patty is revealed in all its glory. The bun continues to impress, holding up to the juiciness of the burger without being unnecessarily dense or firm; pillowy softness holding up the meaty lusciousness of the patty.  

Then the bite. Amazing texture – a firm, crisp crust masking soft, tender, perfectly cooked beef underneath. Perhaps slightly light on the seasoning, the truffle flavour – in the butter burger at least – is delicate, subtle, it draws you in to the wider experience of the burger. The caramelised onions add light sweetness and the beef and butter provides all the moisture needed for balance, although perhaps – it was a smidge too greasy. On the whole, however, a delight.  

The Truffle Burger provides a slightly different experience. The truffle mayo is slightly too generously applied and the truffle flavour is more in-your-face. The bacon woven into the patty adds a pleasant boost of umami, in unexpected and delightful pockets. The crispy onions add bonus texture (I would – and do – add these to a wide variety of meals, they’re a phenomenal condiment). Still great, but not as good (to my mind, at least) as the butter burger. Both, I think, would have been improved by a sharp cheddar versus the beautifully melty but slightly inspid raclette, which adds lots of texture but little flavour. 

As to the sides… I was not a huge fan of the Parmesan fries. The truffle flavour adds too persistent, too lingering, a funk. Despite being perfectly seasoned (via the medium of Parmesan), the flavour wasn’t entirely pleasant. And whilst I do love Parmesan, and Parmesan fries, the way in which these fries are prepared means its only barely distinguishable from salt. So, slightly, what’s the point. I also felt that the fries themselves weren’t entirely fresh – there was an ever-so-slight staleness to them. So OK, tasty, probably brilliant if you like Truffle, but not my favourite. 

The BBQ chicken bites… looked glorious, and were texturally perfect. Crispy on the outside, accented with fresh spring onion and more crispy onions, juicy, tender meat underneath that crunchy bite. But… they were slightly underseasoned – no heat or spice or even enough savoury salt to them – and the BBQ sauce was slightly cloying and insipid. A dousing in Uncle Frank’s hot sauce I think would have been a far better choice. Though it was a relief to have something that wasn’t completely infused with truffle funk after the overload of the burger and fries. 

To drink… I had an amaretto and (diet) cherryade cocktail drink from their ‘cocktails’ list. Overpriced and you’d expect it to be overpoweringly sweet, it ends up as a sort of delicious, alcoholic ice cream soda. A perfect contrast to the salt-bomb of the meal. 

Overall, this was a brilliant experience. If you love truffle, this is probably the best burger you can find in London. If, like me, it’s a pleasant novelty, you might not rush back. But do go if you haven’t. It is super. 

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 4.5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – deductions for weird fries and underseasoned chicken   
Value – 3.5/5 – £14.50 for burger and fries, plus £9 cocktails – this is not a cheap eat 

Burger rating – 4/5 – really very strong option 

The deets 

There are a few of these around – in Soho, Seven Dials and the South Bank. Find it here

Burger & Beyond, Shoreditch, London

Excellent dry-aged burger with little to fault

Burger source

From Essex to London, these folk are pretty serious about their burgers. Their backstory:

We’re known for bringing some of the best burgers to the capital, using freshly ground dry aged beef made from choice cuts of meat. We first gained a fanbase trading from a Citroen H van, before opening sites at street food markets Kerb and Street Feast – and finally launching our very own restaurant in E1. Alongside the top chef-quality burgers that gave us our name, we serve American-style sides including Dirty Tots or Fries with bone marrow gravy, plus sauces such as our signature Burnt Butter Mayo, and a drinks list of cocktails, craft beers and wine.

For my part? I had been working late and wanted a treat, near(ish) the office. So I went in search…

The order

I had the burnt butter burger – a dry aged beef patty, double american cheese, crispy pancetta bacon, burnt butter mayo & onion. Side of (regular) fries, and a ‘piece of mind’ lychee based Prosecco cocktail (it had been a long day).

The meat of it

The burger makes for impressive viewing. The juices on the plate – a little messy, but titillating. The melt on the cheese – exquisite. The bacon – streaky. The burnt butter mayo – oozing out the side. The bun – a glorious shine. We’ll come to the fries.

