The Globe, Alresford, Hampshire

Succulent, oversized, unwieldy delight

Burger source

My youngest daughter had an excursion on the Watercress Line with Brownies so I went in search of a place to eat, read, work for a bit whilst waiting for her return, and the well-reviewed Globe Pub, tucked slightly off the high street, promised relative calm, had good reviews and free WiFi, and it turned out… had a burger on the menu. Call it fate or call it good fortune, either way… I’ll take it.

The order

It’s literally just called ‘the burger’, but features quite a lot; wagyu beef patties, smoked bacon, Monterey Jack cheese and burger sauce, served with fries and a tiny pot of celeriac remoulade.

The meat of it

This is a behemoth. Towering, entirely out of proportion with itself, in addition to the advertised ingredients I can also see lettuce, a slice of tomato and chunky gherkins in abundance. The bun seems a token gesture next to what look like two five ounce patties, covered with a generous coating of Jack, and the whole thing seems to need the skewer to hold it in place.

In cross section…

The patties seem beautifully cooked, a brilliant shade of pink. They are tender; the bun, toasted on both sides, seems to hold up well. The structural integrity seems to hold up, against all odds.

First bite… and structural integrity collapses, the burgers sliding off each other and the salad, all of it slopping messily onto the plate. But the taste… is good. Whilst the patty has no char, it is tender and melts in your mouth. There’s no hint of dry-aged funk, this tastes like literally fresh meat, ground coarsely, and lovingly but loosely packed into a patty. The slight under seasoning is somewhat compensated for by the tasty cheese; the salad adds brightness and there’s a sweet and sour hit from the pickle. It’s good…

On further eating – now with cutlery on a disassembled burger – the bun continues to hold up, providing starchy counterbalance to the melange of flavours; the slick, sweet and savoury burger sauce provides moisture, the smoked bacon an occasional umami explosion and crunch, helping the unguent cheese to compensate for the burgers slight under-seasoning. The fact both patties are covered in Jack, and the buns have a generous amount of burger sauce across them, means even somewhat deconstructed – every mouthful of the burger is reasonably well balanced. It’s a nice experience… though I do have notes – specifically 1/ char the patties like you mean it! 2/ go heavier on the seasoning 3/ one 6-8oz patty would have done better for this style of burger than 2x 4-5 oz ones – you only ever want a double patty with a smash burger, IMHO – 4/ reconsider your bun/burger pairing and 5/ invest a bit more in the pickles too – make them yourselves, in a lighter brine, and slice them thinner.

On the sides… the fries were… fine. Well seasoned, crispy, but thin cut frozen chip variety. Nothing to write home about but perfectly pleasant dumped in either ketchup and mayo.

The celeriac slaw… was sour, sweet, savoury and crunchy all in one. It has a pickled undertone, possibly from a generous portion of capers that were in the tiny pot with the rest of them. It was interesting… but not something I’d rush back for.

The service… was outstanding. I was warmly welcomed without a booking, given a table, had my order taken within minutes, and repeatedly checked on with warmth and grace. The locals were full of warmth of good humour, there were good Christmas tunes on… all in all, it’s a lovely pub.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  3.5/5
Build – 3/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 3/5 – 
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and side, ish.

Burger rating – 4/5 – actually more than the sum of its parts, this one. Would recommend.

The deets

Find the 15th Century Pub as you drive into Alresford, or via its website here.

Jones the Grocer, Terminal 2, Heathrow

Dry, overpriced cardboard with undercooked fries

Burger source 

Not gonna lie – we were disappointed that T2 didn’t offer the delights of Wagamama. Dubious as it is as a source of authentic East Asian cuisine, my kids love it and I will basically be delighted with almost any variation on a katsu curry. But options at T2 for a proper hot meal are relatively limited and it was this, a pub, or an airport grade “smokehouse”. So we went to Jones the Grocer.

The order 

The burgers people were eating looked great. And I was drawn in by the marketing materials around the venue. So the ultimate mr. jones it was – a brisket and wagyu beef burger, topped with streaky bacon, mixed leaves, cheddar, a seeded bun, skin-on fries, and served with something called a bois boudran sauce (apparently ketchup, worcester sauce and shallots – though I’ve read of variants including tabasco, vinegar and other eccentricities).

