Tag: covent garden

Maxwells, Covent Garden, London

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Great build, rubbery meat, inoffensive sauce

Burger source 

I remember (vaguely) having a really good, albeit random, night out with old university friends that started in a bar that was on the same site as Maxwell’s, ending in the nightclub that was Roadhouse on the far side of Covent Garden, about 20 years ago. Good times.

This time around, I was meeting with a former colleague who was based in the area and who – for some inexplicable reason – wanted both the experience of dining through a burger tasting with me, and to catch up at the same time. So we did both; he had a head-sized margarita and I talked him through my process. This one’s dedicated to you, Steve.

[I appreciate this section is normally occupied with some chicanery about the reasons I was drawn to this particular burger venue; their approach to farm-to-plate food, fine ingredients for fine dining, etc., but in all honesty, I’ve been doing this for nearly a decade, I’ve tried the burgers everywhere, and a lot of the new upstarts frustratingly have very little dine-in space and/or are in sites where people don’t want to meet up with me. At some point I’ll have reason to do a burger tour of Peckham but I don’t think 2025 is the year… and, well, many of the places I haven’t reviewed just don’t have as compelling a story].

But… so as not to betray consistency – they have 50 years of dining experience. And have mastered culinary whatsits. Etcetera.

More generously – the vibes and service in this place were fab. Lovely cocktail bar/diner hybrid, replete with Americana, neon lighting, generous portions and weirdly hybrid meals (a Philly Cheesesteak served in a ciabatta? Sacrilege). We had fab service, they played great music, and it was a good time all around. But let’s get into the food.

The order 

My wont is to order the closest thing they have to a paradigmatic bacon cheeseburger. However I was thrown into a flurry of indecision by the fact they had both the Maxwell’s classic (featuring a traditional burger patty) and the Big Max’s Smash burger (featuring a double smash patty), both of which had optional bacon. I did the only thing a sane person could do in the circumstances; I asked the waitress, who made clear that the sensible choice was the Big Max’s. So Big Max’s it was; all the way to the top, featuring two smash patties, American cheese, lettuce, diced onion and their “proper” Big Max’s sauce. Plus bacon, natch.

I also had a Hakuna Matata to drink; a mocktail featuring mango juice, lychee juice, Monin mango syrup, watermelon syrup and lime juice… they might as well have called it the Type 2 diabetes. More to follow.

The meat of it 

Let’s take a look.

On first inspection, stray onion notwithstanding, this is a fine looking plate of food. There’s a pleasant sheen on the toasted brioche bun, an excellent melt on the cheese, what seems to be a decent char on the patties… and you can see bright, fresh salad peeking out the sides. The fries look crisp and hot; and whilst the bacon appears somewhat flaccid, there’s nevertheless a lot to hope for.

In cross section, there’s good (airy, warm bun with good structural integrity, excellent melt on the cheese, confirmed fresh salad), bad (bacon is under-grilled for my liking, sauce is a little watery) and straight up weird (how did the centre of a smashburger stay pink? these things are meant to be smashed to a meat-lace on the grill and crisped to savoury, almost crunchy perfection). I’m wary.

First taste… the flavour balance is actually OK. The bun adds sweetness and structure that contrasts elegantly with the salty cheese, which in turn gives some decent, unguent umami to boost the bacon. The meat is good quality but slightly rubbery in texture and perhaps a little under-seasoned. There’s a nice crunch from the onions, adding my much sought after textural contrast. The sauce is watery but adds moisture and a light, inoffensive sweetness to counterbalance the savoury bite… it’s OK. More bites reaffirm that, somehow – despite its limitations – the burger is decent. I have notes, but it’s pleasant and I’d recommend it.

My notes:

  • More seasoning on the meat, bros. Flavour is your friend,
  • Thicken up and season that sauce a bit more; vinegar; some diced pickle, add some sharpness to balance the sweet too
  • Crisp that patty! Smash it harder!
  • Render the fat in the bacon. And switch to streaky. It’s not a salad.

Otherwise – pretty good! Would go again.

On the fries… they were excellent quality. They came a little under seasoned but that was easily remedied. And could perhaps have done with ever so slightly longer in the fryer.

The Hakuna Matata? Sugary delight. Order a side of insulin.

Monkey finger rating  

Bun –  5/5  
Build – 4/5 
Burger – 4/5 
Taste –  4/5  
Sides – 4/5 -bump for the onion fries   
Value – 4/5 – £18 for burger and fries, £7 for the cocktail, and – amazingly – a 25% discount voucher courtesy of Steve’s winning charm added value to the experience. But v reasonable for this part of London.  

Burger rating – 4/5 – good – but room to improve. 