In cross section, the coarse ground, loose packed approx 5oz patty shows off a pink core. The onion and mayo spills out .The melt on the cheese becomes yet more apparent. The bun – is a little cold and stodgy, which is a shame as everything else looks glorious. The fragrance of dry aged meat, coupled with the mayo, is like nothing else I’ve experienced in a burger.

First taste… brilliant. A good crust on the burger, brilliantly seasoned. A light, dry-aged funk comes across that’s quite hard to place, as does the bonus umami from the bacon, cheese AND the very distinctive flavour from the mayo… wow. The mouthfeel is brilliant, as you’d hope for given the grind and pack of the meat in the patty. The raw onions give a light big-mac-esque texture (only the good things about it, not the bad). The only – minor – downside, as expected from cutting the cross section – is the bun. Too big, too cold, too bready for a single patty. And the mayo sliding out of it did make it slightly too messy to eat by hand, so this was a cutlery burger.

Onto the fries… these are exquisite. Some of the best fries I’ve ever had – crispy on the outside but not so much so that they become crisps, with a fluffy, hot potatoey interior. They are perfectly seasoned, the tin cup holds heat without inducing sogginess – just lush. I paired them with some ketchup and mayo dips, which did help mellow out the saltiness. But that’s not a complaint.

This was disappointing – the piece of mind, a cocktail that I assumed would meet my hankering for something sweet and refreshing… but the lime was undetectable, as was the agave and the lychee. It tasted largely of spiked, watered-down Prosecco, which was a weird consequence of the combination of ingredients (Vodka, Lychee Liqueur, Agave, Lime, Prosecco). A lot of money for a meh drink.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 3/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste – 4.5/5 – minor deduction for the bun
Sides – 5/5 – glorious fries
Value – 4/5 – £28 for burger, side & cocktail, which felt a little steep (inc service)

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – I’d be tempted by a double next time, and a more conventional drink. But otherwise grand.

The deets

A short walk East from Shoreditch High Street, the restaraunt was small but cozy, with efficient service and a good atmosphere. Recommended. Find details and other locations here.

Morty & Bobs, Coal Drops Yard, Kings Cross

Good burger, excellent cocktails, lovely atmosphere

Burger source 

Kings Cross is a pretty convenient location for a few of us to meet up, and the redevelopment North of St Pancras is… well, pretty wonderful. Wide, open, modern, highly stylised – it’s absolutely buzzing, even on a Wednesday night.

Celebrating a friends birthday, we chanced upon Morty & Bob’s, and it happened to have a burger on the menu, so…

The order 

Bob’s burger [sic] & fries features an aged prime patty, garlic mayo, lettuce, tomato, pickles and a brioche bun. I also had a glass of wine, and a cocktail (their take on an old fashioned). Pudding… I was pitched a pear compote cheesecake. Let’s see..

The meat of it

First impressions, pretty good. Those fries look crisp and well seasoned (they are, though a smidge… stale?). The burger’s bun is glossy, there’s strong melt on the cheese, the salad looks bright, crisp and fresh, the bacon looks thick but crispy… Let’s take a closer look.

The bun – dense and possibly slightly oversized. The salad – over thick slices of tomato destabilise the stack. The meat – coarse ground, cooked to a perfect medium. Excitement… To the taste.

The meat is lovely – beautiful texture, lovely exterior crust, soft and juicy interior, with that light funk from the dry ageing. Lovely mouthfeel, but ever so slightly underseasoned. The bacon is a joy, and with the cheese (collectively adding an additional £3.50 on an already £14 burger and fries) provide the necessary umami to partially compensate for the patty, so I was glad of the indulgence. The mayo adds a smooth, velvety tang from the garlic that’s welcome; a crisp crunch comes from the salad and the hint of sweet sharpness from the pickles is well distributed. The bun… is cold, and slightly out of proportion. Too much bread, and what there was should have been toasted. But it works together surprisingly well and makes up for its shortcomings via the overall experience. It’s a good burger, and a pleasure to eat it.

The fries, as I’ve said, were solid. They seemed slightly stale, like they’d been left out too long between dips in the fryer, but they were well seasoned, suitably potatoey, and lovely dunked in a pot of mayo or ketchup.