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

So far, so decent. Salad in the right place, good melt on the cheese, intriguing looking bun, skin on fries… I’m not regretting my life choices, yet. Did it last?

It did not. The bun wasn’t particularly airy and flattened on contact with a knife. The meat is dryer than the sun and practically breaks in half, despite its coarse grind. It’s a double patty in there but there’s no cheese between the smash burgers (rookie error), and way too much on top. The (streaky?) bacon looks flaccid and pale; the leaves token and sad.

Let’s not judge a book by its cover though; first taste.

Oh no, this book was exactly as bad as it looked. The meat doesn’t melt in your mouth, it sort of crumbles in dry, mealy mouthfuls with each bite. The cheese has an acrid taste; like it was a sharp cheddar that had grown an unhealthy amount of pinmould on its surface before it was melted over the burger, the process entirely failing to mask the sharp sourness of the decay at all. The bun is inoffensive; the bacon adds unwanted salty flavour over the cheese and the fancy ketchup is nowhere to be found. If not for the fact that I wanted to be full up before the flight, and I’m incapable of wasting food and at this point too British to send it back, I would have left it fully uneaten.

Redeemed by those tasty looking fries in any way?

No. Not even a little bit. The majority had the harsh bite of raw potato; they were underseasoned and undercooked, and most went uneaten.

I think I got unlucky though; the kids burgers (similar in every way but less fancy) were apparently good, and their fries were well cooked. But goddamn it, Jones, for £19 you’d expect better, even at the airport.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 0/5 
Taste –  1/5 – there are tastier hockey pucks, I suspect
Sides – 1/5 – undercooked and unseasoned   
Value – 1/5 – you won’t want to eat after this. And possibly not during it.  

Burger rating – 0.5/5 – the presentation was nice? 

The deets 

If you’re at terminal 2, I very much recommend you don’t have this. Some of the other dishes looked better but looks are clearly deceiving.

The Cliff, Cenang Beach, Langkawi

Underwhelming pricey wagyu burger, beautiful sunset

Burger source 

I hadn’t intended to order the burger. We were at a the Cliff (as in next to a cliff, not actually on a cliff), chasing sunsets on a family vacation in Langkawi, an idyllic Island near Thailand, off the coast of Malaysia. Absolutely beautiful place and we descended on the Cliff, interrogated its menu, and when a Wagyu burger appeared for RM65 (approx £11) – I thought it was worth trying. 

The order 

The wagyu burger – I presume named as such as they used high grade, fatty beef from Japanese (or Japanese descent) cattle – was fairly unadorned. I had it with a Lychee / Mango virgin mojito on the side, because – beach holiday!

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

Other than the suspect dressing on the salad and the slightly pale fries, this presents well. Beautiful soft shiny bun, thick patty resting on a protective bed of lettuce, good char on the meat… promising.

In cross section – perfect pink centre of coarse ground meat contained within the beautifully charred exterior. It looks like one of the best cooked burgers I’ve ever seen. The salad is bright and fresh, there’s a melty cheese and a plant slice of beef bacon. Whilst the bread is – perhaps excessively – abundant, I have hopes…

First bite… the meat practically melts in your mouth. It’s mildly flavoured – this doesn’t carry the funkyness of a dry-aged bit of chuck – and indeed is also slightly underseasoned. The mouthfeel is good but lacks the textural contrast a strong sear offers on a different type of meat – suspect there’s just too much fat to allow for it. The vegetables add fresh crunch but lack sweetness – a fresh gherkin or two would not have gone amiss. Nor would some richer burger sauce, but on balance you can’t help but be left thinking it’s a bit of a waste of such a high grade of beef, to be used and abused in this way. I abandoned some of the bun to finish it – just too much bread unfortunately. The bun’s flavour – starchy counterbalance, solid but unexceptional. The beef bacon added salt but no texture, as is the way with beef bacon, a necessary thing in a predominantly muslim country.