The deets 

34 King Street, just round from Cov’t Garden tube. I really wish I remember what was there about 20 years ago… Can recommend. Details, booking etc – all here.

Blacklock, Bedford St, Covent Garden

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Gentle mustard heat on a dry-aged double cheeseburger – mwah 🤌🏽

Burger source

Blacklock is more of an institution than I realised. Specialising in ‘chops’ of all kinds, I didn’t even realise it had a burger on the menu till James suggested it as a destination, and (having accidentally gone to the wrong branch in Soho before I got to the Covent Garden branch) I found two separate venues independently, joyously busy. Post pandemic, and in the midst of a cost of living crisis, it felt like a nostalgic trip to 2019 (those heady days).

Its origin is distinctly unburgery, however; it was founded in tribute to the ‘chophouses’ of 1690s London, where people apparently came in search of meat off the bone for the extra flavour that offered (not imagining 1690s London as London at the height of its culinary progress, but…). As well, apparently, as the inclusive, accessible, unpretensiousness of it all (not sure how much of that has endured, this place is a little fancy-schmancy…)

The order

The ‘Blacklock burger’ was the sole burger option, a double cheeseburger “Blacklocked” with onions caramelised in a ‘healthy glug’ of  vermouth. A side of beef dripping fries was a mandatory add-on. The restaurant does pre-mixed cocktails at tremendous prices – £7.50 for an Old fashioned feels like excellent value in a venue that will charge a tenner for a gin and tonic. And… spoiler alert, we shared the white chocolate cheesecake that was on the pudding menu.

The meat of it

The burger presents well. Perfectly assembled, two thin (2.5oz?) patties are covered in melty cheese, oozing with burger sauce, and a perfectly toasted, sturdy, seeded burger bun holds its ground. The burger is topped with a thin layer of pickle and the aforementioned onions.

In cross section, the meat has dashes of pink. It’s not quite a patty smash but it’s also not full on, thick, cook-till-medium beef patty. The stack holds up. It looks good. I’m excited.

There’s a good smell to the burger, but little heft – it’s indulgent, but not excessive. First bite – the bun gives way, the soft meat is melt-in-your-mouth tender, the slick, hot burger sauce sets your taste buds tingling with a gentle, mustard induced heat and you’re hit with the savoury, soft, dry-aged meat flavour rolling around your taste buds and olfactory system all in one. It’s sumptuous; well seasoned, well balanced, delicious.

Minor points of criticism; the burger could have used a sharper sear – there’s no crunch, I miss me that textural contrast. And there could have been a smidge more beef – just to improve the bread/meat ratio (the bread is robust and very present). More than one of us (we had five burgers at the table) were feeling wistful for a little salad, or some fresh onion, or something – to add a bit more sweet freshness to the burger. The pickle doesn’t quite manage this – it’s lost in a sea of burger sauce and isn’t… well, isn’t very pickly. And the onion is completely lost in the flavours of the meat and the burger sauce.

The fries – did not give a good first impression. They look… wan. Pale. Anemic, even. But they are cooked through, and well seasoned. There’s a good amount of both crunch and chewy, potatoey goodness in this (modest) portion. The beef dripping they’re fried in adds a really unexpected depth of flavour. But there’s a slightly strange texture to these chips. They take some chewing. Still, enjoyable, and improved by a dunk in the mayo.

The Old Fashioned… was OK. I don’t know if I love Old Forrester as a Bourbon – it was smokier and more bitter than I was expecting. I wonder if someone held back a bit when mixing the sugar into this one.

I finished the meal with a bright, fresh, lightly fizzy red Italian dessert wine – a Brachetto. It tasted of Summer, and paired beautifully with a massively excessive but delicious white chocolate cheesecake, shovelled with jolly ceremony into my bowl at the table from an outsized Le Creuset dish. SHARE ONE, between two. We saw a couple on a date getting one each and felt a pang of empathy for their chances at after dinner romance, should they complete the meal.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 4/5
Build – 4/5
Burger – 4/5
Taste – 4/5
Sides – 4/5
Value – 4/5 – I expected, with the drinks, for this to be pricey. But at £33.33 a head, including service, two drinks, and two courses for all of us, well — it felt reasonable.

Burger rating – 4/5 – a solid option

The deets

Blacklock is all over. Find your nearest one here. And if you’re meeting someone at the ‘Central London’ one, check if you’re going to the Soho One (on Great Windmill Street), or the Covent Garden one (not on Great Windmill Street, but an unpleasant 12 minute walk through the crowds of Leicester Square away in… well, Covent Garden).

