Tag: burger

Mrs Foggs, Broadgate Circle, London

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Tolerable cheese burger & fries

Burger source 

It was a convenient place for an industry friend and I to meet, and burgers were not top of mind. But they had them, and whilst I’m not sure of the connection between the bar’s Victorian-era explorer theme and cheeseburgers (maybe they explored NEW YORK CITY), I wasn’t complaining. Now, for no reason, this clip from WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS.

The order 

Basics – cheeseburger and skin on fries. The burger was billed as follows: a beef patty, American cheese slice, pickles, lettuce, tomato, mustard, ketchup, pretzel bun. The skin on fries – do what they say on the tin. Paired with a nice merlot.

Now, apropos of not very much, this clip from SIDEWAYS.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

That’s not a bad stack. Decent shine on a soft bun, bright salad supporting the lower bun from the patty, amazing melt on the (distinctly unamerican looking cheese – that’s not nearly Donald-Trump-tan orange enough for pureblood American cheese singles). But – nothing to complain about yet.

Cross section…

Right, the lighting is bad so it may be hard to tell but there’s good and bad here. Good – stack, bun sturdiness/pliability balance, the layering in the stack is good and evenly distributed, the meat is coarse ground and loosely packed – so far, so good really…

First bite…. soft bread, crisp salad, sweet pickle, decent bite to a – slightly overcooked – patty, the cheese added salt and the ketchup/mayo adds moisture. It’s not bad. But as you chew – you realise the meat is more than a little bland, and overcooked, which diminishes from the mouthfeel and flavour of what is otherwise a pretty well constructed burger.

The skin on fries… were fine. Decent seasoning, not uniformly hot or crisp, but decent at their best and still OK at their worst. Dunked in the provided mayo and ketchup (nice touch), these were a good accompaniment to the main meal, and came in a decent sized portion.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5 – really very good 
Build – 5/5 – well constructed, there was balance in the force
Burger – 3/5 – lack of seasoning and overdone-ness are significant faults
Taste –  3.5/5 – just not enough flavour or moisture to the burger. Slightly dry and underwhelming.  
Sides – 3.5/5 – solid but ultimately forgettable   

Value – 3/5 – £12.5 for the burger, another £4.50 for the fries, plus drinks plus side. Disproportionate to the quality.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – it was fine but the price, bland, overcookedness of it all knocked it down a few pegs from what could have been quite a good burger.. 

The deets 

These things are all over the place – who knew? The cocktails and drinks did – to be fair – look amazing and seemed like the main event. Go, experience the quirky Americana – find your nearest here.

Beer + Burger, Kings Cross, London

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Great burger, meh packaging

Burger source 

So both the beer and the burgers take equal billing, but honestly? The beer wins. 20 different draft beers on tap, a fridge full of weird and wonderful cans – there’s a lot of choice. Shame I’m not a huge beer fan, but that’s what it is.

The order 

I had a bacon cheeseburger – two smashed patties, American cheese, pickles, diced red onions, their signature ‘goop’ sauce and maple candied bacon. We shared their Seoul Wings – crispy fried chicken wings in a sweet and spicy Korean sauce – as well as regular fries, sweet potato fries, and the filthy, filthy dirty fries – fries, cheese, buffalo sauce, gravy, jalapenos and ranch. Yes, it was a lot, but there were three of us so… we shared.

For the beer – I asked for the beer that tasted least like beer and drank a strawberry beer that almost didn’t taste like beer. Perfect.

The meat of it 

Fast food style wrapping gives way to a tidily presented and well crafted burger. Strong char on the meat, layered pickles, goop, patties, melty cheese and the crisp, candied maple bacon on top. The goop sauce oozes but doesn’t drip – a good balance.

First bite – UMAMI CITY, baby. This thing is all about the salt – there’s no evident sweetness from the bacon, just crisp, chewy, salty bite. The burger patties are well-seasoned, well-cooked and delicious – the cheese is fully melted and binds the whole lot together. The goop is hard to distinguish but seems to add even more savoury-ness. The pickles are slightly drowned out by the mass of salt, but the red onion does cut through with some fresh brightness. The bun – is soft, but cold and untoasted – it doesn’t hold up brilliantly and starts to crumble as we go.

