Cardinal Bar & Kitchen, Aldgate, London

Imbalanced but not irredeemable

Burger source 

A happy restaurant non-booking accident led us to a meal at this East London eatery, ostensibly taking cues from Brick Lane but atmospherically holding all the vibes of a modern gastro-hotel restaurant – which I think is broadly what it is. Downstairs from the amazingly trendy Jin Bo Law cocktail bar (though independent, I think), the less queue-inducing restaurant features a diverse contemporary menu carrying gastrointestinal pub vibes – fish and chips, steak and chips and the burger – alongside Asian inspired fusion dishes, like tandoori lamb chops (served with crushed potatoes and watercress), and salmon mie [sic] goreng. Naturally the burger drew my attention!

The order 

The eponymous Cardinal burger features a dry aged beef patty, kimchi mayo, smoked apple wood cheddar, caramelised onions, lettuce, tomato, gherkins, fries. That was all for tonight; let’s see how they did.

The meat of it 

There’s no question this is a pretty burger; a perfect, shiny, brioche roll, a wonderful melt on the cheese, a lovely char on the patty, bright, fresh looking veggies and a sensible amount of kimchi mayo – enough for flavour and texture, not so much that it splurges out when you take a bite.

In cross section, you see the lovely airy grain of the bun, the elegant stacking (veg below, correct, even-ish bacon coverage, yes, fresh veg in decent proportion, yay, and controllable amounts of mayo. But look at the meat – whilst coarse ground, it is almost grey, and the burger shattered on slicing. This says, nay, shouts – as my teenage and tweenage daughters might say – ‘I’m cooked, bro.’ And not in a good way.

First bite confirms – whilst there’s excellent seasoning and a tasty char on the exterior, the patty is dry and tough. There’s a gamey flavour that speaks to quality, dry-aged (?) beef, but its texture disappoints. The kimchi mayo adds some sourness but no spice whatsoever; I’m not schooled enough in kimchi to know if that’s right or not, but regardless – the flavour balance is off. The sour from the kimchi overwhelms any sweetness left in the overcooked meat and renders the pickle completely invisible, the brioche’s soft sweetness doesn’t quite recover the balance. The bacon is excellent, as is the cheese, but the overall balance means this is just a little bit meh.

On the fries… they’re pale, slightly undercooked and slightly under-seasoned. So whilst they are again made from high quality potatoes, the overall experience underwhelms, with the pots of ketchup and mayo unable to compensate for the bite of undercooked fry.

The meal was £19 plus £2.50 for the extra bacon. This seems to increasingly be standard fare these days, but I would have expected better for the ££.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5 – this was the one faultless element  
Build – 3/5 – architecturally strong, flavour profile – not so much 
Burger – 3/5 – well seasoned, quality meat abused on the griddle.
Taste –  3/5  – possibly being generous here.
Sides – 2/5 – you had one job, fries  
Value – 2.5/5 – I can’t celebrate £22 on something I didn’t really enjoy  

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – could do better. Spicy kimchi, sweetness from somewhere, and a better cooked patty – would have made this really interesting. 

The deets 

Right by Aldgate Tube, dodge past the queue for Jin Bo Law, walk past the lifts and head straight to the back. You can’t miss it. And failing that, the website’s here

Heard Burgers, Flat Iron Square, London

Delicious, distinctive smash burger

Burger source 

This is the eco-friendly, posh-ish take on the smash burger by michelin-starred chef Jordan Bailey.

This is how they describe their ambitions:

Heard was born out of Jordan Bailey ’s desire to make an everyday classic exceptional. Two Michelin-starred chef, Jordan uses his expertise and relationships with top suppliers to make burgers that are deceptively simple yet made with the same care and precision as a Michelin-starred dish.

Creating the perfect burger starts with the ingredients – and we only use the best. All produce is ethically and locally sourced – a transparent supply chain from farm to bite.

Our British beef comes from a cooperative of regenerative farms. Aged for a minimum of 35 days, for the ultimate texture and taste.

Sounds regeneratalicious? Wait and see.