Wahlburgers, James Street, Covent Garden

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Including Transformers: The Last Knight, this is the worst thing Mark Wahlberg has ever done

Burger source

Wahlburgers is a chain of growing notoriety. 10 seasons of reality TV, 30+ outlets in the US, a high-profile arrival in Covent Garden and of course – the Wahlberg family – made me curious. And a mixed barrage of reviews (bad from critics, more positive – it seemed – from punters) made me even moreso. Averaging four stars on Tripadvisor and Google Reviews, it surely merited investigation, yes? Not so much, it turns out. But spoilers…

The “fresh Scottish beef” is, apparently, a “signature blend of brisket, short rib and chuck.” Should be good, right? I mean, that’s some tasty cuts right there.

The order

“The brothers each have a favourite,” the menu acclaims. Well, they were all 4oz burgers and we were hungry, so we went for the 1/2 pound “O.F.D” – “Originally from Dorchestah”, featuring a 6oz patty, swiss cheese, bacon, sautéed mushrooms and a ‘housemade tomato jam.’

There were a few of us, so we tried a lot of sides – Mac & Cheese, cola wings, hummus [sic] and tortillas, sweet potato and regular fries, thin and crispy onion rings.

I drank the Wahlbrewski, an American Pale Ale served on tap.

The meat of it

The summary kind of gives it away. This is a terrible, terrible burger. A crime against burgers. Daylight robbery at £12 for the burger alone. Let’s look at it.

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Barely melted swiss cheese. The bun is cold, though inoffensive. The patty is small relative to everything else.

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In cross section: you see mealy, finely ground, tightly packed meat. The pale red tomato jam has a strange consistency. The bacon is flaccid and the mushrooms are an odd inclusion.

First bite. No seasoning. The meat tastes like its from a cow that has been unbundled from mummification prior to butchering and preparation. Dry, tasteless meat is not salvaged my limpid bacon and tasteless cheese. The bun holds up and provides sweetness and body – but that’s about all that’s redeeming about this burger.

Four of us ordered it, and none of us were willing to waste the calories to finish it. Nearly two full burgers’ worth of detritus went back. In my few years of burger reviewing, this is the first time I refused to finish the meal.

The waitstaff were extremely courteous and apologetic. They tried to explain away our dislike for the burger. “I don’t like Swiss cheese either….” The cheese was a small part of the problem. “Our meat blend is very unusual, a lot of people won’t love it, it’s the brisket…” The meat blend, in theory, is fine. Brisket is a little unusual and would have reduced the overall fat content, but shouldn’t have dried it out completely. “Try our double burger, you’ll love it.” We declined to buy any more of the horrific burgers, but in an attempt to win us round the manager brought one anyway, on the house, split five ways for us to try.

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It was marginally better, in the way that a slap to the face is better than a gutpunch. i.e. Both terrible. In practical terms, a more substantial, Big-Mac-esque burger sauce, and a more melty cheese added moisture and umami. But the meat was the same rubbery, leathery awfulness we’d experienced previously.

My first ever nul points. I would not eat this burger again if you paid me its price. Misters Wahlberg, you should be ASHAMED, to lend your family name to this horror, this caloric vacuum of flavour, this insult to burgers, to cows, to your customers.

A rapid fire set of reviews for the sides:

  • The tortilla/hummus [sic] combo was fine but uninspired. You could have been eating Doritos and Tesco houmous.
  • The Mac & Cheese – was flagrant misrepresentation in that it was neither mac nor cheese, but rather standard penne in a mild, garlicky white sauce. Most of this went uneaten.
  • The cola wings – were great. Really crisp, sweet with a hint of heat, juicy meat that fell off the bone. A highlight.
  • The fries and sweet potato fries – were fine. Well cooked, lightly seasoned, good structure and body though not really notable.
  • The fried pickles – were well fried and tasted ok – but the pickle flavour was very light. The slices are too thin and the pickles too weak to hold up to the batter and deep frying.
  • The thin and crispy onion rings – were extremely moreish. Heavily seasoned, they were salty, sweet, crispy and delicious.

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The Wahlbrewski – a light, refreshing, citrusy American Pale Ale – was really nice (to my craft-beer loving palate). A strong partnership with an American brewery, a sweetness takes the edge off the bitterness of the ale, and its light and well carbonated. A good partner for the food, such it was.

Monkey finger rating

Bun – 2/5
Build – 2/5
Burger – 0/5
Taste – 0/5
Sides – 3/5 – the onion rings would get 5 on their own, the wings 4, the fries 3.5.
Value – 1/5 – £30 for burger, sides, drink and shared starters for food of this quality in that environment was just too much

Burger rating – 0/5 – all the points Wahlburgers gets – for the service, for the sides, for the beer – it loses to the appalling travesty it claims is a burger.

The deets

Please don’t go there for the burgers. But it’s opposite Covent Garden tube if you want a quiet American Pale Ale and a basket of onion rings, brilliant service and a brightly-lit fast food environment. And I’d definitely recommend it for that.