It’s good, on the whole – tasty and moreish – but it’s just off balance. Too much salt, not enough sweet. Too much goop, not enough crunch.

On the sides… brace yourself.

The Seoul wings were good – meaty, hot, crisp, juicy, and leaving a faint hint of heat and sweet tanginess behind. Can’t comment to their authenticity – probably a tad on the mild side, I’m no expert – really tasty though.

The regular fries were, well, unexceptional. Crisp and well seasoned, but there was nothing stand-out in the flavour. The sweet potato fries were crisp and soft centred, and whilst I’m not generally a fan, these were well done. The dirty fries – were absolutely filthy. I’m never sure quite what this kind of dish is meant to be – the fries are soggy with gravy, the cheese is melty but the flavour is all over the place with ranch cool, gravy saltiness, light heat from the buffalo – all coming through at the same time. The fries are the same unexceptional ones but now – poutine like – this Frankenstein’s monster of a dish comes to life. It was moreish as hell despite the utter chaos of flavours involved.

To drink? My strawberry beer. Strawberrylicious.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  2.5/5 – soft, crumbling, cold, and not sweet enough to make up for the rest
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 4/5 – bump for the wings and the dirty, dirty fries   
Value – 3/5 – £27+ for burger and sides + beer felt punchy for the quality  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – good, not great

The deets 

There’s a few branches across North & Northeast London – well worth a visit, and ask them to toast or steam your bun… and maybe add ketchup and you’ll be grand. If you love beer, I think you’re going to have a great time. Find it here.

TGI Fridays, Retail Park, Southampton

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Pricey but serviceable nostalgia 

Burger source 

TGI Fridays is, to my mind, an artefact of my teenage years. I remember a trip to the Science Museum when I was at secondary school that ended there, with the teachers sipping cocktails that my classmates tried to spike with tabasco sauce (Mr Collins seemed to like his Tequila sunrise + hot sauce, which is less surprising today than it was then), and I remember loving the indulgence of the Americana. It had a resurgence in my early 20s because of the cocktails – oh, the cocktails – but I probably haven’t been to one in about 15 years. And it was on the occasion of a trip to see the musical SIX in Southampton with the elder kids that we picked it as a dinner venue, and so naturally – burgers were had. 

The order 

I had the Fridays glazed burger – described as “100% beef patty coated in our Fridays® Legendary Glaze, Monterey Jack cheese and crispy bacon. Served on a bed of lettuce, mayo, tomato, pickled red onions and extra Fridays® Legendary Glaze on the side.” Emily had a kids burger but was anxious it wouldn’t be enough food, so I got some corndogs for us to share (minus the mustard, because, kids, fussy, etc). And Izzy had a sundae to finish, whilst Emily ordered a £7.50 rocky road milkshake. £7.50 – seriously.

The meat of it 

Well, that is decent presentation. Good crust on the burger, sturdy looking (but soft) bun, bed of salad in the right place with duly julienned lettuce, amazing melt on the cheese, good colour and seasoning on the fries…. and a slightly suspicious pot of watery brown sauce – the aforementioned glaze.

Let’s take a closer look.

Cross section confirms the robustness of the stack. You can see the meat is coarse ground and loosely enough packed. The bun has a good texture, and the salad is bright and fresh. The back bacon is slightly on the floppy side – surprising given the American tendency to present bacon as fully hardened glass-like shards of streaky – but – so far, so good.

First taste… sweet bun, excellent seasoning on the burger. The melty cheese adds a binder and texture but little flavour; the bacon adds savoury bite but little texture. The meat is decent but not special – a little on the dry side, helped by the mayo in the burger, good texture and well balanced on the whole – but it is somewhat generic to taste. Overall, however, the effect is really not bad. The sauce – adds a – not entirely unpleasant – saccharine sweetness when I dipped either the burger or the fries in it – but would NOT recommend dousing the burger in it as described – it would have overwhelmed everything and likely rendered the meal inedible.

On the sides – the fries were crisp and heavily seasoned – slightly too much so – with (I think) rosemary salt and pepper. A bit heavy handed, but pleasant, and a dip on ketchup / mayo / the Fridays glaze took some of the edge off the salt.