The order 

It was a tough choice. My usual rule is to find something that as closely as possible resembles a cheese and bacon burger, and have that as the reliable benchmark. But, somewhat ostentatiously (and to the possible tears of Uncle Roger), there is only bacon jam available at this fine establishment. So I went for the eponymous “The Heard” – apparently Jordan’s Pick, The OG! Which comes replete with Jalapeño hot honey, Ogleshield [cheese], white onion, their secret Heard sauce and pickles. I’m not writing Heard with a fullstop after it because it’s just too much. For a side, I went for the also eponymous Heard fries,
seasoned with Heard beef fat and herb salt. I have not experienced tallow as a seasoning before – let’s see if I’m, erm, here for it.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

Was the first thing you noticed how small the patties were relative to the bun? Because that was the first thing I noticed. But the second thing I noticed was that the two, crisp patties were coated with a gooey melt of Ogleshield, and the fries look absolutely perfect – crisp, hot, well-seasoned. The orange-red hue of the Heard sauce – also looked spot on.

In cross section (via chomp, not knife as there was no cutlery provided, not even for ready money…. although possibly there was, we didn’t offer any readies)… well, you can see the perfect melt of the cheese continue. The double, crisp and crinkly patty smash made up of coarse ground, dry-aged beef. The chunks of pickle, the drip of tallow and hot honey, the light toasting of the bun, the fine grain and airiness in said bun… there’s very little else to fault aesthetically.

First bite (well, third by this point but who’s counting?) – every bit leaves you the foundational structure of the bread, the umami and slight funk of the beef, accompanied by a light crunch; the sharp, acidic savouriness of the oglefield; a hint of sweetness from the honey and pickle, alongside a crisp freshness from the latter, backed by a soupcon of heat. It’s an absolutely glorious combination and only really limited by the bun-to-bread ratio – this little fella is chunkier than it looks and will not leave you hungry.

Especially not when accompanies by the Heard fries. These are a glorious thing; crunchy on the outside, squidgy in the middle; despite somehow being seasoned with tallow, these are dry – none of the greasiness of chip shop chips. Perfectly seasoned; glorious dunked in the sweet/savoury Heard sauce (think – big mac sauce but better in every way).

It’s a simply glorious combination, well executed. I’ll forgive all the ostentation in the website copywriting – go to Heard, you will not spend a better £17 on a burger and fries. My only complaint (which I did voice) was that the Heard sauce needed to come in bigger tubs.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – oversized but otherwise perfect in every way
Build – 4.5/5 – per aforementioned bun comment, and perhaps a smidge too much sharp cheese
Burger – 4.5/5 – a fine, fine smashburger 
Taste – 4.5/5 – so close to perfect  
Sides – 5/5 – these very possibly take the crown for best fries in London   
Value – 4.5/5 – £17 for a burger this good and fries this extraordinary, generously proportioned in the case of the latter, is a fair price in these inflationary times. Well done the (posh) lad.  

Burger rating – 5/5 – I’m giving Heard > than sum of its points scoring. 

The deets 

It’s just round the corner from Flat Iron Square, between London Bridge and Southwark tubes. You could miss it, as I did, but keep walking where Google tells you to and you’ll get close. Or find it via their website, here.

Saucy B*stards at the Newman Arms, Fitzrovia, London

Delightfully messy double smashburger

Burger source

You might call it mindlessly doomscrolling top-10-burger lists, I call it RESEARCH and I do it in the name of science and the thousand or so people a month who seem to enjoy these burger reviews. You’re all very, very welcome.

Anyway, 15 clickbaity lists of burgers later, I finally find a burger that meets my criteria of being not-in-Hackney-and-therefore-convenient-for-a-midweek-meet-up-with-a-mate (honestly, Hackney seems to be some kind of burger utopia judging by these lists), and also sounding fab. I give you, Saucy Bastards at the Newman Arms, a few minutes from Tottenham Court Road station in the most central of central London spots.

They promise dry aged burgers, snacks, sauces & more sauces, courtesy of a Michelin trained chef, and guarantee a messy shirt at the end of it. Did they deliver? Did they ever.

The order

The burger part of the menu is relatively simple. There’s a choice of a double smash burger (the saucy bastard), a crispy chicken burger (the cocky bastard) and a veggie burger… called… no, you got it. That’s it. Naturally I went for the saucy bastard with extra bacon.