The fries? Crisper and tastier than you’d expect from the pale finish, but nothing [sic] to write home about. The salad? The dressing was saccharine and sickly. Do not recommend, left it unfinished.

The unphotographed Virgin Mango and Lychee mojito? Perfectly suited to those of us with a sweet tongue. But warmed too quickly in the tropical warmth.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  3/5 – too much bread
Build – 4/5 – reasonably well constructed 
Burger – 3.5/5 – perfectly cooked, slightly underseasoned, poorly suited to the task 
Taste –  3/5  
Sides – 3/5 – unexceptional   
Value – 3/5 – by UK standards it was cheap – by local standards, approx 2X the price of other main courses.  

Burger rating – 3/5 – enjoyable to try. Would not order again. 

The deets 

Find the Cliff on the border between Pantai Tengah and Pantai Cenang on the SW tip of Langkawi. More at the website here. The food was just OK all around, but the sunset was glorious.

Yen Burger, London Bridge

A breathtaking burger experience

Burger source

Unlike many of the burgers I review here, discovered from word of mouth buzz or from other peoples’ top ten lists (or very occasionally, because I was pitched it by their PR folk), Yen Burger is a place that I just spotted, a short walk from my office, on the way to London Bridge. I was initially put off – Japan-spiced burger? What fresh hell of fascist-fusion cuisine was this? But a colleague was braver than I and passed on the recommendation when I was looking for a new local place to check out.

And so André and I decided to give it a go.

The burger’s origins start in the mind of food entrepreneur Yen Nguyen, who, apparently after success elsewhere in Germany and the UK (a Google search reveals little about her other than her association with Yen Burger), decided that the gap in London’s thriving burger scene was the Japanese twist. And so, Yen Burger was born.

Here’s the official spiel, from the website:

This brand new concept will offer premium Asian-influenced burgers. Starting with the ‘Yen Burger’ which features a 100% wagyu beef patty, fresh pickles, smoked turkey bacon, cheese and shiso leaf, it’s the ultimate fusion burger and a great introduction to Yen’s offerings. Other options include ‘The Finest Chick’ which combines coconut panko chicken breast and homemade slaw with the reviving shiso leaf and a zingy mango sauce…. Each burger is fresh made in-house from the highest quality Aberdeen Black Angus or Wagyu beef, 100% sustainable cod or vegetable alternatives.

The order

I went for the eponymous Yen Burger. 6oz of Wagyu beef, pickles, lettuce, red onion, ‘Yen sauce’, turkey bacon and shiso leaf. I don’t even know what a couple of those ingredients are, but I was excited.

We had ‘Dashi chips’ on the side (dusted with Paprika seasoning) and some chicken Gyoza because, why not?

The meat of it

Let’s take a moment to admire this.

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Ok, so it’s maybe not the most beautiful burger you’ve ever seen at this point. But let’s admire the components. Thick cut pickles. Coarse, crusty burger patty. Bright, fresh shiso and onion. Perfectly melted cheese. And this soft, white, unsweetened bun, inviting you in.

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In cross section, it becomes more special. The Yen sauce provides a sensuous coating. The meat is coarse ground, loosely packed and cooked to a perfect medium. The turkey bacon is there – subtle, but present. I coudn’t wait to taste this burger.

And OH. I was NOT disappointed. The Wagyu is so utterly, amazingly delicate it practically melts in your mouth. But not before you hit the crunch of the perfectly seasoned outer crust; the soft, plain bread providing structure but not flavour, complimenting the sweet/salty contrast of crust and rich, pink burger inner. The Yen sauce lubricates, a sweet/savoury glue. The cheese adds further umami, subtly, whilst the hint of smoke and crispiness is added by the turkey bacon; less powerful than the traditional pork variants. Additional sharp sweetness from the delicious pickles and crunch from the red onion. WOW. I had to slow myself down – I wanted to devour this and order another.

The Asian ‘spices’ – subtle. A hint of something of Japan in the background of the flavour profile. Nothing overt or tacky – this is a traditional burger with Japanese accents. Cooked to perfection, in perfect harmony with itself. Outstanding.