As to the cocktails? Really interesting takes on traditional cocktails on the menu. Served fast, in a lovely atmosphere, with attentive waitstaff. A great overall experience.

Pudding? There were a few options and I had a cheesecake that was recommended to me. It was… fine. But not the right pudding to follow the burger. I was envious of my friends chowing down on a flourless brownie with ice cream.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5
Value – 3.5/5 – £17 for a bacon cheese burger, plus service, plus pudding, plus drinks – this was not a cheap evening. But it was good.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – a great overall experience.

The deets 

A seven minute stroll from Kings X station. Find Morty & Bob’s here.

Lord Wargrave, Nr Edgware Road, London

Possibly the best smash burger in London

Burger source

A friend with excellent taste in both bourbon and BBQ suggested we meet at this pub for a couple of drinks and dinner, and – seeing a double smash burger alongside a variety of ribs options, I felt confident that good things would follow.

The pub has high standards – from its menu:

ALL SMOKE – NO MIRRORS – we’re all about authentic London barbecue, with influences from around the world. Our meat is dry-rubbed, smoked in-house, low and slow, over British hickory logs. Our meat and poultry is ethically sourced, free range, and from local farms wherever possible, and our fish comes from day boats off the south coast of the UK, and is delivered to us daily.

Well. Expectations, much.

The order

We shared a half dozen crispy BBQ wings (my friend couldn’t cope with buffalo spice option), and naturally I had the Smash burger: double beef, double cheese, onions & pickles. I added bacon too, because… greed. To drink? House red, and I may have had an unusual bourbon because it’s a whisky bar too.

And I was tempted by a pudding. I’ll come to that.

The meat of it

Decent presentation

Take a look at that. That’s nice. Shiny bun, beautiful char on the meat and melt on the cheese, well balanced with the pickles and onions.

Let’s take a look at the cross section and see what we’re really dealing with here. I received a groan from my friend when I did this (as I often do).

Holy moly

I can’t explain this. It’s a smash burger – at most, two slender, three ounce patties. And yet there’s a clear and evident pink, uniform through the centre. First bite and you are hit with a wall of savoury – coarse ground, amazingly seasoned meat provides bite… and then soft, tender chew. the flavour is smoky, with depth but none of the funk that comes with dry-aged beef. The cheese binds and adds yet more umami; the bacon almost pushes it over the top, but the sweet pickle and onion tempers it. The bun is soft and holds together against the surprising heft of the burger. I force myself to take slow, thoughtful bites. Savouring each mouthful as the full extent of this creation – this masterpiece – of a burger works its way over my palate. Simon is jeering at me as a reverent look passes over my face; each bite surprises, delights and astounds me. This burger is glorious, I have zero notes. Not one. It is unimprovable.

So. Wow. Breathe. And then the sides.

The fries are – as you can probably see on close inspection – crisp on the outside, thick cut by the standard of American fries but thin for English chips. They are substantial enough that they taste of actual hot, fluffy potato; they are beautifully seasoned with salt and pepper, crisp without being greasy. Possible the archetype of what chips should be, could be, when they grow up. Without the ostentation of rosemary of any of that fancy stuff – simple, uncomplicated, perfect.

The wings are presented beautifully – I love the slim, angled slices of spring onion scatted over the – evenly coated but not dripping – BBQ wings. The sauce is smoky and sweet, but not overwhelming, nor particularly distinctive. The wings crunch as you bite into them, and the meat comes off clean – but is a little tough and chewy. Enjoyable, but I’d probably go for the buffalo if I went back, and hope that they would be more generous in the saucing process, with a meatier and more tender wing. Good but not great.

I was pretty full from the meal, but as regular readers may know, my kryptonite is sticky toffee pudding. It is the ‘BEYOND GODLIKE’ of dessert options for me and – generally – even a mediocre pud is a thing of joy. This time – it presented SO beautifully after being pitched to me by the waitress (it’s excellent, she said)… but then proceeded to have the texture and flavour of a mouldering brick. The waitress acknowledged that a knife should not be required to break a STP apart and graciously took it back, and off the bill. I’ll discount it from my scoring; suspect I got unlucky.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste – 5/5
Sides – 4/5 – minor deduction for tough, slightly undersauced wings. Fries were a 5.
Value – 5/5 – it wasn’t cheap but it was WORTH it

Burger rating – 5/5 – genuinely one of the best burgers I’ve ever had.