Because we were feeling indulgent, we also went with a “small plate” of Korean fried chicken, and the off-print but on-digital menu of jalapeño poppers. For fries, we shared a “salted” fries and a Cajun fries. Yes, we got too much food for two people, but again – in the NAME OF SCIENCE.

The meat of it

Let’s start with the burger.

This is pretty neat. Hot, soft bun; precisely smashed burger patties with amazing crunchy, crenellated edges – a bit like a sort of Slartibartfast had really put his Magarathean magic to work in designing fjord-esque edges in the smash process. The cheese is perfectly melted – and you can probably just about make out the slather of burger sauce and the hefty chunks of pickle in there. Let’s take in the cross section.

Channeling my best Nessa, I think I’d characterise this as ‘tidy’. It’s perfectly stacked – burger sauce, pickles, patties, cheese melt, and a wide layer of crisp bacon before you hit the top bun. You can see how thin and wide those patties have been smashed. The drizzle of grease and burger sauce also promises flavour… does it deliver?

First bite… crunch – beautifully crisp, well seasoned patty, with a delightful dry-aged funk. Double crunch from the crisp, salty, generous bacon topping, adding even more umami. Soft, open crumbed bread just about holds it together. Thick, sweet pickle cuts the savoury contrast down, and smooth vinegary, luscious burger sauce binds and moisturises. Is this a burger or a beauty product, you might ask? If beauty products were anything like this, I’d spend a lot more time wearing a face mask, that’s for sure. As it is, I have terrible skin but an amazingly refined burger palate.

In short; it’s hard not to want to inhale this burger. Every bite leaves you wanting more until you’re uncomfortably full. It’s perfectly formed – with an amazing flavour profile, incredibly high quality ingredients, and does indeed deliver on the promise of mess. Highly recommended.

As to the sides…

To each in turn.

  • The fries – well seasoned, but unevenly cooked, these were a bit disappointing. My friend Matt had the Cajun fries, where were more uniformly crisp on the outside, squidgy on the inside, whereas some of these were, in fact, soggy. The Cajun seasoning didn’t add much flavour but they were a better portion.
  • The poppers come in a light, sort of tempura batter, with a lovely goo from the cheese and a light pop of spice from the mild pepper. The sweet chilli added a good flavour contrast. But there were a lot of these; probably share between four, especially if you’re having another side.
  • The Korean wings were a little disappointing. They were over fried, so whilst the coating had a delightful crunch, the meat was dry and the sauce didn’t compensate – it was slightly saccharine in sweetness and underspiced for heat, IMO, though I’m hardly an expert in the ways of Korean fried chicken.
  • We had a ‘flight’ of sauces for £4. The jalepeno relish was more sweetness, and the ‘Hot Seoul Sauce’ was again too sugary, but with an unexpectedly bitter soy sauce edge. The ranch was the best of the three, smooth and luscious, would have again.

Overall, this was a great experience. The pub had a fab vibe and it felt like quite a nice take on a traditional boozer, freshened for the 21st century. Good selection of drinks on tap downstairs, QR code table service for the food from a resident burger artiste upstairs, very nice. Can recommend.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5 – occasionally gave way to the heft of grease and sauce but otherwise aces
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  4.5/5 – just a smidge too much seasoning for me
Sides – 3/5 – burgers are better than their sides, though the sides are decent 

Value – 4/5 – £30 for burger and sides; would have been more reasonable if we’d ordered a more reasonable amount of food, but we (inevitably) got carried away.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – would go back tomorrow. Night. When I’m less full.

The deets

You can find them on Rathbone Street or in Islington, as well as on Deliveroo. Deets here. Recommend.

Spielburger, Everyman Cinema, Hampstead, London

A messy delight

Burger source 

The Everyman Cinema is a chain of privately owned upmarket cinemas that seems to have recognised that with streaming – cinemagoing needed to transform from transactional to experiential. Amazing, plush surroundings, brilliant staff, an attached restaurant in Spielburger, a good cocktail selection and more help justify the hefty ticket prices, table service (in the cinema, too!) and more. Going with my brother – both a fellow cinephile and a professional writer and producer – on one of his trips to the UK, made it a special treat.