The corndogs went down a treat with the kids and I was only able to snaffle a bite – I feel I should like these but the cornbreading is just too stodgy – I think I was hoping for a battered sausage sort of texture (amazingly, I’ve not had a corndog before despite seeing them feature in countless American TV-series) – and the corndog coating is just more bready/cakey. The cheese sauce was bland and served no purpose – it was ignored.

Emily was defeated by her rocky road shake – so I got to have a bit at the end. It was creamy, chunky, luscious indulgence, though the bottle poured caramel and chocolate sauce gave it a slightly chemical feel.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 3.5/5 
Taste –  3.5/5  
Sides – 3.5/5 – good fries, meh corn dogs   
Value – 3/5 – £16.50 for burger & fries, £9.50 for two corn dogs, £7.50 for a milkshake – you get it. Not budget friendly.  

Burger rating – 3.5/5 – fine. Just fine.

The deets 

Find your Fridays wherever you are, there’s still a fair few around. This one is a 10 minute walk from the Mayflower theatre and not a bad option for those of us with fussy kids (or burger loving parents).

Now: I need to get to Hard Rock Cafe…

The Anthologist, Bank, London

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A paragon of mediocrity

Burger source 

It seems that I have something of a reputation for my burger fandom. So, when meeting an industry friend for lunch, I was asked ‘are you going to have the burger…’

Honestly, I was considering the salad. But I didn’t want to disappoint.

The order 

OK, there’s nothing fancy about it, but it sounded fine (though I have now had to Google ‘Applewood cheese’ – save yourself the trouble, it’s just a smoked cheddar) – the simply billed ‘cheeseburger’ came complete with: 7oz British beef, Applewood cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise & chips.

Unpretentious. Fine. Could be good – a good burger doesn’t need to be complicated.

The meat of it 

But it does need to be some other things.

Presentation’s OK (to a point). But some worrying tells. First – that pickle. Unnecessarily gargantuan proportions, slightly worrying shade of green.

Second: large lettuce pieces atop burger. Wrong place. Schoolboy. It’s meant to be protecting the underbun from the juiciness of the burger. And it should be chopped.

Third : where’s the aforementioned juiciness? Nowhere to be seen. That plate is too clean, that bun is too intact.

Time for the cross section.

Structural integrity of the stack was next to zero. Top bun slid off salad, which – unchopped – slid off in turn (dice your lettuce, people, it’s not hard. A rough chop is fine). The mayo is meagrely applied, the bun is even more suspiciously dry, and now – whilst the romaine is bright green – you can see a peek of an extremely underwhelming tomato slice beneath the burger, too. Now, I’ve always had my reservations about tomatoes on a burger, but a pale, flaccid looking specimen like this? No. Just no. It’s wrong. That said – the cheese melt is top notch, the burger looks to be made with coarse ground meat that isn’t overpacked… but it’s so dry. I’m worried.

First bite.

Bread’s dry. Burger’s dry; overcooked but tolerably pliant. There’s no sauce. There’s no salt. The cheese adds texture but next to no flavour – no smoke evident, applewood or otherwise. In aggregate, the burger adds texture but almost no flavour. It’s like chewing on burger textured cardboard; the mouthfeel isn’t bad, but the lack of taste makes the whole experience surreal. In fact, they could have marketed this burger as the ‘Covid simulator’ because it’s like they took your dang sense of taste away. If Uncle Roger did burger reviews, he’d be taking away the Anthologist Chef’s Uncle title in this very moment.

The chips – however – were fine. Well seasoned, crisp, made of decent quality potato, and only marginally too chunky for my liking.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  1.5/5
Build – 1.5/5
Burger – 1.5/5 
Taste –  1/5  
Sides – 4/5 – the chips were good, lose a point for being a tad on the chunky side
Value – 1/5 – £16 for burger and side, ish. But tbh at £12 it’d have still only been a 3/5.   

Burger rating – 1.5/5 – I ate it. Had it been much worse, I wouldn’t have. 

The deets 

I’m only telling you so if you find yourself there you remember NOT to order the burger; it’s a Drake & Morgan pub round the corner from Bank station. Avoid it here.