The dashi fries need comment. They look good, right? But seasoned fries can go wrong, I hear you say. They can be overwhelmingly flavoured and over-salted.

No, say I. Not in this case. The paprika seasoning adds flavour, sure, and these are well salted fries. But the exceptional richness of the potato flavour was unexpected – these are tasty fries – as is the perfect crisp exterior, and the soft, lush, fluffy interior. In absolutely perfect balance. Not a hint of greasiness, light, crisp and delicious. And, when the salt got a little much, Heinz came to the rescue.

The only dish that mildly disappointed was the chicken gyoza. Over-greasy from the fryer, the minced chicken within was dry and lacking in flavour. The soy sauce was strong and the balance felt out. Perhaps it was an indulgence too far.

Overall, an utterly extraordinary and unexpected experience. André reported that the Asian spiced burger was also excellent, and the £15 a head tab felt like good value for the feast (we shared Gyoza and fries between us).

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 5/5
Build – 4.5/5 – looked messy but flawless
Burger – 5/5
Taste – 5/5
Sides – 4.5/5 – docking half a point for the gyoza, but the fries were perfect
Value – 5/5 – £15 for burger and side, ish.

Burger rating – 5/5 – absolutely one of the best burgers (and fries) I’ve ever had. Would return without hesitation.

The deets

At the start of Southwark Street, just by London Bridge, you’ll find this nestled to other burger joints; Honest Burgers and Breakfast Club, as well as Borough Market’s own Roast to Go. All are within a potato’s throw of here.

But go here. In the words of Keanu Reeves, it’s breathtaking.

All Star Lanes, Brick Lane, London

An underwhelming, overpriced burger

Burger source

The premise of the All Star Lanes experience is high-end bowling and American food & drink. It delivers on the bowling, and of course the drink side – its bourbon and US beer selection is pretty good for London. How does it fare on the food side of things? Well, the burger section of the menu at least is reasonably extensive. Not only do “bun” options include pulled pork, sliders and hot dogs, but the main burger options are interesting and the topping options are plentiful – everything from Monterey Jack cheese and treacle-cured bacon to chargrilled lobster tail, fried buttermilk chicken, kimchikraut, duck fried egg and many more. Including (for £6), a Wagyu beef patty being swapped in for the regular one.

The burger itself involves a patty made of “6oz steak and rib cap patty”, toasted brioche, lettuce, tomato, red onion, mayo, smoked tomato and mayo relish. So far, so good, right?

The order

I was rather excited about the food, so I went for the “King Pin” – a Classic burger with Monterey Jack and treacle cured bacon… but swapped out the regular patty for a Wagyu one! The burger came with fries… and naturally for a drink, it was an old fashioned – made with Woodford Reserve. I started with popcorn squid…

The meat of it

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The popcorn squid was served in an American style Chinese takeaway box with chopsticks and some tangy mayo. It was deep fried, and – with a squeeze of lemon and the mayo – utterly delicious. Crisp and tasty.

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The burger looked and smelled amazing – the classic funk of dry-aged Wagyu on a perfect stack; crisp lettuce, sweet tomato, perfectly melty jack on the patty and topped with stiff bacon with the promise of crisp crunch. Even the brioche was perfect.

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But the cross section began to reveal some flaws. The burger was overcooked -well done instead of the medium necessary for a juicy mouthfeel. The meat was overpacked – and, on tasting, slightly chewy in texture. It was also – to my palate – slightly underseasoned, and the Jack was mild to the point of flavourlessness. The bacon was chewy rather than crispy, and the relish and bun together were too sweet – a mustard mayo or garlic aioli would have been a better contrast.  Don’t get me wrong, the whole was greater than the sum of its parts (thankfully) and the burger was fine on the whole. But it was not worth the premium cost (£18!), nor one of the better examples of a gourmet burger in London.

The fries were straight out disappointing – cold at point of delivery, slightly underfried. Well-seasoned, and good quality potato, but not really worth the eating. They were mostly abandoned, a rarity for me.