The film? Furiosa: a Mad Max Saga. The burger? Wait and see.

The order 

Eating with my brother is always a sharing experience. So we shared the 1216 – Spielburger’s messiest burger (we were offered – and accepted – it cooked medium), featuring dry-aged beef, cured bacon, harissa mayo, potato scraps (!) and red leicester cheese, served with fries. We also got some sides – mini chorizo, garlic dough balls and  buttermilk fried chicken. To drink, I had a pretty in pink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s good presentation – gratuitous knife through the centre notwithstanding. glossy bun, melty cheese, scraps of potato everywhere… bacon luxuriating beyond the perimeter of the bun, and hints of freshness from the salad and pickle eking their way out.

In cross section…

The lighting, as it so often is for the express purpose of burger photography, was underwhelming. But you can still see – the bun, with its light crumb and glossy sheen, is holding up to a heft of a patty – at least 6oz, perhaps more. The meat is coarse ground, loosely packed, and was cooked medium. The harissa mayo is generous and leaking out, but there’s not too much grease; structural integrity is maintained.

First bite… the patty is slightly underseasoned, but very tender, and very tasty. The dry-aged funk comes through from the meat; the cheese lends an unguent, gooey bind, and the harissa mayo adds an ever-so-gentle heat. If the potato scraps were meant to add crunch, they didn’t; perhaps we left it too long after it was served to notice. The pickle was slight and brought intermittent sweet, sour brightness. The bacon added the needed salt but could have been slightly crispier (again, possibly our fault for taking too long with our side dishes). Despite the brilliant texture of the cheese, I tend to find Red Leicester too indistinct to cut through the flavour… but there was enough going on. The complexity worked, just, though it was bordering on chaotic energy, and I enjoyed my half of a 1216. Though I’d be tempted to go more basic on a return visit…

As to the sides, and the drink…

The buttermilk fried chicken was a little dry, but the dipping sauce (a garlicky yoghurt) balanced it out. The doughballs were dense, and well cooked, but the garlic butter was massively overseasoned. The chorizo – hot, rich, paprika-y – were also oversalted (and messy). But for the kind of food it was, it was hot, rich, tasty and filling.

The pretty in pink cocktail – berry gin, strawberry, coconut milk and lime – was a brilliant balance of sweet and sour (emphasis on the sweet, just to my liking).

All that food, a couple of cocktails, fabulous service – came to just under £60 including service. Not too bad given the cinema tickets themselves were rocking £45…!

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4/5 – perhaps being a little generous given the salt and dry-ness issues, but the fries were excellent   

Value – 4/5 – decent for an upmarket place.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – in the upper echelons of upmarket burgers; well cooked, great environs, fab service. A few small details and it good get into promotion territory.

The deets 

There are Everymans all over. Check out the website for your local – the one in Hampstead is lush.

And the film? Other than some slightly excessively indulgent moments of dialogue – well, monologue really – for Chris Hemsworth, it’s fabulous. A really brilliantly executed prequel, peppered with spectacularly creative and choreographed action and moments of real heartbreak and poignancy, without ever dipping into twee hollywoodness.

Double Standard, Kings Cross, London

Brilliant burger, capital chicken bites, fantastic fries, cool cocktails

Burger source 

The Double Standard, in the Standard hotel, has achieved a number of plaudits and made a few ‘best burgers in London’ lists, and as a supremely convenient central location for all my friends, it was a sensible place to go.

The order 

The burger itself is described with little ceremony – it is simply ‘the burger’, served with bacon and blue cheese, and fries. We shared a side of chicken bites, and mac and cheese, and tried a brace of cocktails.

The meat of it 

There’s nothing overly exciting about the plating, but its competent:

(Apologies for the lighting, it’s a stylish, dimly lit venue). It’s not easy to see, but there’s a brilliant melt on the cheese, a strong char on the burger, the bun is soft, the bacon in clear evidence. Lots good so far.

In cross section…

There’s a brilliantly coarse grind to the meet; the ratios of meat, bun and toppings are excellent, though it is cooked a bit more than I would choose it – no trace of pink – the burger is not dry, possibly thanks to a(n un)healthy fat/lean ratio in the blend.