Old House at Home, Newnham, North Hampshire

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Very well executed pub burger

Burger source 

Living in rural North Hampshire, there’s with three kids, a garden to maintain, family commitments and busy jobs… we don’t have a lot of energy left over for date night. So the brief Amanda and I agreed on for a rare night with BIL babysitting was ‘somewhere not too far away’.

Having lived in the area for 12 years, there’s not that many places we haven’t been, but… a forensic search of Google Maps and Tripadvisor well-reviewed local pubs led me to book us a table at the Old House at Home in Newnham, an independent pub that had 4.5* reviews and was sufficiently nearby to meet the brief.

The order 

You’re always rolling the dice with a pub burger. They have such a variety of items on the menu, you know they’re not grinding the meat on site – therefore everything is cooked well done and there’s a chance you’re going to end up with a charred hockey puck rather than a burger. But… this place really reviews well so I thought I’d chance it. Here’s how it’s billed:

Homemade Beef Burger with tomato, lettuce, smoked cheddar, pickle, crispy pancetta served in a toasted brioche bun & chips

I was designated driver, so just lime & soda to drink… and I eventually, as you’ll see, fell victim to the sticky toffee pudding they had as an option for pudding.

Amanda had a fishcake and a crumble, which I’ll mention in passing as they’ll probably appear in soft focus in the background of my burger photos.

The meat of it 

Well, lookee here.

I’m not really sure what to make of it at first. Few burgers that feel the need to come ‘open face’ do so for any purpose other than misdirection (e.g. look at this brilliantly melty cheese… hiding a terrible burger)… but once assembled, you’ll see the proportions of the stack are all pretty sweet:

You can see the crisp pancetta sticking out the bottom left. The burger has heft but isn’t ridiculous. The salad looks crisp. The pickles – I started there – are sweet, sour and bright – a good start.

Let’s go cross section betfore we get into the tasting.

This is strong. There’s a crust on the meat, but it’s not dry at all despite being cooked well done. You can see the coarse grind of the meat in the patty. There’s a good amount of salad protecting the bottom bun, which is holding up admirably to the mass of meat above it. The bun is substantial without being overwhelming. The only real warning sign is the absence of any relish or burger sauce… but let’s get into the first taste.

Crisp, well seasoned outer, gives way to juicy, meaty centre – no aged funk, just simple flavours, but no worse for it. The bun holds up, adding a light sweetness and softness and crunch all in one. The cheese adds a light smokeyness and a melty pull, even as a savoury crunch comes away with the pancetta. A little fat oozes out of the burger as the sweet, crisp lettuce and tomato contrasts the umami bomb of the meat and cheese. It doesn’t need burger sauce – the moisture of salad and meat, the natural sweet and savoury – complement beautifully.

It’s really well done. If I was nitpicking, I would maybe have buttered the brioche (more?) pre-toasting, and used a blowtorch to add some char to the cheese melt, and maybe crisp the pancetta a bit more gently – it was a little on the blackened side of crisp. But really – none of these things diminish the burger experience. It is solid, and re-orderable, which is not something I’d often say of a pub burger.

The chips were almost perfect – really high quality potatoes, crisp on the outside and fluffy in the middle, and hit the goldilocks zone of well-seasoned. I had ketchup and mayo on the side which maxed these out – really solid.

(Amanda’s fishcake was apparently good too, on a bed of green beans and generously topped (and bottomed, it seemed) with hollandaise. She declined the poached egg topper it was meant to have, and I learned something about my wife).

A quick word on pudding (after all, this website is not dessertsource) – sticky toffee pudding is my kryptonite. It’s really hard for me not to order it when it appears on a menu of somewhere nice. And, gloriously, they had a ‘small’ portion option (£4.90 instead of £7.50 and not of Kaiju proportions). It was perfect – soft, steamy sponge, a lake of caramel, chewy bits where the dates hadn’t completely dissolved into the sponge, hot and steamy – contrasting beautifully with the cold, smooth ice-cream. <Chef’s kiss>.

(Amanda had an apple and rhubarb crumble with ice cream. Also nice.)