To be fair – we were a party of 18 people , so it’s possible it was just too much to handle, and the food is better at its best.

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The drink… whilst my main tipple for the evening was a very fine, unfussy Old Fashioned – whilst we ate, as we were having a set meal – I had a rather more eccentric cocktail with the meal. The “Apple-ation” – “Jack Daniel’s No.7, Jack Daniel’s Honey, Maraschino liqueur, honey, apple juice and orange bitters. Served smoked for a BBQ taste.” This taught me a number of things – 1) I’m unimpressed by drinks turning up in a smoking jar, ready for self assembly, 2) Jack Daniel’s honey is horrific 3) this cocktail shouldn’t be drunk by anyone. It really tasted *bad*.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 4.5/5
Burger – 2.5/5
Taste –  3/5
Sides – 3.5/5 – boosted by squid, hit by fries
Value – 2/5 – £18  for the burger and fries! – plus the squid! Too much money.

Burger rating – 2.5/5 – for what sounded and looked like such a GREAT burger, I’m sadly not in a hurry to sample another All Star Lanes burger. Don’t get me wrong – I probably will, especially if I go as part of a smaller group – but it was disappointing to say the least.

The deets

There are All Star Lanes around London and in Manchester now too… this one was at 95 Brick Lane, London, E1 6QL, or on 020 7426 9200 if you prefer that sort of thing. Definitely book for bowling.

The Refinery, Southwark

 

Uninspired Wagyu burger with raw chips.

Burger Source

My new office is a 10 minute walk from Borough market, but it being the Christmas season, finding a lunchtime venue that isn’t heaving is slightly more complicated an undertaking than it should be. So the Refinery; a cavernous, uber-local bar/restaurant that bills on its menu once again – two burgers. A standard, and a Wagyu. I was curious and had planned to have lunch with a colleague so we popped down.

Part of the Drake & Morgan group, all the insight I got into the burger’s provenance was the simple word ‘Wagyu’ and having had a good experience at the Falcon, I thought – why not?

The order

It was a working day and I was lunching with a gym buddy so the order was restricted to the burger and a portion of ‘Cowboy fries’ – fries cooked with honey, chilli and garlic somehow – to share. We were reassured the burgers were cooked medium when we ordered; water was the only drink we needed.

The meat of it

When the food arrived, initial impressions were good. The brioche bun held a sizeable patty with nicely melted blue cheese, a sensible amount of salad, well stacked and well presented. The chips – well, they got the order wrong (delivering a portion each), and the honey/chilli/garlic combo resulted in a sticky mess in a tin cup. Not sure what we were expecting, I suppose… but we were expecting them to be cooked, which they weren’t. One bite was enough to dismiss the lot, and the restaurant staff were so busy we eventually sent them back rather than attempting to get a cooked batch delivered.

The burger itself… was a little disappointing. To list the things that weren’t quite right…

  1. it was swimming in a pool of mayo, making it slippery and unhandlable,
  2. the blue cheese was ok but didn’t add a huge amount to the burger
  3. the beef wasn’t cooked medium but was well-done (the photo below is slightly misleading; that pink is more lighting than meat-colour)
  4. there was nothing special about the taste of this ‘wagyu’ – nice but totally unspectacular
  5. the lean/fat ratio seemed a bit off; the burger wasn’t particularly juicy.

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On the plus side; the meat was coarse ground, loosely packed and well-seasoned. The blue cheese didn’t detract from it (if it didn’t particularly add to it), and, whilst slightly dry, the flavour profile was such that it didn’t particularly need any sauce – this was down to a good contrast between a very sweet brioche bun and an ultra savoury patty. The salad in the burger was crisp, juicy and fresh. The pickles were somewhat crisp but a little uninspiring – like they’d been sat on a plate a bit too long – and were served on the side.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  3.5/5
Build – 2.5/5
Burger – 3/5
Taste –  3/5
Sides – 0/5
Value – 2/5 – £13.95 for a burger that’s just ‘meh’ at best with no sides is a lot.

Burger rating – 3/5 – Very mid-table in the rankings, the burger isn’t offensive but it definitely isn’t spectacular either.