First bite – a solid crunch from a hard char, the bun is as soft and pleasantly nondescript as you’d expect – lending structure more than flavour – and a light dry-aged funk from the meat comes through. The meat is reasonably juicy, but helped by a measured ration of relish, which also provides a mildly spiced sweetness. A second later, and you are hit with the umami, from the strong but odourless blue cheese and the chewy, substantial bacon – back bacon, cooked well but not crispy – and it binds beautifully. The contrast between the salt and the sweet, between the crunch of the meat, the chew of the bacon and the soft bite of the bun – is really excellent. My only note is that – had the patty just been a smidge over toward medium, it would have boosted the experience even more.

To the sides; the fries are superb, crisp exterior, fluffy interior, well seasoned but otherwise little to remark. Improved by both ketchup and the garlic aioli that came with the chicken bites. The chicken bites are a thing of legend (we ordered a second portion, despite the £8 price tag) – chunks of juicy chicken thigh, brilliantly seasoned, crisp and spicy and juicy all at once. The garlic aioli was an excellent contrast, adding a slick, garlicky sweetness with a dunk. The mac & cheese was mac & cheese-like, credible and competent but about as exciting as it always is – which – to me – is limited.

Cocktails are half-price on Monday and Tuesday and were good value at that price – the pina colada was punchy and delicious. The Elderflower Collins was meh (who aims for ‘fresh’ instead of ‘sweet’ with an elderflower drink?), but friends also enjoyed the Negroni and the Ginger Magarita.

All in all, an excellent experience, in a busy, trendy, highly styled environment, with decent service (slower on food than drink), tasty food, interesting drinks and in a useful, albeit unexpected location (the hotel is MUCH cooler than you would expect).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4..5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – chicken bites to dream of   
Value – 4/5 – £42 burger, 3 sides between five, and 2-3 cocktails each. Not bad for where/what it is.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – deservedly amongst the best in London 

The deets 

It’s tucked in on the ground floor of the Standard hotel, literally opposite Kings Cross station on the corner of Argyle St and the A501. You can’t miss it, and you shouldn’t.

Blacklock, Bedford St, Covent Garden

Gentle mustard heat on a dry-aged double cheeseburger – mwah 🤌🏽

Burger source

Blacklock is more of an institution than I realised. Specialising in ‘chops’ of all kinds, I didn’t even realise it had a burger on the menu till James suggested it as a destination, and (having accidentally gone to the wrong branch in Soho before I got to the Covent Garden branch) I found two separate venues independently, joyously busy. Post pandemic, and in the midst of a cost of living crisis, it felt like a nostalgic trip to 2019 (those heady days).

Its origin is distinctly unburgery, however; it was founded in tribute to the ‘chophouses’ of 1690s London, where people apparently came in search of meat off the bone for the extra flavour that offered (not imagining 1690s London as London at the height of its culinary progress, but…). As well, apparently, as the inclusive, accessible, unpretensiousness of it all (not sure how much of that has endured, this place is a little fancy-schmancy…)

The order

The ‘Blacklock burger’ was the sole burger option, a double cheeseburger “Blacklocked” with onions caramelised in a ‘healthy glug’ of  vermouth. A side of beef dripping fries was a mandatory add-on. The restaurant does pre-mixed cocktails at tremendous prices – £7.50 for an Old fashioned feels like excellent value in a venue that will charge a tenner for a gin and tonic. And… spoiler alert, we shared the white chocolate cheesecake that was on the pudding menu.

The meat of it

The burger presents well. Perfectly assembled, two thin (2.5oz?) patties are covered in melty cheese, oozing with burger sauce, and a perfectly toasted, sturdy, seeded burger bun holds its ground. The burger is topped with a thin layer of pickle and the aforementioned onions.

In cross section, the meat has dashes of pink. It’s not quite a patty smash but it’s also not full on, thick, cook-till-medium beef patty. The stack holds up. It looks good. I’m excited.

There’s a good smell to the burger, but little heft – it’s indulgent, but not excessive. First bite – the bun gives way, the soft meat is melt-in-your-mouth tender, the slick, hot burger sauce sets your taste buds tingling with a gentle, mustard induced heat and you’re hit with the savoury, soft, dry-aged meat flavour rolling around your taste buds and olfactory system all in one. It’s sumptuous; well seasoned, well balanced, delicious.