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4.5/5
Build – 4.5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 4.5/5  

Value – 4/5 – £19 for burger and side, ish, £5 for pudding, plus drinks and service – it’s a minimum £30 a head place.  Good, but toppy for this particular menu choice

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – one of the top non-burger specialist burgers you can get, I suspect

The deets 

Newnham is about 10 minutes drive from Basingstoke, a few minutes from Hook. If you know, you know. Recommended. Find the pub here.

The Leather Bottle, Mattingley, Hampshire

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Creative, tasty, meaty pub burger 

Burger source 

I’m not going to lie. Whilst I’ve been wanting to go to this – famously – good pub for some time, I’ve not had an occasion to do so and I hadn’t planned to go there today. But, a car breakdown later, it provided a good car park and place to wait for the recovery van. I had 90 minutes to kill, which was the perfect amount of time.

It’s such a lovely pub. Warm fire, cosy interiors, lovely bar, great selection of drinks – I had the excitement of a lime & soda as it’s been a week from hell and that was as far as I needed to go…

The order 

Pretty simple – the steak burger. Here’s how it’s described:

Steak burger, beer onions, grilled pancetta, Monterey Jack, spiced tomato mayonnaise, fries 

But how did it pan out?

The meat of it 

So… it’s not a bad looking plate of food. Decent portion of well-seasoned, skin-on fries. Decent aspect to the burger… but there’s something.. off, about the stack. Despite that shiny sheen on the bun, the lovely melt on the cheeese… Let’s see it in cross section.

Well, that is… messy. The whole romaine leaves – I just don’t understand. Shred your lettuce, folks – it makes for a more robust stack, you still get crunch, fresh texture, and the burger’s less likely to pop out on first bite. Even moreso for normal people who don’t cut their burgers in half. I’m also not a huge fan of the giant tomato slices. But the melty cheese is in evidence, some chunky gherkins, a sweet burger sauce (more of the spicy tomato mayo)… and a densely packed but reassuringly juicy burger.

First taste… well, honestly? I picked out the salad and ate that first. And it was good – not only reassuringly crunchy and fresh but soaked with tasty, beefy goodness – that’s my kind of salad dressing. “You’d like ranch dressing? Sorry, no, you’d just like a burger rubbed on the salad?” YES PLEASE.

The pickles had also fallen out and were crisp, fresh, bright, sweet and sour – an absolutely perfect burger pickle.

Finally – to the burger. The bun compresses a surprising amount, and doesn’t have the sweetness of many brioche buns, despite its gloss. Which is good as the meat is slightly underseasoned – but still tasty, and well paired with the gooey monterey jack. The pancetta brings brilliant umami, but 1/ it wasn’t evenly distributed so some mouthfuls are better than others and 2/ it wasn’t crisp but isntead a bit soft and chewy, which is a shame. The patty, as with many pub patties, is too densely packed but a refreshingly high fat ratio means it doesn’t taste too dry, and it does seem to have come through a grinder coarse, which I always think makes for better mouthfeel. It’s definitely good meat. The whole experience is excellent, just slightly on the sweet side of the sweet/savoury balance that I love in a burger.

The fries? Superb. Perfectly seasoned, perfectly crisp on the outside and squidgy in the middle. The pot of sauce – basically ketchup, mayo and some spices – carriers a slightly chemically over-sweet hint, but is pleasant – better in the burger than as a side.

Overall a good experience – if slightly punchy at £17.25 for the burger and fries. But the lovely staff gave me the lime and soda on the house, in sympathy for the (nearly new) car needing to be recovered out of there.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 3/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4.5/5 -bump for the onion fries   
Value – 4/5 – punchy but worth it.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – probably one of the best pub burgers in my local area 

The deets 

On the edge of the village of Mattingley, the Leather Bottle is famous in the local area. Well worth a stop. It’s even better when your car isn’t being rescued from a brake failure.

Stax Diner, Kingly Court, Soho

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Uninspired diner-style burger with few redeeming features

Burger source 

We’ve exhausted many of the mainstays of the London burger scene, but this place made it onto a few top ten lists and had phenomenal photography, so we decided to stop by.

The website sells it like so:

An infusion of soul and a nod to the past, Stax Diner brings you an authentic, all American dining experience in London.

Which should perhaps have been a good warning.

The order 

We were a group of five, and shared buffalo wings (between four) and popcorn shrimp (between 5). The former was servered with a blue cheese sauce and coleslaw, the latter with chipotle mayonnaise.