The deets

The Refinery Bankside is in the base of the Bluefin building, about 7 minutes’ walk from Southwark tube, behind the Tate Modern. More detail here.

The Falcon, Rotherwick

Well-cooked and assembled Wagyu beef burger for £15? In a pub? Yes please.

Burger Source

OK, it’s another pub burger. But when a pub boasts of Wagyu beef, and has it alongside a regular burger on the menu, I’m thinking this is worth a try. This is a pub that takes its burgers seriously.

In fact; it was incorrectly billed as Kobe Wagyu beef on the menu. For the uninitiated, Kobe beef is beef from a specific strain of ‘Wagyu’ cattle, raised in Hyogo prefecture in Japan. This is why it struck me as so incredibly unlikely that a pub – even a nice pub, like the Falcon, in a lovely village like Rotherwick in North Hampshire – would be selling it in burgers. It’s famed for its tenderness and marbled texture, and is not exported in vast quantities – in fact, there are only 3,000 Kobe cattle in Japan, according to Wikipedia’s (admittedly dated) version of events.

This would make the £14.95 price tag seem incredibly unlikely… and in fact, on correspondence with the manager, it transpires they have been slightly misled by a Wagyu beef supplier called ‘Kobe Cuisines’ so will be editing its menu accordingly. Still, Wagyu beef. Yum.

The order

We were celebrating my mother-in-law’s birthday and arriving late to lunch after an ice-rink expedition, so were all famished. Some bread tempered appetites, and a Jim Beam on the rocks furnished me with a drink (I’m still on this bourbon kick and the pub was lacking in alternatives, though it had a wide selection of Scotch).

The main meal was the burger alone; I was offered toppings (bacon, avocado, cheddar, blue cheese etc.; blue cheese and avocado were recommended), but went for the pure burger from a desire to actually taste this highly acclaimed meat. This seemed to impress the manager.

The meat of it

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You can see from the picture that this was not an imposing burger; substantial but not enormous. The pickle was nice but eaten separately given it’s pointless positioning atop the stack; the bun was eggwashed but not a brioche as far as I could tell. It was slightly too big for the burger, and so held up to the burger’s heft… but only just. Perhaps due to wagyu beef’s lower fat melting point, the burger was not as juicy as an equivalent burger made from a different beef?

It was accompanied with a nicely savoury mayo, deliciously crisp and fresh, sweet tomato and salad, and bacon jam – which is hard to describe, but more sweet than savoury and lacking in any kind of crisp bacon texture. Nice, though, and a good counterpoint to the well-seasoned patty, which was beautifully crisp but slightly too well done for my liking; a medium-well rather than a medium verging on medium rare. I’d guess 5-6oz for the patty; well seasoned, coarsely ground and loosely packed. Definitely winning on more levels than it’s losing.

The taste. The taste confounded me. Beef that well-done shouldn’t have been this juicy; there was a slight gaminess to the flavour and tonnes of umami from the seasoning, despite no bacon or cheese actually in the stack. The mayonnaise was clearly a good accompaniment and the bun didn’t distract whatsoever. Cheese would have been unnecessary, and believe me that’s not something I say lightly. Because, y’know, I love cheese.

The fries, thin, hand-cut, skin-on fries, were very well cooked and seasoned to perfection. They went beautifully with the bacon jam, in fact, and the fresh side salad was wonderful, alongside a slightly less inspiring but mildly pleasant, light coleslaw.

In all, it was an inspiring experience. Despite the beef being Kobe-style rather than Kobe, it’s instantly made it to the top of my pub burger league table and will motivate me to head back to Rotherwick for future lunches in the not-too-distant-future.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste –  4/5
Sides – 4.5/5
Value – 4.5/5 – Wagyulicious: an outstanding burger for £15.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – Top of my pub burger league table. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

The deets

There are two pubs on Rotherwick’s main street and they both serve a burger, so make sure you make it to the Falcon if you want to try this one. You can find it here:  The Falcon, The Street, Rotherwick, Hook, Hampshire, RG27 9BL.