Minor points of criticism; the burger could have used a sharper sear – there’s no crunch, I miss me that textural contrast. And there could have been a smidge more beef – just to improve the bread/meat ratio (the bread is robust and very present). More than one of us (we had five burgers at the table) were feeling wistful for a little salad, or some fresh onion, or something – to add a bit more sweet freshness to the burger. The pickle doesn’t quite manage this – it’s lost in a sea of burger sauce and isn’t… well, isn’t very pickly. And the onion is completely lost in the flavours of the meat and the burger sauce.

The fries – did not give a good first impression. They look… wan. Pale. Anemic, even. But they are cooked through, and well seasoned. There’s a good amount of both crunch and chewy, potatoey goodness in this (modest) portion. The beef dripping they’re fried in adds a really unexpected depth of flavour. But there’s a slightly strange texture to these chips. They take some chewing. Still, enjoyable, and improved by a dunk in the mayo.

The Old Fashioned… was OK. I don’t know if I love Old Forrester as a Bourbon – it was smokier and more bitter than I was expecting. I wonder if someone held back a bit when mixing the sugar into this one.

I finished the meal with a bright, fresh, lightly fizzy red Italian dessert wine – a Brachetto. It tasted of Summer, and paired beautifully with a massively excessive but delicious white chocolate cheesecake, shovelled with jolly ceremony into my bowl at the table from an outsized Le Creuset dish. SHARE ONE, between two. We saw a couple on a date getting one each and felt a pang of empathy for their chances at after dinner romance, should they complete the meal.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste – 4/5
Sides – 4/5
Value – 4/5 – I expected, with the drinks, for this to be pricey. But at £33.33 a head, including service, two drinks, and two courses for all of us, well — it felt reasonable.

Burger rating – 4/5 – a solid option

The deets

Blacklock is all over. Find your nearest one here. And if you’re meeting someone at the ‘Central London’ one, check if you’re going to the Soho One (on Great Windmill Street), or the Covent Garden one (not on Great Windmill Street, but an unpleasant 12 minute walk through the crowds of Leicester Square away in… well, Covent Garden).

Temper, Covent Garden, London

Exquisite if slightly over-complex burger

Burger source

IMG_20190429_180628

Temper describes itself as a ‘whole animal barbecue restaraunt in London’ – they buy animals whole, butcher them in house, and have a zero-waste policy that means fewer animals are slaughtered to provide the meat required to serve their covers every week.

Brainchild of celebrity chef Neil Rankin, I’d heard lots about how amazing this place was and was excited to go when a theatre night with my sister provided an opportunity to stop in for pre-show supper.

Little specifically is said about the burger, except of course that it comes from the same meat source as everything else.  When you walk in, the smell of fresh and aged meat is in the air – in a good way, it’s not overpowering, but its not for the faint of heart. There is a meat fridge, a wall of dry-aging meat, in the centre of the restaraunt.

IMG_20190429_180716

The order

A two-course pre-theatre menu for £16 got me the Temper cheeseburger (Aged beef patty, ogleshield cheese, pickles, salami) and dorito fried fish tacos as a starter. We shared fries (an extra £4) whilst Sheila had the burger too.

Allergies, and our ability to cope with the burger cooked medium rare, were checked. Excitement.

The meat of it

This burger is beautiful. I mean, look at it.

IMG_20190429_183439

The plating and construction is absolutely flawless. Perfect structure, clean plate, wonderfully melty cheese, elegance in the toppings, nothing in excess, nothing out of proportion. It looks great, though I was briefly worried that the bun might be over-toasted.

Then the cross section.

IMG_20190429_183515

Again, little to worry about here. Perfect medium rare, bun holding up to the juices, somewhat protected by the salad, uinform thin layer of pickle, cheese and salami. The dry-aged beef is less pink than fresh beef, and less juicy, leading to less mess and a different aroma – the soft funk of aged meat.