Most of us had the Stax cheeseburger with bacon, as the main – here’s how its billed: two flat griddled beef patties, melted American cheese, crispy onions, gherkins, French’s mustard & Heinz Tomato Ketchup, shredded iceburg and toasted brioche bun. It came with standard fries.

I had a lychee martini to drink.

The meat of it 

Let’s have a look.

It’s not unattractive – decent stack, looks to have a decent char, generous portion of bacon… but slightly anemic fries. Let’s check the cross section.

Concerns starting to emerge now. The meat is completely cooked through (to a fault), but the meat doesn’t have a crisp sear, so none of the upside of a smash burger. The bacon is soft and chewy – I realise belatedly it’s beef bacon so is bland, and not at all crisp, and totally unnecessary. Crispy onions – a lovely touch – fall out everywhere, bringing a delightful crunch when you catch them in the right place.

First bite – cheese is brilliantly melted, but the bread, meat, bacon – all has a uniformly… soft… texture. Not terrible, but the lack of contrast is a downside. The slightly acrid spice of the French’s mustard comes through, overpowering the meat but without adding a great deal. There’s seasoning on the patty but its just a bit dry, even with the cheese and a bit of ketchup trying to help it hold up. It’s not unpleasant but… not remotely special. Which would have been fine, had I been eating it at a diner by the roadside by a highway in the US, for $10. But for £15+ – daylight robbery. Plus the fries – you can probably see – are woefully underdone, and mostly underseasoned.

To the sides…

So, the popcorn shrimp – lovely seasoning, definitely has hints of the south, good heat. But the batter slides off the prawn a little too easily and the chipotle mayo lacks heat and depth. More chipotle, bit more salt I think. And better prawns.

The buffalo wings completely lack crispness, but the meat is tender and juicy, the buffalo sauce is perfectly spiced, the slaw is creamy, crunchy and delicious, especially with the buffalo spillover. Damo polished off the blue cheese sauce with his vegan burger, non-vegan bun and real cheese. We had a pot of BBQ sauce as well which was a waste of a pound – sickeningly saccharine, not to my tastes at all, and no-one else enjoyed it either.

The lychee martini was lush – sweet and floral. Friends had an Old Fashioned (inexplicably including soda water) and a Mojito (the ‘worst mojito I’ve ever had’) says Damo. But Pob’s Margarita was apparently nice.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – unexceptional  
Build – 4/5 – well constructed
Burger – 2.5/5 – underseasoned, overcooked, dry, and poorly contrasted by texture and flavour in the stack 
Taste –  3/5  – tolerable but unexceptional
Sides – 3.5/5 – wings and popcorn shrimp were ok. 1.5/5 for the fries.   

Value – 2/5 – £33 a head with two drinks for all but me.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – if you need a burger and no other ones are available, you won’t hate yourself. Not exactly high praise but… it’s the best I can muster. 

The deets 

First floor of Kingly Court, just off Carnaby Street. You can’t miss it. And if you like monstrous novelty burgers, go and have the insanity, which James had, becuase what double cheeseburger isn’t improved by a fried chicken patty? Well done Jimjamjebobo; keep the change, you filthy animal.

The Ship Inn, Caerlon, Wales

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Well seasoned, overpriced, oversized pub burger with amazing chips

Burger source

I’m going to be honest – we were trying to get into the incredibly well reviewed Los Reyes Tapas and Wine Bar on our friends trip to Caerlon. But the also well reviewed Ship Inn had space for us and had a number of burgers on its menu, so that determined both where we were going and what I was having.

The order

Expectations were relatively low – this is a pub, it was going to be a pub burger, but the fact there were three beef burgers (and two chicken burgers) on the menu strongly implied some craft. I opted – not to get the chilli con carne topped burger, and not to get the single bacon cheese burger – the smash burger I hoped would be more forgiving of the inevitable overcooking these burgers would have. It came with fries, we added onion rings, and we drank unspeakably saccharine drinks that are probably best not spoken of.

The meat of it

Decent plating, but the stack is clearly unstable. The patties are immensely oversized and not credibly smashed, the salad has literally put the whole thing on tilt… and there’s a healthy heft of interesting looking chips to be had.