Temper, Covent Garden, London

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Exquisite if slightly over-complex burger

Burger source

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Temper describes itself as a ‘whole animal barbecue restaraunt in London’ – they buy animals whole, butcher them in house, and have a zero-waste policy that means fewer animals are slaughtered to provide the meat required to serve their covers every week.

Brainchild of celebrity chef Neil Rankin, I’d heard lots about how amazing this place was and was excited to go when a theatre night with my sister provided an opportunity to stop in for pre-show supper.

Little specifically is said about the burger, except of course that it comes from the same meat source as everything else.  When you walk in, the smell of fresh and aged meat is in the air – in a good way, it’s not overpowering, but its not for the faint of heart. There is a meat fridge, a wall of dry-aging meat, in the centre of the restaraunt.

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The order

A two-course pre-theatre menu for £16 got me the Temper cheeseburger (Aged beef patty, ogleshield cheese, pickles, salami) and dorito fried fish tacos as a starter. We shared fries (an extra £4) whilst Sheila had the burger too.

Allergies, and our ability to cope with the burger cooked medium rare, were checked. Excitement.

The meat of it

This burger is beautiful. I mean, look at it.

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The plating and construction is absolutely flawless. Perfect structure, clean plate, wonderfully melty cheese, elegance in the toppings, nothing in excess, nothing out of proportion. It looks great, though I was briefly worried that the bun might be over-toasted.

Then the cross section.

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Again, little to worry about here. Perfect medium rare, bun holding up to the juices, somewhat protected by the salad, uinform thin layer of pickle, cheese and salami. The dry-aged beef is less pink than fresh beef, and less juicy, leading to less mess and a different aroma – the soft funk of aged meat.

Then to the taste…

Wow. This burger is perfectly constructed. The bun wasn’t overtoasted, it was just right to hold up to the burger sauces and juice. The mustard and burger sauce perfectly compliment the meat – which, as you can see is coarse ground, loosely packed and perfectly cooked. The crust on the patty is good – a healthy sear – and the seasoning is excellent. The pickles are sweet and crisp and the cheese lends a wonderful umami and texture to the bite (I didn’t know what Ogleshield cheese was but do now – melty, brined cheese from the West Country). The salami is hard to detect, though, adding little texture or flavour next to everything else. And the one challenge eating the burger is that it slides around the bun a little – not sure why as the build looked perfect. Perhaps the layers of mustard and burger sauce on each bun? Or the sheer heft of the patty.

The dry-aged beef, however, is probably not to everyone’s taste. I enjoyed it but found it very hard to benchmark against my other favourite burgers (things like Bleecker, Dip & Flip, Lucky Chip & others). The dry-aging means the meat is less juicy than another medium rare burger – indeed, there are few drippings whilst eating this burger at all. But critically, the funk of dry-aged meat is prevalent. And whilst it is absolutely enjoyable, it makes the whole thing feel a little ‘fancy’ and complex, and imagine not everyone will enjoy the experience equally. It does fit Temper’s profile as a high-end barbecue restaraunt perfectly, and I would certainly have it again with no hesitation. Although I do want to try their pizzas next time…

As to the sides…

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The fries are pretty much perfect. Perfectly crisp, not greasy in any way, not too thick but not too thin (crispy on the outside and squidgy in the middle, much like Armadillos) and very well seasoned. Great on their own or with ketchup and mayo.

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The Dorito fish tacos looked pretty amazing… but were a little disappointing. There’s good crunch to the ‘breading’ (dorito-ing?) but nothing that screams the savoury goodness of Doritos. There’s too much fish – the ratios in the tacos are off – so you lose the sauce, chilli, lime, even the taco – which disappears behind a substantial wall, soft white fish. That said, it’s perfectly cooked and you get hints of brilliance against the background of protein-stodge; a flash of heat from the chilli, creaminess from sauce, and bright clean sharpness from the lime.

A fantastic experience, if some of it was a bit unfamiliar and some things a little off. Temper is on the list of favourite places to go.

Monkey finger rating

Bun –  4.5/5
Build – 5/5
Burger – 4.5/5 – subjective docking of half a point because I’m not sure how I feel about aged meat burgers
Taste –  4.5/5
Sides – 5/5 – really just scoring the fries here. The Fish tacos were technically a starter.
Value – 4/5 – £16 for burger and fries is toppy, but worth it.

Burger rating – 4.5/5 – really very good

The deets

Temper has three locations now, in Covent Garden, the City and Soho. Go, go soon, take your friends. I’m very tempted by the mid-week all-you-can-eat-pizza-and-wine-for-£20 combo.

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