Then to the taste…

Wow. This burger is perfectly constructed. The bun wasn’t overtoasted, it was just right to hold up to the burger sauces and juice. The mustard and burger sauce perfectly compliment the meat – which, as you can see is coarse ground, loosely packed and perfectly cooked. The crust on the patty is good – a healthy sear – and the seasoning is excellent. The pickles are sweet and crisp and the cheese lends a wonderful umami and texture to the bite (I didn’t know what Ogleshield cheese was but do now – melty, brined cheese from the West Country). The salami is hard to detect, though, adding little texture or flavour next to everything else. And the one challenge eating the burger is that it slides around the bun a little – not sure why as the build looked perfect. Perhaps the layers of mustard and burger sauce on each bun? Or the sheer heft of the patty.

The dry-aged beef, however, is probably not to everyone’s taste. I enjoyed it but found it very hard to benchmark against my other favourite burgers (things like Bleecker, Dip & Flip, Lucky Chip & others). The dry-aging means the meat is less juicy than another medium rare burger – indeed, there are few drippings whilst eating this burger at all. But critically, the funk of dry-aged meat is prevalent. And whilst it is absolutely enjoyable, it makes the whole thing feel a little ‘fancy’ and complex, and imagine not everyone will enjoy the experience equally. It does fit Temper’s profile as a high-end barbecue restaraunt perfectly, and I would certainly have it again with no hesitation. Although I do want to try their pizzas next time…

As to the sides…

IMG_20190429_183722

The fries are pretty much perfect. Perfectly crisp, not greasy in any way, not too thick but not too thin (crispy on the outside and squidgy in the middle, much like Armadillos) and very well seasoned. Great on their own or with ketchup and mayo.

IMG_20190429_183424

The Dorito fish tacos looked pretty amazing… but were a little disappointing. There’s good crunch to the ‘breading’ (dorito-ing?) but nothing that screams the savoury goodness of Doritos. There’s too much fish – the ratios in the tacos are off – so you lose the sauce, chilli, lime, even the taco – which disappears behind a substantial wall, soft white fish. That said, it’s perfectly cooked and you get hints of brilliance against the background of protein-stodge; a flash of heat from the chilli, creaminess from sauce, and bright clean sharpness from the lime.

A fantastic experience, if some of it was a bit unfamiliar and some things a little off. Temper is on the list of favourite places to go.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 4.5/5 – subjective docking of half a point because I’m not sure how I feel about aged meat burgers
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – really just scoring the fries here. The Fish tacos were technically a starter.
Value – 4/5 – £16 for burger and fries is toppy, but worth it.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – really very good

The deets

Temper has three locations now, in Covent Garden, the City and Soho. Go, go soon, take your friends. I’m very tempted by the mid-week all-you-can-eat-pizza-and-wine-for-£20 combo.

IMG_20190429_191214

The Laughing Gravy, 154 Blackfriars Road, London

Extraordinarily tasty burger with somewhat ordinary chips and even more exceptional pud

Burger source

This is a restaraunt with really a very high calibre of food across the board. So the burger doesn’t feature centrally, and gets just modest billing on the menu. Nonetheless; I expected from the reputation the restaraunt had acquired that this would be no “pub” burger.

The order

I had the Aberdeen Angus cheese burger with hand cut chips, with added smoked bacon for an additional £2. Portobello mushrooms and fried onions were also available as an alternative topping.

No starters, though I did share a pudding with an old friend. More on the 3-way salted caramel to follow.

The meat of it

This burger tastes extraordinary. Let’s look at it a little more closely.

IMG_20181109_132725

You can instantly see a good crust on the meat. The bun looks sturdy – perhaps excessively so? That rather depends on the meat, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The gammon-like bacon is thick, and covered with a good amount of very melty cheddar. A small drizzle of grease has escaped the otherwise perfect plating and speaks to a juicy feast to follow.

IMG_20181109_132912

The grease is explained. The coarse ground meat is cooked to a perfect medium, and whilst it looks and seems dry in the first pic, you can see here that the bun only just holds up to the meat juice. The bacon portion is ludicrously generous, and there’s a little red of relish in there of some description. You can see the cheese melting off to the side, a forgotten spider web of dairy deliciousness.