The bun is great. Toasted on the inside but soft, whilst holding (just) the behemoth of the stack. The ratios are clearly off – wobbly, uneven salad distribution. The bacon is charred but not crisp, the cheese is melted, the burgers are fairly standard pub-style burgers and not noticeably smashed…

First taste – incredibly well seasoned, tasty bite. It is dry and a bit chewy but the umami hit kind of makes it worth it. A brilliant sweet relish tempers it and it’s quite pleasurable, if not particularly exceptional. Probably didn’t need to be a double, given it was regular burgers that were squished, at best, rather than smaller beef patties smashed and crisped on a griddle.

The fries were brilliant. Cut with a weird cutter that gave them vast surface area, they were crisp, well seasoned, and fluffy on the inside. Pillowy pockets, delicious dunked in mayo and/or ketchup.

The onion rings were tempura battered, large, thick slices of sweet white onion. Slightly underseasoned (easily remedied) – they were lush. Crunch, crisp, sweet, savoury, wonderful.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 4/5
Build – 2/5
Burger – 2.5/5
Taste – 3/5
Sides – 4.5/5 – fries and onion rings both brilliant
Value – 2/5 – £19 for burger and fries in South Wales is crazy.

Burger rating – 3/5 – get the single cheese burger and you probably gain half a point, and value ratings.

The deets

Smack bang in the middle of Caerlon. Find it here.

Double Standard, Kings Cross, London

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Brilliant burger, capital chicken bites, fantastic fries, cool cocktails

Burger source 

The Double Standard, in the Standard hotel, has achieved a number of plaudits and made a few ‘best burgers in London’ lists, and as a supremely convenient central location for all my friends, it was a sensible place to go.

The order 

The burger itself is described with little ceremony – it is simply ‘the burger’, served with bacon and blue cheese, and fries. We shared a side of chicken bites, and mac and cheese, and tried a brace of cocktails.

The meat of it 

There’s nothing overly exciting about the plating, but its competent:

(Apologies for the lighting, it’s a stylish, dimly lit venue). It’s not easy to see, but there’s a brilliant melt on the cheese, a strong char on the burger, the bun is soft, the bacon in clear evidence. Lots good so far.

In cross section…

There’s a brilliantly coarse grind to the meet; the ratios of meat, bun and toppings are excellent, though it is cooked a bit more than I would choose it – no trace of pink – the burger is not dry, possibly thanks to a(n un)healthy fat/lean ratio in the blend.

First bite – a solid crunch from a hard char, the bun is as soft and pleasantly nondescript as you’d expect – lending structure more than flavour – and a light dry-aged funk from the meat comes through. The meat is reasonably juicy, but helped by a measured ration of relish, which also provides a mildly spiced sweetness. A second later, and you are hit with the umami, from the strong but odourless blue cheese and the chewy, substantial bacon – back bacon, cooked well but not crispy – and it binds beautifully. The contrast between the salt and the sweet, between the crunch of the meat, the chew of the bacon and the soft bite of the bun – is really excellent. My only note is that – had the patty just been a smidge over toward medium, it would have boosted the experience even more.

To the sides; the fries are superb, crisp exterior, fluffy interior, well seasoned but otherwise little to remark. Improved by both ketchup and the garlic aioli that came with the chicken bites. The chicken bites are a thing of legend (we ordered a second portion, despite the £8 price tag) – chunks of juicy chicken thigh, brilliantly seasoned, crisp and spicy and juicy all at once. The garlic aioli was an excellent contrast, adding a slick, garlicky sweetness with a dunk. The mac & cheese was mac & cheese-like, credible and competent but about as exciting as it always is – which – to me – is limited.

Cocktails are half-price on Monday and Tuesday and were good value at that price – the pina colada was punchy and delicious. The Elderflower Collins was meh (who aims for ‘fresh’ instead of ‘sweet’ with an elderflower drink?), but friends also enjoyed the Negroni and the Ginger Magarita.

All in all, an excellent experience, in a busy, trendy, highly styled environment, with decent service (slower on food than drink), tasty food, interesting drinks and in a useful, albeit unexpected location (the hotel is MUCH cooler than you would expect).