The deets

You can find the Lord Wargrave pub a five minute walk from Edgware Road station, tucked unassumingly behind the main thoroughfare down to Marble Arch from the Marylebone Road. The extensive selection of whisky, beer and wine is another reason to go back. Simon had ribs, which also looked glorious. Atmosphere and service, great.

More on the website here.

Anchor Inn, Lower Froyle, Hampshire

Amazingly well put together, if overcooked

Burger source

I was so keen, on the occasion of this date night, to order something that wasn’t a burger. After all, I have burgers so often when I go out – who needed another burger? But then… I don’t go out often. And there it was, on the menu; promising a single cut of meat in the burger (suggesting it is made in-house), slaw, and a variety of other things that sounded great. So I gave in.

The order

The British brisket burger featured cheese, ruby slaw, baby gem, fries, onion relish. According to the menu. I opted for the bacon for an extra pound.

The meat of it

There are some unspecified extras on the burger. You can see, in the featured image above, a generous slice of tomato, three dill pickles, and a very moreish burger sauce. Curiously, the burger patty – in the deconstructed plating – is on the top bun. A quick merge, and you get…

Look at the melt on that cheese! The shine on the bun! the colour on the slaw! Hopes were duly raised…

…and lowered a bit in cross section. Whilst the bun continues to look glorious, as indeed do the toppings (and bottomings?), the burger is too densely packed and is cooked to grey.

First taste – sweet, applewood (?) smoked bacon adds bite and an additional savoury boost, the burger has a hard, well seasoned crust – but the meat is a little rubbery, to be expected given how it was cooked. The quietly sweet brioche bun, slaw, sweet gem and tomato and pickles cut into the savoury explosion somewhat, tempering it, smoothing it out. The mouthfeel is… good, the bun is fantastic, the burger sauce is adding moisture where the beef has lost it, the balance is… surprising. And whilst the beef’s texture is off, the flavour is not bad. Not great in and of itself – but not bad.

The build doesn’t hold together well, the patty is sliding all over the place, so whilst the flavours combine well, it is hard to eat in its intended form.

So I have the second half deconstructed, eating each bit separately. It confirms – excellent bun, sauce, thick-cut streaky bacon and slaw. The burger is almost burnt on the outside – the chef must have gone overboard with the sear, and (I’m guessing) squashed the burger on the grill to “help” it cook through. The single cut of beef leads to a very uniform texture but perhaps not the most inspiring flavour – other cuts add this, I seem to remember from the burger masterclass at Cut & Grind.

It was hard to gauge how I felt about this burger. The pub is so good – amazing atmosphere, roaring fire, a gentle susurration from the happy clientele all around us, good Covid protocol that we could see, fast moving and attentive wait staff. I had an excellent glass of Italian red to sip alongside the burger (a Cento Cavali Nero d’Avola). I was celebrating 15 years of dating my wife. Maybe the mood took me, but damn, I enjoyed this burger in spite of its limitations.

And the fries? Perfection. Crisp, soft centred, good potato flavour, well seasoned without being mouth-wrinklingly salty, delicious dunked in a bit of ketchup or mayo.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  5/5
Build – 3.5/5 – weird reverse assembly, slidey in the bun
Burger – 2.5/5 – taste is ok behind the terrible texture and oversear
Taste –  4/5 – the sauce and trimmings make it up
Sides – 5/5 – calling the fries ‘sides’ is generous, but they were perfect
Value – 3.5/5 – £16 for the burger and fries. The glass of wine was pricey too

Burger rating – 4/5 – surprising myself with this score. It may not objectively have been good, but it was a brilliant experience, and I enjoyed the burger in spite of its limitations.

The deets

The Anchor Inn is in the middle of nowhere in North Hampshire. On a cold winter night, expect dark roads, blind turns, the occasional deer in your path. In other words, a perfect country pub. Find out more at the link.