On first bite, you’re overwhelmed with umani. Whislt I ordinarily don’t love non-crispy  bacon in a burger, this thick cut smoked meat adds a delicious taste on top of the already well-seasoned beef. The beef itself is high grade, aged Aberdeen Angus, with a little of the delightful funk you get with dry-aging. It’s not overpowering though; this is not a complex burger, simply a very well constructed one. The melty cheddar binds without overwhelming the burger but the overall impact is very salty; the little relish is overpowered and the burger would have benefited from a sweet contrast. Perhaps my own fault for adding bacon but not ketchup.

I ate this burger slowly; it’s very rich and deserved savouring. They’ve made something wonderful here.

To the sides; the small side salad had a sweetish dressing and was a nice, if token, gesture in the direction of health. The chips were thick-cut, chip-shop style chips and were inconsistent – some soggy, others crisp to the point of shattering. A happy medium would have delivred a better experience throughout.

The pudding, of which I have no picture I’m afraid, was extraordinary. Brownie in multiple forms, a lush salted caramel gelato, cruchy bits in a sweet caramel goo, plus gooey salt caramel and chocolate embedded in a crisp brownie. There were peanut pieces surrounding the salted caramel gelato adding both salt and crunch. Wonderful. We shared it – at £9.70 and with three different grades of indulgence scattered across a large plate, it’s best shared between two!

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 5/5
Taste –  4.5/5 – – more relish, or some sweet pickle and this would be up there
Sides – 3/5
Value – 3.5/5 – £16 for burger and sides, ish, with added bacon, and best part of £5 for the pudding (SHARED!) – this place is definitely more £££ than ££. But it is that kind of place.

Burger rating – 4/5 – despite the price and middling chips, this is a very special burger indeed.

The deets

Just up from Southwark Tube, it was quiet on a Friday lunchtime. It’s a well kept secret indeed, but definitely deserving of wider recognition!

Foxlow, 69-73 St John Street, Clerkenwell

Simple, great value, delicious burger from the founders of Hawksmoor.

Burger source

The founders of Hawksmoor were clearly up for another challenge, and the Foxlow chain of independent restaurants is the result. As with many modern British eateries, the focus is on high quality local produce, cooked simply but well, to serve a range of tastes – from the healthy to the indulgent. We went there after an evening of pool, so guess where we ended up on that scale?

The order

Tuesday night is ‘BYO’ night, so I ordered the menu’s sole burger (cheese and bacon, nice) (CHECK). It came with a side of french fries, and my colleague Tim furnished us with a bottle of red from a nearby Tesco (the local Sainsbury’s stops serving alcohol at 8pm due to its proximity to Fabric, which was interesting, if weird).

The meat of it

Luxlow_close_up

Like Beef & Brew, the burgers here are bought in and not ground on site, so again they would serve it medium at best… fortunately, its best was pretty good – a good, broad band of pink ran through the cross section of the ~6oz burger on arrival.  Again like Beef & Brew, it is a slightly dry burger, with perhaps slightly too heavy a bread ratio… however…

Luxlow_cross_section

It is brilliantly seasoned, with a wonderfully crisp exterior and a soft, rich centre. The meat’s excellent quality (dry-aged rib) and melded perfectly with toppings (melty Ogleshield cheese plus salad) to give a whole that was greater than the sum of its parts. The fresh vegetables add some moisture – unusually for me, I left the tomato in – and the fresh, sour tang of the pickles added another fresh, crisp component to the bite. The salt/sweet contrast is just right, with the brioche and veg taking the edge off the salty burger, even without relish or sauce.

The fries were extraordinary – crisp on the outside, with a soft (not a hollow) centre, richly seasoned with salt and pepper. Utterly delicious.

For £12, this is extraordinary value.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 4.5/5
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – pepper ftw

Value – 5/5 – £12 for burger and fries! A steak frites option was also on the menu at the same price!? How are these the Hawksmoor guys, who charge £17 for a not very good burger

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – if they’d ground this on site and perhaps had a slightly higher fat ratio, this would have been princely.

The deets

There are four Foxlow’s across London, this one is a few minutes from Farringdon tube station on St John Street; it’s an excellent location for meateries, given its proximity to Smithfields Market. Find a local one and try it out, especially if you’re having an unusually large Tuesday night out.