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5
Build – 4..5/5 
Burger – 4.5/5 
Taste –  4.5/5  
Sides – 5/5 – chicken bites to dream of   
Value – 4/5 – £42 burger, 3 sides between five, and 2-3 cocktails each. Not bad for where/what it is.  

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – deservedly amongst the best in London 

The deets 

It’s tucked in on the ground floor of the Standard hotel, literally opposite Kings Cross station on the corner of Argyle St and the A501. You can’t miss it, and you shouldn’t.

Street Burger by Gordon Ramsay, Cowcross Street, Farringdon

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Overpriced, overdone burger

Burger source 

Gordon Ramsay needs no introduction. And I’ve seen many videos of his online, guiding people on how to make the perfect burger. I’ve even been disappointed by a burger at his more generalist restaurant at the airport, some years ago.

But the Street Burger chain seems to be thriving and I’d never tried a burger here, so – for the sake of completeness – I wanted to give it a go. Though I didn’t have high expectations…

This is how Gordon’s marketing folk describe it: “Full throttle. Full flavour. Always.”

Overpromising, much.

The order 

The “GSR” – served with fries – came it at £16, and I proffered the (extreme) £3 for additional bacon. It lists as grass-fed Hereford beef, smoked cheese, house relish and salad. No option on how we wanted it done. An extortionate £8.50 got us five wings to share (opted for BBQ sauce as was dining with a friend who has literally no capacity for spice).

The meat of it 

The burger presents well, if appearing to be a little on the small side. Perfect stack, lettuce protecting the lower bun, fresh looking tomato, slices of sweet, crisp-looking red onion, perfect melt on the cheese, all contained within a soft looking bun. The bacon peeks out around the edges, modestly.

In cross section, the stack holds up well, but the fully brown meat, the absence of any pinkness and indeed with absolutely no juice or fat spilling through the cut – is a bit of a red flag.

First bite: there’s a pleasant dry-aged funk to the well-seasoned meat. The patty is dry – as anticipated – but an abundance of relish, the veg, and to an extent the melty cheese – add moisture to the bite and the flavour and texture combination is not bad. The bun holds up well, providing a good, soft, starchy contrast to the rich meat, and the salad adds occasional glimpses of fresh crispness. But… the relish drowns things out – the cheese serves texture more than it serves flavour, and you have to really concentrate to get any sense of the bacon whatsoever. It’s pleasant, but not pleasing – Gordon should be able to do better. A burger sauce or less relish, more, crispier bacon (for £3!!), and the burger finished at medium – or even medium well – would have had a massive impact on the burger experience here. Or possibly a better lean/fat ratio in the patty (more fat needed).

On the sides – the fries were perfectly crisp with a good starchy, chewy, potato core. An unexpected and slightly pointless dusting of sweet smoked paprika added little (other than confusion – what am I eating?), but they were otherwise  well seasoned. Delicious dunked in mayo and/or ketchup.

The wings… were small, crisp, and overcoated in a sweet and spicy BBQ sauce. A bite shows of crisp, well-cooked meat, the spice cutting through the sweetness of the sauce, and a light hint of freshness coming from the sprinkles of spring onions. These should have been great. But… they were too small, and too slathered for that. Juicy as the chicken is, it was so meagre per wing, and so drowned out by the half pint of BBQ sauce, that this goes quickly from sweet, spicy, sticky, sumptuous delight, to cloying, messy, overpriced disappointment.

Drinks-wise, we just had water – but it took the entire meal to have it delivered as Gordon’s people only had two waiters coping with a full restaurant. Their service and manner was faultless, but they were clearly rushed off their feet. Cue obvious gags about Gordon’s quest for margins.

£25 a head, with service, and no drink, for an average burger, disappointing wings, and better than average fries… well, you can draw your own conclusion. But in case you can’t… here are the scores on the door.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  4/5  
Build – 5/5 
Burger – 3/5 
Taste –  3/5  
Sides – 3/5 – Fries are probably a solid 4, wings are probably a 2
Value – 2/5

Burger rating – 2/5 – GBK >>>> GSR. Not heading back if choices are available.

The deets 

These are popping up all over the place; the Farringdon one is a 2 minute walk from the station. Find your nearest here, then probably stay clear of it.